Bob's Burgers s12e09 Episode Script

1 (Linda grunting) - Ugh, so filthy.
- Us or the house? - Both, kind of.
No offense.
- None taken.
Oops.
Listen, don't forget, we got to keep the apartment clean for when Violet comes.
- Who's Violet, again? - The woman who wrote us that letter, who grew up in the apartment.
She's coming over this afternoon to see the old place.
She's gonna be disappointed when she remembers it's this.
Dad, can you take another bite, - but this time, look more alive? - Huh? It's for my photography class assignment.
- The theme is life.
- Why is me eating eggs life? Um, because it's due today and I kind of waited till the last minute, so smile? - Hmm.
- Thattagirl.
I mean, I'm not totally confident with the school camera.
A lot of the pictures I take are kind of blurry Sometimes a lot blurry But at least I don't skip class - like everyone else.
- Oh.
And by "everyone," I mean Tammy, Jimmy Jr.
, Jocelyn and Zeke.
Ah, the teenage pubin' ninja turtles.
Yeah, they sneak off during class and get slushies at the convenience store down the street.
And then they hang out at an abandoned house that's partly demolished.
They call it Half House.
I've never gone with them, but it sounds great.
Counterpoint sounds terrible.
Except for the slushies part.
We used to skip school and go to the dried-up sewer tunnel.
It smelled a little, but it was fun.
- But you shouldn't skip.
- No, I know.
I don't skip class.
But I feel like I miss out on all the fun.
Well, you probably miss out on a lot of tetanus.
Hey, T, take a picture of this.
I'm Glenn Toast.
(babbles) Gene! You're getting crumbs all over the floor.
Sorry.
It's for art.
TAMMY: Oh, my God.
Half House was so fun yesterday.
Remember when some of the ceiling fell down and we pretended we were putting in a skylight? Yeah.
So much natural light.
(sighs) I wouldn't mind seeing natural light.
Hey, have you guys noticed Mr.
Branca's been mopping that same spot for a really long time? GENE: Maybe he's lost in thought, remembering all the tricky spills he's cleaned up.
- And all the spills that got away.
- Oh Oops, it rolled over there.
You better go get it.
- Odd.
- Yeah.
Why does he hate pencils so much? Because they taunt you with their delicious-looking erasers that actually don't taste that good? And here's the living room that always looks this clean.
Oh, my goodness.
It's just like I remembered.
- The wall? - The whole room.
Except we had the couch over there, 'cause it just made the most sense.
But the couch over there - is what you did.
- Oh.
Uh-huh.
So in your letter, you mentioned you're in town for your mom's 90th birthday? Yep.
We've got a big family party planned.
All the cousins are coming.
Ooh, fun.
Kissing cousins, maybe? Right? No.
- Right, right.
Yuck.
- Could I look at my old room? Of course.
Just don't look under the bed.
Not because anyone stuffed a bunch of dirty clothes under there.
DE SANTO: So you got the close-up, the medium shot and my favorite, the long shot.
This is the one that came in very handy in my work as a private investigator.
Caught a lot of dirty dogs with the long shot.
- Did I mention I used to be a P.
I.
? - ALL: Yes.
Okay, remember, the photography show is this Friday, and the theme is different perspectives.
Can I use this picture of Jocelyn I just took on my phone for the show? No, no cell phone pictures.
This is a film photography class.
Like it's been since I gave you the film cameras to use.
- And all that film? - (groans) And no slacking off for this show, people.
Look, I know I'm a fun teacher.
Everyone wants to take De Santo's class.
"He's an authority figure - but he's also cool.
" - ZEKE: Yeah, you are.
(tongue clicks) But you know what's not cool? Slacking off, like some of you have been doing.
Not you, Susmita.
You're nailing it.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
So step it up, because right now, it looks like a lot of you are riding the D train.
Oh, no.
Mr.
De Santo, how do we know if we're currently on the D train? When I hand you back your work and it usually has D's on it, that's a pretty good sign.
Oh, yeah, that's sounding familiar.
Okay, go explore and take some pictures.
I'll see you here before the bell rings.
(groans) I don't want to get stuck on the D train.
Oh, no! It broke.
You can just screw it back on.
Oh, cool trick.
Thanks, Susmita.
It's not really a trick.
It's just how cameras work.
Right, right.
Wink.
Thanks, Bob.
I mean, it's not how Linda pours coffee You know, with a little flair - But it's fine.
- Sorry, Teddy.
Geez, Linda's been upstairs for a while.
I mean, how long does it take for someone to look at our apartment? It's not that big.
- Oh, there they are.
- Bob, come here and meet Violet.
- She's leaving.
- Linda, Bob poured the coffee weird.
- What? - I-I'll tell you when you come in.
Bob, Violet says this place used to be a donut shop.
- Did we know that? - I don't think so.
It always smelled so good out here.
And now it smells (inhales sharply) So, I should get going.
- Oh.
- Thank you both for letting me come.
Of course.
You come back anytime, okay? - All right, bye.
- Bye.
O-Our place smells okay, right? (sniffs) Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
TINA: Wow, so that was some heavy-duty stuff about us needing to step it up in class.
Maybe no one should ditch and we should all just have fun doing our photography schoolwork? Nah.
We're still getting slushies - and going to Half House.
- Yeah.
I want to play Is That Gonna Give Me a Splinter? I love that game.
Except that time I got a really bad splinter.
But, guys, I mean, I'm pretty sure none of us can afford to get a D in this class, right? Eh, I'm getting A's and B's in all my other classes.
One D is not gonna pee on my GPA.
- Me, too.
- Same.
- Yeah.
Wait, you guys are all getting A's and B's? Even you, Jocelyn? I mean, you, too, Jocelyn? - Yeah.
I'm brainy.
- Come on, you guys.
Let's get in touch with some slush.
Have fun.
(chuckles) (sighs) Look at them go.
They're gonna have the best time.
How the hell is Jocelyn getting A's and B's? - Hey, Tina.
- Aah! Sorry to interrupt you doing whatever it is you're doing.
- Wait, why are you here? - I was in study hall and I saw you out here so I got a bathroom pass.
Listen, I got a Branca update.
Hey, I saw you guys talking, so I told Coach Blevins that I lost a ball over here 'cause I kicked it so hard.
- I'm a jock.
- So, guess who's still mopping the same spot.
- Mr.
Branca.
- Interesting.
Maybe he's a robot and got stuck in a mop loop? - (grunts) - Oh, sorry, I'm in the photo zone.
- You know what I mean.
- Oh, yeah.
Totally.
Well, I guess I should take some pictures, too.
Of different perspectives.
Is that why you're holding your camera upside down? What? Dang it.
Susmita, how are you so good at this stuff? Tina, if you want, I can show you some photography basics.
- Really? - Yeah, I mean, turning the camera the right way gets you halfway there.
- Sort of.
- Right.
Halfway.
Half.
Half House.
- (laughter) - This is the most fun I've had in my whole life! - SUSMITA: Tina? - Huh? Yeah? You ready to take some pictures? Uh, yes, so slush.
I mean so much.
I mean, yay.
So, how was everyone's day at school? Anyone pass any fun notes during class? Give Mama the gossip.
Well, let's see.
Mr.
Branca's brain broke and he mopped the same spot all day.
Also, I kicked a ball really hard in P.
E.
- No, I didn't.
- Tina, what about you? How did my egg picture work out? - Everybody see life in it? - I don't know.
You tell me.
- BOB: It's good.
- It's blurry.
They're all blurry.
And apparently you can get a D in photography class when you take pictures that aren't "in focus.
" So now Susmita's helping me.
Aw, that's the one you took of everyone watching TV.
You're not in it, but you can't tell 'cause everyone's kind of blobby.
- I'm putting this one on the fridge.
- (phone chimes) Oh, I just got a text from Violet.
She wants to come tomorrow and bring her brother.
Huh, I'm surprised she wants to come back.
Well, y-you did say "Come back any time.
" So maybe, not that surprising? Oh, boy.
I got to clean again.
No one get anything on the floor.
In fact, let's eat over the toilet so we can flush away the crumbs.
- Yay! - Wait, wait, never mind.
- Bad idea, bad idea.
- Too late, I'm doing it.
SUSMITA: So that looks like a leaf, right? Yeah.
Wait is this a trick question? But look what happens when you go in really close.
TINA: Oh, cool.
It's like I'm on an airplane looking down at a really neat ground.
I'd call that perspective a little different, right? Yeah, sure, sure.
Oh, hey, guys.
Later, tater.
It's ditching hour.
I'm gonna stay here.
You know, like I usually do.
- Oh, they're already gone.
- Um, do you want to take some pictures? What? Uh, sure.
Maybe I'll take some pictures of this fence.
- Lens cap.
- Huh? Who's Len Scap? No, your lens cap is on.
Oh, whoops.
Good eye, Susmita, good eye.
I can't stay long.
I got to get back to P.
E.
and hopefully not get hit too hard in my pee place - with a dodgeball.
- Shh.
Look, there's Branca, buffing the cleanest spot in school.
Come on.
Let's go get the download-ian from that custodian.
Keep moving.
I'm buffing here.
Speaking of, Mr.
Branca, seems like you've been cleaning this same spot for the past two days.
Hey, I don't come to your classroom and tell you how to do your algebras, do I? - I mean, I wish you would.
- Wait, did we get a new Wagstaff Whaler model ship thingy? Ring, ring, ring.
That's the bell.
You got to go.
Bye-bye.
Aah! If you're hinting for us to leave, you're not being very subtle about it, FYI.
- I'm back! - Lin! Bob and I missed you so much.
Yeah.
You were gone a long time.
I know, I know, but Violet and her brother were telling me stories about when they were little.
We were laughing and looking around the place.
Oh, and they saw your underwear drawer.
- I'm sorry, it just happened.
- Uh, okay.
Well, it's nice that Violet got to see the apartment, again, but I'm glad you're back.
I mean, I kind of miss when both of us worked here.
- Yeah, yeah, uh - Oh, no.
What? They're coming back tomorrow and bringing a lot of cousins.
- They're coming again? - Their whole family's in town for their mom's 90th, and they want to see - the apartment, too.
- Hey, Lin, I have an idea.
What if I go upstairs with them tomorrow and you stay down here, and it'll be a short visit 'cause I'm not that good at talking to people and they'll get uncomfortable and leave? Aw, sweetie, people don't get that uncomfortable talking to you.
- Eh - I promise I'll keep it short.
Oh, and don't use the bathroom upstairs until then, okay? Oh, my God.
DE SANTO: All right, people.
So, as a former P.
I.
, I notice things.
For instance, I just noticed something in my garbage can.
Four empty slushie cups.
This makes me suspect that some of you have been leaving school during class time.
What? Nobody's leaving school.
But if someone was leaving school, would that even be a problem? I mean, 'cause this is such an understanding, super cool, relaxed vibe kind of class.
Thank you, it is.
But if you were leaving school grounds during this cool class, I'd have to send you to the principal's office, and you could be suspended.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
- (bell rings) Looks like those little ditches are gonna have - to ditch the ditching.
- Huh? Nothing.
Should we hit the darkroom? I brought a flashlight.
Just kidding.
I know that ruins pictures.
I mean, I know that now.
Pictures Taking pictures Where is Linda? Take more pictures Try to focus, pictures, pictures Take more pictures Click, click, camera, click Trying to solve a really weird mystery Pictures.
TINA: (groans) The photography show is tonight and I'm still not sure which picture I should use.
I mean, this one's too blurry, that one's too dark, that one is dark and blurry.
- Tina, that one's pretty good.
- Really? TINA: The picture I took of Tammy and all those guys ditching? And not at all because I was super jealous of them ditching? Yeah.
The fence against the blurry background, it's - Did you mean to do that? - Oh, uh, yeah? I think this one is gonna get you off the D train.
- (gasps) You think? - D, for "definitely.
" I mean, you can't really tell who they are.
Yeah, they're all blurry blobs.
So I can use this in the show.
It really is my best picture.
Yeah, it is.
Let that puppy dry out and get ready to get an average grade in this class.
Um, I don't think so.
- (gasps) Tammy.
- You can go ahead and drown that puppy, because you are not using it in the show.
I'm sorry I said that thing about drowning puppies.
Susmita's the one who brought up puppies.
It's her fault.
No, Tina, you can't use that photo in the show.
I'm in it, and I don't give you permission, I'm not signing a release and I will sue your boobs off.
It's not of you.
It's of a fence.
A-And it's the only picture I took that's good enough for the show.
Well, then, crop me out of it.
You can't really be cropped out.
- You're in the middle.
- Sorry, can't use it.
- But I really - Tina, I can't get suspended for ditching.
My parents are gonna let me visit my cousin in Greece this summer.
BFOG.
Boys From Other Greece, Tina.
And if I get suspended, there's no way they'll let me go.
- Hey, girls.
- Oh, hey, Mr.
De Santo.
I got to step out for a few minutes.
The new blazers for the debate team just arrived, and apparently the shoulder pads are out of control.
Leave any pictures for the photography show on that shelf over there.
I'm gonna put them up in a bit.
- Okay.
- Got it.
- Mine's already there.
Sorry, Tammy, but I really think I got to use this picture.
Hmm, you know what? I'm looking at it again, and you're right, you can hardly tell that beautiful person is me.
Wait, so does that mean you're okay if I use it? - Yeah.
It's fine.
- Really? Yeah.
Hey, I just got an idea.
Let's get after-school slushies and go to Half House.
After-school slushies and after-school Half House? Okay, that's legal.
Susmita, you coming? Eh, I was gonna stay here and do some more developing.
Oh, Susmita, you have to come.
Um, why? Uh, because you're gonna love it.
Put the school work down for once and let loose, you goose.
Yeah, come, Susmita.
It'll be fun, I assume.
(chanting): Come with us.
We'll have fun.
Come with us.
We'll have fun.
At the house wh Oh.
- Okay, I'll come.
- Mm-kay, great.
So, you think there's gonna be broken glass there? - If we're lucky.
- Oh, I just remembered I have to do this one thing that I forgot I had to do and I really have to do it, but you guys go ahead and I'll meet up with you in a bit.
- Okay.
- Go, go, go.
They sell out of the red slushies sometimes, and the red slushies are the best.
Come on, Susmita.
We half to go.
- Get it? Like Half House.
- Yeah, I get it.
See? We're already halfing fun.
Okay, I'll stop.
Oh, you're Violet's cousin Lewis.
I've heard so much about you.
(low): Did you pass the kidney stones yet? - Uh, working on it.
- Oh, good for you.
Look at this picture.
Doesn't this remind you of the one we took when we were kids? You know, from Thanksgiving when Victor was showing us his juggling and he hit Mom's boob with an orange? - Aw.
- Oh, yeah.
Except the couch was on the other side of the room.
And for the record, that was my first time juggling oranges.
- And Mom's boob was fine.
- Hey, you know what? Everybody from that picture is here right now.
- Except Mom.
- (gasps) You know what you should do? Recreate your family photo.
Like that guy on the Internet did where he wore a onesie and he sat on his dad's lap.
Ooh, that's a great idea.
We could get Mom and bring her here.
Linda, would it be okay if we moved the couch? Just shift it a little bit across the room.
- Just for the picture.
- Oh, yeah, we got to move the couch.
You guys go ahead, and I'm gonna text Bob and tell him I'll be up here a little longer.
"Coming back soon.
- Doing a quick thing first.
" - VICTOR: We'd have to move the TV, too.
- And the coffee table.
- Yeah, yeah.
"Lin.
Please no.
" "It'll just take a few minutes to an hour.
Love, your great wife, who you love, Linda.
" And send.
JIMMY JR.
: Look! Tina! You can see the toilet from the living room, and I can see you when I'm sitting on the toilet.
- Now, that's an open floor plan.
- That's, uh, great.
- This is uh, all really great.
- Tammy's taking a long time, so I'm gonna take a sip of her slushie.
- Don't tell.
- Where is Tammy? She said she was gonna go to the darkroom for some reason.
And she said something about a negative, and I was like, "Just be positive, girl.
" (gasps) I knew she was up to something.
Tina, I bet she went back to the darkroom - to mess up your picture.
- (gasps) Oh, my God.
- I got to go.
- I'm coming with you.
Uh, bye.
Half House is a whole lot of fun and not boring at all.
(scraping, thudding) Ah.
Whoa, what was that? You guys having a thunderstorm in your apartment? It doesn't sound good, whatever it is.
(sighs) Okay, I'm gonna find out what's happening, and if I can make it stop.
Teddy, do you mind if I lock you in? What? Now you're going upstairs, too? No, no, no.
Just eat your burger and I'll be right back down.
Uh, okay.
I can do that.
Like this? Teddy, just eat the burger the way you normally eat it and I'll be right back.
Uh, Linda? W-What's going on? We're recreating the old living room so they can recreate a family photo that was very funny.
And Violet's mom is on her way here.
And they're gonna surprise her for her 90th birthday.
And it's great and you're totally on board.
Thanks for letting us do this, Bob.
You're gonna make my mom's birthday so special.
Also, doesn't the couch look better over there? I think it does.
Isn't it great? Look at that couch where it's meant to be.
Oh, I love all of this so much.
Okay, well, I guess I'll go back downstairs and you guys will keep doing this.
Mom's here.
Victor's bringing her up.
- Everyone, hide! - Okay, good luck.
Wait, Bob, you can't go down yet.
You'll ruin the surprise.
But her mom doesn't even know who I am.
(shushes) She's coming.
But Teddy's alone in the restaurant and you know I can't crouch.
- S-Shush.
- Ow, I hate crouching.
(groans) Well, this is Branca's favorite spot, but no Branca.
I thought our plan of spying on him after school when there were no kids around was a good one, but where is he? I don't know, but this floor is really clean.
Oops, not anymore.
The Whaler ship definitely looks different.
Hmm.
I'm not great with ships.
I know the cloth things are called boat flaps.
- (Branca moans) - Wait, shh.
Do you hear that? BRANCA: Come on, glue.
Be more sticky.
- What's he doing? - Gene, don't lean on me.
Whoa! - (shouts) - Who's there? What? This isn't the after-school program for gifted and talented children.
Wait a minute, is that the Wagstaff Whaler ship? No, this is a-a cleaning device shaped like a ship.
It's from Sweden.
- Ooh.
-Uh-huh.
- Uh, fine.
This is the Wagstaff's precious Whaler model ship.
Then what's the ship in the case? It's a decoy ship I put in there.
I was cleaning the Whaler's case a few days ago and it accidentally dropped on the floor.
Some of its little pieces broke and I-I'm repairing it.
Why didn't you just tell people what happened instead of mopping everyone away? Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way the principal looks at it? It's his pride and joy.
So, this is your plan? You're rebuilding it and then you're gonna switch it back? Yes.
It's a good plan.
I mean, it looks a little different, but all the right pieces are there.
Mr.
Branca, you little rascal.
This is the most work anyone's ever put into anything at this school.
- I know.
- Hey, your secret's safe with us.
Yeah.
We can swap secrets.
Mine is that I'm not the best at keeping secrets.
(both panting) Tina, we found out what's up with Branca.
Can't talk.
I think Tammy's in the darkroom destroying the negative of the only good picture - I've ever taken.
- What? We're coming.
Come on, Gene.
(grunting) And I'm out of breath.
- Tammy, no! - Tina, I'm sorry, - but you left me no choice.
- Oh, my God.
At least she said sorry? Tammy, I can't believe you did that! I had to cut up your picture and the negative, Tina, which took me a really long time to find, by the way.
Negatives are so small.
Ugh, Tammy, that was my best picture.
I can't get suspended, Tina.
My parents would kill me, which means I wouldn't be able to go to Greece, with Greek BFOG boys, remember? Ugh! Think about what's important.
Tina, you want us to mess her up? Lock the door and make her eat the negative? And maybe some of us take a taste, too? Just to see? Okay, I'm gonna go 'cause it's feeling kind of hostile in here.
And I'm leaving and goodbye.
Have a good show.
Aah! Tammy.
Okay, Mom, hold your boob like you just got hit - with an orange.
- Like this, Ma.
There you go.
-Good.
Now, everyone look surprised.
-(shutter clicks) Beautiful.
Look at that.
ALL: Aw.
What a wonderful birthday.
- We used to live here.
- That's right, Ma.
Well, we kept it clean when we were here, though.
- Okay.
- They really let this place go, huh? Oh, you're fun.
Linda's back.
Bob, - Linda's back.
- I know, Teddy.
- I see her.
- Violet and her family left.
So, we'll see them tomorrow? When they come and repaint, I'm guessing? No, I don't think so.
It's just so sweet.
A family coming back, reliving memories and the life they built together.
That's gonna be us someday, pal.
We're gonna move out and come back and take a family photo.
And I hope whoever's living here helps us move the furniture.
Where are we moving? I mean, we can't move somewhere smaller.
- Oh, Bob.
- Okay, Lin, yes, it's actually very sweet.
You're right.
But just so you know, if we move out and come back, I will never be able to climb those stairs.
I'll come by and give you a hand up the stairs.
Teddy, you'll also be old.
Why are you in such good shape? Diet, exercise and I take a multivitamin.
You got to take care of yourself, Bob.
Mmm.
Can I get more fries? TINA: All of these pictures are terrible.
I can't use any of them.
He may as well give me a D, 'cause I'm done.
(sighs) If I hadn't been so obsessed with going to Half House and finally having all the fun I thought I was missing out on, then Tammy wouldn't have been able to trick me.
What am I gonna do? Well, what if you try to put the negative back together? - What do you mean? - I mean, it'll look a little different, but all the right pieces will be there.
Oh, you Branca it.
Yeah.
And maybe it'll be more interesting? You mean in, like, a "different perspective" way? - That might work.
- Louise, hand me that garbage.
Don't call me that! Oh, right.
BOB: Wow.
It's good.
LINDA: It's like an artsy-fartsy puzzle.
- I love it.
- Thanks.
Louise, Gene and Susmita helped me.
We get 50% if it sells.
The price is a $150,000.
Tina, nice twist on the theme.
Very interesting.
Thanks, it was always my plan to do this, the whole time.
- So, no D train? - No D train for you, Tina.
- What's D train? - Oh, uh, just a photography term.
I'm a great student.
Uh, hey, look, there's Susmita! - Hey, Susmita, no D train for me.
- Nice.
You know, taking pictures with you this week was way more fun than the fun I imagined having at Half House.
Yeah, it's a half torn-down house.
And I sat on a bunch of cigarette butts.
Yeah.
Psst.
Louise, Gene.
The Whaler is fixed.
I've got to get it back in its case but everyone's gonna be looking.
Just wait until after the show and put it back then.
I can't.
I heard the principal's coming.
- He'll want to see his baby.
- Okay, got it.
Gene, get ready.
Hey, everyone, look how much cheese my brother can fit in his mouth.
Yeah! (mumbling) LOUISE: He's a marvel of science! - (Gene mumbling) - Thank you.
Hey, Tina, no hard feelings, right? I mean, some hard feelings.
- Is that your picture, Tammy? - Yeah.
- It's a self-portrait.
- What's in your nose? - Is that a booger? - What? No.
- Gross.
- It's a shadow.
A booger-shaped shadow.
Shut up! Stop! Nobody look! - Does the couch look better over here? - No, it doesn't Does the couch look better over there? I don't think so - Does the couch look better over here? - No, it doesn't Does the couch look better over there? I don't think so - Does the couch look better over here? - No, it doesn't Does the couch look better over there? I don't think so - Does the couch look better over here? - No, it doesn't Does the couch look better over there? I don't think so - Oh, my back hurts.
- Oh, my legs hurt.
- Oh, my arms hurt.
- Everything hurts.
- Are we dying? - Oh, God.
Oh - Does the couch look better over here? - No, it doesn't Does the couch look better over there? I don't think so.