South Park s11e01 Episode Script

I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine Episode 11x01 "With Apologies To Jesse Jackson" And now back to, Wheel of Fortune.
Allright, Randy.
Congratulations on making it all the way to the bonus round.
Thanks, Pat.
- You got some family here watching tonight.
Yeah, they're all rooting for me.
And I'm sure you have lots of friends watching back home? Yeah.
Hi, everybody watching in South Park.
That's us.
- Good luck! Well let see if you can make everyone proud.
The category is: "People who annoy you.
" Okay.
As always we give you the letters, "R", "T", "S", "L" and "E".
We just need three more consonants and a vowel.
Okay, I'd like a "B".
A "N" and a "G".
And the vowel? - An "O", please.
Okay well, looks like you're gonna get a lot of help here.
The category is: "People who annoy you.
" Audience keep quiet please.
Uh Well, uhm Ten seconds, Mr.
Marsh.
I know it, but I don't think I should say it.
- Five seconds, Mr.
Marsh.
Allright, I'd like to solve the puzzle.
Niggers.
Oh, naggers, of course.
Naggers.
Right.
Uh, can we cut to a Could we cut to a- Well, I gave it my best shot.
At least we had a fup trip, huh gang? I can't believe you said the "N" word on national television.
What? Well, what i was supposed to do, Sharon? I thought I was gonna make $30.
000! Stanley, the only reason daddy used that word, is that he thought he would win money! Dude, did your dad know the show was being broadcast live? Dude, the funniest thing I've ever seen.
I watched it on YouTube about 60 times.
Can we just drop this, please? I don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, well, it's not us you have to worry about.
It's Token.
He is gonna wanna kick your cracker teeth in.
- No, he's not.
Is he? I don't know.
- I just need to explain things.
Hey, Token.
Look, I don't know if you saw Wheel of Fortune last night, but Yeah, I was watching with my whole family.
And then we saw all the replays this morning on the news.
Listen, Token, my dad isn't an racist.
He's just stupid, allright? He just blurted out the "N" word, and it's no big deal, okay? Uh, well, actually it is kinda a big deal, Stan.
It may be a mistake, but you don't understand how it feels when that word comes up.
So don't say it isn't a big deal.
Oh, shit, here we go.
It's on! Race war! Race war! Race war! Race war is on, everybody! It's going down! Shit is going down! Token my dad wasn't trying to be offensive, just forget about it.
That's easy for you to say, Stan.
- Yeah, come on.
Here we go! Yeah, but he didn't say it in anger or anything like that.
That doesn't mean I can just be fine.
- Race war, come on.
Race war! If you really think it's not a big deal, then you really are ignorant.
That's all.
I'm not fighting anybody! Token forefits! Whites win! Whites win! Race war is over again, everybody! Whites won again! I want to apologize deeply and sincerely for using the "N" word on Wheel of Fortune.
And I want to assure you that I'm not a racist, reverend Jackson.
The puzzle you were solving was: "People who annoy you?" Well, like anybody else thought it was naggers, I mean, right? Mr.
Marsh, you need to take time to understand African-American culture.
Visit black museums, see black performers and artists.
Oh, I will.
I'm really down with African-Americans.
Do you really want to apologize? Are you sure? - Yes, absolutely.
Very well.
If you want to apologize.
I will accept.
Oh, thank you, Mr.
Jackson.
Thank you.
Brian, get a picture of Mr.
Marsh apologizing.
- Ready to go, sir.
Kiss it.
- Uh? Apologize.
Kiss it.
You want me to kiss your- - That's right, apologize.
Ah, okay.
I'll uh Let's hear uh Apologize.
Hey, Token, I just wanted to let you know, that everything is cool now.
My dad apologized to Jesse Jackson.
Oh, I see.
So I'm supposed to feel all better now? Well, yeah.
- You just don't get it, Stan.
Dude, Jesse Jackson said it's okay.
Jesse Jackson is not the emporer of black people! He told my dad he was.
Today we are going to have a guest speaker talk to us about sensitivity and the power of words.
In a moment, you will meet Dr.
David Nelson.
Who has firsthand experience in overcoming slander, because David is himself a little person.
Who knows what a little person is? Yes, over there? - A midget? Not exactly.
That term is actually considered offensive.
And that's why Dr.
Nelson goes from school to school getting us all to think about what we say.
He has two Ph.
D.
's and has published six books.
Please welcome David Nelson! Good morning, students.
How are we all feeling today? I would like to share with you all my- No, dude! No, fucking way! Dude.
That words are like bullets and if you give- Just stop, stop, stop! Eric, be quiet.
- No, no, it's okay.
He will run out of steam here pretty soon.
Look, look, look! They put a little suit on him! So I said to my wife: "You told me to kill the damn cockroach, don't yell at me for making a mess!" We got a great crowd here tonight.
Now, how many people here are actually from Colorado? Got nothing better to do on a friday night than to go to a comedy club, uh? Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Yeah, I know you.
You're the guy that said nigger on Wheel of Fortune! Look, everybody, it's the nigger guy.
Hey, it is him.
Oh, we got a star in the club.
Everyone wave to the nigger guy, say "Hi, nigger guy.
" Hi, nigger guy! That's allright, nigger guy, you know we just playing.
Yeah.
No problem.
Have y'all seen these navigation systems in these cars, these days? Damn things look like they're right out of space nuts.
Maybe nigger guy has one, you got one, nigger guy? Hey, look, Patty.
It's that nigger guy.
Nigger guy, nigger guy.
Hey, what do you think you're doing? I just need some aspirin.
You aren't welcome in this store, nigger guy.
Fine.
Principal Victoria, I'm very concerned about the behavior of one of your students.
Yes, we apologize for Eric Cartman's behavior, Mr.
Nelson.
We feel terrible.
Why? I don't feel terrible.
It doesn't bother me at all.
Words are like bullets and I let them pass right through me.
I just know that with some one-on-one time together with this Eric Cartman.
I have a chance to change the way he thinks.
It might be best if you just let it go, OK? You don't understand.
You see, words are like bullets.
And if you take away the gun powder- - Yeah, yeah, we get it, Mr.
Nelson.
Very well, Mr.
Nelson.
Stacy, go ahead and send in Eric Cartman.
Eric, Mr.
Nelson is concerned about how you respond to little people.
Did I hurt his little feelings? You know, you think you have the power to make me insecure.
But your words are actually completely powerless.
We should get like eight of these.
We can dress them all up like little beavers, right? And then put them in a pond and see if they build a dam! You see, no matter what you say, I'm still standing.
Barely! No matter how you act, I can rise above it.
Rise above it.
Get it? Like he can rise above anything! Shut your fucking mouth! - Mr.
Nelson! He didn't get to me.
I was just joking.
Look, look how it's face gets all red.
He's like a little strawberry.
words with venom, words that bind.
words used like weapons to cloud my mind.
I'm a person, I'm a man but no matter how hard I try people just say: "Hey, there goes that nigger guy.
" everywhere I go it's always the same, I can't get away from that terrible name.
hey, nigger guy, nigger guy, nigger guy stop! now go.
call me nigger guy, fill me with your hate, try to bring me down, oh, you're to late.
someone just beat you to it, but my dream will not die.
to be thought of as more, than just nigger guy.
Respect.
Token, hey, wait up.
I just wanted to say, I get it now.
You know, after that little person talked at that assembly the other day.
I understand how you feel about somebody saying the "N" word.
So black people are midgets? Goddammit! Excuse me, over here please.
I need all students to join me over here.
I've called you here because it's time that we taught Eric Cartman a lesson, once and for all.
And in a few seconds Eric will be sent in, when we walk through that door.
I want you all at the same time to yell, "Hello, fatso.
" I don't think that's a very good idea, sir.
He has to learn his lesson, you see, words are like bullets.
Allright, allright, here he comes.
Good morning fatso! Hey, what the hell is that? You think that's fucking funny? Kyle, did you put everybody up to this.
I bet you did, what the hell is going on?! Now you know how it feels.
You didn't like it when the tables were turned, did you? Allright, allright, who is the freaking genius who dressed up it in little suspenders.
Clyde, was that you? You can't to me.
Words are like bullets! And so it is my honor to announce today the Randy Marsh African-American scholarship foundation.
It is my hope that this foundation will prove my commitment to the education of African-American students.
And erase, once and for all my identity as the nigger guy.
You really you really don't know how hard it is to be constantly reminded of something lame that happened in your past.
I mean I just wanna move on from what happened on Wheel of Fortune, you know.
When people call me nigger guy they're bringing up a painfull chapter of my history and the negativity that went along with it.
You just, you can't imagine how that feels.
Is this nigger guy serious? Anyway, here is to a new start for us all, thank you! Hey, look, Skeeter, that's that guy from the tv.
Well, well, well.
Looks like we got ourselves a nigger guy.
Whoa ! Where you going, nigger guy? Please, I don't want any trouble.
- Well, you got trouble! When you first decided to slander an entire race of people on Wheel of Fortune.
Yeah, you like making fun of minorities, nigger guy? We don't take kindly to social ignorance.
You tell him Skeeter, you tell him! What do you want? - What do we want? We want to live in a world without people like you who are intolerant of African-Americans.
Leave him alone.
Hey, that's that other nigger guy.
That's the guy from Seinfeld used the "N" word a whole bunch of times.
Michael richards, well, son of a bitch.
Looks like it's our lucky day, we done got us two nigger guys.
Make that three.
Mark Fuhrman.
- Who? He done said the "N" word in the O.
J.
case.
What is this a nigger guy convention? We aren't being pushed around anymore.
Leave! Come on, Skeeter, these nigger guys ain't worth our trouble.
Damn nigger guys, we will be back! You better come with us.
Come on in, Mr.
Marsh, we'll make you coffee.
What's going on here? We've been following your story since we first saw it on the news.
Don't worry, you're with friends now.
Dale here used the "N" word in a racial joke at work.
Scott used the plural "N" word to refer to a group of gardeners who broke his fence.
They were Mexicans, I was being ironic.
We're all just like you.
No, no, no, I'm sorry, but I'm not like you.
I just said the "N" word by mistake to win money.
I made a mistake to, I was trying to be funny! I got frustrated and thought I would get some shock laughs.
I'm just not that good of an comedian if you wanna know the real truth.
You said the "N" word to a black man's face.
That's way worse than what I did.
You really think that matters? You really think all those people out there see a difference? Oh, they might see your racial slur was more accidental, they might even laugh about it.
But at the end of the day, all you are to them is just an another damn nigger guy.
Oh, you don't like that, do you? No.
- Randy, we want you to join us.
We have a plan to make this all go away, once and for all.
Now, look, token.
I've done everything I can to make this right.
You have no reason to still be mad.
I have every reason to be mad.
You just don't get it.
I'm not responsible for what my dad did.
No, but you can't just pretend it never happened either.
What the hell do you want from me? - Nothing.
Then stop being mad.
- No! Fellas, fellas, come quick! Cartman is gonna fight the midget! Hey, come on now! Dude, you sure you wanna do this? Apparently this guy has a black belt in karate.
It's a midget, dude.
Students, I am going to beat the crap out of this kid to prove a point.
No, no, dude, it can't talk.
That isn't fair, I'll laugh to much.
Senators, I know it's not normally considered American to ban words.
But there is one slur that's caused so much damage that we believe it should finally be made illegal.
I'm talking of course about the term nigger guy.
Nigger-guy? Two words which by themselves can be harmless, but which together form a verbal missile of hate.
- Yeah, that's right.
Oh, sure, some people just use the term in guest.
Tell a nigger guy joke or two, thinking it's no big deal.
But they don't realise it can lead to people using the term as an excuse for violence.
Goddamn nigger guy is trying to be all political right now.
Senators, I've learned to admit I'm capable of having slightly racist thoughts once in a while.
Can anybody say they never do? How long will it be, before you're all called nigger guys? Hold on a second, are you suggesting that nigger guy could become a slur that refers to all white people? I'm certainly not a nigger guy, I've never thought a racist thought.
Oh, come on, you're the biggest nigger guy in Washington.
Mr.
Marsh, we see now the importance of your bill.
All those in favor to ban the term nigger guy.
Aye.
- Opposed? Nay.
The motion is passed! Allright! - Allright! We did it! For the first time in American history a word has been officially banned from use.
From now on, if a person uses the word nigger it must be atleast seven words away from the word guy.
Tom, it appears that the nigger guy epidemic is over.
Oh, dammit, I said it, didn't I? Okay, okay, you win! Say uncle! - Uncle! Now say, Carol Anne don't go into the light.
- Carol Anne don't go into the light.
Man, that is hysterical! There, now you all see that I am not limited by my size! I have proven my point.
My work here is done.
What was his point? - I have no idea.
Dude, I don't get it.
- I don't get it either.
Wait a minute.
That's it.
I don't get it.
Don't you see, Kyle? I don't get it! Token, I get it now.
I don't get it.
I've been trying to say that I understand how you feel, but I'll never understand.
I'm never really get how it feels for a black person to have somebody use the "N" word.
I don't get it.
Now you get it, Stan.
- Yeah, I totally don't get it.
Thanks, dude.