Big Bang Theory s12e13 Episode Script

1 Hello.
I'm Dr.
Sheldon Cooper.
And I'm Dr.
Amy Farrah Fowler.
And this is: Dr.
Sheldon Cooper and Dr.
Amy Farrah Fowler present BOTH: Dr.
Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags.
I'd like to start this episode by apologizing on behalf of Dr.
Fowler, who made the wild claim last week that there was no national tricolored flag with a purple stripe, when, in fact, the Estonian governorate inside the Russian Empire had a purple stripe on their flag from 1721 to 1917.
See? Right there in the middle.
And I'd like to apologize on behalf of Dr.
Cooper for having his zipper down for the entire segment on the flags of East Africa.
Sorry, Tanzania, you deserve better.
All right, on today's episode, we're gonna start with some viewer e-mails.
Oh, take off your glasses so people can't see your password in the reflection.
Oh, s-sure.
Okay, our first e-mail is-- mm-- from uh, Brad or Brian? - I don't know, maybe it's Seth.
- All right, put them back on.
Oh.
Uh oh, my gosh, it's from Fermilab in Chicago.
Ah.
Not surprising, the Windy City.
Great flag town.
No, no, it's about our paper.
A team of physicists confirmed super-asymmetry.
Our paper was right.
We did it.
We did it? We did it.
We did it.
BOTH: We did it! - We did it! - We did it! Aw, remember when they only did it on her birthday? The Big Bang Theory 12x13 The Confirmation Polarization Original Ai Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started Wait! The Earth began to cool The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools We built the Wall We built the pyramids Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery That all started with a big bang Bang! So, my incredible wife has some exciting news.
Howie, stop.
I don't want to brag.
Oh, okay, sorry.
(clears throat) Really? No one's gonna ask? Sorry.
What's your news? The drug I've been working on for the past five years just got approved by the FDA.
- Wow.
- Oh, congratulations.
Was that the decongestant you developed? No, we had to rebrand that as a solvent for mining equipment.
Is it that anti-itch cream you were testing on grad students? It's not, but that's a really funny story which I'm legally prevented from telling you.
It's her anti-inflammatory drug.
Oh.
Yep, three years of testing and no reported side effects.
Ah, so it works.
Eh.
Well, congratulations.
I'm so happy for you.
Yeah, well, I'm happy for you, because I want you to head up my sales team.
Really? Me? Don't you want someone with more experience? Nope.
The job's all yours.
(laughs) Okay, well, thank you.
Why don't we just chat about this at work? We can chat about it all you want, but you're doing it.
(chuckles) We'll see.
That's a yes.
You guys will never believe what just happened.
Yeah, we heard.
You did it.
We did do it.
And we didn't even know we did it! Wait, what? Two physicists in Chicago had to tell us.
Wait, what? Their experiment on kaon decay supported our predictions on the higher order corrections pertaining to super-asymmetry.
Wait, what? I am so proud of you.
Well, I know how to do the dishes.
Just, sometimes I'm tired.
No, I-I mean, I'm proud of how well you're doing at work.
Are you even using soap? - Do you want to do this? - Yeah, I really do.
You know, it was nice of Bernadette to offer, but I'm not sure it's the right move for me.
Well, what are you talking about? If you were in charge of her project, wouldn't that be a promotion? Well, yeah, but it's not the most important thing.
Aren't you always saying it's about the work, not more money or a better title? All the smart things I say, and you remember the dumb one.
Plus, I'd be working for Bernadette.
I don't know if that's a good idea.
Look, I-I know she can be difficult, but she's no match for you.
Whatever she dishes out, you can give it right back double.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? There you go.
(intercom beeps) RECEPTIONIST: President Siebert, I have Dr.
Cooper and Dr.
Fowler for you.
Great.
You two.
Bring it in.
(stammers) What are we bringing in? A hug.
Oh.
No, I don't want to.
Well, what you don't want, you don't get.
Come on.
Sit.
I hope you know, with these new data supporting your theory, we could be looking at a Nobel-winning achievement.
And by "we," you mean "we," not "we.
" "We," "we," whatever.
Whee! Just a heads-up.
Doctors Pemberton and Campbell from Fermilab Confirming my theory,Angeles, eager to meet me.
They are checking all my boxes.
You know, Caltech has 38 Nobel laureates.
If you win, you and Amy will be 39 and 40.
Ooh! Dibs on 39.
What's the difference? Wha You are right, there is no difference at all.
Thank you.
It is exciting.
Oh, that's very sweet.
I'm gonna remember you said that.
Just like I remember how you tried to take my office when I was on maternity leave.
(laughs) Of course I'm not angry.
Bye-bye.
How can I be angry at a dead man? Hey, you got a sec? Sure.
What's up? Uh, bad news.
I spoke to my supervisor about heading up your sales team, and she said she just can't lose me right now.
Do you want me to call her? I could rip her a new one.
No, no.
No ripping.
Um, anyway, I-I don't want to leave her shorthanded, so I'm sorry.
I respect that.
That's what makes you a good employee.
Oh, thank you.
It's just such a bummer.
I know.
Just, ugh! You sure you don't want me to call her? Oh, no, I'm sure, definitely sure.
Don't call her.
But, you know, just, ugh, why? The last time we were in this room, we were getting married.
I remember.
It's a lot less impressive without Mark Hamill in it.
That's what you said about our honeymoon.
And I stand by it.
Doctors Cooper and Fowler, these are Doctors Pemberton and Campbell, whose experiment confirmed your work.
- Hello.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Okay, I'll leave you all to it.
Remember about the hugging.
It is such a pleasure to meet you.
Oh, it's really nice to meet you, too.
I mean, we thought we'd have to wait decades to get confirmation for our theory.
Yes, thanks to you, I'll get to eat my Nobel dinner with my original teeth.
Well, this certainly is a thrill for us.
Lunch with you two, and, uh, tomorrow, we're gonna see a taping of Ellen.
She's having John Stamos on.
Uncle Jesse! Sounds fun.
So, um, listen, we just published a few months ago.
How did you have time to design an experiment? We didn't.
This whole thing is actually a gigantic accident.
CAMPBELL: Yeah, we've been working with kaons, and our data made absolutely no sense.
A few weeks ago, someone told us about your paper, and we realized that our failed experiment confirmed your theory.
And now, instead of losing our jobs, Fermilab flew us to L.
A.
Economy Plus.
Free headphones.
Looks like my wife left me a month too soon.
(laughs) (stammers) So you weren't even thinking about super-asymmetry? Thinking about it? (chuckles) We don't even understand it.
(both laugh) PEMBERTON: And now look at the four of us, changing the face of physics! Ooh, I got to do it.
Oh, man, that last episode of Star Trek: Discovery was crazy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I-I'm actually one behind.
I haven't started the new season yet.
Ooh, uh, how about this week's Walking Dead? Two behind.
Three behind.
- Black Mirror? - No.
No.
Come on, there must be something we've all seen.
Oh, how about that video of my dog I sent you, where she's growling at a pinecone? I actually hadn't watched it yet, but thanks for ruining the ending.
Uh, can you believe this? Doctors Pemberton and Campbell have been doing a press tour trying to take credit for super-asymmetry.
They didn't even know what they were finding.
So what? I mean, no one's gonna give them credit for accidentally discovering something.
WOLOWITZ: Yeah, who remembers the guy who was trying to find India and discovered America instead? What was his name again? (chuckles) But this is different.
Sheldon, super-asymmetry is your paper.
Everyone knows you were there first.
Mm, actually, the Nobel Committee has sometimes favored experimentalists like them over theoreticians like you.
No, that's just a scary campfire story like the guy with the hook.
No, i-it's true.
The scientists that proved the big bang, they thought their sensors needed cleaning until someone pointed out that they were picking up cosmic background radiation from the singularity.
They won the Nobel.
Not the scientists that came up with the theory.
So you're saying they could steal our Nobel Prize? - Yes.
- That's terrible.
Good news, though: Now we have something we can talk about.
Hey, you wanted to see me? - Yeah, come on in.
- Okay.
Close the door.
Okay.
Have a seat.
Do I have to? You really do.
So, I talked to your supervisor, and she said that she never stopped you from working on my team, because you never asked her.
Really? Oh, you know, you should know, she's been taking our new antidepressant, and lying is one of the main side effects.
Why don't you want to work with me? I know I can be tough, but that's just 'cause I'm surrounded by useless idiots.
No, it's not that.
Then why? Honestly, I don't know if I'm up to it.
You know, the last project I managed was my high school yearbook.
- And? And that was the year we didn't have one.
Apparently, the printers won't make them without getting paid.
What happened to the money? Uh, if I didn't know then, I'm not gonna magically know now.
Plus, you know, I didn't go to college.
I'd be in charge of people that are far more educated with more experience; what if they don't listen to me? Then you be really mean to them.
Have I taught you nothing? Penny, everybody feels like you do.
Like they're not good enough, not smart enough.
- What, even you? - Of course.
- Dr.
Rostenkowski, you wanted me Hey, did they not teach knocking at Stanford? Get out! (chuckles) I love that kid.
There you are.
Dr.
Cooper, hello.
Hello to you, too.
Now stop trying to steal our Nobel Prize.
You come up with your own idea.
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Wouldn't that be something, though? Well, too bad.
This discovery belongs to Amy and me.
(sighs) Look, Dr.
Cooper, we all want a Nobel Prize.
Super-asymmetry could be the breakthrough that gets us there.
But we can't fight over credit; we have to work together.
So you're saying that the four of us should just agree to share this discovery? Well, no, unfortunately, only three people can share a Nobel.
Oh, that's right.
So he's out? No, I'm not out.
So he's out? Neither of us is out.
We think that the three physicists should be the ones to win the Nobel Prize for physics.
Wait, so you want to cut Amy out? No, of course not.
We don't want to, but we're going to.
But she's my wife.
Yes, exactly, she's your wife.
And she's a neuroscientist.
It's like, what's she even doing on this paper? It just raises questions.
Look, Fermilab is going to recommend the three of us to the Nobel Committee.
The best chance we have is if your university does the same.
I see.
So you really think that I'm the kind of man who would sell out his partner for the chance of winning a Nobel Prize? Are you? Boy, I hope not.
I can't believe Penny doesn't want to head up my sales team.
- That's too bad.
But it's her decision, not yours.
Do you hear how dumb you sound? Why does this matter to you so much? Because I believe in her, and I make people better.
It's what I do.
Against their will? It's no fun if they want to.
That's just called watching.
Look at Howard.
He was a disaster when I met him.
Now he's a foxy astronaut with a hot wife.
Wait, he always wanted to be an astronaut.
He thinks that, too.
That's how good I am.
Wait, so what are you gonna do? Just badger her until she says yes? Mm, that may have worked on you, but she's too smart for that.
Well, if you like fixing people, I could use some help.
Raj.
Why do you think you stopped wearing Crocs and socks? Uh, well, one day I just woke up and realized they looked silly.
Yes, you did.
All on your own.
(whispering): That's how good I am.
(clucking tongue) What's wrong? Why do you assume something's wrong? Because you haven't touched your dinner, and you're literally ticking like a bomb about to go off.
Oh, Amy.
You see through me like one of Penny's shirts.
Just tell me.
I talked to Doctors Pemberton and Campbell today.
They reminded me that only three people can share a Nobel Prize.
Their university is recommending the two of them and me.
And they want Caltech to do the same.
Oh.
They say, if we present a united front, we have a much better shot at winning.
Well, you know, that makes sense.
Oh, but don't worry.
I won't do that to you.
Maybe you should.
What? This has been your lifelong dream.
And you may not get another chance.
I don't want to be the reason that you don't win a Nobel.
You're the only reason I deserve one.
But if your best shot is with them, I think you should take it.
Is this really what you want me to do? I just want you to be happy.
Thank you.
(clicking tongue) Hey.
How long have you been sitting there? Long enough for two of your neighbors to ask if I was lost and looking for my mother.
I'm not changing my mind, Bernie.
That's okay.
I'm sorry.
It was wrong of me to badger you into doing something that made you uncomfortable.
Thank you.
Mm, it's probably for the best.
I need someone who's strong and confident to head up my sales team, so I'm giving it to Karen.
What Karen? Well, what's the job? Eating my yogurt and then lying about it? I'm just saying.
She went to college.
She's really smart.
Well, I'm smarter than Karen.
I can read the word "Penny" on a cup of yogurt.
Why are you getting so upset? I'm agreeing with you.
This is a big job, and I need someone who's up to it.
I am up to it.
I'm just nervous about it.
I know.
And that's why I don't want to pressure you into doing something that you clearly don't want to do.
I know what you're up to.
Is it working? Yes.
- So I'll see you Monday morning? -Yes.
I bet I can make that girl president.
(intercom beeps) RECEPTIONIST: Uh, President Siebert, Dr.
Cooper is I need to talk to you about the paper that Dr.
Fowler and I published.
Send him in.
Amy and I did this together, and I will not be part of an award that does not recognize the value of her contributions.
So you either include both of us in the recommendation letter, or don't bother writing one.
I hope you know that's going to cause a fight between us and the Fermilab team.
If it's a fight that doesn't involve any touching, risk of physical harm or uncomfortable eye contact 'cause it's happening online or through intermediaries, I say bring it.
All right.
I respect your decision.
You do? Yes.
You and Dr.
Fowler have my full support.
Oh, okay.
I anticipated a little more pushback.
Sorry, my job here is to serve your needs, both academic and personal.
Huh.
Well, now I'm filled with all this nervous energy.
I don't know quite what to do with it.
We have a fully equipped gymnasium.
Yeah Really? Where's that? It's part of the new sports complex.
Oh.
And where is that? Come on, I'll show you.
Are there monkey bars? All right, now, I'm sure some of you are wondering, "Who is this woman? "How did she get to be in charge of the sales team? Is it because she's friends with Dr.
Rostenkowski?" Because she is.
"Is it because she was Miss Cornhusker 2001 and still fits in those very same jeans?" 'Cause she was, and she does, and they're actually a little baggy.
Or is it because she's the best damn salesperson here? Because I am.
Now that we're clear on that, here are the drug specs and marketing strategy for Inflamminex.
Which, now that I say it out loud, might be a placeholder.
By tomorrow, I want everyone to have this committed to memory.
Do you have it committed to memory? You want to have a contest, Karen? Winner gets a yogurt.
No, boss.
All right, now we all know what we need to do.
Let's go do it.
R-Right now.
Get out of here.
Go.
That was really impressive.
Damn right it was impressive.
- Okay, that tone doesn't work with me.
- Sorry, boss.