The Middle s09e20 Episode Script

1 Whoa, easy there, girl.
Save some for the rest of us.
I think Taco Jason's is under new management.
There's something different about their tacos.
I think they're skimping on the mayonnaise.
Here, try it.
Oh, wait.
I know what it is.
It's not fake cheese anymore.
I liked the fake cheese.
It made the fake beef taste like real beef.
[CHUCKLES.]
What do you mean you got your driver's license?! Well, you guys weren't around, so I asked Sue to take me.
- I passed! - Yeah, we saw that.
Brick, that is not okay! If your parents say no to something, that doesn't mean you go get your sister to do it! I really thought you'd be fine with this.
I mean, didn't I prove my trustworthiness when I stole back our car from the Glossners? I'm sorry, but there are steps to getting your driver's license.
We gotta put you on our insurance, make sure the car is tuned up, alert the neighbors What did you think you were gonna do, Brick, secretly drive around for the next 75 years without us noticing? Sorry, pal.
You're grounded.
Two weeks.
That means no library, no seeing Cindy after school, no I don't know what else you do.
Oh, well.
At least it gets me out of prom this weekend.
Wait, what? Prom? I thought that was just for juniors and seniors.
No, 'cause of budget cuts, there's only one dance a year now, so everybody gets to go.
Well, you have to go to prom.
I don't care about prom.
Well, you should.
It's a major life event.
You don't want to miss that.
I mean, prom at the same time you actually have a girlfriend? What are the odds of that ever happening again? - But I'm punished.
- Well, now you're unpunished.
He has to go to prom, Mike.
You're sending very conflicting messages.
What's not to get? You're grounded until Saturday and then you will go to prom, mister.
I smell like unlimited baked beans and my feet are killing me.
Rough day at the Cattle Prod? They had a special four steaks for $8.
I had a party of eight people, so I ended up carrying a tray with 32 steaks on it.
Well, 29 after I slipped on that puddle of Thousand Island.
Well, allow me to be the first to welcome you to the world of poorness and its never-ending string of crappy jobs.
It's just having a job makes you so busy.
I can't do anything I want to do anymore, like gold-dust facials, or closing my eyes and ordering things off Amazon just to see what I get.
I mean, I didn't even take Sue out for her 21st birthday.
Oh, don't sweat that.
I didn't take her out either.
[LAUGHS.]
But you still got her something, right? No.
Axl, she's your sister.
You have to do something.
It doesn't have to be big, it just has to come from the heart.
So what's the plan for tomorrow? What do you mean? For prom! How are you gonna ask Cindy? Oh.
I was gonna say, "Cindy, do you want to go to prom?" [SIGHS.]
Wrong.
Look, I'm on Facebook all day at work so I can see what everybody else's kids are doing.
You can't just ask her, you gotta do a promposal.
You know, normally I enjoy a good portmanteau, but I gotta say, that one just feels a little forced.
No, it's fun! You gotta be creative, like filling Cindy's locker with something.
Shrimp? I was thinking more like roses.
Oh, I saw this one where this guy got all his friends to lie down on an empty football field and they spelled out "prom" with their bodies, and they video'd the whole thing with a drone and then they showed it on the scoreboard at halftime.
I wish I could've just been punished.
[SIGHS.]
FRANKIE: Lexie's little talk got through to Axl in a way that, funny enough, mine never do.
And he decided he should do something nice for Sue.
Hey, just so you know, it's not like I completely forgot your birthday.
I got you a present.
You did?! Oh yeah.
Well, I don't have it now.
So I'll give it to you next time I see you.
[GASPS.]
Well, happy birthday to me two months ago.
[SQUEALS.]
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? Oh, this? Well, you told me I have to do a promposal, so I'm going as Bernie the Bookmark.
I'm gonna wait till lunch so there's a big crowd, then I'm gonna ask Cindy to "save a place" for me at prom.
It'll be a new "chapter" in our relationship.
Pretty good, huh? Brick, a promposal has to be elegant.
Something the girl will remember for the rest of her life.
[MARCHING BAND DRUMS PLAYING STEADY BEAT.]
[DRUM ROLL.]
[THWACK!.]
[THWACK!.]
[THWACK!.]
[THWACK! THWACK!.]
Cynthia Violet Hornberger, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to prom? No.
ALL: Aww.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
- Whoa! - Dad, you went too far! I know, I know.
It's rrgh! I'm not used to this stupid remote your mom got.
The buttons are tiny and there's too many of 'em.
- Oh, Axl! Hi! - [DOOR CLOSES.]
I came home after my class, so now you've seen me Yeah.
You said you were gonna give me my present the next time you see me, and as you can see, here I am.
Oh, right.
Right.
Well, it's not really so much a thing as it is more of an experience.
[GASPS.]
An experience! But it's pretty involved, so I'm still working out the details.
[GASPS.]
Details! [SQUEALS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Sooo? How'd we do? Not good.
She said "no.
" [GULPS.]
What? I don't understand, it was such a good idea.
Was it, Mom? Was it? I mean, is she going with somebody else? Did she say why? I don't get it.
You look so good in that tux.
You can't even tell a dead guy was almost buried in it.
I was going to ask for an explanation, but after I gave the drummers and the flag girls their 10 bucks, Cindy was gone.
It's fine, I didn't really want to go to prom anyway.
Ah, dames.
I'm over 'em.
No, Brick, you can't give up.
You gotta try.
Remember that one time in gym class you didn't want to climb the rope and I made you do it? What happened? My hands slipped and I burned my privates on the way down.
But you got to stay in bed for a week and read.
That was a good week.
See? Moms know stuff.
Now go get your girl.
[WHISPERING.]
Axl.
Hi, Axl.
Axl.
- Axl.
- [SNORTS.]
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Hi.
Good morning.
Okay, so I'm super excited about my birthday experience, but I have a few questions What do I need to wear? Are there water elements? Do I need to wear a bathing suit under my clothes? Are there fluffy animals to pet? Also, do I need to bring my chigger spray in case we're gonna roll through the grass? Uh there's still a few things to sort out.
I'm gonna make a few phone calls.
But it's definitely happening this Saturday.
[GASPS.]
Saturday is great.
What time? 9:00? 10:00? 11:00? 12:00? 1:00? - Stop! It's at 1:00? I love 1:00.
Okay, I don't really think I should say much more 'cause I don't want to spoil it.
That is a great idea.
I can't believe I have to wait till Saturday.
But it's okay.
The longer things take, the better they are! [SQUEAKS.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Okay, what's the current status of prom? Because if Cindy doesn't want to go, my hairdresser has a niece who will.
She's slightly odd, she got kicked by a donkey.
But it won't affect her dancing.
Actually, it's hard to get her to stop dancing.
No need.
After much negotiation, Cindy has agreed to go with me.
Really? That's great! What made her change her mind? An old pal o' mine named Bernie the Bookmark.
Seriously? Never bet against Bernie.
Okay.
Well, this is good.
So you'll come over here, take pictures Oh, you know what you should do? Invite your old social-skills group over and we'll host a pre-prom party.
Oh, that'd be fun! You haven't seen them for a while.
Prom is not just for the cool kids, you know.
It's for everybody.
That statement could not be less true, but I admire your optimism.
Ohh! I'm ready! You're a little late, but that's okay.
What's with the basketball? [GASPS.]
Is it part of the birthday extravaganza? Is it a clue? Are we getting ready to bounce? [CHUCKLES.]
No.
No.
The ball is just to throw you off.
[LAUGHS.]
Is today Saturday? [CHUCKLES.]
Very funny, Axl.
Can I just say, I never expected anything like this from you.
This is so much better than any old present.
The fact that you'd want to do this means so much to me.
Okay, I am ready to experience my experience.
Well, I don't want you to guess where we're going, so [CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh! Ah-ha-ha ahh! - Yeah.
- It's starting! Ha-ha! - Ahh! - All right.
- Ohh! - Okay.
Okay, I don't even know where we are.
Are we still in the house? Whoa! Mike, you're not Frankensteining the old remote back to life.
- Just call it.
- I'm not givin' up, Frankie.
This is the best friend I ever had, I'm not letting it go.
Nice to know where I stand.
You're a close third, second if you hold the light still.
[GROANS.]
Come on, buddy, stay with me.
Stay with me.
Okay, I can't say it enough this is the most wonderful thing you've ever done for me.
It's such an amazing feeling to just let go and trust in another human being.
And to have that other human being be your brother? You know, I feel like this has brought us even closer, if that's even possible.
What is this? [GASPS.]
Are we at an amusement park? Tell me this is a giant teacup! No, that would've been good, though.
Ooh, we're moving again! This is thrilling! All right, this next part is gonna be intense, so just have a seat for a moment and catch your breath.
Ooh, okay.
[SQUEALS.]
Stay.
Okay.
Ooh.
Oh, what is this? Is this for me? [CHUCKLES.]
Ooh.
Mmm, cookie dough! My third-favorite flavor! How did you know? Here, Axl, want some? Okay.
Axl, don't hog it all.
Oh! All right, we don't want to wreck your appetite - for what's next.
- Ooh.
[WHISPERING.]
What's next? [GASPS.]
Here he is! Are you excited? Yes.
I'm right in the middle of the rising action, where the protagonist is experiencing great [SIGHS.]
How 'bout experiencing prom? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's my cue.
Cindy? Wow! Hello, Mrs.
Heck.
My mother says never go to someone's house empty-handed, so here.
Cindy, you look gorgeous.
I wanted to wear my hat, but my mom said no.
My ears are freezing.
Hm.
Here's your flower in a box.
Brick, you have to pin it on her.
Oh.
Sorry.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Hey, Mrs.
Heck.
Hey.
It's Zach.
It is? Oh, wow hi! And And Henry and Scott is that you? Wow, you guys have done some growing.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come on in.
Hey, Brick, how's it going? Hi.
Hi.
Good to see ya.
Hi, Mrs.
Heck.
I just wanted to thank you for having us over.
- I really appreciate it.
- Oh, this? Oh, I just wanted y'all to have a place where your posse could hang.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are you hungry? I got some licorice 'cause I know you only eat red food.
[LAUGHS.]
You're right.
I totally used to do that! I can't believe you remembered.
No, trust me, I eat everything now.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- AXL: All right Where are we now? [SNIFFS.]
Smells musty.
[GASPS.]
Are we in a cave? [GASPS.]
This feels expensive! Are we in a fancy hotel lobby? [GASPS.]
I hear people.
Is this a surprise party? Is it a disco theme? Oh, it's a surprise, all right.
Hey, Zach, I got a tiny saucer of goldfish and you can eat it right out of the dish.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, my God.
I don't do that crazy cat stuff anymore.
Oh.
I think we all outgrew our little quirks.
Oh.
Hey, guys, gather 'round! Did you know bell peppers were four cents a pound in 1932?! [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Sue I can think of no better place for your big birthday extravaganza Mm-hmm.
than where it all begins and ends So that is why, from the bottom of my heart, I give you [SIGHS.]
your room.
Seriously?! You've got nothing?! You had nothing?! How could you do this to me?! Why would you lead me on like this?! On my 21st birthday! For your 21st birthday, I got you a monogrammed tie clip and an hour in a flight simulator and you got nothing! Okay, okay, okay, I'll take you to the flight simulator! You just need to loan me some cash and I'll pay you back! I don't want to go to a flight simulator.
I just want a present! From! My! Brother! Okay, I'm sorry, but you have incredibly unrealistic expectations! I don't know what you like! That's right, Axl, you don't know what I like! Because you've never taken the time to find out! But I know everything you like! And you want to know why? Because I adore you! I adore you! When we were little, Mom told me that I even learned how to walk early just so I could follow you around! Okay, look, I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry I was born first! But I can't do anything about it.
It's just the way it is! Younger kids always look up to their older siblings.
Maybe you just need me in a way that I don't need you? [EXHALES.]
So that's it?! It's just a one-way adore street?! I'm sorry, I tried! I really tried! You didn't, Axl.
Aside from the ice cream, you didn't.
You really didn't.
Just go.
[EXHALES.]
[EXHALES.]
[SIGHS.]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
Well, better get going.
Thanks again for having us, Mr.
and Mrs.
Heck.
It was great seeing you again.
Yeah, very cool of you.
Well, milady.
My dead Aunt Edie's car awaits.
[EXHALES.]
Brick, wait.
Just have a good time.
Bye.
I'm worried.
And that should tell you something that the thing I'm most worried about is not Brick driving.
What are you talking about? Oh, my God.
I forced him.
I forced him to go to prom, and now the weird kids aren't weird anymore.
He's gonna be out there on his own with no nerd posse and who knows what's gonna happen? Should we get in the car and follow him? - Frankie, our son - [EXHALES.]
who has a driver's license, is heading to prom with someone who he can legitimately call his girlfriend.
Did you ever in your life think that was gonna happen? - [EXHALES.]
- I think he's doing fine.
But did you see how good Cindy looked? Somebody at that dance is gonna swoop in there and snatch her up and Brick'll be too busy reading the "Maximum Occupancy" sign to notice.
Is he still doing that? Oh, yeah.
He was doing it last week at Joe's Subs.
If two more people came in, he was gonna make us leave.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Honey, what happened? Those kids tonight were so normal.
No yelling, no purring Did Brick miss the social-skills class where everyone in the group got fixed? Eh, who's to say who's fixed and who isn't? I'm saying it.
They're fixed, he's not.
Okay [CLEARS THROAT.]
here's the thing [EXHALES.]
if you could trade Brick for some kid that never made us worry, would you? I wouldn't.
'Cause then we wouldn't have the kid who made us take all the leaves that we raked in the yard and release them back into the wild.
I mean, who thinks like that? I'll never forget it.
So, yeah, he's weird, but I'd take him over some "normal" kid any day.
[SIGHS.]
I just want him to be happy.
Me too.
[SIGHS.]
How many guys do you know with their own key to the public library? Wow.
This is so much better than going to prom.
I don't get why parents think it's so important.
I guess they're afraid we're gonna miss out on stuff.
So we tell 'em we're going and it makes 'em happy.
It's a big moment in their lives.
I mean, what are we missing out on? Look around.
Fluorescent lights, the Dewey Decimal System This really is the perfect night.
Yep, I've got everything I love here books and you.
You hungry? I hid some chips in the botany section.
I could eat.
Then could we look at fashion through the ages? 'Cause sometimes, Brick, I am just a girl.
I've noticed.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, good morning.
How's it going? Why did you have to have me second? What? What are you talking about? It's just, 'cause Axl was born first, he's never gonna feel the same way about me that I do about him.
[SCOFFS.]
Are you kidding me? When we told him he was gonna have a little sister, he was so excited.
He used to talk to you in my tummy.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
And then when you got here, you were like his little doll.
He dragged you everywhere.
He would play with you and watch over you and make sure I was feeding you.
Wherever we went, he told people he was your "big bwuvah.
" Reeeeeally? Yep.
And when you got a little older, he used to sleep in the bed with you every night.
It got to the point where you two were keeping each other up, so we finally made him go back to his own bed.
Ooh, he was not happy.
He threw a fit.
The only way we got him to do it is if he left Woofy Dog with you to protect you.
Wait, what do you mean, leave me Woofy Dog? Well, Woofy Dog was his.
Woofy Dog was Axl's? Yes.
Didn't I tell you this story? No.
This is huge news! You told the story about how I was afraid of a knothole in the wood paneling like a thousand times, but this you keep from me? I can't believe Woofy Dog was Axl's.
And he gave him to me.
[GASPS.]
He does adore me! [GASPS.]
My big bwuvah does adore me! He just doesn't remember! Hey, you got in late.
Yeah.
10:15.
So I guess you had a good time? I did.
I really did.
I had a wonderful, normal time.
[SIGHS.]
The truth is, you can't fix your weird kid.
You can't fix the fact that you weren't born first.
But at least you can fix the old remote.
[TELEVISION CLICKS ON.]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
It's alive! [AS DR.
FRANKENSTEIN.]
Frankie, it's alive! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Welcome back, buddy.