King of the Hill s12e08 Episode Script

Yep.
Yep.
(grunts) Yep.
Dale, what the heck are you Oh, I see you've noticed the land canoe.
It's an old motorcycle sidecar I found, now cunningly stabilized with a bicycle wheel and propelled by this golf club.
Dale, that is the stupidest got-dang I want to ride in the land canoe.
Sorry, Bill, this is a one-man land canoe.
Away! (grunts) Huh, it goes faster than I expected.
(laughs) I love how they spell words in The Economist.
It like you can see the classy British accent.
DALE: Hank, I can't stop! I can't Ai-yah! My roses! (yelling in Laotian) Stupid hillbillies.
If we were members of Nine Rivers Country Club, we could escape this.
But Nine Rivers got that four-strikes-you're-out application policy, and we on our last strike.
We need to wait for our perfect opportunity.
LUANNE: Bobby, listen! Lucky can make his truck engine play "Green Acres.
" (engine revving and horn honking theme to Green Acres) (laughing) I'm in.
We do whatever it takes.
PEGGY: Oh, look at our little garbage boy.
He is growing into a garbage man.
Completing a scheduled chore in a timely fashion.
Wait, why is he leaving the bags on the curb? Into the cans, Bobby.
Step three, like we talked about.
Step three! (sighs) I'm going out there.
It was already full.
(sniffs) Is this even our garbage? It smells too old to be ours.
We don't use canned milk or drink "Old Grandad.
" It is someone else's! Good Lord! I feel so violated.
A stranger from another block used my cans! What makes you so sure the guy isn't from our block? He threw away a car battery.
(sighs) I do not live on the same block with animals.
Thank you, Hank.
Our key to success is to excel at something that Nine Rivers needs.
They the best, and they will take you if you're the best.
What are we the best at?! NARRATOR(softly and gently): Discover a hidden realm of luxury.
A realm of luxury ah.
NARRATOR: We offer many activities where excellence is encouraged or in most cases, required.
Archery Calligraphy Kahn, how's your calligraphy? Unexceptional.
Polo Competitive Skeet Shooting Team and New Media Labs.
Hey, that's it! Skeet shooting! Back in Laos, you were an excellent shot.
I was young, beautiful girl with lots of rage back then.
Wait, I still filled with rage.
And I still pretty hot.
Get me a gun.
Our skeet team made the Tri-Club Classic this year, and we are thrilled to bits.
Frankly, our scruffy little gang might even beat the high and mighty Pennington Oaks.
Wouldn't that be a thing.
That's why I'm here.
Name a target, I guarantee I nail it.
Uh, Minh, skeet involves shotguns and moving targets.
But if you do master the sport, call me.
Or, maybe texting would be better.
Stupid real estate development.
That's the third gun range I call that's closed to make room for new condos.
Wait! Dale Gribble got a private gun club, remember? Shoot with Gribble? You nuts? We trying to escape hillbillies, not climb into bunk bed with them.
Minh, I want to show you something.
They call this sport "wiffle-beer.
" DALE: I got it.
Mine, mine, mine! (crashing) (groans) To escape from rednecks, I join their club.
Here, neighbor let me help you.
Minh, I can't believe you wanted to join our gun club.
See, I always thought you hated me.
Don't be a silly goose.
Why would you think I hated you? Well, you always talk about how you hate my son, and how you hate my friends, how much you hate me Bah, cultural misunderstanding.
Hey this place takes me back to the days of shooting with my dad's original, non-modified AK-47.
You shot an old-school AK? Put 'er there.
I'm Fitzy, this is Moose.
Waip.
S'cuse me.
Great to meet you.
Guys call me Johnny Knucklehead, 'cause I ain't too bright.
(laughs) Um okay, Knucklehead.
So how 'bout we shoot some guns? That sounds good.
Yeah, okay.
I'm easy.
All right! (cheering, whooping) Bulls-eye! You see that?! Minh is my neighbor.
(gunshots) So, how did practice go? Did it go great? Is your shooting improving? Shooting was fine, but the place a pigsty.
They don't even have a skeet range.
Those rednecks are just bears with furniture.
Hey, those bears are our ticket to Nine Rivers, so smile and be nice to them.
We must stay focused on our reward.
Hello, Kahn and Minh.
Hello, Ted and Cindy.
Are you enjoying your membership here at Nine Rivers? Oh, yes, we are, Ted.
Super.
Oh, you paint such a vivid picture.
(doorbell ringing) Minh, code name Madame X.
As a new member, we have come to kidnap you for your secret club initiation.
(making eerie sounds) Uh, no, thanks.
Bye.
Don't be ridiculous, Minh.
Go out with your great new friends.
Live life, have fun.
Eat lots of mayonnaise.
Now Bobby, fitting two weeks' worth of garbage into one week's cans takes some clever bag positioning, but it's a valuable life skill.
Dang it.
Dang it, dang it! Who are you? Why me? Oh, Hank, not again.
Dad, I saw a Dumpster four blocks over.
We could sneak over there when it gets dark.
No.
I refuse to spread this disease.
Tomorrow I'm fixing padlocks on our cans.
There's the man I married.
(with spooky voice): Sergeant at Arms, perform your duty.
Brother Minh, do you solemnly swear to be loyal to your brother members? Um, yes, I do.
Now, the secret password will be revealed.
Howl like a werewolf.
What? (howling) Like that.
Um Aa-oo? Come on, with feeling.
Try again.
(howling) (howling) Yeah! Yeah! (all howling) Ish-ka-mimi, sola-mimi, oo-wacka-wacka mimi! Ish-ka-mimi, sola-mimi, oo-wacka-wacka mimi! Yip diddly-oten-doten, oo-wacka-wacka choten! Yip diddly oten doten, oo-wacka-wacka choten.
Well, that's it, you're one of us.
Yeah! (cheering) (giggles) Boy, Minh is a breath of fresh air.
She's like a spiky-haired new wave rocker, giving a jolt of raw energy to the bloated arena band that was once our gun club.
Yesterday, my doctor told me Minh is the coolest.
She beat me at Stratego.
And she can belch just like a dude.
It all sounds so glamorous.
(gunfire outside) (gun clicking) Sounds like Minh's out of ammo.
Are you going to get it? No, no, me, I'll get it.
Hey, guys.
GUYS: Hi, Minh! So you guys ever think about building a skeet-shooting range? (chuckles): No.
Is, is that what you want us to think about? I just ask because there's this contest I thought we could enter: The Tri-Club Skeet Classic.
That's why we admire you, Minh.
You're always dreaming up new things to shoot.
Count us in.
(sighs) He picked the locks.
Who is this monster? I don't see garbage, I see a bag of clues.
I'm going in.
So, we on track with hillbillies? They eating out of my hand.
I even got them building a skeet range.
Ah, perfect.
By the way, why you cleaning so many guns? Oh, these are Fitzy's.
He always forgets to lube the obverse side of the trigger.
And you should have seen Moose today.
He fell down in the grass, and when he got up, he had leaves all stuck in his beard.
It was so cute.
Minh, don't go native on me.
Me? No.
Relax.
You know, some of the things Gribble says about JFK and Oswald sound crazy at first.
But if you really follow the money Pull.
MINH: Pull! Pull! That's six perfect sets in a row.
We got a deal or not? Minh, Kahn, welcome to Nine Rivers.
Lead us to victory against those snobs at Pennington Oaks.
Yes! Congratulations, Kahn.
By the way, there's a refresher course in club etiquette that you'll be taking.
Minh, my love, tonight, the first night of the rest of our lives.
I'm making "Farewell to Rednecks" video.
I'm gonna tell each individual hillbilly to go to hell in my own words.
Want to do Peggy Hill? I don't know.
Come on, it's fun.
"Dear redneck ogress" (doorbell rings) Minh, we had matching T-shirts made for the shooting contest! Don't worry, I already washed yours.
I know how much you're afraid of pinkeye.
Oh, that's sweet.
But, see And look, we changed your code name to President Minh, because we elected you president.
Yup, I resigned just for you.
Uh, guys, look, I just got asked to shoot for Nine Rivers skeet team, so, I'm going to be over there from now on.
Wait.
So are you going to shoot for them and us? I'm not sure I understand No, only them.
Oh, guys, it's it's complicated.
You took an oath to be loyal to your fellow members.
Well, I only swore on a beer can.
Yeah, so I guess that means it never counted.
Come on, guys.
KAHN: Okay, great.
You already handled Gribble.
Now come on back inside, so we can do Bobby Hill! You must eat! You need energy for big winning day! I don't deserve to eat.
Or to win.
Don't be upset about rednecks! They like earthworms barely have nervous system.
They don't really feel pain.
They trusted me, and I betrayed them.
(laughs) That hilarious! They were dopey hillbillies to trust you, and then you cleverly betrayed them! DALE: Thinks she's better than us? I'll show her.
We'll see about you, Minh.
Pull! I'm not finished.
Load it again.
Who are we kidding? She is better than us.
In fact, yes.
Yet I still feel the need to take revenge.
But how? Wait a minute.
We've got guns! We can break into their snooty club and wreck their snooty contest.
Wreck it? With what? With our guns! (cheering) Another empty jelly jar filled with used Q-tips.
Ugh! This is not worth it.
Well, justice isn't always pleasant.
Well, it's not hard data, but at least we can assemble a profile.
Our perp is a dirty man with clean ears.
As you can see, we've expanded.
We were finally able to take over the Deaf Children's Academy next door.
They put up quite a fight.
Oh, the beauty stops my heart.
How are your spirits, Minh? You do realize, we're counting on you today.
Yeah, I know.
Where's the gun range? Well, it's not on this side, or it would scare the koi.
To that side! Did you see that? What's going on? As first-time hosts of this event, we are proud to welcome the reigning skeet champions, Club Pennington Oaks.
(applause) In the spirit of friendly rivalry, allow me to say (clears throat) Pennington Oaks, today you are going down! Pardon me.
And now, let's do it! Let's shoot! (applause and cheers) Good heavens, it's Atlantis! They got music under the water! (classical music by Bach playing) MAN: You there! Can I help you?! No thanks, we're doing fine! Uh-oh.
Run! You're gunning ten for ten.
Spectacular.
Ace this round, and we're home free.
On your count.
DALE: No! Gribble, why the hell you come here? At first, revenge.
But now we're too impressed by the luxury to stay mad at you.
That pool's, like, 80 degrees! And did you see they have a tortoise walking around? GUARD: Hand over your weapons! What is the meaning of this? Minh, do you know these people? Uh Uh Yeah.
I'm their president.
(everyone gasps) Well, whatever that means, I still want them ejected, and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law! Oh, wait! They're my guests! I used all my guest passes so my friends could cheer me on today.
They must have gotten lost.
Right, guys? Minh, you crazy? You gonna blow all our guest passes! Howl supposed to impress myw ork superiors? I got us in here, Kahn, so it's my call.
Take it or leave it.
Your guest pass privileges will certainly be under review.
But now, Minh, you're up.
Oh.
Right.
Pull! ANNOUNCER(over P.
A.
): Match: Nine Rivers.
President Minh! (applause) Okay, with that fingernail, we now know that the culprit has at least eight fingers.
Aunt Peggy, are we having an indoor yard sale? Look, baby girl, my spare keys! I must've tossed 'em by mistake.
Lucky, is this your trash? Sure is.
Government wants to charge me a garbage tax.
Hell, no! "Don't tread on me," I say.
I figured, since we're family, you'd want to help.
Lucky, I demand that you stop putting your garbage in my cans! Nothing like seeing your garbage laid out to make you realize how fortunate you are.
To live in a country where you can eat Chinese chicken salad one day and baklava the next.
If I got to pay a little extra to get rid of my refuse, so be it.
God bless America! That was beautiful, Lucky.
This May tag Blue is an explosion of sophisticated flavors.
And this '97 Pinot has its own story.
It's the au pair who slaps you after you chase her into the kitchen.
Yeah! Yeah! I really taste that.
(phone rings) Hello.
Minh, you won't believe what happened just now.
That whole looking-before- you-shoot thing you taught us really does work! Me and Moose just hit two traps in only eight shots! Amazing.
Put Moose on.
Moose! (howling) Talk later.
Sorry.
Bit of private business.
MINH: Yipdiddly oten doten, oo-wacka-wackachoten.