King of the Hill s12e04 Episode Script
KH-1115 - Four Wave Intersection
DEEJAY: Ho, boy, another day of triple digit temperatures.
Now it's official, this heat wave has lasted longer than my second marriage.
So wherever you are, Rhonda, this song goes out to you.
Oh, too hot.
Can't make it to my house.
(shouts, sighs) Mm-hmm.
Dang.
Well, I'll be.
I guess that makes it official.
It's summer, all right.
Is it me or did it just get a few degrees cooler since Boomhauer walked out.
Aw, man, dang ol' breezy, man.
Man, that's a straight cut.
Will you do me a half shirt? Nice daisy dukes.
(both laughing) Bobby, have you seen my (Hank gasps) Joseph, isn't it time you think about, uh, heading home? I can't take it at my house.
My dad has the heat cranked all the way up.
He said something about fighting fire with fire, but it wasn't working for me.
Quiet! Look.
Get wild, get wet Get cool, go bananas, ooh Where the water's gone wild off the San Pedro exit Take the second left on Encinita Boulevard.
Now featuring, the Big Ka-tube-ah.
The hottest, coolest wave in Texas! Go bananas! We have to go! Dad, will you take us? Please? Yeah, you gotta take us, dude.
I'm starting to leave a butt-puddle.
Fine.
Just put on your pants.
(tire deflating) Oh, that's not good at all.
HANK(on phone): Hank Hill here.
Hank, it's Bill.
I got a flat on the bypass.
It's hot, it's hot! It's so hot! You gotta come get me.
(sighs): Fine.
Dangit, now I gotta go pick up Mr.
Dauterive.
You kids remember the exit to the water park? Take the second left off Santa Anita Avenue No, dude, it's Slight left on Encinita Boulevard No, it's Get wet, get wild, get cool, go bananas Off the San Pedro exit It's right there.
(sighs): Thank God.
Where's Hank? I, I can't take it! Help! I need help! (honking) They're waving at me.
(honking) They're really waving at me.
I'm waving at you! And you and you! (honking) Hello! (honking) Do you guys hear that? That's water! Look how high that slide goes.
CONNIE: That's "The Avalanche," and it's horrifying.
Some kid went on it, and all that came out the bottom was a bathing suit.
They never found him.
I heard in the middle of the slide, there's a moment where you're traveling so fast, you actually become water.
(shuddering) Three tickets, please.
Would you like to get summer passes? No.
Please, Dad.
If you won't do it for me, do it for your lawn.
A slip and slide can be very destructive.
Okay, but this is your entire summer entertainment budget.
Don't come to me in a couple of days and say you're bored of the water park like you did with the French horn lessons, the karate lessons, and spy camp.
I won't.
I'll be too refreshed to bother you.
Hey, man, dang ol' air hockey, man? Who wants to dang ol' take on the champ, man? Let me see what you got.
(multiple cars honking) Hi there! Have a nice day! Well, your tire's fixed.
(honking) You can get out of here now.
In a minute.
Ooh! I got a school bus coming.
Hey there, children! Uh, Bill, it's over a hundred degrees out, and you don't have uh, how do I say this? You don't have many health assets.
You should get inside.
(honking) DEEJAY#1: It is a hot one today, I'll tell you.
Too hot for pants.
DEEJAY#2: Yikes, I gotta work with this guy, people, and he's serious about taking off his pants.
I am, but I'll tell you, one resident of Arlen is offering this community a little relief from the heat in the form of a kind, cool wave from the side of the highway.
People toss around the word "hero," but this guy's a real hero.
I don't know his name, so I guess we can only call him the Heat-Waver.
Thank you, Heat-Waver.
(tires screeching) They talked about me on the radio! I matter! Take that, Dad! (honking) (honking continues) (gasps): That's the kid from the commercial.
And he's going bananas! Visor dude, you're in.
Hot girl, you're definitely in.
What about us? Why don't you kiddies hit up the tad pool? Get out of here.
BOY: Locals only, mothers! Get off our wave! (boys laughing) Maybe we should go.
No way.
I didn't spend my entire summer budget to slide down a little frog tongue.
Can I help you? Oh, thank goodness, an adult.
We want to ride, but they won't let us.
I see.
Then I guess it sucks to be you.
What? I have a summer pass and I demand to cool down and get wet! Hey, Harkey.
These kids want to get wet.
You know what that means.
Yeah, full on, Bodie.
Welcome to The Avalanche.
You must ride feet first with your arms crossed over your chest.
Don't do this! Ride this wave, Grommet.
(screams) (screaming fades) I think he just turned into water.
They wouldn't let us ride because we weren't "locals.
" Locals only? That's the most insane thing I've ever heard of.
Nobody lives in an amusement park.
That is so weird because I always have really good experiences with surfers.
Didn't they help put your sunscreen on, Bobby? No.
I got it.
I have found that bullies are actually very insecure.
Tomorrow, tell him he has a nice smile, and he will become your best friend.
I'm not going back.
They specifically told me not to.
By the way, I'm gonna need some money for the mall.
No, you don't.
We're going back to that water park and I'll deal with those locals.
Not all surfers are bad, Bobby.
I read in a magazine about a girl surfer who was attacked by a shark, and against all odds, she still managed to be pretty.
(honking) Happy Hump Day! Hang in there, it's almost Friday! Buckle up now! (honking continues) Stay cool, Arlen! Welcome to Big Water! Can I point you to the gift shop? No.
My son wants to ride on your endless wave, but some giblet heads won't let him.
They're giblet heads! And the last time I checked, this was America.
U.
S.
A! That is terrible.
I will take care of this immediately.
Big Water may be owned by Germans, but we have very American policies when it comes to customer service.
Well, all right.
Excuse me, Bodie.
Can I speak to you for a second? Of course, Tim.
What's up? Tell him what's up, Tim.
This kid's daddy just came and talked to me about you guys.
I just call him "Dad.
" Dangit, Bodie, I don't ask any questions about what goes on on Coconut Island.
Now, I'm leaving this boy in your hands, and I don't want to have to come back here.
In fact, I'm not coming back because I trust that you'll take care of this situation.
Yes, sir, Tim.
No, no, no, wait! Wait, Tim! Don't leave now! (shouting): Tim! Yep.
Yup.
(groans): Oh, man.
(car approaching) What are you kids doing back already? The locals messed with us again.
I go to get the kids and those punks throw me down Avalanche, too.
And they disrespected my half-shirt.
Well, what happened to the manager? That manager made things worse.
I got thrown down the Avalanche, naked! Joseph, why didn't you help him? Because I ran away.
Nicely done.
I'm never going back to that park again so long as there are surfers.
Maybe you could talk to those guys, Boomhauer.
Boomhauer used to be the best surfer in Corpus Christi.
Now, I don't know about that, man.
What do you mean? You were amazing.
King of the beach.
A golden god on a wooden board.
Not too bad.
You know, that ol Do you really think you could talk some sense into these guys, Boomhauer? Of course he could! DALE: Wow! Look how stable he is.
Is this even surfing? I think he's kayaking.
(horns honking, Bill whimpers) Bill, what are you doing out here? You look terrible! We got to get you inside now.
(blabbering with tongue) I won't go! I have a responsibility to the people of Arlen.
(honking) Stop looking at me like that, Peggy.
Stop it! Yeah, I've surfed all the big waves.
Six Flags, Busch Gardens.
Even tore up Tivoli World.
That's in Malaga, Spain.
Yeah, bro.
I told you he was the man.
(cheering) Hey, man, come on now, you little Just tell us when it's safe.
Hey, brahs, check out this hodad.
What are you lookin' for, brah? I'm talkin' about them little kids, man.
You got to let them little kids ride, man.
I'm talking one surfer to another, man.
Well, if you're really a surfer like you say you are, then you'll do your talking on the wave.
That's the only language I comprende.
Comprende? Check it out, Harkey.
You order a picnic table? (laughs) HARKEY: This old dude's confused.
Your shorts should be long, and your board should be short.
You got it backwards, broham.
(laughter) (cackling) Do you have a shorter board, Mr.
Boomhauer? Hey, man, it's like I said, them dang ol' surfin's surfin, man.
You show' em how we do it in Arlen, Mr.
Boomhauer! Fog! Crumbeater! (laughter) HARKEY: Loser! Ugh.
Do they have air conditioning at the library? Use it or lose it, old friend.
You losed it.
So, just the two of us today, huh, Hank? Yup.
Huh.
So, it's just, uh, me and you, then.
Just two men drinking together.
Not in a group.
(sighs) Uh, I'm gonna go check on Bill.
Yes, go get Bill.
Great idea.
Bill? It's Hank.
Uh, just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing.
BILL: Oh, I'm feeling much better.
B-a-ah! I'm getting back on the road, Hank.
Absolutely not.
But I'm The Heat-Waver.
The heat (strained groan) You're not leaving this home.
Oh.
Oh, the burns! My skin hurts! (sighs) Okay, okay.
I won't get back out there today.
But you got to do something for me, Hank.
What? Be my arms.
Wave for me, Hank.
Wave to everyone, especially the old people and children.
Wave to the children, Hank.
And only give the thumbs up to truckers.
You'll do that for me, won't you, Hank? No.
Then I have nothing more to say to you.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! BOBBY: Just please do it now.
The Department of Water and Power requested everyone conserve energy until 6:00 p.
m.
But your father had to show off and counter with 7:00.
Hey, Bobby, how was the surf today? Did Boomhauer do his famous Flamingo? That's when he stands on one leg.
That's not easy to do even on the ground.
No.
All he did was fall flat on his face and embarrass himself.
And us by association.
We didn't even get to ride the wave! Boomhauer was embarrassed? (sighs) I don't know what the heck's going on here, but someone needs to get their asses kicked.
Finally.
Yes! Thank you.
It's time to kick their local asses! Bobby, language.
But, yes, I am going to kick their asses.
(waves crashing) Hey, man, that's a dang ol' good set, eh? Yeah, brah.
You paddlin' out? No, man, you know.
Just like like a dang ol' dog, man.
Can't no pick up them new tricks, man.
Shah, brah.
It's a new wave, man.
You know, can't can't ol' beat it, man.
Yeah.
Can't beat the wave, brah.
Beat the surfer.
Beat the surfer? (alarm blaring) (shouting) Aah, ooh, ow! MAN (over radio): Phew! Another hot one today.
MAN#2: Too hot for me, and apparently too hot for the Heat-Waver.
MAN#1: It appears that the heat has beaten the Heat-Waver.
MAN#2: This Heat-Waver has stuck a knife into the hope of the commuters of this city and twisted it.
MAN#1: We would have been better off had he never shown up with his teasing of cool kindness.
Check this Barney in the Wranglers.
This ain't no rodeo, bro-dad.
Well, it certainly isn't.
At the rodeo, people have talent and treat each other with respect.
Yeah, respect! You have to earn respect.
Yeah, you must be Bodie.
And you must be a pud.
Listen, man, if you want to surf I didn't come here to surf.
Well, what did you come here to do? To kick your ass.
I bail! BOOMHAUER: Hey, man, I'm gonna I'm gonna take it from here, man.
No! No more talking.
No more surfing.
My dad's finally gonna set things right on Coconut Island.
Hey, man this my time, man.
You can't surf.
You're old.
And you're not gonna surf.
Talkin' 'bout dang ol' beat, beat the surfer, man.
(yelling) I wouldn't do that, son.
HANK: The flamingo! The flamingo! Aah! Aah! Dang ol' dang ol' knees, man.
MAN (over radio): Some amazing news just in from the Slappy Van! The Heat-Waver is back! The Heat-Waver is back! MAN#2: There just might be hope for this town after all.
(horn honks) SURFER: This ain't no rodeo, bro-dad!
Now it's official, this heat wave has lasted longer than my second marriage.
So wherever you are, Rhonda, this song goes out to you.
Oh, too hot.
Can't make it to my house.
(shouts, sighs) Mm-hmm.
Dang.
Well, I'll be.
I guess that makes it official.
It's summer, all right.
Is it me or did it just get a few degrees cooler since Boomhauer walked out.
Aw, man, dang ol' breezy, man.
Man, that's a straight cut.
Will you do me a half shirt? Nice daisy dukes.
(both laughing) Bobby, have you seen my (Hank gasps) Joseph, isn't it time you think about, uh, heading home? I can't take it at my house.
My dad has the heat cranked all the way up.
He said something about fighting fire with fire, but it wasn't working for me.
Quiet! Look.
Get wild, get wet Get cool, go bananas, ooh Where the water's gone wild off the San Pedro exit Take the second left on Encinita Boulevard.
Now featuring, the Big Ka-tube-ah.
The hottest, coolest wave in Texas! Go bananas! We have to go! Dad, will you take us? Please? Yeah, you gotta take us, dude.
I'm starting to leave a butt-puddle.
Fine.
Just put on your pants.
(tire deflating) Oh, that's not good at all.
HANK(on phone): Hank Hill here.
Hank, it's Bill.
I got a flat on the bypass.
It's hot, it's hot! It's so hot! You gotta come get me.
(sighs): Fine.
Dangit, now I gotta go pick up Mr.
Dauterive.
You kids remember the exit to the water park? Take the second left off Santa Anita Avenue No, dude, it's Slight left on Encinita Boulevard No, it's Get wet, get wild, get cool, go bananas Off the San Pedro exit It's right there.
(sighs): Thank God.
Where's Hank? I, I can't take it! Help! I need help! (honking) They're waving at me.
(honking) They're really waving at me.
I'm waving at you! And you and you! (honking) Hello! (honking) Do you guys hear that? That's water! Look how high that slide goes.
CONNIE: That's "The Avalanche," and it's horrifying.
Some kid went on it, and all that came out the bottom was a bathing suit.
They never found him.
I heard in the middle of the slide, there's a moment where you're traveling so fast, you actually become water.
(shuddering) Three tickets, please.
Would you like to get summer passes? No.
Please, Dad.
If you won't do it for me, do it for your lawn.
A slip and slide can be very destructive.
Okay, but this is your entire summer entertainment budget.
Don't come to me in a couple of days and say you're bored of the water park like you did with the French horn lessons, the karate lessons, and spy camp.
I won't.
I'll be too refreshed to bother you.
Hey, man, dang ol' air hockey, man? Who wants to dang ol' take on the champ, man? Let me see what you got.
(multiple cars honking) Hi there! Have a nice day! Well, your tire's fixed.
(honking) You can get out of here now.
In a minute.
Ooh! I got a school bus coming.
Hey there, children! Uh, Bill, it's over a hundred degrees out, and you don't have uh, how do I say this? You don't have many health assets.
You should get inside.
(honking) DEEJAY#1: It is a hot one today, I'll tell you.
Too hot for pants.
DEEJAY#2: Yikes, I gotta work with this guy, people, and he's serious about taking off his pants.
I am, but I'll tell you, one resident of Arlen is offering this community a little relief from the heat in the form of a kind, cool wave from the side of the highway.
People toss around the word "hero," but this guy's a real hero.
I don't know his name, so I guess we can only call him the Heat-Waver.
Thank you, Heat-Waver.
(tires screeching) They talked about me on the radio! I matter! Take that, Dad! (honking) (honking continues) (gasps): That's the kid from the commercial.
And he's going bananas! Visor dude, you're in.
Hot girl, you're definitely in.
What about us? Why don't you kiddies hit up the tad pool? Get out of here.
BOY: Locals only, mothers! Get off our wave! (boys laughing) Maybe we should go.
No way.
I didn't spend my entire summer budget to slide down a little frog tongue.
Can I help you? Oh, thank goodness, an adult.
We want to ride, but they won't let us.
I see.
Then I guess it sucks to be you.
What? I have a summer pass and I demand to cool down and get wet! Hey, Harkey.
These kids want to get wet.
You know what that means.
Yeah, full on, Bodie.
Welcome to The Avalanche.
You must ride feet first with your arms crossed over your chest.
Don't do this! Ride this wave, Grommet.
(screams) (screaming fades) I think he just turned into water.
They wouldn't let us ride because we weren't "locals.
" Locals only? That's the most insane thing I've ever heard of.
Nobody lives in an amusement park.
That is so weird because I always have really good experiences with surfers.
Didn't they help put your sunscreen on, Bobby? No.
I got it.
I have found that bullies are actually very insecure.
Tomorrow, tell him he has a nice smile, and he will become your best friend.
I'm not going back.
They specifically told me not to.
By the way, I'm gonna need some money for the mall.
No, you don't.
We're going back to that water park and I'll deal with those locals.
Not all surfers are bad, Bobby.
I read in a magazine about a girl surfer who was attacked by a shark, and against all odds, she still managed to be pretty.
(honking) Happy Hump Day! Hang in there, it's almost Friday! Buckle up now! (honking continues) Stay cool, Arlen! Welcome to Big Water! Can I point you to the gift shop? No.
My son wants to ride on your endless wave, but some giblet heads won't let him.
They're giblet heads! And the last time I checked, this was America.
U.
S.
A! That is terrible.
I will take care of this immediately.
Big Water may be owned by Germans, but we have very American policies when it comes to customer service.
Well, all right.
Excuse me, Bodie.
Can I speak to you for a second? Of course, Tim.
What's up? Tell him what's up, Tim.
This kid's daddy just came and talked to me about you guys.
I just call him "Dad.
" Dangit, Bodie, I don't ask any questions about what goes on on Coconut Island.
Now, I'm leaving this boy in your hands, and I don't want to have to come back here.
In fact, I'm not coming back because I trust that you'll take care of this situation.
Yes, sir, Tim.
No, no, no, wait! Wait, Tim! Don't leave now! (shouting): Tim! Yep.
Yup.
(groans): Oh, man.
(car approaching) What are you kids doing back already? The locals messed with us again.
I go to get the kids and those punks throw me down Avalanche, too.
And they disrespected my half-shirt.
Well, what happened to the manager? That manager made things worse.
I got thrown down the Avalanche, naked! Joseph, why didn't you help him? Because I ran away.
Nicely done.
I'm never going back to that park again so long as there are surfers.
Maybe you could talk to those guys, Boomhauer.
Boomhauer used to be the best surfer in Corpus Christi.
Now, I don't know about that, man.
What do you mean? You were amazing.
King of the beach.
A golden god on a wooden board.
Not too bad.
You know, that ol Do you really think you could talk some sense into these guys, Boomhauer? Of course he could! DALE: Wow! Look how stable he is.
Is this even surfing? I think he's kayaking.
(horns honking, Bill whimpers) Bill, what are you doing out here? You look terrible! We got to get you inside now.
(blabbering with tongue) I won't go! I have a responsibility to the people of Arlen.
(honking) Stop looking at me like that, Peggy.
Stop it! Yeah, I've surfed all the big waves.
Six Flags, Busch Gardens.
Even tore up Tivoli World.
That's in Malaga, Spain.
Yeah, bro.
I told you he was the man.
(cheering) Hey, man, come on now, you little Just tell us when it's safe.
Hey, brahs, check out this hodad.
What are you lookin' for, brah? I'm talkin' about them little kids, man.
You got to let them little kids ride, man.
I'm talking one surfer to another, man.
Well, if you're really a surfer like you say you are, then you'll do your talking on the wave.
That's the only language I comprende.
Comprende? Check it out, Harkey.
You order a picnic table? (laughs) HARKEY: This old dude's confused.
Your shorts should be long, and your board should be short.
You got it backwards, broham.
(laughter) (cackling) Do you have a shorter board, Mr.
Boomhauer? Hey, man, it's like I said, them dang ol' surfin's surfin, man.
You show' em how we do it in Arlen, Mr.
Boomhauer! Fog! Crumbeater! (laughter) HARKEY: Loser! Ugh.
Do they have air conditioning at the library? Use it or lose it, old friend.
You losed it.
So, just the two of us today, huh, Hank? Yup.
Huh.
So, it's just, uh, me and you, then.
Just two men drinking together.
Not in a group.
(sighs) Uh, I'm gonna go check on Bill.
Yes, go get Bill.
Great idea.
Bill? It's Hank.
Uh, just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing.
BILL: Oh, I'm feeling much better.
B-a-ah! I'm getting back on the road, Hank.
Absolutely not.
But I'm The Heat-Waver.
The heat (strained groan) You're not leaving this home.
Oh.
Oh, the burns! My skin hurts! (sighs) Okay, okay.
I won't get back out there today.
But you got to do something for me, Hank.
What? Be my arms.
Wave for me, Hank.
Wave to everyone, especially the old people and children.
Wave to the children, Hank.
And only give the thumbs up to truckers.
You'll do that for me, won't you, Hank? No.
Then I have nothing more to say to you.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! BOBBY: Just please do it now.
The Department of Water and Power requested everyone conserve energy until 6:00 p.
m.
But your father had to show off and counter with 7:00.
Hey, Bobby, how was the surf today? Did Boomhauer do his famous Flamingo? That's when he stands on one leg.
That's not easy to do even on the ground.
No.
All he did was fall flat on his face and embarrass himself.
And us by association.
We didn't even get to ride the wave! Boomhauer was embarrassed? (sighs) I don't know what the heck's going on here, but someone needs to get their asses kicked.
Finally.
Yes! Thank you.
It's time to kick their local asses! Bobby, language.
But, yes, I am going to kick their asses.
(waves crashing) Hey, man, that's a dang ol' good set, eh? Yeah, brah.
You paddlin' out? No, man, you know.
Just like like a dang ol' dog, man.
Can't no pick up them new tricks, man.
Shah, brah.
It's a new wave, man.
You know, can't can't ol' beat it, man.
Yeah.
Can't beat the wave, brah.
Beat the surfer.
Beat the surfer? (alarm blaring) (shouting) Aah, ooh, ow! MAN (over radio): Phew! Another hot one today.
MAN#2: Too hot for me, and apparently too hot for the Heat-Waver.
MAN#1: It appears that the heat has beaten the Heat-Waver.
MAN#2: This Heat-Waver has stuck a knife into the hope of the commuters of this city and twisted it.
MAN#1: We would have been better off had he never shown up with his teasing of cool kindness.
Check this Barney in the Wranglers.
This ain't no rodeo, bro-dad.
Well, it certainly isn't.
At the rodeo, people have talent and treat each other with respect.
Yeah, respect! You have to earn respect.
Yeah, you must be Bodie.
And you must be a pud.
Listen, man, if you want to surf I didn't come here to surf.
Well, what did you come here to do? To kick your ass.
I bail! BOOMHAUER: Hey, man, I'm gonna I'm gonna take it from here, man.
No! No more talking.
No more surfing.
My dad's finally gonna set things right on Coconut Island.
Hey, man this my time, man.
You can't surf.
You're old.
And you're not gonna surf.
Talkin' 'bout dang ol' beat, beat the surfer, man.
(yelling) I wouldn't do that, son.
HANK: The flamingo! The flamingo! Aah! Aah! Dang ol' dang ol' knees, man.
MAN (over radio): Some amazing news just in from the Slappy Van! The Heat-Waver is back! The Heat-Waver is back! MAN#2: There just might be hope for this town after all.
(horn honks) SURFER: This ain't no rodeo, bro-dad!