Bob's Burgers s12e18 Episode Script

1 You know I'd love to come over and take a look at your couch, Gayle, but I can't tonight because I have to help the kids with homework.
Yeah, they all have big tests tomorrow.
We do? Shush, shush.
Yeah, on Saturday.
Saturday test.
These kids today.
I tell ya.
Uh-oh.
The hamburgers are burning.
I got to go.
Wh-What was that about? Yeah.
Saturday test? Do I look like I'm in Breakfast Club? Eh, Gayle got a new couch because the old one smelled like cat pee 'cause she let the cats pee on it.
And the Goodwill only had a foldout, and now she's worried it's gonna eat her.
And you're just gonna let that couch eat your sister, Mom? Would you let a couch eat Gene? I worry you would.
- That's okay.
It's how I want to go.
- She'll be fine.
Besides, I can't hang out with Gayle tonight because Oh, here she goes.
Ginger is coming to stay ♪ She drives here from 90 minutes away ♪ You don't have to sing your Ginger song.
- We gossip a bunch ♪ - Mmm.
She stays over and eats some brunch ♪ - Mm, um - Two hearts beating as one ♪ - So you're just gonna sing it.
- Ginger.
♪ Mom, why don't you just invite Aunt Gayle over here? Well, because I love Gayle, but I don't want to add any other flavors to the Linda-Ginger combo.
It's perfect just the way it is.
It's like when Ken's friend Ben shows up when we're doing Krav Maga on the beach.
He doesn't even know the holds.
Get out of here, Ben.
Go back to your gluten-free bakery.
- Robert, Linda, children.
- Hey, Nat.
- Natalie.
- Hi, Nat.
Guys, I have the costumes for tonight, for the Limo-vitational.
The Limo-vi-what? The limo relay race for charity thing the kids and I are helping Nat with.
Oh, yeah.
Raising money for people who can't afford limo rides.
Oh, actually, it's for the Children's Hospital.
Oh, yeah, that's better.
I can't believe we get to be in a limo race.
How fast will we get going, Nat? 200 miles per hour? 300? How much face skin will I have left when it's over? Please say "none.
" Mm, sorry, Louise, it's not dangerous at all.
Right.
Wink wink.
I'm winking back at you because winking is fun, but the Limo-vitational is more like a very slow relay race with wacky twists.
Us drivers have to pick up three rounds of passengers, and in each round there's a specific challenge.
And that's where you guys come in.
Which brings it back to the costumes! Bob, you'll be a fancy businessman.
Is "fancy businessman" code for "mid-level cocaine dealer?" Gene and Louise, you'll be my old ladies.
I'm a piggy for wiggies.
Come to Gene-y, you wonderful, old hair, you.
And, Tina, I thought you'd like to be my prom queen.
- Whoa.
- Aw.
My beautiful little Carrie.
I never finished the movie, but she looked gorgeous in that dress.
And I bet she had a great time at the prom.
Prom - Oh, hello.
- I caught you when you slid down the rainbow slide.
You did.
Let's kiss.
A prom kiss.
That's an important kind of kiss.
I know.
Mmm.
Prom-a-lama ding-dong.
We'll find out the details of the challenges tonight.
- Be ready for anything.
- Mm, sounds like a lot of work.
I'm just gonna be ready for a few things.
You guys are gonna have so much fun.
I'm almost jealous, but I'm not because I get to spend my whole night with Ginger.
I even got a blowout from Gretchen for the occasion.
Kinda.
Her hair dryer wasn't working, so she just fanned it with her hand really fast.
I also fashioned my hair today because I will have someone special in the audience tonight.
Ooh, a new potential Mrs.
Nat on the horizon? Well, no.
It's just our second time hanging out, but I like her a lot.
She and her daughter are gonna be there tonight, so I'd sure love to win.
It'd be really nice to win.
No pressure on anyone, but I'd really love to win this one.
Did you hear that, everybody? Do not mess this up for her! Oh, we'll definitely win this thing.
And it's not personal.
It's just business.
Sorry, I was trying to get into character.
Uh, I'm not sure what businessmen say.
- Not that.
- Okay.
I got to go drop my lizards off at the groomer.
Is that a euphemism? See you guys tonight at 7:00 at the Bog Harbor Speedway.
Yeah, you will.
Well, I'm gonna go drop my lizards off at the groomer's, too.
Excuse me.
Aw, look at my elderly babies.
Well, this is quite a spread, Mom.
Cheese and crackers? Someone's going all out.
I like to make it nice for Ginge.
I even got us a very expensive bottle of wine.
Well, it was expensive at one time, but I got it on sale.
- Cheese me, please.
- No! That's Ginger's cheese.
- Just one crack-a-lack? - Uh-uh.
Those are the good ones with herbs in them.
I think they're herbs.
Maybe they're seeds.
Mini mushrooms? Oh là là.
Someone's tighty and whitey and looking all righty.
Like a gorgeous albino sausage.
- Uh, thank you.
- How do I look? How don't you look.
Oh, you're beautiful, honey.
I know this isn't my real prom, but I still feel excited.
It's like a preview for a movie I know I'm gonna love.
Hey, since I'm pretending to be a prom teen tonight, could I maybe borrow the emergency phone like a real teen? And maybe I could text Jimmy Jr.
a little bit? I S-Sure.
I guess that's fine.
- I'll-I'll go get it.
- Great.
I already have it.
Oh.
Okay.
Well, we got to go.
Have fun with Ginger, Lin.
Well, it's impossible not to because - Ginger is com ♪ - Yup.
We got it.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
Stay out of our rooms.
Oh, waiting is killing me.
Oof.
No, my armpits are killing me.
Come on, you two.
You're coming with me.
There you go.
Now, you guys behave the rest of the night.
Belchers.
Welcome to the Limo-vitational, the biggest night in limo racing.
Also the only night in limo racing.
Thanks.
It's nice to be out of the office.
Sorry, I keep trying to do business guy talk.
You do keep trying.
Okay, don't look now, but that woman right up there in the stands with the teen daughter is Peggy.
Okay, so you're all just looking at Peggy? - Yep.
- I'm waggling my fingers at her.
- Waggle, waggle, waggle, waggle.
- Gene.
Now, let's win this thing to impress her so she falls in love with me.
And marries me and has, uh, children with me, and we share lizards together.
Okay, so the announcer over there will call out each round and let us know what the specific challenge will be for each passenger.
You guys want a hot dog for energy before the race starts? I made them myself from scratch.
Yes.
A hot dog for a hot Gene.
Let me just see if Jimmy Jr.
Got any of my very cool texts that I sent him on the drive over here.
Huh, no response yet.
Maybe I'll just send one more.
So, one more fun prom thought.
If proms were people, what kind of dances would they go to? Again, this is Tina.
Send.
Texting from my family's emergency phone.
But this is not an emergency.
Send.
But I would love to hear back from you.
But no stress.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Double-hang-loose emoji, and send.
Maybe it's good you don't have your own phone.
Where are you, Ginger? Hurry up and get here before I drink all the cheap wine and have to start drinking the less cheap wine.
Hello? Oh, hey, you.
Are you almost here? Want to talk on the phone until you are? Ooh, honk your horn.
I'll see if I can hear ya.
Oh, no, your car broke down? You can still get here without an engine, right? It's mostly downhill.
No, no, you're right, safety first.
That's okay, hon.
Yeah, we can do it another time.
Ah, poop.
Ginger ♪ Oof.
er.
♪ Well, what am I supposed to do now? I wanted to drink wine and talk to my girlfriend.
Dang it.
Well, I may as well call Gayle and make sure her couch didn't eat her.
Hey, it's me.
How's it going? No, Gayle, don't-don't glue your couch shut.
All right, limo racers, we're ready to get started.
The first challenge is called "Keep That Coffee Off Me.
" Each driver will have to take an important businessperson to their meeting, but the twist is, your client will be holding a briefcase in one hand and a huge cup of coffee in the other.
Get them to the conference room first without staining their white suit to win the round.
All right, Bob, here we go! We'll never speak to you again if you lose.
Have fun! - Wow, this coffee is hot.
- Yup.
If you spill, it's gonna burn your penis, Bob.
Get in, get in, get in.
- I want to win for her love.
- Okay.
Hey.
You know, I'm actually pretty good at this.
I guess all those years in the restaurant serving coffee paid off.
Well, we're still on the straightaway, Robert.
We're about to get to the cones, so look alive back there.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, God.
Hang in there, penis.
Hello.
Thanks for letting me come over.
I swear I heard the couch making a lip-licking sound.
So, what happened to helping the kids with their Saturday tests? Oh, yeah.
B-Bob's out with them now doing, um, night tutoring at the, uh, night library.
Hey, you want some wine? Well, maybe half a cup.
You know I'm trying to cut out liquids.
Right, right.
I can't believe you put all this out for me.
Well, uh, you're going through a lot with your couch and stuff.
- Cheers.
- Ow.
Why'd you hit my glass? Gonna sit over here if you're gonna be weird.
Do you mind if I take my shoes off? I have a foot fungus up to my ankles, and it's really itchy.
I'm just gonna rub them on your rug.
- Oh, oh.
- Nope, nope.
- Oh, that's good.
- Uh, here, eat a cracker.
It's got herbs.
It's got herbs.
Ugh, this tastes weird.
- That's the herbs.
- I don't like 'em.
Okay.
So, do you know any good gossip? Well, I heard there's a new Toyota Tacoma coming out with a ton of manufacturer's rebates.
Wow.
- Ah! Who's here? - Huh, I don't know.
Hi, Lin.
Gretchen, what are you doing here? You left this at the salon today.
I thought it was drugs, but I don't feel anything, so I think it's just regular food in a bag.
Oh, my travel fudge.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go see if I can sneak into the back of that bar I got banned from.
I'm gonna get really drunk and win them over.
Actually, Gayle's here and we're drinking some wine and she's being very fun.
- You want to come in? - Sure.
I haven't eaten yet, so I should at least have wine in my stomach before I drink.
Okay, no coffee.
No coffee there.
Huge pit stains.
Mmm, maybe we don't need to I mean, just out of this world sized sweat marks.
comment on that.
But otherwise, the suit is clean.
And the winner of round one is Nat Kinkle.
Yes! Hmm, still no reaction from Jimmy Jr.
to my prom texts.
Maybe it's the reception? I'll just hold the phone up above my head and text everything again.
I mean, he's probably just as obsessed about a dance three years from now as you are, right? Isn't everybody obsessed with all the dances they have coming up in their lives? I'm excited about the touchdown dance I have in case I get drafted into the NFL.
It's a little emo.
And now, for round two, "Flight of the Living Wed.
" It's time to take your two old ladies to the airport to catch a red-eye flight to their godson's destination wedding.
They know the marriage won't last, but they love a buffet.
- Gene, Louise, you're up.
- Come on, Doris.
- Let's go be old, I guess.
- I'm Ethel.
You're Doris.
And uh-oh, on the way to the airport there's a zombie apocalypse.
Ha-ha! Zombies? He should've opened with that.
Passengers, you're gonna have to pop out the moon roof and use the provided squirt guns to try to mow down the most undead Freds.
Yes, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump.
Blast them, little Belchers.
I think this is the first time I've ever felt real joy.
And I'm farting.
Those hot dogs will do that.
Turning on the fan.
Ooh, that's the fancy stuff.
- Pinot Gimme-o.
- Oh, yeah.
Uh, I was saving it for later, but I guess we might as well drink it.
- I'll go get you a glass.
- Get me a mug.
It holds more and won't break if I bite on it, like stupid wine glasses.
Okay, not the night I was expecting, and I'm gonna have to deep-clean Gayle's foot fungus out of the carpet, but Gayle and Gretchen, kind of fun.
♪ Hello? Ginger? They got your car started? That's great.
No, no.
It's-it's never too late.
Okay, hon.
I'll see you in 45 minutes.
So, Ginger is coming, and Gretchen and Gayle are here.
Maybe that'll be fine.
Can you hurry up with that mug? And can you bring me some Vaseline for my feet? - A bunch of the skin is falling off.
- Nope, nope.
Can't do it.
I'll just send these two home ♪ And have Ginger alone.
♪ - What? - Nothing.
Coming.
Ooh, that's a big skin flake.
Ooh, ooh, Linda, mug me.
I'm gonna take some of this fancy wine and dip a cracker in it.
Oh, well, you're not gonna believe this, but that was the wine company on the phone.
And it turns out that the pinot grigio has been recalled.
It's, uh it's got poison in it.
See? This is why I'm getting off liquids.
How much poison we talking? Linda, you know me.
I can have a little poison.
No, no.
Let me give you some of this red.
But just, like, a glass 'cause I bet in like five to 30 minutes we'll be ready to go home, right? I know I am, and I'm already home.
Oh, I know what we could do.
Linda, remember when we were little and we used to prank-call places and say, "Is there a John there? A Big John? Because we have diarrhea.
" Oh, yeah, we did used to do that.
I forgot.
But you can't do that anymore.
Everyone has caller I.
D.
- Womp, womp.
- Uh-uh.
You can just do star-six-seven.
You can call any ex-boyfriend at any time of day or night, and they won't know it's you no matter how many times you call.
- Or that's what I heard.
- I'll do the first one.
These three sips of wine are making me wild.
- Give me the phone.
- Oh, call my gym.
They're open 24 hours, and they're stupid.
They won't let me sleep on the treadmill.
Uh, yes, hello.
This is Sandra.
Is there a John there? A Big John? Because I have diarrhea.
- I have dia - That's good.
It is pretty funny.
Diarrhea.
- Do another.
Do another.
- Okay.
Maybe one more.
I'll do it.
Give me the phone.
Give me the phone.
Go, Louise! Go, Gene! - I think they're gonna win.
- Oh, uh, yay.
I thought you'd be more into this zombie apocalypse thing because of your not weird zombie thing, but are you a little bit too worried about whether or not Jimmy Jr.
- Texts you back? Just asking.
- No, I think I'm - worrying the right amount.
- Okay.
I-I mean, it's just this dress got me thinking about prom and about going with Jimmy Jr.
And I-I was hoping Jimmy Jr.
Would be excited about prom.
He was kind of my prom go-to.
But if he's not excited about prom, then I don't know who I would go with, and and-and-and what if no one asks me to prom? Oh, well, Tina And now for the final round, it's "Prom in 60 Seconds," when your prom queen finds out the prom king has stood her up and she's all alone in your limo.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no! All alone? On prom? Prom queens, when I say, "Go," you must run down the track and hide behind the trash can in your lane, then wait for your driver to parallel park in these tiny spaces marked off by cones, collect you and physically carry you back to the limo to get you to the prom.
- Uh - Oh, boy.
You got this, Tina! This is it! This is for all the chips! Wait, there are chips? Where? Tina, you okay? And, prom queens, go, go, go.
Tina? Tina, where are you going? Stop.
Tina? Tina, no.
Tina! Well, do you have a Big John or not, Reggie? No, it's not Linda Belcher.
Bye.
Oh, gosh, is that the time? I lost track.
Uh, w-we should probably call it a night, huh? - Really? Already? - What? No.
I've only had one mug of wine.
I've gone to my fencing class drunker than this.
Hey, you know, I-I-I feel like, um, maybe I'm getting diarrhea.
All that diarrhea talk shook something up in there.
Oh, I can feel it coming on.
Oh, gosh, it's moving.
I'm running to the bathroom.
So, uh, just let yourselves out, okay? Just go.
Go, go, go.
- Okay.
We got it.
- All right, I'm leaving.
Hello? Oh, hi, Ginger.
No, no, I got all the wine we need, hon.
Okay, I'll see you soon.
Okay.
- Who was that? - Oh, um, no one.
Was that Ginger, Linda? Is she coming over here now? Is that why you were trying to get us out? - No.
- Wait, Ginger is coming over? Yeah.
Ginger, her real friend.
The wine, the cheese.
None of this was for me, was it, Linda? I don't even know if you do think my couch is trying to eat me.
I do, Gayle.
I do.
Oh, so that's why you wouldn't let me have any of the good wine.
You didn't want me to put it in my garbage mouth.
- I'm not worthy.
- That's right, Gretel.
- Gretchen.
- No, wait.
That's not it.
I Why couldn't we hang out with Ginger? - We're not fun enough, Lin? - No, it's just that Ginger is special.
- Oh.
- Oh, "special Ginger.
" La-la-la.
We better hurry so she doesn't see us.
- She'd probably throw up.
- Yeah.
We'll get out of the way.
You know, I hope you both do get diarrhea so you can bond over how special it is.
No, guys, wait.
Come on, let's go to my apartment, Gayle.
I have some tequila someone left in the hallway we can drink.
- Oh, my God, what was that? - We both fell down - the stairs a little bit! - Oh, no.
Ow! What was that? I opened the door into Gayle's head! What do you care? Are you okay? You're okay, right? It hurts a little.
And my feet itch.
Hurts less than how you just made her feel, Linda! Yeah.
Ow.
Sorry, sorry.
We're leaving.
Aw, nuts.
Ugh, I feel awful.
Gayle and Gretchen hate me.
Is it bad ♪ That I was so glad to see Ginger? ♪ She's my friend ♪ And I wanted to spend some time on our own ♪ But when my night failed to set sail ♪ Was I just using Gretchen and Gayle? ♪ Oof.
It's bad again.
I'm disgusting.
I know that Ginger cares for me ♪ But tonight Gayle and Gretchen ♪ Were there for me ♪ And we had fun calling about diarrhea ♪ On the phone.
♪ I got to fix this.
I'm coming, Gretchen and Gayle.
Oh, my face! You stupid door.
Tina? Uh A-Are you okay? Can I come in? Or maybe you could open the door? No, thank you.
I can't just leave you in the speedway bathroom forever, Tina.
It's fine.
I can make it work.
Look, I-I know you're worried about prom.
- In three years from now, but - Hey, Bob.
What's the status? How's our girl doing? She-she's okay.
She's just not coming out of the bathroom.
Hey, Tina, you know, I guess you could wind up without a date.
- I could? - W-W-Wait, wait, wait.
I-I you didn't let me finish.
I was gonna say, "But I really doubt it.
" If, in three years, you're still this excited about the prom, I'm sure you're gonna go and you're gonna have a good time, with or without a date.
I know you'd rather go with a date, and that's probably what's gonna happen because you're beautiful and smart and fun, but if it doesn't happen, you'll still have a good time because you'll get a nice dress, okay, and you'll dance, and you'll probably drink a little bit of alcohol, even though you shouldn't, and you'll look around and be like, "I don't have to see any of these people ever again if I don't want to.
" You'll have fun because, Tina, you're fun.
I will? I am? Yes.
Very much.
Okay.
I'm gonna come out now.
Sorry, did I ruin the race? Uh, no.
I'm amazing at parallel parking.
And everyone else isn't, and they're still trying to do it.
But we should get going now if we're gonna win this thing.
Okay, what do we do? Oh, you're picking me up.
Okay, bye, guys.
- Look at her go.
- That's our Tina.
I meant Nat, but Tina's fine, too.
And the winner is Nat Kinkle.
Yes, we won! Oh, I have so much adrenaline right now.
Let's slap each other in the face.
You want a slap, Dad? Uh, yeah, I'll take one.
Oh, look, Gayle.
It's Ginger's friend, Linda.
What an honor.
- Can I come in? - Sure.
- Hi, Gayle.
- Oh, sorry, Linda.
I didn't hear you come in because we were having so much fun without you.
Okay, you're both mad at me, and you should be mad at me.
I was so focused on my other friend coming over that I didn't see the friends that were right in front of my dumb face.
And I made you feel bad.
And I'm sorry.
Gretchen, you're a great friend.
And-and, Gayle, you're a great sister.
But am I also your friend? Gayle, what? Yes.
Just 'cause I love Ginger and I love to spend time with her alone doesn't mean you're not special to me, too.
You and I have something I'll never have with her.
We're family.
And there's no stronger bond than family.
Except maybe if someone gives you a kidney.
Or an eye.
Ooh, spooky.
Aw, Linda.
I'd take your eye.
That one.
And I brought the good wine.
Three mugs coming up.
Actually, is it okay if we do four? Oh, that must be her.
I left a note for Ginger to meet us over here.
I want all my girlfriends together tonight.
I don't mind as long as she's willing to fence me.
I was just about to fence Gayle, but I'll fence her instead.
You must be Ginger.
Hi, hon.
En garde! It's still pretty early.
We could drive around and look for another limo race.
I'm in.
Dad? - Hello? - Hey, Tina.
It's Jimmy Jr.
Uh, I just wanted to say hi and sorry if I missed prom.
Was it tonight? I think I didn't pay attention during announcements or something.
Oh, no.
It's not for three years.
Oh, okay.
That's good.
So, um, I'll call you back then? - Not if I call you first.
- What? Oh, never mind.
Uh, good night, Jimmy Jr.
I knew they were good texts.
- What? - Nothing.
I meant to hang up.
Bye.
Hey, is that Mom leaving that bar? Is she holding a sword? That red hair ♪ That friendly stare ♪ She makes me feel debonair ♪ It's Ginger ♪ Her empathetic listening ♪ The way her jewelry's glistening ♪ She's the one I'm miss-ening ♪ Oh, Ginger ♪ When she drives here from 82 miles away ♪ It's like a Ginger-Linda holiday ♪ Ginger-Linda holiday ♪ When she walks down the street ♪ You hear everybody say ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ It's Ginger.
♪