King of the Hill s12e07 Episode Script

Bored.
Bored-er.
Hey, dudes, pass me your frog lungs.
Aunt Peggy, I just ate a watermelon seed! Oh, my God, what if it grows in the baby? I don't want a watermelon baby! Luanne, we had this discussion.
We're gonna love that baby no matter how it comes out.
So Bobby, what's new at school? Nothing.
School is so boring.
We need a fire alarm or a good class vomiting to mix things up.
Too bad I'm not subbing there anymore.
I was the fun teacher.
Do the kids still talk about the day I brought in microwave popcorn? You guys should have a carnival like we did in middle school.
I met Nancy at the kissing booth.
Even with the taste of that kiss was magical.
A carnival sounds great! Someone should propose that to the student council.
Hey, I'm a someone! So, unless you want me to change my T-shirt to "Tom Landry Middle Does Not Rule," you will give us a carnival.
What did you think? Hmm.
I don't feel that you looked me in the eye.
And that makes me distrust you.
I liked it.
At first I wasn't gonna give you a carnival.
Now I totally want to give you a carnival.
But I don't have a carnival.
Dad? The student council is full of number crunchers.
You need to show them that the carnival will be equal parts fun and fiscal responsibility.
I hear ya.
Less sizzle, more steak.
That's right.
Now let's run it again.
This time slower and with less passion.
All those Baldwin boys must be jealous of Alec.
He's clearly the winner.
Uncle Hank, come quick! Mud Dabber made a Frisbee out of barbed wire and threw it to Lucky and now his hands are all cut up and he won't go to the hospital! Sorry, but I don't do hospitals.
Everyone I know that's died has been shot in the woods and then taken to a hospital, where they died.
No hospital.
Don't worry, I'll get him there.
Principal Moss, there's a Terrence Pope from the superintendent's office here to see you.
I ran his school district I.
D he checks out.
All right, send him in.
What can I do for you, Mr.
Pope? It's Dr.
Pope, but I'm not hung up on formalities.
According to our most recent survey, Tom Landry has reached 42% diversity.
Diverse is good, right? Mm, all those cultures mixing together is wonderful.
Wonderful, that is, if they don't start tearing each other to shreds.
What? We don't have any problems like that here.
Sure, every once in awhile a nerd gets tossed around, but no one means nothing by it.
Look, the superintendent sent me in to perform a series of tolerance exercises to try and keep a lid on things.
If you don't do it, you'll lose your funding.
'Course we'll do it! As you can see, there is absolutely no reason not to have a carnival.
I mean, there's gotta be some extra money lying around.
But I don't want to touch my discretionary fund.
I've built up the largest discretionary fund in the history of the student council.
And that, my friend, is my legacy! I say we put it to a vote.
Who wants a carnival? Fine, have your carnival.
But it'd better be great, or I will not take credit for it.
Did you really do it, Bobby? I heard a rumor you got us a carnival, and that the new girl is really 22 and a cop.
That's right, the carnival's on! I guess I'm gonna need a committee to get this thing off the ground.
Who's in? Yeah.
All right.
Got here just in time.
Is it really that bad? Worse.
I want to be in charge of bumper cars.
No, dude, bumper cars are my thing! Look at those children a powder keg of diversity.
I'll start with them.
Oh, look at my two boss men.
I'm gonna make more bacon.
Well, Bobby, you got your first carnival committee meeting today.
How you feeling? Big day, big day.
I decided to wear my extra long short pants.
I think they command more respect.
Good call.
So have you thought about what kind of boss you're gonna be? There's different kinds? Well, sure.
There's the cool boss who wants to be everybody's pal.
He ends up with lots of friends, which is nice for when he gets fired for not getting the job done.
Ugh, I hate working for buddy bosses.
People walk all over them.
And I am the worst.
And there's also the tough, no-nonsense boss.
The name pretty much says it all.
Which kind do you think I should be? Well, it's kind of obvious.
Gotcha.
Welcome, carnival committee.
You know, there's two kinds of bosses.
And lucky for you, I'm gonna be the fun kind.
So, if it's totally right-on with everyone, let's talk about theme.
Let's talk about decorations instead.
Okay, that's cool.
No bad ideas.
The theme informs the decorations, dude.
Yeah, but decorations are way sexier.
That is mad stupid! Ugh! You're so inside the box.
PRINCIPAL Kids, listen up.
This here's Dr.
Terrence Pope.
District sent him to help us get along better.
I couldn't help but overhear your little disagreement.
I've got a great technique for problem-solving.
Who's up for it? Perfect.
Those of you who want to discuss themes what if I said you could either work with the others to find a compromise or send them on a vacation? I say we send them on vacation.
Yeah, that way, they get to have a nice trip, and we can go back to working on the carnival.
Classic win-win.
Well done.
You worked together to reach a decision.
Sadly, it's the same decision all too many people reach when one group disagrees with another.
This "vacation" you sent these students on goes by many names exile, internment, gulag, death camp.
Congratulations.
You've just ethnically cleansed half your class.
Lucky, I am taking you to the hospital! Come on, Lucky.
We're doing this for your own good.
What's going on? I I can't get a grip.
He keeps slipping away.
He's like happiness! Aah! This is Vaseline.
No hospital! Aah, dang it! We'll never catch him.
And he'll never rash.
Genius.
I didn't appreciate getting ethnically cleansed, Connie.
I didn't mean to kill you.
I really thought I was sending you on vacation.
Oh, listen to you.
I don't get it.
Come on, everybody.
Bobby, why isn't anybody working? Uh I went out on a limb for you, Hill.
You'd better not screw this up.
I also control the yearbook.
And when you control the yearbook, you control history.
Come on, guys, let's focus! And so it begins.
Everybody pull up a chair.
I think we need some dialoging.
Now pull up.
We're gonna do a little exercise to help you put things in perspective.
Some of you will have to wear stars on your person at all times.
I'm a policeman.
Ugh, I'm getting too old for this crap.
Look at me, I'm a Star-Belly Sneetch! No, you shouldn't be happy to have a star.
Astar means you've been singled out, labeled, like the Jews in Nazi Germany.
So, if we have stars, we're Jews? Exactly.
And we should be sad to be Jews? Yes well, no, it's complicated.
I mean, my point is, during the Holocaust, Jews weren't allowed to go to school, their property was taken away, they had to live in prisons.
I don't want to be a Jew! All right, forget the stars.
Get rid of the stars.
We're moving on.
New exercise.
This side of the room will be circles, and this side will be squares.
Circles have absolute freedom they can do whatever they want but squares have no freedom, no rights and must do whatever the circles tell them.
Begin.
I said begin.
Uh, square dude, I command you to bark like a donkey.
But donkeys don't Do it, Square! And you, you stupid square, sing beautiful songs about me.
I do.
Okay, people, I tried being the cool boss and that didn't work, so here comes that tough boss.
I'm a circle, and I order you to go back to work.
That was an impressive display of leadership.
I bet you enjoyed ordering people around like that.
Well, I had to.
I've got a carnival to organize.
And my dad says, "The boss has to be tough sometimes to get the job done.
" Your dad gets the job done, and his dad probably got the job done.
Throughout history, getting the job done has meant everything from persecution to genocide.
What? My dad hasn't done any of those things.
I mean, my Grandpa Cotton maybe a little, but You enjoyed the power of being a boss, of being a privileged circle that could order around a square.
You see, circles and squares are just symbols.
A circle could be anything.
You, Circle, what is your heritage? Dutch.
The Dutch! Windmills, wooden shoes, apartheid.
There are no clean hands in history.
Homework, I want each of you to research your heritage.
See what you have done.
You'll be able to fill a book.
Mom, I'm doing some homework on my ancestors.
What is our heritage? I forget.
Well, let's see.
We're English and Irish.
And I think your great-grand father was German Stop.
Just stop.
Hey there, Bobby.
I'd ask you how your day was, but since you're the boss, I already know: Difficult and rewarding.
Things are not good, Dad.
I tried to be the cool boss and it didn't work.
Of course it didn't.
So I switched to being the tough boss.
I yelled and everybody got to work.
But then I was called a horrible oppressor.
Look, Bobby, you're the boss.
You have to do whatever it takes to get the job done.
Ugh, that's what Dr.
Pope said you would say.
This should be the most exciting day of my life, but I can't be happy.
The weight of my ancestors is pushing down right here.
How do you think I feel? As a white man, I've killed a little bit of everybody.
That's all your stuff except for the goat.
She fell off the truck, but I saw her walking this way.
She'll get here.
Look at that snow cone machine.
First we take the Eskimos' land, and now we're gonna eat it.
Bobby, at your age, you shouldn't be feeling this level of guilt, doubt and self-loathing.
And yet you are.
I'm proud of you.
Really? I'm proud of all of you.
Wouldn't it be great if every student felt the same way you all do? Yeah, I wish we could tape their eyes open and shove their faces into the truth.
Wait, why can't we? I can get through to them.
Kids love me.
Though they don't know everything I'm guilty of.
You've got something there, Bobby.
Tomorrow you'll have everyone at your disposal.
Instead of your carnival, we can gather the students for an assembly of learning.
The carnival is off, people.
Let the healing begin! Well, tomorrow is Bobby's big day at the carnival.
I'm gonna be busy with that, so you guys are in charge of finding Lucky and getting him to the hospital.
Yup.
Yup.
Dang ol' the hunt is on.
Hey, Dad, do we have any 3x5 cards? I'm delivering a speech tomorrow, and I don't want to leave anything out.
You know, I find that writing in all caps puts me more at ease.
The4x6s are on my desk.
Great.
Have a socially relevant day! Thanks.
I will! I remember when I was like them.
So misguidedly happy.
Ooh, the superintendent just got here.
If this goes well, I'll be running programs like this all over the state.
Full-time gig with health coverage and benefits.
Well, it looks as if all of Arlen is here for the carnival.
You know, we're not as handsome a group as I thought.
Oh, here comes Bobby.
Welcome, everyone.
Before I begin, I want you to know I will not kill you, or bring you famine or give you smallpox.
Oh, he's serious.
I know you were all expecting a carnival, but millions of people were expecting to not be genocided by our forefathers.
So, instead of a carnival, we're gonna take some responsibility! What in the heck is he talking about? No carnival? How could Bobby do this?! You thought your son not popular before? Peggy Hill, get ready to be his prom date.
I can't believe Bobby did this to us! I haven't done this since elementary school, but as God is my witness, I swear I'm going to bite him! My substitute sense is tingling.
This crowd is about to attack.
Bobby and Connie gonna get ass kicked.
We need a diversion.
Tell kids SpongeBob in front of school.
a violent act I don't know what kids like.
has been passed down from generation to generation.
First, my ancestors made I have a different idea.
Let's go.
our railroad, and now I'm Okay, man, come on, let's go dang ol' do it, man.
No hospital.
Now you can come quietly or we'll wait until you pass out.
Your call.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Boo! You're guilty of sucking! Dr.
Pope, is it normal for self-loathing to be so loud? I don't think they're getting it.
Well, we picked the scab and opened the wound.
That's usually as far as I get.
I'm sure they'll start reflecting any minute now.
All right, Pope, what the hell is going on here? Oh, Superintendent, I can explain.
See, Bobby Hill, right here, wanted to try and bring the students together.
How?! By causing a riot?! I just set up the House of Mirrors.
Hank Hill, you are a lucky man.
Great, let's keep it moving.
Here they come.
Dad, what are you doing?! Trying to give these kids the carnival that you promised them.
I also promised to make the kids see all the misery we're responsible for, you know the slave trade, potato famine I'm supposed to be opening the wound so that it can heal.
That is ridiculous.
If a wound is closed, it's already healing.
Yeah, well, I I guess.
Bobby, you're 13 years old.
You didn't have anything to do with any of that stuff.
Oh, thank God.
The only thing you're responsible for is not delivering this carnival.
But what about the hate, Dad? The simmering hate? If you want to learn about hate, just look over there.
What do I do? Well, you're the boss.
You tell me.
Bobby, what should we do? There's nobody in there.
Do we keep talking? No.
Enough talking! The carnival's back on, everybody! But we've got a lot of work to do.
Joseph, fill up the dunk tank.
With water? Yes.
Clark, you get on the helium balloons.
The rest of you, come with me.
We've got hot dogs to reheat and a goat to wrangle.
Let's go! Look at all these diverse kids working together.
I don't know what the hell was going on in there, but this is great.
Uh, most exercises need some adjustments.
Well, next time just do the carnival.
I feel the same way.
Hi.
Dawn Thistle, student council president and carnival chairman.
So what do you think? Pretty great, right? Everyone did such a fantastic job implementing my ideas.
Uh, this was your carnival? It's one of my many projects.
Listen, while I have your ear, I think I'd make a great addition to the Peers Against Pressure Teen Task Force.
Let's walk and talk.
It-it's hard to say whose idea the carnival really was.
Ideas were ping-ponging all over the room! Bobby, this is your carnival.
Don't you want credit for it? I don't need credit, Dad.
I'm the boss.
It's all about results.
It sure is.
Yup.
Yep.
Have a socially relevant day!