King of the Hill s12e16 Episode Script
KH-1207 - Pour Some Sugar on Kahn
I am not looking forward to work today.
Joe Jack is on some kind of crazy diet and he keeps asking me how his jeans are fitting.
Hello, office slaves.
Hello.
My boss is letting me telecommute.
You know what that word means, stupid hillbillies? It's English for "work from home.
" Look at me, in bathrobe, already dressed for work.
Well, that's asinine.
Work and home were intended to be enjoyed separately.
I see from your face that you are see thing with jealousy.
Well, so long, slaves.
So long.
Y Venezuela tiene la pelota al centrocampo.
Oh! Pass it to Hernandez.
Aah! What are you doing?! Pass it to Hernandez! The only part of soccer I like is when the announcer yells "Goal.
" Well, then, you're going to love this announcer.
He used to make his living blowing up bounce houses.
I will bet you he'll go 15 seconds.
That's crazy.
I'll take that bet.
What are we betting for? Hmm.
Bragging rights.
What are bragging rights? Bragging rights is the sanctioned ability to gloat insufferably, usually for a prescribed period of time.
Gomez pasa la pelota a Hernandez.
¡Qué golazo! Gooooooal! Seven seconds.
I win.
I am the champion! I do believe I will exercise my rights now.
Oh, oh, you know, I hurt my foot brag dancing.
I think I need some Dr.
Schoooooll's! And David in the I.
T.
Department is a big-time dumbo.
Oh, big-time.
If you have nothing else to do, than tell me how co-workers should do their jobs, maybe you can help me clean.
My daddy is coming today.
I thought the General wasn't coming until end of the week.
He took control of homeowner's association earlier than planned.
It was Daddy's first bloodless coup.
He's really mellowing out.
I hope so.
He treats me so bad, Minh, and in my own house.
Oh, he doesn't mean anything by it.
It's just his way.
Besides, he cosigned our loan, so kind of his house, too.
I know.
Ah! So is it true Minh's dad used to work for a dictator? Several dictators, and then he worked for Pac Bell.
There's the General's taxi.
Do I look okay? D-Don't loiter here.
Go home.
Eat some butter.
Welcome, General.
I forgot how handsome you are.
Stand down, descendant of fishermen.
Fishermen! MINH: Daddy! Oh, sa baldee, djai hin! This is for you.
So sweet.
I'll put right next to elephant dressed as ninja.
So you're good with computers? Yes.
Then put MP3s in my watch! I want talk radio and Frank Sinatra! Well, that's not how it work Do it! Drag and drop! But l Drag and drop! This watch isn't even digital! You should have married Phoukong Vivarad.
He was VP of Acquisitions at Ingersoll Rand.
Now he's Senior VP.
Daddy, you like teasing Kahn too much.
All I'm saying is you and Connie would have been better off if you married Phoukong.
Uh I wouldn't exist if she married Phoukong.
Is that what your dad told you? Kahn! You have to help me.
You got any Red Rooster Sauce for General? I forgot to buy some and now he's on a rampage.
Uh, I'm not sure what you're asking me for.
Hot sauce! Now! I have this weird feeling.
I think it's sympathy for Kahn.
Yeah.
Know what you mean.
Mm-hmm.
Who wants a beer? Me.
Sounds good.
Yeah, man.
Okay, General, got it.
I'm not a man.
Uh, but do you want spicy, extra-spicy, or one where rooster look really mad? Hello? Is the bar next door any good? Oh, hot danger I'm not messing with that guy.
Ted, that was so amazing! Sometimes I wish guys could have, like, a friendship marriage.
I did not know you liked karaoke, Kahn.
Oh, anything to get away from my father-in-law.
It's terrible at home, Ted.
Anyone ever make you feel like you're less of a man? Feel? Kahn, the wonderful thing about karaoke is it's an emotional outlet but it still allows us to maintain proper distance.
Please, save it for the stage.
It's cathartic.
Trust me.
Uh number 128, I guess.
Encore! Encore! Encore! Encore! Encore! No.
No, sorry, got to go see father-in-law.
Encore! Encore! Ah, forget him.
Who wants more Kahn? Hello, happy family.
Where are my condiments?! Sorry, General, it's in everybody's Bloody Marys.
Ah! I was a big hit at the karaoke bar in Little Laos.
The crowd loved me.
They even took my picture and put it on the "W all of Fame.
" Wow, Dad! That's so cool! Yeah! Kind of reminds me of the rebel with shiny shirt and pompadour I met at disco in Laos.
Don't be so happy with yourself.
You're just singing someone else's songs.
No skill involved.
Unlike poetry.
I shall now recite a poem I wrote while awaiting trial at The Hague.
So much depends upon inhumanity and death.
We must not forget yet we cannot remember.
Death be not proud? Then who? So, after you finished your song, did you smash your air guitar? I'm sorry, Connie, we must respect our elders and listen to his poem.
Please, General, continue.
I'll tell you later how I jump into the crowd.
That's the way I'd do it.
You'd save a load on a casket, though the cannon might be expensive.
Hello, Hank Hill.
I accidentally got some of your mail.
Hey, I've been waiting for Snap-On to send me their catalog for years.
Yeah, I know.
I've been getting your catalog for years.
I usually throw it out, but today I thought, "What the heck?" What has gotten into you, Kahn? Ever since I started doing karaoke, nothing bothers me anymore.
Not the General, not you guys, nothing.
Hey, you guys want to come watch me sing? I'll put you on my guest list.
I'm on a list! Huh, Kahn must be really good at this.
I've never seen so many people happy to see him before.
I've heard five people refer to Kahn as: "The 'Morning After' guy.
" Yeah, he's really popular here.
He is popular with losers.
That make him number one loser.
Steve, good Elvis.
Oh, John, your Spandau Ballet makes me cry.
Bob, your Freddie Mercury is getting much, much better.
Natasha, you got that wrong.
"Every step you take I'll be watching you.
" And again, people, if you order the Buffalo wings please wash your hands before touching the song book.
Hey, emcee guy, turn off words.
I sing without net tonight.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! I see you a truly beautiful crowd.
Hey, Kahn.
Minh, this is my coworker David that I talk about all the time.
Dumbo.
Nice guy, though.
We actually came out tonight to make fun of you, but man you're awesome.
Hope to see you back at work sometime.
They should stop forcing you to telecommute.
I'm being forced?! It's all good, it's all good.
Kahn's attitude has really changed, Peggy.
He's actually tolerable.
Eh, it will not last.
Sure, Kahn is nice when he's successful, but he's a jerk when he fails; and, deep down, he thinks he's a failure.
Kahn will be a jerk again within the week.
Care to put a little wager on that? Now hold on.
You can't bet on a human being like that.
Even if it is Kahn.
Oh, Hank, this is what mother-son bonding looks like now.
How 'bout we up the ante? Winner gets reverse bragging rights.
I don't know what that means but I'm in.
It means the loser you has to lavish the winner me with praise.
Deal.
And when I win, I would like you to refer to me as "The Boy King.
" Kahn, you were unbelievable last night! You made the hairs on my back stand on end.
Well, if you liked that, you should come see me at karaoke night at Nine Rivers Country Club.
They asked me to perform at their fund-raiser, to help pay for last fund-raiser.
Check it out I'm headlining! Wow.
And look at that, you got top billing over Dith Prou Non! Yes! This is going to be really big show for me.
Even General's coming.
And Minh says he won't wait in the car this time.
Well, good for you, Kahn.
We're all looking forward to it.
Kahn, I need you to come and wash my clothes.
They have taken on the smell of your house.
I'm sorry, General, but I am talking with my friends now.
Why don't you do it yourself? Oh Aah! Well, all right, Kahn! Join us for a beer.
I have four recording devices taped to my person for bootlegging Kahn's performance.
I'm going to make a killing down at the Laotian Farmer's Market.
Kahn, you perform with such power.
Please tell us about your "karaoke strategy.
" In karaoke, you must dominate your song.
You must Kahn! I would like to perform.
But we already have a program! And an approximate time frame! No, no, it's fine, Mitchell.
How about this I won't do an encore, and General can open for me.
"I am boss! I am boss!" Wait, isn't this? There's got to be a morning after! No! That's Kahn's song! He's stealing Kahn's song! In the world of karaoke, stealing a man's song is like sleeping with his wife and making him listen to it as others watch and cheer.
Let's keep on looking for the light! Why don't we cross the bridge together And find a place that's safe and warm? Wow, Kahn, the gauntlet's been thrown down! And now, for our headlining performer! Kahn Souphanousinphone.
I can't believe General stole my song.
The monster! The worst part is, I let him.
I could've gone up on stage and beat him, but I didn't.
I'm worthless.
Amazing.
The General was able to use Maureen McGovern as a device of torture.
He's just a jackass.
Forget about him.
Besides, he's not gonna be here forever.
Yeah, he'll eventually go home.
But I'll still be a failure.
No, you won't.
You'll get back onstage and walk this off like an athlete that sings.
Kahn! I gotta run.
We're witnessing our own VH-1 Behind The Music.
It's just a show until it happens to you.
Dang it.
We gotta do something.
I am testing the microphone.
I am testing the microphone.
Hey, Kahn! Boomhauer had this thing lying around his bedroom.
Come take a look.
Please, Kahn, you've got a rainbow in your mouth.
Open it for the world! Okay, Mom, you only have one more day for Kahn to turn back into his old self again.
Oh, he may look like a broken man right now, but that's the final stage before jerk-dom.
And when I win, just know I like compliments that are from the neck up.
Kahn, you meditating again? Aw You want to eat? Just drop food on my face.
Oh, Kahn, it's not a big deal that Daddy did the same song.
So what? Bah, maybe to you, Minh.
But it was my song.
Daddy, Kahn is hurting.
You have to do something! Ehh! Do not interrupt me when Geldorf Muller is pulling.
Ah it's too bad there is not a world's weakest man, because Kahn would be unstoppable.
He's my husband and the father to your only granddaughter.
You have to talk to him and make this right.
Please.
Sit up, son.
I know I've been hard on you.
But I just want you to know: You are a failure.
You are a loser, a nothing.
I am better than you in every way and can crush you, whenever the mood strikes me.
Now.
If you accept that, because you are Minh's husband, I will leave here and let you save face in front of this inconsequential mix of bottom dwellers.
Good enough for me! Kahn, I compliment you on your success in life.
You are married to my daughter.
And you have a child which you share with her.
You have achieved things.
I am departing by taxi now.
Well, all right, Kahn! It's nice to see you in a good mood again.
You want a beer? I would love a beer an import from my Sub-Zero style refrigerator, not domestic swill from hillbilly cooler.
Huh.
Well, looks like we got an extra beer.
Mm yup.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
So, what do you think of your sandwich, Bobby? I have never had a better sandwich.
In all of my life.
It's as if the meat was touched by God.
Oh, yes.
I thought it was gonna be a good sandwich when I was making it.
How do I look? Your skin is radiant, and your hair is luxurious.
How jealous other boys must be that I have such a perfect mom.
Drag and drop! But I Drag and drop!
Joe Jack is on some kind of crazy diet and he keeps asking me how his jeans are fitting.
Hello, office slaves.
Hello.
My boss is letting me telecommute.
You know what that word means, stupid hillbillies? It's English for "work from home.
" Look at me, in bathrobe, already dressed for work.
Well, that's asinine.
Work and home were intended to be enjoyed separately.
I see from your face that you are see thing with jealousy.
Well, so long, slaves.
So long.
Y Venezuela tiene la pelota al centrocampo.
Oh! Pass it to Hernandez.
Aah! What are you doing?! Pass it to Hernandez! The only part of soccer I like is when the announcer yells "Goal.
" Well, then, you're going to love this announcer.
He used to make his living blowing up bounce houses.
I will bet you he'll go 15 seconds.
That's crazy.
I'll take that bet.
What are we betting for? Hmm.
Bragging rights.
What are bragging rights? Bragging rights is the sanctioned ability to gloat insufferably, usually for a prescribed period of time.
Gomez pasa la pelota a Hernandez.
¡Qué golazo! Gooooooal! Seven seconds.
I win.
I am the champion! I do believe I will exercise my rights now.
Oh, oh, you know, I hurt my foot brag dancing.
I think I need some Dr.
Schoooooll's! And David in the I.
T.
Department is a big-time dumbo.
Oh, big-time.
If you have nothing else to do, than tell me how co-workers should do their jobs, maybe you can help me clean.
My daddy is coming today.
I thought the General wasn't coming until end of the week.
He took control of homeowner's association earlier than planned.
It was Daddy's first bloodless coup.
He's really mellowing out.
I hope so.
He treats me so bad, Minh, and in my own house.
Oh, he doesn't mean anything by it.
It's just his way.
Besides, he cosigned our loan, so kind of his house, too.
I know.
Ah! So is it true Minh's dad used to work for a dictator? Several dictators, and then he worked for Pac Bell.
There's the General's taxi.
Do I look okay? D-Don't loiter here.
Go home.
Eat some butter.
Welcome, General.
I forgot how handsome you are.
Stand down, descendant of fishermen.
Fishermen! MINH: Daddy! Oh, sa baldee, djai hin! This is for you.
So sweet.
I'll put right next to elephant dressed as ninja.
So you're good with computers? Yes.
Then put MP3s in my watch! I want talk radio and Frank Sinatra! Well, that's not how it work Do it! Drag and drop! But l Drag and drop! This watch isn't even digital! You should have married Phoukong Vivarad.
He was VP of Acquisitions at Ingersoll Rand.
Now he's Senior VP.
Daddy, you like teasing Kahn too much.
All I'm saying is you and Connie would have been better off if you married Phoukong.
Uh I wouldn't exist if she married Phoukong.
Is that what your dad told you? Kahn! You have to help me.
You got any Red Rooster Sauce for General? I forgot to buy some and now he's on a rampage.
Uh, I'm not sure what you're asking me for.
Hot sauce! Now! I have this weird feeling.
I think it's sympathy for Kahn.
Yeah.
Know what you mean.
Mm-hmm.
Who wants a beer? Me.
Sounds good.
Yeah, man.
Okay, General, got it.
I'm not a man.
Uh, but do you want spicy, extra-spicy, or one where rooster look really mad? Hello? Is the bar next door any good? Oh, hot danger I'm not messing with that guy.
Ted, that was so amazing! Sometimes I wish guys could have, like, a friendship marriage.
I did not know you liked karaoke, Kahn.
Oh, anything to get away from my father-in-law.
It's terrible at home, Ted.
Anyone ever make you feel like you're less of a man? Feel? Kahn, the wonderful thing about karaoke is it's an emotional outlet but it still allows us to maintain proper distance.
Please, save it for the stage.
It's cathartic.
Trust me.
Uh number 128, I guess.
Encore! Encore! Encore! Encore! Encore! No.
No, sorry, got to go see father-in-law.
Encore! Encore! Ah, forget him.
Who wants more Kahn? Hello, happy family.
Where are my condiments?! Sorry, General, it's in everybody's Bloody Marys.
Ah! I was a big hit at the karaoke bar in Little Laos.
The crowd loved me.
They even took my picture and put it on the "W all of Fame.
" Wow, Dad! That's so cool! Yeah! Kind of reminds me of the rebel with shiny shirt and pompadour I met at disco in Laos.
Don't be so happy with yourself.
You're just singing someone else's songs.
No skill involved.
Unlike poetry.
I shall now recite a poem I wrote while awaiting trial at The Hague.
So much depends upon inhumanity and death.
We must not forget yet we cannot remember.
Death be not proud? Then who? So, after you finished your song, did you smash your air guitar? I'm sorry, Connie, we must respect our elders and listen to his poem.
Please, General, continue.
I'll tell you later how I jump into the crowd.
That's the way I'd do it.
You'd save a load on a casket, though the cannon might be expensive.
Hello, Hank Hill.
I accidentally got some of your mail.
Hey, I've been waiting for Snap-On to send me their catalog for years.
Yeah, I know.
I've been getting your catalog for years.
I usually throw it out, but today I thought, "What the heck?" What has gotten into you, Kahn? Ever since I started doing karaoke, nothing bothers me anymore.
Not the General, not you guys, nothing.
Hey, you guys want to come watch me sing? I'll put you on my guest list.
I'm on a list! Huh, Kahn must be really good at this.
I've never seen so many people happy to see him before.
I've heard five people refer to Kahn as: "The 'Morning After' guy.
" Yeah, he's really popular here.
He is popular with losers.
That make him number one loser.
Steve, good Elvis.
Oh, John, your Spandau Ballet makes me cry.
Bob, your Freddie Mercury is getting much, much better.
Natasha, you got that wrong.
"Every step you take I'll be watching you.
" And again, people, if you order the Buffalo wings please wash your hands before touching the song book.
Hey, emcee guy, turn off words.
I sing without net tonight.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! I see you a truly beautiful crowd.
Hey, Kahn.
Minh, this is my coworker David that I talk about all the time.
Dumbo.
Nice guy, though.
We actually came out tonight to make fun of you, but man you're awesome.
Hope to see you back at work sometime.
They should stop forcing you to telecommute.
I'm being forced?! It's all good, it's all good.
Kahn's attitude has really changed, Peggy.
He's actually tolerable.
Eh, it will not last.
Sure, Kahn is nice when he's successful, but he's a jerk when he fails; and, deep down, he thinks he's a failure.
Kahn will be a jerk again within the week.
Care to put a little wager on that? Now hold on.
You can't bet on a human being like that.
Even if it is Kahn.
Oh, Hank, this is what mother-son bonding looks like now.
How 'bout we up the ante? Winner gets reverse bragging rights.
I don't know what that means but I'm in.
It means the loser you has to lavish the winner me with praise.
Deal.
And when I win, I would like you to refer to me as "The Boy King.
" Kahn, you were unbelievable last night! You made the hairs on my back stand on end.
Well, if you liked that, you should come see me at karaoke night at Nine Rivers Country Club.
They asked me to perform at their fund-raiser, to help pay for last fund-raiser.
Check it out I'm headlining! Wow.
And look at that, you got top billing over Dith Prou Non! Yes! This is going to be really big show for me.
Even General's coming.
And Minh says he won't wait in the car this time.
Well, good for you, Kahn.
We're all looking forward to it.
Kahn, I need you to come and wash my clothes.
They have taken on the smell of your house.
I'm sorry, General, but I am talking with my friends now.
Why don't you do it yourself? Oh Aah! Well, all right, Kahn! Join us for a beer.
I have four recording devices taped to my person for bootlegging Kahn's performance.
I'm going to make a killing down at the Laotian Farmer's Market.
Kahn, you perform with such power.
Please tell us about your "karaoke strategy.
" In karaoke, you must dominate your song.
You must Kahn! I would like to perform.
But we already have a program! And an approximate time frame! No, no, it's fine, Mitchell.
How about this I won't do an encore, and General can open for me.
"I am boss! I am boss!" Wait, isn't this? There's got to be a morning after! No! That's Kahn's song! He's stealing Kahn's song! In the world of karaoke, stealing a man's song is like sleeping with his wife and making him listen to it as others watch and cheer.
Let's keep on looking for the light! Why don't we cross the bridge together And find a place that's safe and warm? Wow, Kahn, the gauntlet's been thrown down! And now, for our headlining performer! Kahn Souphanousinphone.
I can't believe General stole my song.
The monster! The worst part is, I let him.
I could've gone up on stage and beat him, but I didn't.
I'm worthless.
Amazing.
The General was able to use Maureen McGovern as a device of torture.
He's just a jackass.
Forget about him.
Besides, he's not gonna be here forever.
Yeah, he'll eventually go home.
But I'll still be a failure.
No, you won't.
You'll get back onstage and walk this off like an athlete that sings.
Kahn! I gotta run.
We're witnessing our own VH-1 Behind The Music.
It's just a show until it happens to you.
Dang it.
We gotta do something.
I am testing the microphone.
I am testing the microphone.
Hey, Kahn! Boomhauer had this thing lying around his bedroom.
Come take a look.
Please, Kahn, you've got a rainbow in your mouth.
Open it for the world! Okay, Mom, you only have one more day for Kahn to turn back into his old self again.
Oh, he may look like a broken man right now, but that's the final stage before jerk-dom.
And when I win, just know I like compliments that are from the neck up.
Kahn, you meditating again? Aw You want to eat? Just drop food on my face.
Oh, Kahn, it's not a big deal that Daddy did the same song.
So what? Bah, maybe to you, Minh.
But it was my song.
Daddy, Kahn is hurting.
You have to do something! Ehh! Do not interrupt me when Geldorf Muller is pulling.
Ah it's too bad there is not a world's weakest man, because Kahn would be unstoppable.
He's my husband and the father to your only granddaughter.
You have to talk to him and make this right.
Please.
Sit up, son.
I know I've been hard on you.
But I just want you to know: You are a failure.
You are a loser, a nothing.
I am better than you in every way and can crush you, whenever the mood strikes me.
Now.
If you accept that, because you are Minh's husband, I will leave here and let you save face in front of this inconsequential mix of bottom dwellers.
Good enough for me! Kahn, I compliment you on your success in life.
You are married to my daughter.
And you have a child which you share with her.
You have achieved things.
I am departing by taxi now.
Well, all right, Kahn! It's nice to see you in a good mood again.
You want a beer? I would love a beer an import from my Sub-Zero style refrigerator, not domestic swill from hillbilly cooler.
Huh.
Well, looks like we got an extra beer.
Mm yup.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
So, what do you think of your sandwich, Bobby? I have never had a better sandwich.
In all of my life.
It's as if the meat was touched by God.
Oh, yes.
I thought it was gonna be a good sandwich when I was making it.
How do I look? Your skin is radiant, and your hair is luxurious.
How jealous other boys must be that I have such a perfect mom.
Drag and drop! But I Drag and drop!