Bob's Burgers s12e19 Episode Script

1 Gene, I already told you, hon, stop playing that game at the table.
Breakfast time is for eating and for talking to each other about life and stuff.
Oh, I thought it was for watching Tina - dribble milk on her shirt.
- Huh? Oh, oops.
Hold on, Mother.
The temperature in my game is dropping.
I'm gonna put a scarf on Purrbo, and then I'll put it down, I promise, I promise, I promise.
Unless the weather changes again or I find the conversation unstimulating.
Wait.
What is this game again? - You dress a cat? - Yes.
It's called Purrbo.
The weather on the screen keeps changing, so you have to keep putting different clothes on Purrbo.
He got it at a yard sale for a dollar.
Apparently, these things were all the rage ten years ago when there was maybe nothing else to do.
By the way, Gene, you still owe me the dollar that you borrowed.
- I gave you an IOU.
- Yep, yep, it's just that I have a lot of them from you, and I'm worried you and I don't think they mean the same thing.
Why does it keep making that sound? Purrbo meows when he's too cold or too hot, and you got to change him or he can freeze to death or overheat.
Oh.
Like the dinosaurs.
Or menopause, supposedly.
Huh.
So is that fun? I mean, it just sounds kind of stressful.
A thing that makes noises when it needs something from you.
I guess that's also what kids are.
- Father.
- It's true.
Okay, okay, enough cat chat.
Let's talk about something else.
What are you guys doing at school? That's what I'd like to know.
What are we doing there? Seriously, I don't get the concept.
My chair is really squeaky.
I've been getting a lot of attention.
I think I like it.
I'm kind of the "it" girl right now.
Ooh.
What about you, Genie-weenie? Oh, I just remembered.
School gave me this.
"Broccoli microgreen seeds.
" Is this the school trying to give out weird healthy snacks or something? Gross.
I mean yum.
No.
They're seeds for science class.
- Huh.
Can I see those? - I think I'm supposed to plant them on a wet paper towel so we can watch them grow inside our apartment or something.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's what this says.
You plant them on a wet paper towel, and they sprout within a few days.
Gene, this looks Sunny again.
I'm feeling crop top.
"Great," I was gonna say.
The crop top? I know.
Why aren't we all wearing them? Yep.
Right.
Hi, Teddy.
You're here early.
Yeah.
I know you keep telling us it's annoying we're not open for breakfast, but It is annoying, but, guys, I'm not here to eat.
I need a favor.
I got a giant emergency.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God, what happened? I ordered fresh-caught wild salmon from Alaska.
It was supposed to be delivered yesterday, but shipping got delayed, and I just got an email saying it's gonna be delivered tomorrow.
- Okay.
- But I'm leaving town today to take Mom to Senior Surf Camp in North Carolina.
Ooh, Senior Surf Camp.
She's excited about it.
She keeps saying "tubular.
" I tried it, too.
I-I can't pull it off.
Teddy, none of that is an emergency.
Bob, it's fish.
It's perishable.
If I miss the delivery, my salmon is gonna sit in a warehouse somewhere at room temperature and rot, which would be heartbreaking, not to mention it wasn't cheap.
Why did you buy it? I mean, don't they sell the same Alaskan salmon at the grocery store for the normal amount it costs? Eh, I bought it a few nights ago.
It was really late, and I'd had some beer, and I was fighting with someone from high school online, and I saw an ad of a guy with a big beard wearing a fishing bib and holding a big salmon.
I wanted to be that guy, Bob, the guy who eats salmon right out of the water.
- Me, too, like a bear.
- So is it okay if I change the delivery address to your place? And then you can put it in your freezer till I get back? Guys, this is maybe the most important thing I'm ever gonna ask you.
I mean, you say that a lot.
Like when you asked if we thought you were a baseball cap guy.
It's no problem, Teddy.
Send it here.
We'll make your fish wish come true.
Thank you, thank you.
That's so tubular of you.
- No, no.
- No, no.
Oh, I know.
Hey, you're home.
I knew you'd come back, my little boomerangs.
Yeah, well, it's your reward for feeding and sheltering us.
Mm.
Hey, Gene, I read about your microgreens project.
I mean, it seems really interesting.
You observe how they grow and write it up in a report.
And it says it's due at the end of the week, so End of the week? That's like a month away.
Gene, I think you should start the seeds soon 'cause, you know, they take a few days to sprout.
Like that one hair on Mom's chin she always tweezes.
- It's true.
- Also, the sooner you start 'em, the sooner we can watch those little guys grow.
Hold on, Dad.
Snowstorm.
Gene, can you maybe stop playing that for a second? But Purrbo is chilly.
And he looks good in everything.
Oh, Teddy Texted "Don't forget, tomorrow 8:00 a.
m.
to 8:00 p.
m.
That's the window.
" Are we getting a new window? Ooh la la.
No, no, a delivery window.
Teddy's having his salmon sent to us 'cause he's out of town.
Is this the kind of fun adult stuff we have to look forward to? Well, you know, you can also drink.
- Drinking's pretty cool.
- Hmm.
I mean, it's not cool.
It's not cool.
Lin, should we be worried that our son is obsessed with a game where you just dress a cat and that's it? I don't think so.
I mean, you get obsessed with things, too.
Remember when you got really into soap carving? Every soap in our house was shaped like a little duck.
- Sort of.
- Yeah, but I get obsessed - with interesting things.
- Right, sure.
You know what? Maybe I could help Gene with his microgreens project.
Show him how fun it can be.
I mean, we could have a mini farm in our apartment.
Who wouldn't want a mini farm in their apartment? Me.
I don't want a bunch of mini animals in here.
- This place would stink.
- No, Lin, that's not Anyway, my point is I think he's just too distracted by that cat game.
Oh, a mini tractor could be fun, though.
- Tiny little haystacks.
- Yep.
Okay.
Well, I'm gonna go get water.
Oh, get me some, too.
And a little snack.
- Maybe a cookie.
- Sure.
- And some crackers.
- Really? Yeah.
And cheese, with the crackers.
And arrange it a little bit.
Gene, what are you doing out of bed - with the laptop? - Oh, hey, Dad.
I'm just talking to some people on a Purrbo forum.
Okay.
What people are you talking to? Purrbo people, or "Purrbs," as they call themselves.
- Which is delightful.
- Mm.
Apparently, there's a trick where, if you press both buttons at the same time, Purrbo will cycle through all the outfits you've ever changed him into.
Wow, I-I did not know that.
Hey, so I was thinking I could help you with that microgreens project for school.
You know how to help with school? I mean, no, not usually, but I feel like I can help with this project.
- Okay.
If you want to.
- So that sounds like fun, right? Doing this project together, learning about new, interesting things instead of things that might be making your brain bad? Gene, you're picturing me as that cat, aren't you? No.
Okay, a little.
- Morning, my little glories.
- Wait.
Is this breakfast? This is Gene's microgreens project.
- Are we eating it? - No, no.
I'm making eggs.
I'll never make you eat vegetables - for breakfast, sweetie.
- I love you, Mom.
So, Gene, you want to get started on planting some seeds and, you know, maybe put Purrbo down for a sec? - Uh-huh.
- Gene, seriously.
Yep, yep.
Okay.
Putting it down.
So, first, we take two wet paper towels and put them on the bottom of one of the trays.
Quick outfit change for a rainy day, and go.
Uh, and now we sprinkle the seeds.
Yeah.
You want to just start the sprinkling - and I'll catch up? - Gene, come on.
- This is the fun part.
- Obviously.
All right.
Sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle.
- Okay.
Are we done? - Almost.
Uh, I'm just gonna spread these out a little.
Not that you didn't sprinkle them really good.
One more thing.
We have to put another tray on top of this one to block out the light.
It's called the blackout phase.
It helps the microgreens grow more long - and more tender.
- More tender? These microgreens sound like great boyfriend material.
You're not listening to - any of this, are you, Gene? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Here's breakfast.
Bon appé-toot.
I'm gonna head downstairs and wait for Teddy's salmon delivery.
No one tell him I was two minutes late.
Delivery Teddy is a little intense.
- Hmm.
- Oh, wait.
I just remembered I was gonna go to the store today and get a few things we need.
Uh, Louise and Tina, can you go pick up some stuff for me after school? Gene, you should come home and keep working on your cool mini-greens project with your cool dad.
- Uh-huh.
- Sure, we can go, but our rates have gone up since we last ran errands for you.
- You mean from zero? - What you asking for? - We get some candy from the store.
- Okay.
- Oh, me candy also.
- And we get to keep the change.
Just the coins.
Paper money comes back to me.
Hmm.
We'll check out our other offers - and let you know.
- Louise.
- Fine, we'll go.
- Yay.
I know Mom's expecting us to bring back some bills, but it's not our fault they gave us our change in all coins.
I mean, you did say, "Don't give us any bills.
That creepy eye pyramid freaks us out.
" Sticky hand? I'm buying.
I mean Mom's buying.
- I'm good.
- Hey, remember that thing? Oh, yeah.
The spaceship kiddie ride thing.
We used to pretend we were astronauts on a mission for Gene to be the first person to poop on the moon.
Yeah.
He said that's what the craters were for.
I felt bad for the craters.
You know, we have all this change.
Should we take a trip to the moon for old times' sake? Visit some old moon poops? Oh.
I guess.
I don't think we can both fit.
- Why don't you go first? - I was already climbing in, but okay.
Here.
Hold these.
And don't eat all the red ones.
Or the green ones.
Or the yellow ones.
So just the black ones, then? - Not those, either.
- Okay.
And blast off! Huh.
Kind of slower and more boring than I remember.
Yeah.
I don't even think that's how spaceships move.
Hey.
Hold something out, and I'll slap it with this sticky hand.
- Hold out a jelly bean.
- Huh.
That might be impossible, but Oh, you got it.
Do it again.
- Yes! - Whoa.
Hey, I think we just invented an amazing new thing.
Are we gonna be wealthy now? I think so.
Or we just found a new complicated way to eat jelly beans.
Yeah, we did.
I can't believe Teddy's package never came.
I had to be at the restaurant for 12 hours today for nothing.
I mean, it's how we try to make a living.
Never mind.
And Teddy just texted that now the package is coming tomorrow.
That's annoying.
Should we stop being friends with him? No.
Maybe.
No.
Oh, Tina, Louise, that reminds me.
Can you go to the store again tomorrow after school? I forgot to put laundry detergent on the list, and we need it bad.
I've been wearing the same socks for three days, and my feet are getting all cranky and stanky.
Sure, Mom.
We can go back to the store.
Wait a sec.
Did you guys give me back my change? Ah.
Sorry.
They just gave us coins.
They had no small bills.
They said they got rid of them 'cause they were just too small.
Right, Tina? - Yeah.
- All right.
Hey, Gene, should we take a peek at your seeds? See if anything grew from this afternoon? Maybe, you know, take some measurements for your report? I mean, it's hard to concentrate on TV when we've got microgreens growing, right? Ah, I don't want to bother them.
Come on.
It's probably too soon, but maybe a radical or two has sprouted.
Radical? Are these seeds hippies? No.
Uh, according to your worksheet, radical is the name of the first thing that sprouts out of the seed.
I think we should call it the sprouty outy thingy.
Purrbo agrees.
Oh, no.
He's just cold.
- Hey, Gene.
- Oh, hey, Dad.
I can't stay long.
I got to get back to the restaurant.
But I just wanted to see how your observations were going.
Did anything grow while you were at school? Okay, I did come up here and peek earlier.
They're growing, and they're amazing, right? Speaking of amazing, listen to this.
Huh? Yeah.
Uh, okay, Gene, your microgreens observation project is due tomorrow, and you've barely observed it.
I've observed it.
The seeds grew, right? I mean, I don't want to use the word "predictable," but Okay.
That's it.
Look, I don't want to do this, but I've got to take away Purrbo until you finish the microgreens project.
What? No! Gene, you need to focus on the sprouts, not to mention it's interesting.
I mean, we grew food in your room.
I've grown food in my room before.
I mean, stuff has grown on the food I've had in my room, but same dif.
Okay, I'm taking this.
Give it to me.
No, no, no, no, no! Aah! Okay, but listen to me.
Purrbo could die.
- You have to keep him alive.
- I'll keep him alive.
- Promise to keep him alive! - I promise.
I mean, it doesn't seem like that hard of a game.
What do the buttons do? Gene, it'll be fine.
Now get to work on your report, all right? Don't let him freeze! And don't let him overheat! And don't put him in a turtleneck! He hates that! So get this.
Teddy said they haven't shipped the salmon yet.
They think it's gonna go out today.
Unbelievable.
I mean, is the salmon nervous about flying or something? - Have a couple drinks, salmon.
- Hmm.
Also, I'm pretty sure Louise and Tina chugged all the milk and then said we're out of milk so they can go to the store again.
These errands are getting pretty expensive with how much they're skimming off the top to do whatever it is they're doing.
- Yeah! - Yes! We are the world champions at this.
Take that, France! What was that? Was that the cat game? Yeah, I promised Gene I'd take care of it.
Uh, looks like it's windy.
So I guess I press this button? And there's a jacket, and that's it.
Uh-oh.
Did you play the confiscation card and now you're on Purrbo duty and no one's laughing at you at all? You saw how he is with this thing, Lin.
I had no choice.
And also, maybe this is the parental move of the year and people will want me to write parenting books, and I won't dedicate my books to you.
Ugh.
Now it's sunny.
This isn't fun.
I-I don't even like dressing myself.
It shows.
- Hey, Bob.
Hey, Linda.
- Joel! What happened to your arm? I slipped on a wet floor.
You know that phrase "slippery when wet"? Turns out not just the name - of a Bon Jovi album.
- Hmm.
Aw, you give floors a bad name.
Here, let me come out and help you.
- Thanks, Joel.
- See you, Bob.
Hey, Dad, I'm confused about what I'm supposed to measure, the leafy thing or the long thing.
The long thing.
It's called a stem, I think.
Here, let me put this inside, and I'll come up and help.
Okay.
So how's Purrbo? Does he miss me? He's fine.
He's right he - Oh, no.
- What? I had Purrbo in my hand when I went to get the bread, and I must have put it down inside the truck.
- What?! - Oh, Gene.
Uh, it'll be okay.
We'll get him back.
We'd better find him soon, or Purrbo's gonna get a sunburn or a rainburn, all of the burns! This is a nightmare! Nightmares are just insights into suppressed emotions! Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Crap.
Went to voice mail.
Hey, Joel.
It's Bob.
Uh, I think I accidentally left my son's little cat game thing - in the back of your truck.
- Tell Purrbo to be strong! - Tell him Gene loves him! - Aw.
Uh, you probably heard that.
C-Could you please call me when you get this? Thanks.
Okay.
So Joel will call me back, and then we'll go pick it up.
Ooh.
I got to run to the bathroom.
Bob, can you keep an eye out for Teddy's salmon? And that's not a fun euphemism.
Okay.
Gene, I'm really, really sorry I left Purrbo in Joel's truck, but he'll call back soon.
In the meantime, how about we finish your microgreens project? Purrbo would want you to.
You don't understand, Dad.
If Purrbo dies, I have to start over with a new cat, and the history of all the outfits I've ever changed him into erases.
We need to find him now! Gene, what are we supposed to do, just drive around with the windows down screaming "Joel" and hoping he hears us? Joel! This is ridiculous.
We should go home and finish your microgreens project.
Disagree! This is way more important than measuring paper towel plants.
What is the point of that anyway? Uh, maybe it's to help feed the world? What's the point of Purrbo? To dress a cat appropriately for the weather! Are we really having this debate? Joel! Oh, my God.
Wait.
Are those your sisters riding on that thing that's supposed to be for little kids? What are you guys doing? Uh, shopping for Mom.
What are you doing? We don't have time for Operation Moon Poops! We're looking for the bun delivery guy.
- Aren't we all? - He has Purrbo, damn it! - Have you seen him? - I don't know.
Maybe a couple quarters would jog my memory.
Oh, can you take this home to Mom? - Okay.
Wh-What's in here? - Milk.
- It's warm.
- That's, uh, weird.
- It was cold an hour ago.
- We got to go! We got to go! Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Hope you ordered a burger, 'cause I brought you one.
Oh, no! - What? - No! No! Why? - Are you okay? - I missed the delivery! Teddy, I'm so sorry! Can I just get that burger from you real quick? Stupid, stupid salmon! - Joel! - That's it.
We're done.
I'm turning around.
We're going home.
What? No! Admit it, Dad.
You never cared about Purrbo.
That's not true, Gene.
I mean, I don't, really.
Sorry.
You and I just have different relationships with Purrbo.
Jealous much? There's Joel! - Joel! - Joel! Bob, what's going on? Is there an obvious problem with your buns? Could you tell that I kneaded them with my forehead? No, no.
I left you a message.
I'm pretty sure I left my son's game in the back of your truck.
Uh, can we take a quick look? - Oh, sure.
- There it is.
Purrbo! He froze to death! No ! Oh, my God.
Gene, I'm so sorry.
- Hey, Bob.
- Yeah? Is it rude if I gently move your son away from the back of my truck, close the doors and drive away? Uh, I'll-I'll move him.
- I'm so sorry, Gene.
- Just get me home.
I need to get on the Purrbo forum.
I'm going as fast as I can.
Look, I know you're really mad at me and you probably want some space, but maybe you can start over with a new Purrbo.
How dare you! His sweet little kitty body isn't even cold yet.
I mean, it is because you let him freeze to death.
- Again, I'm so sorry.
- Plus, I don't want a new Purrbo.
I want this one with my outfits history.
That's probably gone forever, like kitty litter in the wind.
Do you, uh, want me to tell you a story? That used to make you feel better when you were little.
No! Maybe.
Okay.
Uh, once upon a time, there was, uh, a cat.
Oh, shoot.
Sorry.
I don't know why I said that.
It just came out.
That's 19, which is one away from 20.
Which is the most amount of jelly beans anyone has ever gotten with a sticky hand ever.
And the most jelly beans someone's sister has ever held up for them to hit with a sticky hand ever, probably.
- Yep.
- Excuse me.
We got a complaint that you two have been hogging the spaceship.
- Who, us? - No.
We just got here.
Aren't you guys a little old to be riding this thing? Excuse me? I'm four, and she's five, and we're tall for our age.
Well, anyway, please vacate the ship.
Wait.
No, you got to let us keep going.
We're about to catch our 20th jelly bean with a sticky hand.
Do you have any idea what that means? No.
I'm not sure what you're saying.
It means we're about to make history here.
Oh, great.
The ride stopped.
Okay, buckaroo.
Your turn.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
Fine.
But this store is ageist.
Yeah.
And also, when sticky hand jelly beaning is a professional sport, - you're gonna look like a fool.
- You make me sick! Stupid missed delivery slip.
Uh-oh.
It's Teddy.
- Uh, you get it.
- Huh? No, no.
That's crazy.
Uh, just kidding.
You enjoy your meal.
- Hi, Teddy.
- Hey, Lin.
I'm at the beach looking at the ocean, where fish live, and it made me think of salmon, so I thought I'd check in.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, uh, how's your mom doing? Has she been hanging a whole lot of tens? Mom's doing great.
She's making me take slo-mo videos of her surfing.
She said she's gonna figure out a way to monetize it.
I don't really get how.
- That's fun.
- Yeah.
So, any updates, fish-related or otherwise? Listen, Teddy, I got to tell you something.
Okay.
Hi.
Are you, uh, Linda Belcher? Yes! Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Uh, a package just arrived, and-and it says "perishable" on the box, and "Alaska.
" Lin, it's got to be the salmon.
- So I didn't miss the delivery.
- What? But then what was this? Oh, it was Bob's special insoles.
Oh, he's gonna be sad.
He was really excited about those.
Teddy, I'm gonna put the salmon in the freezer right now.
Great.
Thanks.
Hey, Lin, I ordered some ribs and had them sent to you guys as a thank-you.
The delivery should come between 5:00 a.
m.
and 3:00 p.
m.
- Oh, God.
- You got to dip it in the vinegar, - which I had sent separately.
- Oh, no, no, no.
And that's coming sometime between 9:00 and 9:00.
No! All right.
Fine.
I like ribs.
Okay, I searched the forum, and Meow-ton Abbey says you should be able to keep your history if you push a pin in the hole on the top of Purrbo and press both buttons at the same time.
I guess Purrbo and I know each other well enough for me to do that to him.
I'm gonna find a pushpin.
Huh.
That looks like an active forum.
It's a very supportive and nurturing community.
I was looking forward to posting something.
My name was gonna be Bohemian Cat-sody.
- Huh.
Nice.
- Okay.
Found a pin.
Here.
Let me hold the pin in the hole, and y-you push the buttons.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Come on, come on, come on, Purrbo.
- He's back.
- Yes! Hold on.
Let me see if my outfits are still there.
- Yes! - Oh, thank God.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm so happy to see that cat and his clothes again.
- Now I can finish my project.
- Great.
L-Let's observe some sprouts.
Oh.
Not that project.
A Purrbo-based project.
- A Purr-ject.
- Oh.
Wh-What is it? It's not finished, but I'll show you what I have so far.
Meow, meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow.
♪ - Hey, that's great, Gene.
- Thank you.
I don't know if anything has ever won every Oscar, - but I feel like this has a shot.
- I mean, I have to admit I don't love that game, but look what you did.
You made something new and creative and fun with it because you're interested in interesting things, which I wasn't worried about at all that much.
I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about Purrbo.
That's okay.
I know it's way over some people's head.
Yeah.
But you know what? We should still probably finish your microgreens report.
It is due tomorrow, right? Maybe I just show my teacher this Purrbo thing and say I took a different approach? I don't think that'll work.
Can I at least dress the microgreens in little hats? - Sure.
- Yeah! So you guys finished both projects? - Yep.
- Yeah.
We made my Purrbo video, and we observed the heck out of some broccoli sprouts to the point where I think they got uncomfortable.
And you'll be enjoying them with your meal this evening, which I assume will make them happy.
- Hey, Tina, hold up a sprout.
- Okay.
- Yeah! - Nice.
Ooh, sticky hand.
Let me try.
Oh, my face! Meow, meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪ Meow, meow ♪ - Purrbo.
- That's your name.
- Meow, meow! - Meow, meow! - Purrbo.
Purrbo.
- Purrbo.
Purrbo.
- Purrbo.
Purrbo.
- Purrbo.
Purrbo.
Meow, meow ♪