King of the Hill s10e13 Episode Script

Gum's still here, Joseph.
That's 37 days and counting.
Hey, what's Amy doing? Maybe she's giving everyone pictures of herself so we can take them home and stare at them.
I heard some dude tell this other dude in the bathroom that she's having a party.
Joseph, we have to go to this party.
Do you think she'll invite us? We're so in.
Remember how you made her laugh when you did your monkey voice? Yeah, but then you asked if her mom was as hot as she is and it really freaked her out.
( groans ) ( whispers ): What are you doing? I'm gonna touch her neck.
Put your hand down! ( imitating monkey chattering) You weren't invited.
I hate Amy.
No, I love her.
Look, there she is with all her "cool" friends.
Wait, how did the new kid make the inner circle? ANNOUNCER: Kathy Griffin is going all in.
Why do movie stars think we want to watch them play poker? Mom, Dad, I need some money to get a new pair of jeans.
What happened to your old pair? Did you make cut-offs again? No, but I need something cooler.
I think a hundred dollars ought to cover it.
HANK: Ugh! There's no way I'm buying you those jeans.
They're asinine.
Bobby, sometimes you're cooler if you don't wear what everyone else is wearing.
So that's it? I don't get a say in what I get to wear? Not when I'm paying for it.
I'd pay for it, but I don't have any money.
Well, that's too bad.
Because if you did, I couldn't tell you what to spend it on.
Really? Well, sure.
Someone who makes his own money is his own man.
No one can tell him what to do or what to buy.
I'm gonna get a job.
Yep.
Yep.
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
So Bobby wants me to spend a hundred dollars on some idiotic jeans that already look 20 years old.
Are kids today so lazy they can't break in a pair of pants? Rhetorical question.
Not grounds for conversation.
Moving on.
Don't be such a cheapskate, Hank Hill.
You and Peggy made him look like you.
The least you could do is buy him nice pants.
Shut up, Khan.
I told Bobby if he wanted them, He'd have to buy them with his own money.
He said he's going to get a job, but I'm not holding my breath.
If I had a son, I'd buy him whatever he wanted.
Of course, he'd probably end up walking all over me.
But we'd have fun for awhile.
Sorry I'm late.
Grillstravaganza's coming up and, well, I got to daydreaming.
That's okay, Dad.
We saved you a seat right here.
What the heck is that? I got a job.
Joseph and I are advertising the new apartments on Frontier Street.
Isn't it exciting, Hank? And look, he's a natural.
Bobby, where's the kitchen? Over there.
Well that's great, Bobby.
You wanted a job, and you went out and got one.
That's gumption, I tell you what.
Well this gumption's gonna buy me some jeans.
Hey Dad, can you pass me the butter? Let's eat, then after dinner you can point at things.
Whoever decided where to put the rips is a genius.
Okay, Joseph, time to make some money so we can buy those jeans.
Hey, that guy's reading your arrow.
Make him turn! Close the deal! ( groans ) Did he turn? Excuse me, where do I go to find a deluxe apartment? Why this way, sir.
( laughing ) He's only 13, moron.
Why would he want to rent an apartment? I just thought Nice outfit.
You look like a lipstick.
Why don't you use that arrow to find your butt.
( laughing ) This job has made us so dorky, I want to kick my own ass.
Oh, no, cool guys.
And you look like that and I look like this.
Just put your head down and keep walking.
Yeah, righteous.
Hey, what's up, dudes? Us? Dudes? Yeah, you dudes.
What's going on? Uh, not much.
Just hanging.
Yeah, hanging.
Feel that.
You got some change? Sure.
Sure.
Thanks, man.
You're all right.
If it's a party, we'll be there.
Hey, can I have a dollar? Get a job.
I tried, but yours doesn't pay enough.
So is Tanya coming? She's smokin'.
Change? You got any change? Dude, tell him not to let Tommy deejay.
He's going through a weird country music phase.
Change? Thanks, bra.
So, wait you guys just ask people for money, and they give it to you? Some do, some don't.
It separates the righteous from those who are just taking up space.
Great shoes.
Can I have some of your money? Thanks.
Bumming is so cool.
This is my spot! Spongy's spot! Yeah, right.
I don't see your name on it.
Hey, Drew, do you see "Weird Old Dude" written on the sidewalk? Nah, man.
Why would we give up this primo location? No, Spongy's spot.
Been here since Ronald Reagan kicked me out of my mental hospital.
When was that? Back in like 19-something? ( chuckles ) Oh, come on.
He's not very cool, is he? Not at all, man.
Nice.
I'm only two bucks away from those kick-ass aviator shades.
Here.
Thanks, bro-bah.
Catch you later.
Catch you later! Catch you later! Aw man, I guess we got to go back to work.
Joseph, I'm giving us a promotion.
We're begging! Could you maybe spare some change? If you give me a dollar you can punch me anywhere but my head.
Joseph, don't be like that Spongy guy.
Nobody wants to give money to someone who's desperate.
They want to give it to someone who's cool.
Look at Derek, he acts like he doesn't even want the money.
Like he's doing them a favor by taking it.
( squeals ): Hi, Derek.
We brought you a veggie wrap.
Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! Aw, man, he's really got it going on.
Wait, did I just sound like a chick? Okay, I think I got the hang of this.
Hey, dude.
Change? Change? Got some change for me? I did it! You know, if you take the paper off this sander, it makes a nice massager.
My neck feels like Jell-O.
So, I saw Bobby leaving for work pretty early this morning.
Not that I was watching your house.
Yeah, I guess he's really enjoying his job.
You know, I don't want to count my chickens, but everything I've been trying to teach Bobby may be finally sinking in.
Why does it always take a hardware store to get you to open up, Hank? Wash your windows? Spongy? What are you doing over here? This isn't your neck of the woods.
No money for Spongy.
Too many people.
Took my spot.
Well, dang, that ain't right.
You've been there for years.
Since Ronald Reagan kicked me out of my mental hospital.
Well, it was complicated, Spongy.
Dutch was trying to win a Cold War and Mine.
Mine, mine, miney, mine! ( sighs ): Uh, here's another dollar.
Good luck.
And, uh, you don't have to wash my windows.
Wash your windows? Okay.
There you go.
Look at this! That guy just gave me two dimes and a third dime.
We've made more today than we would've in a week at that stupid arrow job.
We almost have enough for that sweet, sweet denim.
DEREK: Heads up.
Suit alert.
'Sup, fellas.
Spare some change? Did that guy just give you a dollar? Uh, yeah.
You, like, hang out on the street and ask people for money? Yeah.
You got any? Uh uh, I think so.
The little mama in the poncho just gave me a fiver.
Who wants some mocha? Bobby? Joseph? Sure.
Sure.
I don't know if you guys have heard, but I'm having a party and We might be able to do a pop-in.
Let's just keep it loose.
'Sup, 'sup, 'sup.
'Sup.
Oh, man, those are the guys who live on the streets.
I heard they got a dollar off Principal Moss.
I heard Principal Moss tried to suspend them, but he couldn't look them in the eye.
That was cool! Let's do it again.
Huh.
I do like sourdough.
I told you you did.
Bobby, don't think I haven't noticed your new jeans.
You look very handsome.
Thanks.
You know, I feel handsome.
Well, I hate those pants more than life itself, but I can't tell you about that because I didn't buy them.
You know, Dad, you were right.
This working thing is great.
I thought I was happy back when I was just spending your money, but spending my own money is even better.
I'll be taking that.
Thank you.
No, Bobby.
You shouldn't spend your hard-earned money on us.
But I made it and I can spend it on whatever I want.
Right, Dad? Your father is very proud.
What up, Judy? Hey, Tom, looking good.
Hi, Mrs.
Green.
Rockin' hair net.
How about you score me an extra scoop of potatoes? Thanks, Mrs.
G.
( clicks tongues ) Hi, Bobby.
Nice shirt.
That's my favorite fake baseball team.
Thanks.
So, I don't know if you like movies, or going to the mall, but if you do, I was thinking we could go out sometime.
Yeah, that sounds cool.
Great.
See ya later.
( squeals ) ( laughs ) Man, life is so sweet.
Spare some change? I love my job, I got great clothes.
Hey, buddy, got a dollar? And my interest level among the ladies is on the riz-ize.
Thanks a lot, man.
Have a nice greed.
But what I like best is being my own man.
Why do you do it, Derek? I don't know, it's just cool.
I mean, take that guy.
He has money, I'm over here wanting it.
It's just economics, dude.
Yeah.
Awesome.
If I do this every day 'til I die, I'm going to be so rich! Yeah, then we can buy a jet and fly to other countries and ask them for their money like Euros.
And China money.
( rag squeaking ) Uh, good work, Spongy.
Hank, we can't drive like this.
Now go in and get something to clean the window.
I can't clean it if he's standing right there.
It would hurt his feelings.
Well, we can't just sit here.
There's a store on Main Street where we can get some Windex.
Stick your head out the window and tell me where we're going.
I can see why Ladybird likes this.
BOBBY: Hey, bra, spare some change? Bobby? Ah! What in the heck do you think you're doing? I'm working.
This is my job.
You're a bum.
Is this how you paid for our dinner? How could you? How could you disrespect steak? I'm not one of those "bum" bums.
I'm a cool bum.
You're not going to be any kind of bum.
Now get in the car.
Why are you so upset? You told me to earn my own money, and I am-- tons of it.
You're not earning anything.
You're sitting on your butt while people hand it to you.
Dude, either give him some change or move on.
Are you the reason my son is out here begging? Yeah, and you're welcome, guy.
( laughs ) Car.
Now.
So this bum guy, he wasn't in a wheelchair? Nope.
And he wasn't yelling about Jesus? No.
He was a normal, able-bodied kid.
I don't understand.
Are you sure he was a bum? Yes, and he's got Bobby being a bum, too.
"Homeless," Hank.
They prefer to be called "homeless.
" Bobby is not homeless.
He has a home-- my home.
Well, I don't mind that Joseph is "homeless.
" He begs for money.
I get to spend it.
It's win-win, really.
No! It's wrong.
Guys like Spongy beg because they have to, but these punks are doing it for fun.
How much spare change do you think there is in Arlen anyway? I agree with Hank.
If you're gonna beg for money, you have to be crazy, drunk, or disabled.
Or one of those guys who paints himself silver and moves like a robot.
All right, Bobby.
We're not leaving until you unbum every cent you took from these people.
I don't understand.
If people want to give me money, what's the big deal? The big deal is if you're relying on handouts, you're not in control of your life.
You're letting other people decide how you live.
Does this boy look familiar to you? You may have given him some change.
Did you give me some change? Here's your change.
Take back your change.
( phone rings ) Hank Hill.
Well, that customer is full of bunk.
Sales tax is absolutely constitutional.
All right, put him on.
Bobby, I've gotta take this.
You just keep giving that money back.
Fine.
I think you gave me some money.
Did you give me a dollar? Hey, Bobby.
We're gonna go buy Lance Armstrong bracelets.
You wanna come? I can't.
My dad is making me give back all the money I bummed off people.
Oh, you should totally give it to us.
Then we're doing each other a solid.
We get the money and you don't have to stand here looking like a tool.
No, I'm supposed to give it back to the people who gave it to me.
Come on, Bob.
Us street guys gotta stick together.
You're cool, right? Yeah.
Man, if anybody finds out we're not bums, we're so not gonna be cool anymore.
Yeah, we got to protect our rep.
Hey, bra, spare a pencil? Sure.
Here's two.
Hey, Bobby.
So, have you seen the new Will Ferrell movie yet? No.
It looks pretty funny though.
He's got those shoes that can talk.
Yeah, I really want to see it.
Yeah, me, too.
So So.
Oh.
You wanna go see it this weekend? Sounds great.
Dang it.
What am I gonna do? How am I supposed to take Sandy to the movies when I don't have any money? I wish I could help you out, but my Dad found my money and bought stuff.
Does Sandy like cigarettes? Hey, dude, how about some change? How about you go drop dead? Will do, bud.
Hey, Bob, what's up? Hey, guys, I need your help.
I asked this really cute girl to the movies and she said yes, but I don't have any money, So can I have some of that change I gave you the other day? Sorry, dude, we spent it.
Yeah, we got Barks that cool dog hoodie.
Oh, sorry.
Good luck with your chick.
That's it? You don't have anything for me? What about that all that money? I thought we were all sticking together.
Please.
Come on, I'm desperate.
Dude, he's freaking out.
Seriously, you're screwing up our action.
Let's hit the Coinstar and grab some Thai.
Come on, guys.
What about the time we chilled together? You called me dude.
I need money! Have you seen Bobby? Ladybird's not going to wash herself.
Finally, something your precious dog can't do.
Hey, Kahn! Is Bobby doing homework with Connie? What you think, he over here begging for answers? ( laughing loudly ) Ah, but seriously, Hank, I see him on street corner downtown.
Dang it.
You may not have perspective on this, being hillbilly redneck, but it bring shame on your family.
That sign better not say you're some kind of veteran.
Can't talk, Dad.
I'm on the clock.
You're working? Well, yeah.
I mean, like you said, I can't just count on people giving me money when I need it, and I really need it for my date tonight.
I don't know what a vasectomy is, but if you want to reverse it, here's a coupon.
Uh, you know, it's kinda hot out here.
I'm gonna get you a soda.
You just keep working.
Nice sign, dude.
Hey, I'm trying to work here.
"Work.
" Go punch your time card, worker.
( guys laughing ) Hey dude, spare some change? Hey, Derek.
Here's your mocha.
Thanks.
Don't give them money! Get your vasectomies reversed! Why shouldn't they have to work like the rest of us? I'm busting my tail, and they're just sitting on theirs with their hands out.
They're not homeless.
They're not street people.
They're not even bums.
They're just posers.
Lazy posers.
I know for a fact he has basic and premium cable.
And he takes tennis lessons.
Cut the crap, dude.
I wouldn't do that.
If I were you, I would get out of here right now.
Or, or what? You'll tell my mom? ( laughing ) No, I'll kick your ass up one side of the street and down the other.
This place is weak.
So, don't you have a date you need to get to? I think I'm gonna put in a couple more hours for snack money.
A small popcorn and no drink is no way to start a relationship.
Hey, there, Spongy.
Good to see you got your old spot back.
Congratulations, You're back on top.
Kinda.
You paid for a song.
( playing random notes ) DALE: So how long do we have to stand here? JOSEPH: 'Sup, 'sup, 'sup.
BOBBY: 'Sup.