Big Bang Theory s11e01 Episode Script

1 Previously on The Big Bang Theory I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton.
A fine institution.
The place where Albert Einstein taught, and where Leonard got his PhD, so it may have gone downhill.
Gentlemen, you may remember Dr.
Nowitzki.
She's back at Caltech for her postdoc.
- Hello.
GUYS: Hi.
Question: are you seeking a romantic relationship with me? What if I were? Well, that would raise a number of problems.
We're colleagues, I'm currently in a relation (knocking) SHELDON: Amy? Amy.
(knocking continues) Amy? Will you marry me? (ringtone playing) One moment, please.
Really, you're going to answer that right now? It's Leonard.
I don't want to be rude.
Hello? Oh, hey, where you been? We've been calling you for hours.
Oh, I'm sorry, my phone was on "airplane" mode.
Why? Because I was on an airplane.
Hey, put him on speaker.
- Yeah.
- Hey, where are you? I came to Princeton to see Amy.
It's a funny story, actually.
I was having lunch with Dr.
Nowitzki, and she kissed me.
- Excuse me? - What? I'm sorry? And in that moment, I realized that Amy was the only woman I ever wanted to kiss for the rest of my life.
So I came to New Jersey to ask her to marry me.
Oh, that's so sweet.
(chuckling) - Sheldon - Yeah, although there was one man whose blessing I needed first.
I've thought about it, and I really want to spend the rest of my life with Amy.
Do I have your blessing? Well, Sheldon I think you should make her finger like Saturn and put a ring on it.
You asked Stephen Hawking and not her father? SHELDON: Stephen Hawking's a genius.
If he said no, I wasn't gonna waste my time on her father.
But you did ask my father? I did.
He said yes.
Although, not in a robot voice, so it wasn't nearly as cool.
Okay.
Oh, my God, I can't believe you guys are engaged.
We're not engaged, yet.
She's taking forever to answer.
Because you're on the phone! We'll call you back.
(ringtone chiming) SHELDON: She said yes.
Yay! Congratulations! Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! The Big Bang Theory 11x01 The Proposal Proposal Mother, I have some good news to share.
We're engaged.
I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised.
I've been praying for this.
Well, God had nothing to do with it.
It happened because I was kissing another woman, and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.
More than one woman was interested in you? I might have prayed a little too hard.
Wait, oh, and I just I want to let you know right now that we are not getting married in a church.
That's all right, Sheldon.
Anywhere Jesus is is a church.
Well, he won't be at our wedding.
He's in my heart, so if I'm there, he'll be there.
Okay, well, then, he's your plus-one.
You don't get to bring anyone else.
That's fine.
Love you.
Love you, too.
Bye.
Lord, thank you.
Even though you can do anything, that was mighty impressive.
We're engaged.
Oh, my God, that's amazing! Wait, uh, tell me everything.
Well, Dr.
Nowitzki was kissing me Okay, you can stop leading with that part of the story.
Well, congratulations.
I'm so happy for you two.
Hold on, I have to tell Bernadette.
Hey, Bernie, guess what? Sheldon and Amy got engaged.
Can you believe it? Oh, my God.
I cannot believe it.
She's so happy I think she's crying.
Do you think Sheldon's gonna want some weird Star Trek wedding? I don't know.
Well, Leonard could barely finish the words "Doctor Who wedding cake" before I shut that down hard.
Mm-hmm.
Are you listening to me? Yeah, you're mean to Leonard.
I heard you.
Is everything okay? Look, I'm gonna tell you something, but you can't freak out, because I'm already freaking out.
Oh, my God, what is it? I'm pregnant again.
Wha Interesting.
Howard's gonna lose his mind.
Wait, you haven't told him yet? No.
You told me first? Oh, Bernie! This wasn't supposed to happen-- we were careful.
Yeah, I didn't even think you could get pregnant while you were breastfeeding.
Well, guess what? You can.
Okay, look, look, this is a good thing.
Halley's gonna have a little brother or sister to play with.
I guess that would be pretty cute.
And, you, know, I was a surprise to my parents, and my dad said it was the best thing that ever happened to them.
Okay.
Maybe this baby actually is a blessing.
Oh, my God, honey, of course it is.
(exhales) How am I pregnant again? Yeah, what were you thinking? All right, I'm all checked in to my flight.
Well, I'm sad you're leaving.
Why'd you only book a flight for one day? I came here to propose.
If you'd said no, I wouldn't want to stick around looking at your stupid face.
Now, mind you, your face is only stupid in the "no" version of the story.
But I said yes, so I get a lifetime of this.
Yes, you do, smart face.
Why don't you stay a few extra days? Well, I don't have any other clothes.
We'll get you some.
Oh, I don't know, I'm pretty particular.
Well, there's a comic book store less than a mile from here.
Perfect, let's go shopping.
Oh, um, and I'm having dinner with some colleagues tonight.
I'm sure they'd love to meet you.
(groans) Come on, what do you say? Aw, you're nagging me.
It's like we're already married.
Is that a yes or a no? Geez, save some for the honeymoon.
Look at Nowitzki over there.
LEONARD: I can't believe she tried to steal Sheldon from Amy.
You know what? I'm gonna go there and tell her that they're engaged now and that her little plan didn't work.
Because you're sticking up for Sheldon, or because you're still mad she rejected you? Too far away, can't hear you.
Hello, Ramona.
Mm.
Hello.
Why are you sitting by yourself? Oh, that's right, Sheldon's in New Jersey being engaged to Amy.
I heard.
Now that Sheldon's out of the picture, I could give you one more chance to go out with me.
Nope, I'm good.
You sure? I will not ask again.
I sincerely hope not.
Very well.
I'm going to leave before this gets awkward.
Hey.
Want me to make dinner? Uh, sure, but first, why don't you have a seat? There's something I need to show you.
Ooh, if it's how to make dinner, that'd be great.
(sighs) Is this a pregnancy test? Yes.
That means positive? Yes.
No.
Yes.
(giggling nervously): N-- No.
Yes.
(high-pitched): No! How could this even happen? Uh, w-- we were careful.
- Well, it did.
- No! - Yes! Yes! - No! No! - No! No! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Okay! Okay! Okay! Well, w-what are we gonna do? What do you mean what are we gonna do? We're gonna have another baby.
- No! No! - Stop that! - Yes! - I'm trying! Look, I know it's scary, but we're both responsible adults, we can do this.
You really think so? (crying): No! Hey, Stuart.
Oh, hey, Raj.
What can I help you with? I need to buy an engagement gift.
Well, you came to the wrong place.
It's for Sheldon and Amy.
No way! They're engaged? Yeah.
Well, that's exciting news.
(chuckles) Who would've thought Sheldon and Amy would be the next two to tie the knot? Tell me about it.
I'm the one who caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny's wedding.
Okay.
Uh you know, they might like this.
Superman and Wonder Woman, it's kind of romantic.
Hmm.
You know what? Why am I buying them a gift? They have love.
Screw them and their happiness.
What do you have for someone who's bitter and alone? Literally everything.
Sheldon, these are the heads of my research team.
Oh, hello.
AMY: Dr.
Zane, Dr.
Harris, this is my fiancé, Dr.
Sheldon Cooper.
That's the first time I've said that and it kind of gave me the goose bumps.
(chuckles) Dr.
Cooper, we are so excited to meet you.
SHELDON: Oh.
Well, that's very kind of you.
If you'd like, I could autograph your menus after dinner, yeah? But I better not see those on eBay.
(laughs) No, no, no, we're just excited to meet the man who landed this brilliant woman here.
(chuckles softly) SHELDON: Oh! That wasn't hard, she threw herself at me.
Now, getting the universe to show me its naughty bits, that-that took some doing.
Sheldon's a physicist.
Oh.
Oh, that's nice.
Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions in the olfactory receptors in the brain.
It was inspired.
Oh, well, I guess it didn't stink.
But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it.
(laughter) I'm sorry, I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk.
Oh, no, I love it.
No, but let's talk about work.
Amy's work, my work.
Yeah, why don't we start with my work? Actually, I do have a question for Dr.
Cooper.
When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing, did you think it was gonna revolutionize the field? (stammers) Really? That's your question? What are you, Entertainment Tonight? You know what? Let me give you a better question.
Here, um, "Dr.
Cooper, "I heard you were working on a top-secret project "for the U.
S.
military.
Why don't you tell us about that?" See, that's a great question.
Okay, what was that like? Oh, I can't tell you that, it's top-secret.
Boy, that was exhausting.
You know, no offense, but your colleagues were pretty rude.
Really, they were rude? Yes.
They just kept talking about you and how great you are, no matter how many times I brought me up.
You know, these are my colleagues and they want to talk about my work.
Why does that bother you so much? Because I was there.
It's like having Optimus Prime over to dinner and not asking him to turn into a truck.
You know what, Sheldon? You're not always the smartest person in every room.
You may not even be the smartest person in this room.
Oh, I am sorry.
What, is Neil deGrasse Tyson hiding behind the couch? 'Cause if he is, he's not that smart, it's pretty dusty back there.
Hey, where are you going? I'm storming off to my room.
Well, then where am I supposed to storm off to? Well, you're so smart, why don't you figure it out? (door closes) Is there another bedroom? Perhaps a-a den? So, how are you guys doing with all the new events in your womb? Good, you know? Obviously, it was a surprise.
There was some crying and some yelling.
Some suggestion of make-up sex that did not go over well, even though it's not like we can get more pregnant.
But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense that we didn't ask for it, and we may not have chosen it And we already have one.
You know, whenever I find a top I like, I always go back and get a second one in a different color.
Which I hope is not the case with your baby.
I know you guys are freaked out, but you're great parents, and if you ever need help, we are here for you.
Yeah, anything at all, just ask.
Ooh, you know what you could do? You could have a baby, too.
I'm sorry, what? No, that's a great idea, we could go through it together.
Wouldn't that be fun? (chuckles) You guys were just saying how freaked out and miserable you are.
I say lots of crazy things.
I'm pregnant and hormonal.
Do it! Have a baby, do it! Come on, it'd be so cute, our kids playing together? What do you say, why don't you two hit the old mattress and whip up a family? Okay, we're not gonna have a baby just to make you guys feel better.
Yeah, if we're gonna have a baby it's gonna be when we are ready, or when I'm certain Penny is gonna leave me.
Exactly.
They're my friends, and I should be happy for them.
A-And I'm trying, but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut.
I had that once.
Turned out it was a tapeworm.
Cool.
Uh It's just it's hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you would understand.
Why is that? Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be alone together.
Mm.
This is-this is awkward.
I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 'cause I have a date.
Really? Yeah.
(clears throat) Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.
Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.
Is this how our marriage is going to be? Sometimes people will be more interested in talking to her than to me? Are you sitting in a bathroom? Yes.
I needed a place to storm off to and it was all that was available.
Fine.
But if I hear a flush, this conversation is over.
Those people were in the presence of a world-class mind, and all they wanted to talk about was their own nonsense.
Can you see the irony in that statement? How about now? How about now? I'll wait.
LEONARD: Uh Surprise.
Oh, crap, is it our anniversary? No.
Wait.
No.
No.
All right, so what are we celebrating? Well, you know, Bernadette and Howard are pregnant again, and Amy and Sheldon are getting married.
I didn't want you to feel left out.
Ah.
Left out? Well, Bernadette has to grow a baby inside of her, and Amy has to marry one.
My life is great.
So do you not want the cake? Try and take it away, see what happens.
Oh, crap, it is our anniversary.
Happy anniversary! Amy.
There's something I need to say to you.
I'm listening.
I've been thinking about the Avengers.
I believe that.
But I don't think that's something you needed to say to me.
I realized that Iron Man is great.
And also, that Captain America is great.
And sometimes, Iron Man is in a Captain America movie, and he's not mad it's not an Iron Man movie.
You know, he can fly in, give the audience a thrill, and then fly away.
And that should've been me tonight.
I should've been the delightful cameo in your movie.
Thank you, Sheldon.
Instead, I was like the Hulk, and I Okay, please stop talking about the Avengers.
Anyway.
I'm proud of you.
And I'm going to try to do a better job of sharing the spotlight because we're a team.
You know? Much like t-the Dodgers.
If they had superpowers, and fought crime.
And Thor was in them.
Sheldon, I know this isn't easy, but you'll have a whole lifetime to practice.
I-It could take that long, I'm really bad at it.
You know, maybe, um, I should start right now, and go back to Pasadena and let you have this experience to yourself.
You just want to go back 'cause that's where everybody makes a fuss over you.
You know, your colleagues are right, you are brilliant.
Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Amy, welcome back.
Oh, l-let me see the ring.
Ooh, nice.
H-Hey, her eyes are up there.
I-Is that the woman who kissed Sheldon? Uh Could be.
Hard to say.
Tell us about Princeton.
Excuse me for a minute.
Not-- well, we'll catch up later.
This is going to be the biggest smackdown since my Aunt Noopur showed up at the family reunion wearing the same sari as my cousin Sruti.
Dr.
Nowitzki? Oh.
Dr.
Fowler.
Um, hello.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.