King of the Hill s10e12 Episode Script

1 ( "Hit Me with Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar plays ) Ooh, I'm hungry.
Time for breakfast.
Raven, you're going to have to keep the beat without me.
Uh-oh.
Ah.
Ahh.
That's okay, lets see how you do it ( growls ) ( growls ): Drop that egg roll if you want to keep your arm.
Hit me with your best shot ( laughs ) Why don't you hit me with your best shot Dang it, Keith.
You call this a smorgasbord?! It's just pans and hot water.
We need to get something straight, Buck.
The free buffet is a courtesy, not a right.
Oh, don't you get attitudey with me.
We got history.
I was dropping 20s here when all you had was an old tetherball pole.
Now get me some fresh egg rolls.
Chop, chop.
Look here, Buck, don't make me exercise my right to refuse service.
Why, you ungrateful snotty-faced little! Don't say anything you'll regret.
Ah! ( mumbling ) pock-marked little watered-down drink slinger! Buck you're no longer welcome in this establishment.
( sighs ): Kids.
( Strickland sighs ) Sir? What are you doing here in the morning? I've been kicked out of Jugstore Cowboys, Hank.
Banned for life.
( sighs heavily ) 10:35.
Right about now Trixie's reloading her bandoleros with lollipops.
I know those dancers meant a lot to you, sir, but there's more to life than gentlemen's clubs.
Like work.
Everyone would love to have you back in the saddle here at Strickland.
Work?! Well, I don't really see it, but I'll give it a shot.
Do you think those guys will get mad if I run in and yell, "Stop the presses!" again? Tell you what, Bobby, why don't you go make up a crime report? If it sounds believable, we'll print it.
Oh, I just spent a glorious day at the spa.
It's like the manicurist was the sheriff and my cuticles were outlaws.
She really cleaned up the town.
Mm-hmm.
I'm on a deadline.
What's another word for "potato"? Not "tuber," I've already used that twice.
But the best part is didn't cost me a dime.
How's that? I just flashed my Arlen Bystander press pass and open sesame.
This thing we swipe to get into the parking lot? ( clicks tongue ) Bobby, how's this for a headline? "Woman Gets Free Stuff for Having Press Pass Boy Also.
" HANK: Now before we get started, I'd like to welcome Mr.
Strickland to our morning roundtable of new and ongoing projects.
Okay.
Now last time Enrique proposed moving the barbecue mitts from accessories over to apparel.
Let's kick it around.
Uh, I mean, you wear them, right? But not as a fashion statement.
Both good points.
I think what Donna doesn't like is that it's my idea.
Actually Ah! Aw, jeez.
Hang on, Donna.
Mr.
Strickland is trying to get a word in edgewise.
( sobbing ) ( bawling ) I, uh, I forgot how high emotions run at these meetings.
You guys keep going.
There's no time for nominations, so, Donna you're interim chair.
Oh, no! ( cries ): Don't try and stop me! I'm going to Jugstore Cowboys and apologizing to Keith.
At least I can look at some pretty girls while I eat crow.
Oh, I left my keys inside.
Sir, coming back to work was the right choice.
Don't waiver.
Come on.
Let's go inside.
No! I hate work, Hank.
It's so God-awful boring.
How you don't kill yourself is beyond me.
Mr.
Strickland, I want to show you how fun work can be.
Please, just give it another chance.
Hey, we could surprise the staff with ice cream.
That's fun.
Hmm.
WORKERS: We sell ice cream all day long Here at Frozen Cow Okay then.
Hi, welcome to Frozen Cow.
What's your name? Hank.
Uh, strawberry for six adults, please.
We don't have strawberry.
We do have the Strawberry that Broke the Camel's Back.
Okay.
That sounds pretty close.
And what mix-ins do you want with that? You get four.
Mix-ins? Uh, I just want the ice cream.
Sure, Hank.
But if you don't want mix-ins, you're going to have to wear this "I like nude ice cream" button.
While you're looking them over, I'll get you signed up for our birthday club.
Hank, what's your Social? How dare you? There was a man who liked mix-ins And put them in his ice cream M-I-X-I-N, M-I-X-I-N And put them in his ice cream Buck? Ooh! Go, man, go! Oh, oh, how's he going to mix in all them Oreos? Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Here he goes! That's how! Sir, we need to get back to work.
( hums ) Sir? M-I-X-I-N, M-I-X-I-N I fell down a flight of stairs this morning.
That's about it from my end.
That's better than my day.
I got hung up with Buck at that horrible new ice cream place.
You mean Frozen Cow Creamery? Their commercials say "they make ice cream fun.
" Oh, we make ice cream fun, oh, we make ice cream fun Dang it, Dale, ice cream was already fun.
What's with all these perfectly good businesses trying to cram extra fun into places it doesn't belong? Yeah, man, it's like them dang old Southwest Airlines, man.
The dang old pilot get on there like a dang old night at the improv, man.
Fly the dang old plane, man.
This is interesting, but I have to get dressed.
I'm going to a party at Arlen Ford.
Now that's what I'm talking about, Bill.
Those aren't real parties.
Those are sales.
Sounds like someone didn't get invited.
( sighs ) Buck just called for you, honey.
He's down at the Frozen Cow.
Again? He's just trading one vice for another.
All I know is, he wants you to bring him some pants.
Hey, Ol' Top.
Here are your new pants, sir.
I got the "extremely relaxed" fit.
Thanks, Hank.
All my trousers seem to be wearing out at once.
Uh I I brought some paperwork Here's the deal.
I can win a gift certificate by naming the new cherry ice cream.
How do you like, uh, "Cherried Alive"? Too creepy? Look at yourself.
Sitting here all day, changing pants in public.
There's a spoon stuck to your elbow.
Do you even know that? You don't need this place or a strip club to be happy.
Yes, I do! I'm physically addicted to the good times! I understand that.
Sir, you have my word that if you come back to Strickland Propane, I will do everything in my power to prove to you that work can be fun.
Fun, huh? HANK: Okay our first order of business is a special hello to Mr.
Strickland who is with us I'll take it from here, Hank.
Now, how do we make Strickland Propane fun? Do you know? You? You?! Sir, this sounds like new business.
Ordinarily, we start with old business.
Here's the Frozen Cow operations manual, which I stole from that white kid with the dreadlocks.
We gonna use this book to turn Strickland into the happiest propane dealer on earth.
Here's the first number we're gonna learn.
Joe Jack, let me hear your big pipes.
I've Been working at the ( groans ) Propanerie All the livelong day Uh, sir, I know I said that work could be fun, but Shut up and take the tenor, Hank.
I can't hear you, Hank.
( sighs ) Can't you hear the nozzle whistling? ( squeaking ) Sorry, uh, we don't sell 10-, 20-, and 30-gallon tanks anymore.
Our new sizes are "Like it," "Love it," and "Don't Come Any Closer-- I'm Insane for Propane.
" I'll take the big one, I guess.
( sighs ) All right.
( horn blowing ) Someone's insane.
Look out.
Someone's insane.
I got my eye on you, nutcase! Ain't this great, Ol' Top? Good times, laughs Yeah, but what about propane? That's what we're actually selling here.
Uh-uh.
That's the old way of thinking.
What we're selling is a fun environment to buy propane in.
Well, how are we gonna get all the work done with everyone cutting up all the time? Oh, the work'll get done all right.
It'll be fun.
You promised.
Are you sure they're gonna let us in for free just because you work for the paper? Good point, Bobby.
I will need to make them think I'm here on official business.
Hello.
Peggy Hill, Arlen Bystander.
Our readers want to know if a goat really could save a down-and-out football team.
Eleven dollars.
Have you ever heard of freedom of the press? That means I don't pay.
Okay.
Uh, four dollars for the kid.
Pay the man, Bobby! I'm off to review some popcorn.
What happened to "boy also"? Sorry I'm late.
Buck's making us have so much fun all day there's no time to get to the actual work.
I thought you wanted Buck to spend more time at the office.
Well, that was before he got all his priorities out of whack.
Now, I've got to learn juggling to entertain customers.
I can teach you the most essential fun skill of all, Hank.
"Throwing your voice.
" Who said that? "I did.
" Well, are you behind that tree over there? "No, I'm in the garbage can.
" Whoever you are, don't bother me while I sip my beer.
( gargled, muffled, indistinct chatter ) ( coughing ) Okay, that last time was me.
And remember.
Propane's not just a gas; it's a gas.
Hank! I can't breathe with this on.
( coughing ) I can't really swallow this thing, honey.
That was just talk.
Just hang in there, guys.
All this nonsense can't be good for business, and sooner or later, Mr.
Strickland has to realize it.
( barking ) ( sighs ) Well, at least that means it's closing time.
Now we can finally get to inventory, maybe make it home in time for dinner.
What's everybody doing? I don't hear any laughing.
Well, we're all doing inventory, sir.
And Joe Jack may be going to the urgent care.
I poked my talk tube.
Inventory? That's boring.
We can do that kind of stuff later.
Right now we should be playing putt-putt golf! Golf? Sir, no, we really have What we have to do is build some team spirit! You said I could count on you, Hank.
Well, I'm counting.
So the putt-putt golf is mandatory? No.
It's fun-datory.
And, hey, after that, we can have a pizza party! ( tearfully ): Pizza? ( sighs ): I'm full.
But I think we better review the whole dessert cart anyway.
My readers deserve nothing less.
Bobby, I'll be right back.
Incredibly expensive wine goes right through you.
Press! And we didn't even make it back to the office because the dang pizza place had a karaoke machine.
You never really notice that "American Pie" is seven minutes long until your boss makes you sing it.
How was their pizza? Big choice of toppings? Dessert bar? Sounds like there's a story there for me around lunchtime.
You're lucky you can enjoy your work.
Tomorrow I'm the official Strickland Tickler.
( sighs ): I might have to call in sick.
Hey, I don't look like a bunny.
I look like a goat.
This is about the barbecue mitts, isn't it? Look, I know this has been tough, but Buck's going over receipts right now.
He's still a businessman, and there hadn't been a customer in here all day.
Once he sees we're losing money, he'll pull the plug on all this gotdang fun.
( clearing throat ) BUCK: All right, attention, everyone! I just been going over our financials, and the news ain't good.
Ah, gracias, madre de Dios.
It's great! In the first week of business, the new fun Strickland made $300 more than the old, boring Strickland.
Business is up? Yeah, and we're just starting.
From now on, we won't be having fun.
We'll be having super boffo fun! Sir, we're all kind of exhausted.
Exhausted?! Don't worry, 'cause I got something for that.
Besides, we got to do inventory tonight.
And you know what's gonna make that fun? Check your desk drawers, and you're gonna find out.
Pajamas? Yeah! Hank was right all along! Dang if work can't be fun! We're gonna have us an all-night slumber party.
I got to bust out of here, Hank.
You don't know this, but I've been locked up before.
You're not locked up.
You're just kind of being held hostage.
After the game's over, we'll get inventory done and get the heck out of here.
Popcorn's in the microwave! What word we on? Pomegranate.
And Joe Jack's narrowed it down to three definitions.
Pomegranate.
What a cheerleader cheers with.
A fruit with juicy seeds, or a sack of dirt you hit yourself on the head with.
Uh, that one, I guess? Joe Jack, you stink at dictionary.
A pomegranate's a fruit, boy, a fruit! A delicious fruit.
That's your new nickname-- pomegranate! Can we get to work? It-It's my husband's birthday for another ten minutes.
I just want to get home.
Ah, Enrique, you're not the wet blanket anymore! She is.
( groans ) Hank, I can't take this anymore.
Just hold on, Enrique.
This can't go on forever.
Oh, God, he's got Risk.
BUCK: Look alive, Enrique! Kamchatka's calling Japan out! Maybe that should be our cue to call it a night, sir.
I'll just guestimate the number of meat thermometers.
What's the matter with you people? Now, I try to make working in the crummy propanerie fun, and Well, plainly, I need to soak a bunch of more wet blankets! I won't wear the blanket again, honey.
I swear I won't.
I hate it, too, but you can't argue with Mr.
Strickland.
Not when business is up.
I mean, look at this.
We were up 40 bucks on Monday, 80 on Tuesday.
60 Wednesday Huh.
It's always exact increments of $20.
Wait a second.
Donna, does Buck know the combination to the cash box? Sure.
Every time we go to Jugstore Cowboys, he'd help himself to some 20s.
That's why business is up.
It's just because Buck isn't raiding the register and blowing the money at the strip bar.
There's no reason to do any of this junk.
When he comes back, I saw we throw a blanket over his head and do what feels right.
Sure, that might make us all feel better in the short term, but the moment he regains consciousness, we're right back where we started.
Enrique, make sure Joe Jack doesn't kill Mr.
Strickland while I'm gone.
You got to let Buck come back, Keith.
He's your best customer.
Well, the girls are kind of thrown off.
They're so used to Buck being in his usual seat, half the time they end up plopping down on an empty chair.
And if I'm not mistaken, your revenues are down by at least $300 a week.
Okay, if he crawled here on his hands and knees and begged forgiveness, I might consider taking him back.
Well, he won't do that now.
Buck wanted to come here to apologize the very next day after his banishment, but I talked him out of it.
I'm the one you should ban from Jugstore's, not Buck.
Then you're banished, too! But that doesn't change anything with Buck.
Look, you guys need each other.
Well, it would sure be nice to hear Buck say that.
Huh.
BUCK: Truth or dare, Enrique.
Ever kill anyone? No! Darn! I thought you were going to take a dare.
I was going to blindfold you and make you sniff the mystery foot.
( phone rings ) Strickland Propane, it's a gas, gas, gas! Sir, I'm over here at the Frozen Cow Creamery, and they've got a new fun activity I think you might want to steal.
Oh.
I'm goin' right now.
Gonna run over there.
Make a run for it! Is it a contest? Is it a new flavor? We'll get to that.
Hey, Troy, how about a mother lode of Berry Interesting? I'm on it.
9:15.
Isn't that when Trixie goes on? Uh, usually.
I mean, sometimes Raven takes that shift.
I don't know.
Sometimes, they-they both, uh ( to "Row, Row Your Boat" ): Eat, eat, eat ice cream Here at Frozen Cow Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Eat your ice cream now.
( sniffs ): You smell that, Hank? Smell like them Swedish meatballs they serve at Jugstore's.
( laughs ) Y-You don't have a new Swedish meatball flavor, do ya, boy? Course not, course not.
I must be sleep-deprived or something.
Maybe.
Hey, could you break this 20 into, uh, singles? Huh? For a tip? Shouldn't we be getting back to the office? Sir, I've got 20 singles for you.
Now, do you want to put 'em back in the register at work, or put 'em in the tip jar here so you can hear Troy sing some more, or put 'em to use over at Jugstore Cowboys? ( clears throat ) Joe Jack was working on some tongue twisters that were pretty nifty, and-and I Gotdang, I'm smelling meatballs! I want to go to my strip club! Then, do it, sir.
I can't.
Fact is, I was a shade guilty of gluttony vis-a-vis Keith's buffet, but I can't apologize to him.
I just can't.
You just did, Buck.
And I accept.
I didn't apologize, you ol' humpback toad.
Ah, I got you.
Well, this isn't an apology, either, but, uh, I do like to defrost a tray of hors d'oeuvres for my best customers.
Well, why don't you two gentlemen continue this discussion of who's not apologizing in a more adult atmosphere? I believe I know just the place, but I might be the latest smidge getting back to the office.
Hank, can I count on you to keep things on track at Strickland? You know, with the fun and such? I guarantee it.
JOE JACK: There's your pomegranate, honey.
You're right, Hank.
This bonfire is fun.
Yup, and you know what's gonna be even more fun? Getting back to work.
JOE JACK: He wants you to bring him some pants.