Big Bang Theory s11e14 Episode Script

1 Space is the mirror of the soul.
Are we looking beyond, or are we looking within? I'm looking at my shoes.
This is making me a little motion sick.
When we gaze out at the immensities of space, we understand them because there are immensities within us as well.
I'm Dr.
Rajesh Koothrappali, and thank you for taking a walk with me through the stars.
That pause gets longer every show.
I believe you're right.
Hey.
Can I get a picture with you? Absolutely.
And if you post it on social media, I suggest the hashtag "Koothra-poet.
" (laughs) Thank you.
The show was great.
Well, I can't take all the credit.
I have pretty good co-stars.
The stars.
Do you say that to everyone? Only to beautiful women.
And okay women.
Okay.
Uh, just to clarify: you're the first kind.
Okay.
Thanks for coming.
What did you handsome gentlemen think of the show? Uh, you can turn it off now.
It's sweet of you to say, but I don't think I can.
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! The Big Bang Theory 11x14 The Separation Triangulation Original Air Look at this cute picture of Halley in the bath.
Aw, that's great.
Want me to send it to you? No, on your phone it's cute, on my phone it's a crime.
I also have a pretty cute picture to share.
WOLOWITZ: What is that? An equation.
Isn't it perfect? Sometimes I just stare at it, and I think "I can't believe that came out of me.
" Well, since we're sharing pictures, I have one to contribute.
Please don't let it be you and your dog in the bathtub.
It's not.
But don't swipe.
What are we looking at here? Well, that's me and a beautiful woman and my watch showing the time as 2:30 in the morning.
So, state's exhibit "A"? No.
I met her at the planetarium a few days ago, and she invited me out for a drink.
Oh, good for you.
H-Hey, w-what's the Hindi word for "dog"? Kutta.
You kutta.
Bow-bow.
(chuckles) That's Hindi for woof-woof.
I am seeing her again tonight.
You know, I also have a date tonight.
But don't worry, it's not another woman.
It's string theory.
Bow-bow.
Sorry, he's a kutta, you're not.
(keys clatter) Hi.
Hello.
What you doing? Oh, taking another picture with my baby.
Look how big he got.
It's fun to see you this excited.
Aw, thank you, that's so (stammers) Don't sit there! What, what? I, uh-- sorry.
I-It's part of my organization system.
That's-that's where those papers go.
Okay.
Um, how about if I just slide this notebook Eh You know what, it's fine.
I'll just be in the bedroom.
No, no.
Uh, this is your apartment, too.
Uh, look, I'll-I'll stop for the night and clean this up.
Well, that's very considerate, Sheldon.
I know.
See, I'm trying this new technique where I imagine how I would feel in someone else's position.
Y-You mean empathy? Oh, I thought I came up with it.
Well, regardless, I-I appreciate the effort.
Thank you.
It's really hard.
Morning.
Good morning.
Aw, you didn't have to cook me breakfast.
Well, I wasn't sure how I did last night, and I wanted to finish strong.
You don't need to worry.
Last night was great.
Ah, well, you say that now, but wait until you taste this.
Oh, my God, this is amazing.
Which is why I keep an omelet pan in the trunk of my car.
(both chuckle) Well, thank you, it's delicious.
My husband never cooked for me.
Oh, uh, y-you were married.
Yeah.
Well, technically, I guess I still am.
Is that "technically," like, the paperwork hasn't gone through, or "technically," like, he's in the closet watching us right now? No, no, we're separated.
Do you mind if we talk about something else? Of course.
Uh, you know, my secret to making great omelets is that I beat the egg whites separately.
Speaking of which, how long have you been separated? About two weeks.
That is not a lot of weeks.
In fact, that's the bare minimum to get to the plural "weeks.
" Doesn't matter.
He moved out, I moved on.
Oh.
Good.
(chuckles) Yeah, do you mind me asking what he does for a living? He's a firefighter.
Oh.
Interesting.
A potentially jealous man who's handy with an ax.
(laughing): It's-it's okay, though.
He's almost had two weeks to cool down.
Okay, the next drug is Romatrol.
Oh, I know this one.
We're actually pushing it really hard.
It treats mild dermatitis.
Uh, correct.
And who can it be prescribed to? Adults and children who have absolutely, for sure, stopped growing.
Right again.
And what are the side effects? Oh, shoot, shoot.
Mm, remember the mnemonic.
Ah-- GRAVY, yes.
G-R-A-V-Y.
Okay, gastric distress, redness, anal leakage, vasculitis and yellow eyes.
Oh, uh, so close.
It's actually yellow discharge.
Oh, right.
That's why we went with "gravy.
" Hello.
Hey.
Hi.
He knows he doesn't live here anymore, right? Maybe he's experiencing memory loss because he took (gasps) Flaxitrite.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Uh, Sheldon, what are you doing? Oh, I was just checking in on my old room to see what you've done with it.
Why? Well, I could use a place to work in the evenings, and No.
Well, it's just that there's not a lot of space in our apartment - No.
Well, and I feel like Amy's been having No.
And since you're not No.
It's No.
No.
That is our room now, and we're gonna turn it into a gym.
Do you really expect me to believe that? No.
No.
So I guess what's bugging me is that they only broke up 13 days ago, and now I'm dating her.
So, am I, like, the good guy in my movie, or the bad guy in their movie? Pretty sure you're the weird friend in our movie.
(sighs) I like her, okay? I just, I-I don't know how I feel about being the third wheel in a relationship.
Says the guy in my bed with my wife.
Guys, I mean, he's around, okay? He's apparently not happy about the breakup, and based on the sweatpants he left at her place, he's, like, a medium to large man.
Maybe those are his "after the holiday" pants, like you have.
Oh, no.
I mean, do you think it's too soon for her to be dating? If you and Bernadette broke up, like, how long would you wait? Oh, well, I don't even want to think Eight days.
What? Two days to cry.
Six days to hit the gym.
First of all, you already look amazing.
Aw, that's sweet.
I'm gonna give him an extra day of crying.
The answer is still no.
You can say we wouldn't know you're here, but we'd know.
Because you'd be here! (groans) So, who was that? I can't believe you hung up on me! What the hell? What are you doing here? I am proving you wrong.
I've been working back there for hours.
You had no idea.
(stammers) Do something.
What the hell? What are you doing here? I-I am trying to respect Amy.
Okay, look, you have an office at work.
Why don't you go there? I can't go to the office every time I have a brilliant thought.
I'd basically be living there.
Sounds good, do that.
Yeah No.
No, the campus isn't safe at night.
There's raccoons and undergrads just walking around like they own the place.
Look.
I need somewhere to work in the evenings.
You have a space you aren't using.
Just take a look at my proposal.
(groans) What is this? A rental agreement.
I will only use the room for work.
I-I won't sleep here, I won't eat your food, I won't even use your bathroom.
So you can just walk in any time of the day or night? Well, he does that now.
At least this way we'll get paid.
I am Dr.
Rajesh Koothrappali, and thank you for taking a walk with me through the stars.
I-I think that one was too long.
Yeah, you're right.
I totally felt it.
Should we, uh, run it again? Please, God, no.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I help you? Which one of you is Rajesh Koothrappali? Really? You're not sure which one of us is Rajesh Koothrappali? I am.
I was just trying not to be racist.
I'm Nell's husband.
Oh, uh h-here's the thing-- I didn't know that she was married until after After what? I'm I'm really sorry.
Well, that doesn't make me feel better.
Wh-What would make you feel better? I want you to stop seeing my wife.
Done.
Nice to meet you.
Bye.
What am I gonna do? (cries) Hey, buddy, do-do you want to talk? I thought we were gonna start a family.
Next thing I know, it's over.
(cries) It's gonna be okay.
How is it gonna be okay? You're sleeping with my wife.
I mean, besides that.
Can I get you anything? A glass of water? A laser show? No, thank you.
Oh, good.
'Cause I don't, I don't even know how to turn it on.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have come here.
I guess I just wanted to see who she replaced me with.
Don't say that.
What you two had was special.
No one can replace you.
Did she say that? No.
(whispering): I should go, right? (whispering): Stay.
Okay, I'll call you later.
Look, if it makes you feel any better, I barely know her.
And she had sex with you? Nell tells me you're a fireman.
What's that like? (suspenseful music playing over television) Okay, I-I-I'm really uncomfortable with him back in that room.
Why? He hasn't made a peep all day.
Y-Y-You don't get it.
All the years that we lived together, he drove me crazy the whole time.
And now he's not.
Exactly.
D-Don't look at me like that.
It-it-it means he did it on purpose.
It was a choice.
That-That's like finding out Godzilla could've had Arby's instead of Tokyo.
I don't think they have Arby's in Japan.
Not my point.
Sheldon.
Sheldon! I'm sorry.
Am I being too loud? No, you're being perfect and you know it.
Would you like me to be a less considerate tenant? No.
Yes.
What? Stop messing with me! Hey, I was wrong.
There's an Arby's in Okinawa.
He was best friends with her older brother, but he didn't even notice her.
And then years afterward, they randomly bumped into each other at the DMV.
Two hours later, they were in love.
You can really see the sparkle in his license photo.
He told you all this at the planetarium? No, no, we went to House of Pies.
He got banana cream.
I got coconut.
We did halfsies.
You did pie halfsies with another man? You mean other than you? Yeah.
I feel bad for him, Bernie.
He's a, he's a good guy.
Well, if you're uncomfortable with it, maybe stop sleeping with his wife.
I don't think the sex is the problem.
I know for a fact I was just okay.
For the record, I'm the one who introduced you to House of Pies.
Sheldon? Oh, Leonard.
Sorry, I just, I had to get out of there.
What did he do now? Nothing.
He's being a dream.
Don't give me that look.
That's how Penny looked at me.
I'm not crazy.
Penny and I have the same "You're crazy" look? That's kind of sweet.
I know how to deal with Sheldon being Sheldon, but Sheldon being a-a rational, thoughtful person? I'm clueless.
I-It's like when my mom called last year to sing happy birthday and I-I just threw up.
Well, if it gets to be too much, you can always send him back over here.
I made a deal with him, and besides, that wouldn't be fair to you.
Well, actually, I miss him.
He's been over there a lot.
Well, great.
Tell him he can come back.
I can't.
He's thinking of me and my feelings and trying to be respectful.
That's what he's doing to me, too, the jerk! Stop that.
Hey, your mad look and Sheldon's constipated look are the same.
This is nice.
It is.
She used to kiss me like that.
You okay? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
(crying): Oh, God, I'm so alone.
Sorry, I can't do this.
What's going on? I met Oliver the other day.
Wait, you tracked down my husband? No, that would be weird.
He tracked me down, then we spent the evening together.
I don't believe this.
He-he only did it because he cares about you.
No, he did it because he's possessive and jealous.
Really? I didn't get that at all.
He made me feel very comfortable.
Well, I'm glad you two hit it off.
You know, I don't think that you're being very fair to him.
You're taking his side? No, but I should point out that he did offer to go to counseling, so at least one of you is trying.
You're crazier than he is.
I'll tell you what, just give him one more chance and if it doesn't work out, I'll be happy to keep sleeping with you.
You would? Either way, you've got yourself a fella.
Like, how nice is that? Hey, Sheldon.
Hello.
Hey.
So, your contract provides for a three-day trial period, and I don't think this is working out.
So, to put it in legal terms, the party of the first part would like the party of the second part to get out.
What time does the trial period end? 12:00, noon.
Yeah-- what does it say after that? Eastern Standard Time.
That was three hours ago.
And, uh, since you didn't exercise your right to revoke, I exercised my right to extend, triggering this long-form rental agreement of which you're already in violation.
This is just a-a bunch of paper.
You can't enforce this.
Hire a lawyer.
Let's find out.
This is not happening.
Be that as it may, page nine says that you have to provide me with lemon-flavored sparkling waters, so chop-chop.
Hey, how'd it go? Well, apparently he's not leaving and I have to go get him sparkling water.
Why are you smiling? I don't know.
It just feels right.
to the stars.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
I talked to Nell.
She was pretty upset after you left.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
No.
No, no, no.
She told me that you said something so creepy that I seemed great in comparison.
I know exactly what it was.
I no, actually, there was a couple of things it could've been.
Whichever one it was, it was creepy.
Anyway, uh, I went over to comfort her, and we talked, and I think we're gonna give it another chance.
I am so happy for you! Hey-hey-hey.
Hey, uh, we should celebrate.
House of Pies? You know it.
Should we invite Nell? - Do we have to? - Nah.