Big Bang Theory s11e24 Episode Script

1 All right, Saturday is the big day.
A lot of people thought this would never come.
I may have been one of those people.
I may have been one of those people.
Wait, wait, are we talking about the wedding? Yes.
Oh, yeah, I was definitely one of those people.
And yet, here we are.
Now, we got a lot of family coming in tomorrow.
I'm gonna need everyone's help.
Think of this as one of your comic book movies.
There's a bunch of superheroes, each with a different task.
Oh, like the new Avengers.
Which one was that? The one you slept through last weekend.
Oh, that was a good nap.
I-I think it's more like, uh, like Lord of the Rings, and you're the Fellowship.
Uh, someone's got to go to Gondor, someone's got to go to Mordor, someone's got to hold off the demon of shadow and flame.
You mean the Balrog? I mean my mother.
That is a perfect metaphor, Amy.
Thank you.
Because it also involves a ring that binds me in servitude forever.
Aw, he said forever.
The Big Bang Theory 11x24 The Bow Tie Asymmetry Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! That was Wil Wheaton.
He's really excited about tomorrow.
As am I.
If you'd have told me as a child that an actor from Star Trek would be officiating my wedding, I would've said, "Ooh, William Shatner?" And if you'd have said, "No, Wil Wheaton," I'd have said, "Well, did you even try William Shatner?" And if you'd have said, "Yes, but he costs too much money," I'd have said, "Ah, well, Wil Wheaton's good, too.
" Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie? I can't seem to get it even.
Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even.
Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good.
In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura.
" The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person.
At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.
So are you feeling okay? No wedding jitters? No.
There is nothing in the world that would stop me from marrying you tomorrow, even me from the future coming back to prevent the wedding and the subsequent birth of a child who will destroy humanity.
Because if you came from the future, that would mean you already went through with the wedding because you believe that time travel is on a closed loop.
I love you so damn much.
(sighs) Uh, Mr.
Fowler, are you okay back there? Do you need more air? He's fine.
I'm surprised Amy didn't pick us up.
Oh, well, you know, she's pretty busy the day before her wedding.
Too busy for her mother? She used to be such a devoted daughter.
Now she's just waiting for me to die so she can get my china.
Thank you again for picking us up.
(chuckles) My pleasure, Mrs.
Cooper.
You know, our driver to the airport was also a Indian fella.
Mom Oh, so now it's racist to notice when somebody's Indian.
I don't think it's racist.
I noticed you were both white.
See? You'll have to excuse her.
She's just pregnant and hormonal.
Oh, yeah, congratulations on baby number two.
Yeah.
Whoopie.
Her husband would be here, but he stayed home to watch their older son, so e-everything's fine! Stop it.
We're separated.
You don't say.
So, you're Sheldon's big brother.
Uh, yeah.
He got the brains.
I got the bod.
(chuckles) And the face and the hair.
I like your accent.
Sheldon, did you used to sound like that? Can you still? I can.
I will not.
Amy, you said something about my bow tie that I can't stop thinking about.
Don't you mean (Southern accent): "Y'all said something 'bout my bow tie"? Go on, say it.
(chuckles) Say it.
Hey, guys, look who I have.
Oh.
MISSY: Hey.
Hey, Shelly.
I'm so glad you made it, Missy.
This is my fiancée, Amy.
Amy, this is my sister.
If I ever need a kidney, this is where you get it.
- It's so nice to meet you.
- ‭Aw.
I've always wanted a sister.
Really? Why? I love you, too, Sheldon.
Really? Why? Where's Mom? Uh, she wanted to stop by the hotel and freshen up, and then call her pastor to pray for Missy's soul.
Oh, my God.
There's mama's girl.
- Hi, Mom.
- ‭Oh! Oh, Larry, look at her! Can you believe our little lamb is finally getting married? He can't believe it.
And neither can I.
(laughs) Hi, Dad.
How you doing? What the hell is that? Come on, you know this one.
It's a dog.
I found him in the backyard.
And don't worry, I already called the owner.
Good, 'cause we don't need a dog.
We already have two babies, you and Stuart.
(doorbell rings) That's probably him.
Hi.
I'm gonna need a minute.
That's Mark Hamill! Hello.
Thank you so much for finding this guy.
Oh, my goodness.
Hey, Bark.
How are you, buddy? Y-Your dog's name is Bark? Yeah.
Bark Hamill? Yeah.
Well, I let the fans name him online.
I got lucky, though.
He was almost Honey Baked Hamill.
Anyway, thanks so much.
I-I want to give you a reward for finding him.
(chuckles): Oh, no, I couldn't take your money.
It's just an honor to meet you.
No.
No, please.
You don't know what this dog means to me, and I thought he was gone for good.
Please? There must be something I can do for you.
Anything.
Oh, you're gonna regret that.
(chuckles) Hey, dude.
Dude? Yeah, you know, just want you to know that I don't think of you as a woman.
Oh, perfect.
I don't think of you as a man.
Great.
So, as two genderless blobs of human flesh, how would you like to go to Sheldon and Amy's wedding with me? Oh, Stuart.
Look, I appreciate that, but it just might be a little weird, considering you're my boss.
Guess who's gonna officiate Sheldon and Amy's wedding! Mark Hamill! Luke Skywalker is gonna be at the wedding! You'll need to buy me a dress.
And did you know that my Amy played Amelia Earhart in the eighth grade? Amy, you never said you were in a school play.
Oh, no, no, at home.
I'd never let her do a school play.
Those kids just take drugs and have intercourse.
You know, Amy still does some performing.
She and Sheldon do an Internet show about flags.
Amy? V-Videos on the Internet? You know what men use those for.
If you're talking about Fun with Flags, I use it to go to sleep.
Sheldon, you're awfully quiet.
Are you okay? Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was thinking about string theory.
But catch me up.
What'd I miss? Are you seeing this, Larry? These are the people I'm gonna have to live with after you're dead.
Welcome, Bert.
Don't you look nice.
Yeah.
Like a geode, I clean up good.
Don't you crack a geode open? It's not a perfect metaphor.
KOOTHRAPPALI: Oh, my God.
- Is that Mark Hamill? - ‭Yeah.
BERT: Oh, my God.
- Is that - Bert, go find your seat! W-What is he doing here? I found his dog and guilted him into officiating the wedding.
Don't tell Sheldon.
It's a surprise.
Wait, I-I thought Wil was officiating the wedding.
Yeah, so did he.
How did he take the news? I'll let you know.
Hey, Wil! (sniffles) Are you having an allergic reaction to my boutonniere? No.
I'm just so happy for you.
And for me.
After today, you are officially-- and, more important, legally-- Amy's problem.
Don't be silly, Leonard.
I will always be your problem.
(knocking) Hey, baby.
Hello, Mother.
Leonard, could you give us a moment? Oh, of course.
Oh, Shelly.
I wish your dad could see you now.
Me, too.
I miss him.
He would be so proud of you.
I know that I am.
Thank you.
I mean, for everything.
My whole life.
Oh.
(chuckles) (sniffles) Let me straighten your tie.
No, no, no, it's all right.
It's supposed to be a little asymmetrical.
Apparently, a small flaw somehow improves it.
I can see that.
Sometimes it's the imperfect stuff that makes things perfect.
Excuse me.
(door closes) Case in point.
So, we finally meet.
I'm sorry, who are you? (scoffs) I'm Wil Wheaton.
I was supposed to officiate this wedding.
I was up all night preparing these notes.
Well, thanks so much.
It's gonna be a great help.
(knocking) SHELDON: Amy.
(knocking) Amy.
(knocking) Amy.
Come in.
(panting) There's something I need to tell you.
Wow, you look amazing! That's not what I need to tell you.
But you do! What's wrong? Something incredible just happened.
Remember when you were telling me about my bow tie and how a little asymmetry is good? - Yeah? - My equations have been trying to describe an imperfect world, and the only way to do that is to introduce imperfection into the underlying theory.
So, instead of supersymmetry, it would be super asymmetry? (gasps) Super asymmetry.
That's it! - Give me your lipstick.
- What? Just give it to me, you beautiful thing! We have work to do! Hey, uh, the bride and groom seem to be running a little behind.
Do you think you could stall? Stall? How? Hey, everybody! Uh, it's gonna be a few more minutes, but while we wait, does anyone have any questions about Star Wars? You got this.
So if I make slightly asymmetric knots with sheets in four dimensions, I can bootstrap the whole idea to a large asymmetry in 11 dimensions.
Maybe even at the initial moment of creation, the fundamental forces lacked symmetry.
(knocking) Everyone's waiting.
What are you guys doing? Super asymmetry.
Super asymmetry? Is that a thing? We're inventing it right now.
Don't you think this can wait until Hold on.
This is interesting.
So, yeah, Mr.
Mark? When you were on the, uh, Wookiee home planet, how did you even understand what they were saying? I don't remember ever being on a Wookiee home planet.
Uh, actually, Luke was on the Wookiee home planet, Kashyyyk, in the Holiday Special when he helped Chewie get home to his wife.
Chewie had a wife? Her name's Malla.
Wow, that's impressive.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, I got a question.
Why aren't there tires on any of those Star Wars vehicles? (chuckles) I'm sure some of them had tires.
Actually, they don't.
I mean, the HAVw A5 turbo tank has metal gripping wheels, but I wouldn't call them tires.
You are so hot.
This is taking too long.
I bet that Sheldon stood my baby up.
Uh, excuse me.
Where-where are you going? This whole thing was a big mistake.
I'm gonna find Amy and get her out of here.
- ‭Sit down! Excuse me? Sheldon loves Amy, and he would never hurt her on her wedding day or any other day, so park it.
Oh, you sit down, too.
Are you gonna let her talk to me like that? Say something.
Thank you.
LEONARD: Uh, according to Google, there are zero papers that mention super asymmetry.
This is brand-new.
No one's thought of it.
What are you lunatics doing?! Sheldon had a breakthrough.
Actually, Amy and I had a breakthrough.
Oh, science? Shocking! You don't understand.
This could be really big.
No, Penny's right.
We have our whole lives to do science together.
Let's get married.
PENNY: All right.
It's go time! I am pumped! Okay, everyone.
Here we go.
Leonard.
That's Mark Ha-Ha-Ha It's-it's Mark Hami-Ha-Ha Yep.
Thank Wolowitz.
He set it up.
(whispers): Thank you.
Congratulations on your wedding.
Thank you.
When this is over, I have 4,000 things for you to sign.
("Bridal Chorus" playing) Thank you, Daddy.
(song ends) I-I thought Wil was marrying us.
Wolowitz got us an upgrade.
Another sci-fi guy with a beard.
Seems lateral, but okay.
Welcome.
We are gathered here today in the sight of family, friends and Almighty God.
That's too religious.
That lady over there made me say it.
He heard you, and he can't un-hear you.
We're here to celebrate the marriage of Sheldon Lee Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler.
I had more prepared, but I'm just gonna skip to the rings and vows, since I've been answering your questions for 45 minutes.
Yeah, he answered 'em.
Amy, you're up.
Sheldon, when I was a little girl, I used to dream about my wedding.
But, eventually, I stopped, because I thought that day would never come.
And then I met you.
From the first moment in that coffee shop, I knew that there was something special between us, even though I did work on a study that disproved love at first sight.
I loved that study the moment I read it.
Ironic, huh? Clearly, it was wrong.
Because I felt something that day, and those feelings have only gotten stronger with time.
I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now.
But I felt that way yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that.
Is that growth linear or accelerating? Accelerating.
Oh, maybe we could graph it out.
Save something for the honeymoon.
Smart.
Sheldon, I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I've never been happier than I am in this moment marrying you.
(voice breaking): Well, that was unexpectedly beautiful.
(sniffles) I might need a minute.
Amy I usually know exactly what to say.
But in this moment I have no words.
I guess (sighs softly) I'm overwhelmed by you.
In a good way.
Not in the elevator in the Haunted Mansion way.
Even if I can't tell you now how I feel, I will spend my life showing you how much I love you.
(voice breaking): Do you (clears throat) Do you Hey, I'm just saying, I'm here if you need me to step in.
No, no, no.
I got this.
(sniffles) Amy, do you take Sheldon for your lawful wedded husband? I do.
(high-pitched): And, Sheldon, same thing.
I do.
Then by the power vested in me by EvenYouCanPerformWeddings.
com I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
(crowd cheering) At wast My wove has come awong My wonewy days are over And wife is wike a song Oh, yeah.