Bob's Burgers s11e06 Episode Script

1 BOB: All right.
Everything's ready for tomorrow.
Ocean Avenue Business Association Ocean Fest! - Oh, I can't wait.
- Right, so we're all prepped.
And now you kids are going to be pepped, 'cause I'm about to give you kids a great pep talk.
- Incredible start.
- Mm I'm pretty fired up.
It's working, Dad.
Great, I-I haven't really started it yet.
- And you lost me.
- Now hold on.
As you all know, Ocean Fest is a big day for business.
And crafts and drinking and music and drinking And middle-aged guys playing steel drums in the street.
Anyway, my point is there's gonna be a lot of foot traffic, so I'm gonna need you guys to work ex I think it's gonna be bigger than ever this year 'cause of the Creatures of the Sea sculpture contest.
- A sculpture contest? - Yeah.
All the businesses are making sculptures of sea creatures to put in front of their stores.
The prize is a $300 gift certificate to any store on the street.
Even Mort's? Free funeral! Guys, we need to win this.
Toys in the Hood is on Ocean Avenue.
$300 that could get us through the rest of our childhood.
We don't need to win the sculpture contest.
We just need to win at working good.
But, Dad, my hands were made for sculpting.
And for going like this.
(snorts) I'm a little piggy.
(oinking) Okay, just one to ten more questions - about this sculpture contest.
- Mm.
You don't have to worry about it 'cause I already made our sculpture.
Ooh, I'm gonna go get it! Great.
Oh, okay, uh, now back to my pep talk.
- LINDA: Bob, do your pep talk! - Yeah, I'm doing it, Lin.
Tomorrow morning, I need you kids to hand out these flyers for the restaurant.
(singsongy): It's a mermaid who loves beef! - Is that a used piñata? - No, it's my sculpture.
It's papier-mâché.
I made it last night.
- Were you asleep? - No.
I maybe had some wine.
Did you wake up next to it in a pool of your own vomit? No! Did you guys hear what I said about the flyers? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's definitely what we're entering in the sculpture contest? - Hmm.
- Yes! She's pretty, isn't she? She's not conventionally attractive, but she has kind eyes.
They're kind of eyes.
And can we talk about what color you painted her? And why it's off-putting? No, leave her alone.
Don't listen to them, mermaid.
I just don't think it's gonna get the judges' attention.
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
Um, we don't need to focus on the sculpture, okay? Ocean Fest should actually be a good day for us.
So I need you kids to not be horrible.
I mean, I love you all, but it'd be great if you could just not be like how you are sometimes.
I just really want to give that mermaid a mer-makeover.
- A merk-over.
- No, don't touch her.
My sculpture's good.
She's beautiful.
If you don't look at her face.
Sorry.
She's really pretty.
Hello, Bob.
Guess what time it is.
- It's 3:45.
- Ron, I was doing a thing! - Oh, sorry.
- It's inspection time.
- I was gonna say.
- Nice.
Full disclosure: one booth might have a booger under it.
Don't ask me how I know.
- Okay, that's enough.
- Thank you, Tina.
- This prep area is damp.
- I just cleaned it.
That makes sense You look damp.
These lettuce heads are stacked weird.
Is that illegal? - No, it's it's just stupid.
- Mm-hmm.
What do we have here? - Rags? - Wash your greasy rags! Stop throwing them at me, Hugo.
Also, you missed every time.
- Good effort though.
- Hmph! Well, Bob, you passed.
Barely.
- That's our thing.
- Go, Dad.
I guess you get to stay open during Ocean Fest.
You're a lucky little fishy.
- Lucky little fishy? - Forget I said that.
I thought it would sound tough.
We're leaving! That thing makes me uncomfortable.
- I made it.
- I love it.
Come on, Ron.
(Bob sighs) - Please let tomorrow go okay.
- It'll be great.
- I hope so.
- I know so.
It's like I can see the future.
You're there, you're looking sexy selling burgers, - you have a cool tattoo.
- Wait.
I have a cool tattoo tomorrow? - Yeah, of a sword.
- Of a sword? - Is that cool? - You thought it was.
Hey, don't worry.
Tomorrow's gonna be it's gonna be good.
- You're probably right.
- (snoring) And you're asleep.
(Linda whimpers) - (snores, whimpers) - (sniffs) Linda.
Linda? - Do you smell smoke? - Yeah.
What's burning? - Ah, it's probably nothing.
- (alarm ringing) BOB: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! - Aah, my mermaid! No.
Why? Oh, this is bad.
Okay, uh, maybe it's okay.
Uh, the-the fire didn't spread, so maybe we can still open? Yeah, it's not so bad out there.
And we can cook in here, right? It is cooked in here.
- What do you think started it? - (clicking) I have no idea.
Crap! The grill won't turn on.
That's not good.
- Mommy, Daddy? - Yeah? I think I might know what started the fire.
- What? - What, honey? Me.
BOB: Gene, how could you have started the fire? You were upstairs, asleep.
It all began when Mom showed us her weird I mean, good and not weird sculpture.
I couldn't stop thinking about the contest and how her mermaid would never win.
And we'd never get to be up to our butts in toy gift certificate money.
I woke up in the night 'cause I was on a mission To get downstairs and do some mermaid fixing Her hair was a mess and I knew what to do But then a rumble in my tummy said I needed to poo I was feeling light, like I could dance a jig I grabbed the crimping iron and my favorite wig It's time for your hair to strut, no more limping I plopped on that wig and then I got to crimping I went back upstairs knowing we'd win But I left the crimping iron plugged in It's all my fault I set the restaurant on fire It's all my fault I burnt my dad's dreams With my wiggy desires.
So, yeah.
I left Mom's old crimping iron plugged in, and I guess it set the restaurant on fire.
I'm really, really sorry.
Oh, my God.
That was not great of you, Gene.
But it's gonna be fine.
But why did you do that? Terrible.
Bad.
I mean, I-I'm glad you told us.
But why did you do that?! Sorry.
Sorry.
But it'll be okay.
Maybe.
Probably not.
Bob! Linda! Kids.
Oh, my God, Linda.
- Give me a hug.
Come on.
- No.
Uh-huh.
TEDDY: I thought I lost you there, Bob.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm.
- Let me look at you.
Kids, there you are.
Linda, all the stuff we almost never got to say.
- We're okay Teddy.
W-Wait, wait, what? - (panting) W-Wow.
You're breathing really hard.
- I ran here.
- From your house? No, from my truck.
It's, uh, parked out in the alley.
I'm just in really bad shape.
Well, thanks for coming.
Sorry we called you so early.
We can't start the grill and we were thinking maybe you could fix it, like, really soon.
Please? I don't want to let go.
I don't want to lose you, - you know? (crying) - Uh-huh.
I know.
I know, but it-it seems like it'd be hard for you to fix the grill if you're also still hugging us.
(shushes) Just a little longer.
GENE: I feel terrible.
Don't end up like me, you guys.
I had so much promise.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh-huh.
But you know, Mom and Dad, Gene actually kind of got me thinking about something.
Yeah, honey? What? Just that I, um, also might have started the fire? - What? H-How? - No.
I shared Gene's opinion that your sculpture was sort of unlikely to win us any toy money.
So, I, uh, snuck downstairs in the middle of the night.
BOB: Oh, my God.
I woke up from a dream in the middle of the night And thought of a way to win the gold Help Mom's sculpture really stand out By making the mermaid explode I'm talking M-80s, bottle rockets Roman candles, sky missiles Or even dynamite I didn't have any of that stuff But I had some sparklers And those things are fun enough Anyway, I just shoved, like, a bunch of them into the mermaid.
It's all Gene's fault He set the restaurant on fire And maybe it's partially my fault, too But Gene's guilt definitely ranks higher.
So, yeah.
I feel like, by bringing a bunch of sparklers into the restaurant, I maybe, potentially, contributed to the fire.
(high-pitched): Mm-hmm.
Great.
Yep.
Uh-huh.
She didn't need sparklers.
She sparkled all on her own.
I'm sorry about the sparklers.
(scoffs) Let's go back to blaming Mr.
Crimping Iron.
It's hard out here for a crimp.
- I think I figured out what's wrong.
- What? What is that? It's your thermocouple.
It's why your grill isn't turning on.
- Uh, the-the what-a-couple? - Your thermocouple.
It regulates your heat.
I think it got damaged by the water.
- A lot of stuff did.
- Yeah, those fire guys went all Patrick Sprayzey in there.
So, can we get a new one and install it - before Ocean Fest starts? - I don't know.
I'll try.
Your grill is old, so this might not be a standard size.
I'll start calling around and see if anyone has the part.
-(groans) -You figured it out, Teddy.
Good job.
Listen, Gene and I haven't discussed this yet, but we're both willing to move our stuff out by the end of the day.
We'll find a place to live.
- Probably a nunnery.
- Or a Cinnabunnery? I, um, kind of need to tell you guys something, too.
Tina, no.
- Yeah.
- No.
Uh-huh.
I wanted to fix that ugly mer-thing So we could win the prize I wasn't expecting the mermaid's Crimped hair and sparklers Stuck all over everywhere I thought she'd look better In a blue bikini Instead of just being all throw-up greeny The paint was pretty wet, so I plugged in a fan Which in hindsight might not have been a great plan 'Cause, you know, oxygen and fire.
You-you do the math.
KIDS: It's all our fault We set the restaurant on fire It's all our fault Everything went haywire.
I'm really sorry.
What is wrong with all of you?! Nope.
I didn't mean that.
It's okay.
(sighs) Thanks, Tina, for telling us.
So, it sounds like Gene started the fire with Mom's old crimping iron.
Louise gave the fire fuel with all of the sparklers and, Tina, you literally fanned the flames.
Aw, working together.
I mean, that's not good.
Teddy, did you find a new thermocouple thing yet? I called everybody.
The closest I've come was a restaurant equipment place called Chef Marks The Spot.
But they sold the last one.
I said, "How could you do that?" They said, "Who are you?" I said, "Who are you?" Aah! I'll keep calling places.
Our street is about to be full of hungry Ocean Fest people and we can't feed them.
W-We got to figure out a way to cook.
We're gonna figure out a way to cook.
Kids, go hand out flyers.
So, the restaurant's open? It will be, 'cause it's Ocean Fest, damn it.
- Right, Bob? - Yeah.
I don't know how.
And hopefully the restaurant won't smell like it does now.
But yeah.
Kids, go hand out flyers.
It seems like the least we could do 'cause of the whole fire thing.
Unless you guys already forgot about that? - We remember.
- You got a good memory, Dad.
- For your age.
- And a great ass.
Thank you.
LOUISE: Guys, we're horrible.
We set the restaurant on fire.
- Yeah.
Why are we so bad? - I know.
Aah! Damn it! We're not even good at handing out flyers.
We got to fix this.
I mean, we can't un-set the restaurant on fire, but maybe we can un-horrible ourselves and help Mom and Dad.
How? We killed Dad's grill.
He can't even cook.
He's useless.
He's a sick joke.
What if we get the thermocouple thing? We go to Chef Marks The Spot, find out who bought it, and track them down.
So, you in? You in? You both are making faces like you're in.
I have resting in face.
But yeah, I'm in.
- Tina? - I'm in.
All right.
Operation un-horrible ourselves is a go.
Steel Songnolias, wait for me.
BOB: All right, thanks.
I'll-I'll be right there.
Tell, uh, tell it I'm coming.
That was the rental place.
They have a portable grill we can rent.
I can go pick it up right now.
Oh, we have so much cleaning to do here.
- Hey, I can pick it up.
- Uh, really? Yeah, 'cause otherwise you'd probably want me to clean this place, and it's a mess.
- It really is.
- Yep.
So, bye.
Wait.
Where am I going? The catering rental place, Teddy.
Supplies Party.
You think they'll be all right with a guy in pajamas and slippers? - I think they'll like it.
- Great.
LINDA: Yoo-hoo! - Bob, what do you think? - Aah! - I've been fixing her up.
- You gave it teeth? Yeah.
She's smiling.
She's saying, "I'm okay.
I'm alive.
" I got to go put it out in front.
- Perfect.
- Oh, great, Jimmy's coming over.
Whoa-oh-oh! Hey, I heard you had a fire this morning.
Good thing no one's ever in there, or somebody could've gotten hurt.
Zoom! Good one, Jimmy If it's Opposite Day and good ones are bad ones.
- (quietly): Nice, Bob.
- Oof.
- What the hell is that thing? - It's a very brave mermaid with an incredible story, and a smile that lights up a room.
Hey, you want to see a sculpture? Look at mine.
It's Trev.
I put a bunch of seaweed on him.
He's, like, a creature thing.
I think I'm allergic to seaweed, Jimmy.
Sculptures can't talk.
Well, I'm gonna head back to my restaurant and get ready for Ocean Fest, 'cause mine didn't catch on fire like an idiot.
Bye-zoom! Oh, go French-kiss a jellyfish, Jimmy! LOUISE: Hello "Kyle.
" We're just following up on a phone call you received this morning about, I believe, it's called a thermocouple.
Oh, the, uh, heavy-breathing guy who sounded scary but also vulnerable? - Big-time.
- Yeah.
I told him we sold the last one.
Totally.
We just need to know who you sold it to.
Oh.
I don't think I'm supposed to tell you that.
Dang.
We can't break this guy.
Should we just go? We're not leaving until we get that name from you.
Wouldn't want your nice kitchen supply store to get messed up.
- What? - Oh.
Look at this beautiful display of whisks.
- Yeah.
That was me.
- They go from small to large.
Thank you.
You don't know how hard I had to fight for that.
Well, what if this little one goes here? - (Kyle gasping) - And this one goes here.
And this one just gets mushed in with this one?! Okay, okay, I'll tell you.
Just stop messing with my whisks.
I don't know her name.
I just know she's opening a new shrimp restaurant.
It's called A Shrimp-le Plan.
- I love her.
- You did good, Kyle.
Now go tend to your whisks.
We got to go see a shrimp about a lady.
TEDDY: Here it is.
I got the grill.
And maybe a hernia.
But I'm fighting through it.
Thanks, Teddy.
I guess I need to put it on top of my grill - so I can use the vent, right? - That works.
- Just seems rude.
- What? I don't know, it's like having an affair with another woman on top of my wife.
I am a pretty sound sleeper.
Okay.
Uh, grill? I'm-I'm really sorry for what we're about to do.
Here's the thing.
We're gonna put this other grill on top of you to cook.
It might feel weird, but it's not long-term.
But but you can't get hot right now.
(crying): You're you're gonna get better soon, though.
I know it.
Just shut your eyes.
Teddy, let's just do it! I'm crying over here.
- LOUISE: Ugh! Nobody's here.
- TINA: What should we do? Forget about the plan? Come back when she opens this place? - Eat a bunch of shrimp? - You're allergic.
You don't know me! Dang it! Who locks all their doors when they leave? Oh, my God.
I see it.
It's right there.
It's sitting on the counter.
Damn, look at the thermocouple on that thing.
- Huh.
- Why'd you just say "huh" like that? I mean, they won't need it until they open.
Would it really make a difference if we borrowed it until Dad got a new one? You mean, like, steal it? - Borrow, Tina.
- How? The door is locked.
- Well, windows get broken.
- N-No, they don't.
They do.
They get broken all the time.
I don't know, rocks, croquet balls, drunk birds.
- Nope.
- Gene, help me find a rock.
- Gene, don't help her.
- Darn it.
- I only found a brick.
- Perfect.
Don't give it to her.
Take the brick and run! I can't run with a brick.
I can barely run without a brick.
Louise, if we break the window and take the thermocouple, doesn't that make us actually horrible? Maybe that's just what we are.
We set our restaurant on fire this morning.
We're horrible.
We're bad eggs.
But if we take that thing, at least it'll help Mom and Dad.
Uh - Wait, let me write a note.
- A note? Yes.
An apology note.
Something like, "We're really sorry we broke your window, love, Tina, Gene and Louise"? No! No names.
Maybe just, "Here's a free brick"? Oh, God, whatever.
Here, give me that.
All right, we're doing this.
- Oh, God, we're doing this.
- Yes! Aah! Bubba Gump, give us strength! Aah! Okay, just do it! You're stressing me out! Hang on.
I'm getting warmed up.
Aah! Damn it! I just don't think I can do it.
Gene, you try.
(Gene screaming) I can't do it.
- Tina? - Fine.
Wait, no, I'm not doing it.
Hi.
Welcome to Bob's Burgers.
Ignore the smell.
We had a fire.
That's not the food.
- Are you guys open? - Are we open? Uh, that is a good question.
Hold on.
Bob, how we doing back there? BOB: Why isn't it turning on? Why is this grill also not working? Why-why is this happening? Why did everything turn out the way it did? - Hey, you sound like me every morning.
- (groans softly) Uh-oh.
The propane tank is pretty light.
They might have forgotten to fill it.
- Oh, my God.
- LINDA: Bob? Uh, ask them if they like their burger cooked.
LINDA: Excuse me, do you like your bur - (door bells jingle) - Oh, you're leaving.
Have a nice day.
I could go back to the place and get a new tank.
No.
You won't get back till after the lunch rush.
Gah! I wish I was made of propane.
I would get inside that tank for you so fast.
Hi, parents.
- Hi, kids.
- Wait, wait.
Why are you still holding all of the flyers? Y-You didn't pass them out? What the heck have you kids been doing? - Should we just tell them? - (sighs) We didn't pass out flyers 'cause we've been trying to track down the one thermocouple in this dang town.
And when we finally found it, the only way to get it was to break a window and steal it.
- What?! No! - Oh, God.
- It was Tina's idea.
- Wait, what? But we couldn't do it.
Kids, you can't go around breaking windows.
Even if it is fun.
Smashing it and running away and laughing - Lin.
- Kids, no! No window breaking.
No stealing, too.
Even if that's fun.
Grabbing the thing and running and laughing - Lin.
- Sorry.
You were right about us, Dad.
We are horrible.
And we felt horrible about being so horrible.
And then we almost did something horrible because we felt horrible about being horrible.
- W-W-Wait, what? - We'll pack our things.
Actually, Mom, if you could pack our things, that'd be great.
We're really bad at packing.
This is Bob's Burgers, right? Uh, yeah.
But, uh, we don't have the burgers part right now.
I was just stopping by because of this.
Our flyer? Oh, kids, you did hand out one.
Yeah, sorry.
Our grill is, uh, uh, not working.
Both of them.
We have two grills.
It's-it's complicated.
Actually, that's kind of why I came by.
- I read about it on the flyer.
- My note! It must have fallen out of my pocket.
I'm Pam.
From A Shrimp-le Plan.
Pam Shrimple.
Oh, God, are you here to arrest us? No.
I came because I thought the note was really sweet.
I mean, it's a little weird, writing an apology for something you didn't do.
But I'm also glad you didn't.
'Cause I like my window.
"Dear Shrimp Lady, "We're sorry we broke your window.
"Our dad needs your thermocouple.
"We set our restaurant on fire and ruined his grill.
"He's a great dad and a great cook.
"Sometimes he smells weird.
- "But we're used to it.
- Mm.
"We promise we'll be back in a few days with the thermocouple "and money to pay for a new window.
"Good luck with the shrimps.
We're sorry.
" Long note.
Yeah, it came up.
You've got some good kids here.
I wanted you to know that.
And I wanted to bring you this.
The thermocouple.
We don't open for a month.
It's all yours.
Go nuts.
Wow.
That is really nice.
Thank you.
Wait, I think Teddy left.
I-I got to call him.
TEDDY: Nope.
I'm still here.
I was using your employee bathroom.
Quick question, do you have an employee plunger? Oh.
Hello, ma'am.
Teddy, we got a thermocouple.
- W-We need you to install it.
- Great.
You want a burger? On the house.
All right! Let's do that, too.
Oh.
No.
I was talking to her.
- Oh.
- Uh, you can have one.
Yay! - Sit anywhere you want.
- Thanks.
- Oh, great.
You're here.
No, not to inspect.
- Hugo has something to say.
- Eh.
All right, fine, I'll start.
We heard about the fire, didn't we? - Eh.
Yep.
- And I was going back over what was happening yesterday, - and I remem - (sighing loudly) I remembered that Hugo pulled out all your greasy rags.
- Didn't you, Hugo? - (mumbles) And as you might know, when grease-soaked rags are exposed to open air, they can sometimes spontaneously what? - Rarely.
- They spontaneously combust.
So, yeah, I, um, started your fire.
(mumbles): I'm sorry.
Hugo, louder.
The last part.
- (quietly): I'm sorry.
- Hugo.
I'm sorry! There, I said it! It's all Hugo's fault He burnt your restaurant It's all Hugo's fault Even though he didn't want to mention it It's not our fault - I mean, the stuff we did didn't help.
- Tina, shush.
It's not our fault It's nice to get to blame someone else It's all Hugo's fault.
Mom, unpack our things.
We're staying.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I thought I picked up the rags you threw at me, but I guess I didn't find them all.
Hopefully you've learned your lesson about greasy rag storage.
No, you don't get to say that.
We're leaving.
Can't hear you! Sorry about the fire.
Hugo will probably offer to help you cover your insurance deductible.
Ron! (mumbles) Oh, we got customers.
How we doing, Teddy? TEDDY: Almost done! Hi.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Here you go.
- Hey, kids.
- Yeah? You know I don't actually think you're horrible, right? It's just something I said 'cause sometimes you - are.
- Bob.
At restaurant stuff.
But then look at what you did.
You-you cared about this place so much, you were gonna break a window for it.
I'd do more than that.
I'd kill a guy.
Uh, okay, don't do that.
But I just want to say, you kids are great.
Maybe the best ever.
Including that kid from Jerry Maguire? You love us, you love us.
- I do.
- Nerd! Wow.
Oh, my God.
Best sculpture.
I mean, like, what even is this? Let's take a picture with it.
Did you hear that?! Best sculpture! Those were probably the judges! Lin, I don't think those were the The pictures are probably for the paper.
- I won! I won! - Nice work, Mama.
Aw.
After Ocean Fest, we should bring her inside.
She's looking cold.
We'll take her upstairs.
(others protesting) LOUISE: That's an out that's an outdoor sculpture.
No, we just take it.
- Just for one night - BOB: No.
It's not their fault They didn't set the restaurant on fire Not their fault They didn't burn it down, oh, no Not their fault They didn't set the restaurant on fire Not their fault They didn't burn it down, oh, no Oh, oh, oh, oh RON: Hugo, louder.
The last part.
HUGO: I'm sorry.
Oh, oh, oh, oh HUGO: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
-RON: Hugo.
-HUGO: I'm sorry.
There, I said it!