Bob's Burgers s13e08 Episode Script
Putts-giving
1
TINA: Hey. Mm. Hey. Mm. Hey?
Uh, Tina, do you have
a fly in your hair?
And are you high-fiving it?
No, I was trying to figure
out a more mature look.
I mean, you smell mature.
Tammy's having a post-Thanksgiving
bonfire beach party on Saturday,
and rumor has it that
her older cousin is coming
and she's bringing boys
from her high school.
Whoa, real-life high
school teens? In the wild?
- With their iPods and goatees?
- Yes.
And that's why I have
to look extra mature.
- Which I hope this is. Or this?
- You should wear a business suit
and tell everyone you're
on a conference call.
Do Mom and Dad know about this
mature older teen people party?
Well, I'm kind of waiting
for the perfect moment
to ask them permission. I
tried when Mom was asleep,
but I'm not sure it
really counted as asking.
That's how Dad proposed. I assume.
Lot of Thanksgiving food in here, Bob.
We're just one family,
right? (short chuckle) God.
It's exactly the right amount, Lin.
Are you worried about the
meal being too amazing?
I just can't find the milk.
Do you think the turkey drank it?
If it did, that's
fine. It's allowed to do
- whatever it wants in there.
- Oh!
Found it. I don't know how
we're getting it back in there,
so we got to finish this. Oh, look,
that coupon for the
mini-golf place expires today.
We meant to take the kids
all summer and never did.
Oh, well. It's into the trash
for you, little coupon thingy.
- Zoom. Poop.
- Mother. Father.
Thanksgiving, huh? Did I RSVP yet?
I mean, we were hoping
you could make it.
Speaking of RSVP'ing, there's
something coming up this weekend
- that I would like to ask
- Wait, what's happening here?
-Um um
-Don't throw that out. That's a 50% off
Mystery Planet World mini-golf coupon.
That's the most valuable thing we own.
I know, hon, but it
expires today. Sorry.
We'll do something
fun one day, I promise.
But giant centipedes?
This tentacle thing?
Rudy says this dancing yeti
is amazing. We have to go.
- What if we went right now?
- Nothing big's happening today.
I know you're kidding.
You're kidding, right?
Think about it. Going
on Thanksgiving means
not many people will be there.
Yeah, because it's cold outside
and people are at home
doing a much better thing.
Dad. We could potentially have
an entire mini-golf
course to ourselves,
like it's ours,
like we're a bunch of
mini madcap millionaires
running around at our
private mini-golf estate.
I think that was an
episode of Succession.
I mean, we could go for a
little bit and then come back
and you'd still have plenty
of time to stick the turkey
in the oven when we got home.
I don't just stick the
turkey in the oven, Lin.
- Yeah. First you kiss it all over.
- Gene.
Wait, they have a snack bar?
With taquitos? Get me in there!
No. No taquitos. If you ate taquitos,
- you wouldn't have any room for dinner.
- I will make room.
Tina, what do you say
Thanksgiving mini-golf?
Uh, I mean, only if Mom and Dad want to.
I just respect them both so much.
Well, it could be a sort of fun
Thanksgiving family thing to do.
Ooh, I could sneak wine in a thermos.
No, no. I won't do that.
Maybe. I don't know.
- Please?
- Please?
Fine, as long as we go
for, like, 20 minutes,
and then come right
back home so I can cook.
Between 20 and 95 minutes.
- Okay, yeah.
- Yay! - Yay!
Let me just say goodbye to the turkey.
LOUISE: Yes! Look how
empty the parking lot is.
That's a good sign, right?
BOB: Yeah, like, maybe it's closed?
- LOUISE: Dad. No.
- BOB: Sorry.
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
I'm not gonna run, but
trust me, I am very excited.
(gasps)
This is my new home.
Oh, people. Welcome.
- Hi.
- Every year I stay open, thinking
mini-golf on Thanksgiving
will become a thing,
like going to the movies on Christmas
or bowling on Mother's Day.
And then I wait and wait,
and just as I'm about to
give up, someone comes.
And it's us. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh, great, the one family
that comes today has a coupon.
- That's great.
- Yeah, sorry. Coupon.
Excuse me, I'm wondering
where the snack bar is located.
And are your taquitos locally sourced?
- Gene.
- Here's your putters, golf balls,
scorecard, and your little pencils.
And remember, here at
Planet Mystery World,
your balls won't know what hit 'em.
- Love it.
- Okay.
All right, yeti, time
to eat some spaghetti.
Your little dancing legs
aren't gonna stop me twice.
Wait, this is your
third putt though, right?
Shush, shush, shush. (grunts)
Yes! There it is.
YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
Now your ball can be
friends with all our balls
that have been on that
side, waiting patiently.
I still don't understand why the yeti
says, "Mini-golf, yum."
He's not eating the balls.
They're basically
going between his legs.
Because he's the full package, Dad.
When you putt through
there, his legs go superfast.
When you putt through there,
that gets his arms going.
And when you putt through
there, his head spins.
And no matter what
hole you get it through,
he says, "Mini-golf, yum"
because he's a gentleman.
Geez, wouldn't it be great
to see him do all that stuff
at the same time? I know we're all
- thinking that.
- BOB: Mm-hmm.
Okay, yeti hole done.
On to the next one.
Wait, Lin, you-you didn't
tell me what you got.
- Probably same as you.
- Well, I got two.
Yeah, so did I. Plus two. So, four.
I-I don't think you did, but fine.
No, I did. Oh, look at the next hole.
Ooh, army guys being attacked
by giant ants. Political.
- Come on. Here we go.
- Wait, wait, people.
Seems like we're kind of
at the best hole already.
What if we just stayed here
and kept the yeti party going?
But what about the rest of the course?
Come on, Mom. This is the
kind of thing you can do
when there's no one else here.
I mean, we can do whatever we want.
When else do we get to
experience this type of freedom?
Naked Thursdays?
I keep telling you
we're not doing those.
You're not doing those.
Anyway, Tina, Gene and I
will catch up to you guys.
Go warm up those crazy
mystery monsters for us.
As long as we're home when we
said we'd be home, I'm good.
All right, fine. But be safe.
Don't hit each other with your putters.
You know that's why my Great Uncle Joe
can't count to more than 15.
Was a putter. In the
head. And quitting school.
Okay, see you soon. Family!
- (exclaims)
- Sounds good. Love you.
Okay, here's what I'm thinking, guys.
What if we try to get our three balls
into the three tunnels
at the exact same time?
Yeti gets sweaty because
now he's got to do
head-spin, arm flap, and
his little dance all at once.
Think about it. This is like
the next stage of his evolution.
It'd be criminal not to help this yeti
- reach its full potential.
- I'm in.
It sounds like important work
and a little less walking.
Um, I think I'm gonna just play
the actual game with Mom and Dad.
Ha! You're kidding, right?
Look, you can do whatever
it is you want to do here,
but I need to stay clean.
Stay clean?
Yes. I want to get permission to go to
Tammy's possible high
school boys bonfire party.
You want to do that more
than do this cool fun thing
I just made up with the yeti?
I mean, is it going to be that fun?
- (gasps)
- Oh, my goodness.
Okay, Tina, I think you're having, like,
a "boring" flare-up
right now or something.
Or maybe I'm just having
a maturity flare-up.
And you're having a
maturity flare-down.
- Excuse me?
- 'Cause you're immature.
Oh, really? Then maybe it's better
if we just don't play together.
Yeah. Maybe it is.
Okay, well, enjoy your dumb game
of regular mini-golf, I guess.
Have fun being immature and
messing something up, probably.
- We will!
- Perfect.
Oof, that was intense. Taquito break?
Tina calling me immature.
I'm not immature.
She's the immature
dumb-dummy-boob-head.
Yeah, what about wanting to see a yeti
do a funny dance is immature?
We're basically scientists.
(grunts) Little ball,
why must you mock me?
Ugh, we wouldn't have
needed to find a third ball
if a certain sister wasn't
messing everything up.
(grunts) Got it.
You know, I bet once Tina
sees how much fun we're having,
she'll come crawling back.
I'm already having fun.
Although this ground has
a distinct vomit smell
that I don't love.
Oh, yeah. All right, let's go.
So, Tina, you didn't want to hang back
with Gene and Louise and the Bigfoot?
Yeah, I guess I'm just
a little too mature
for that kind of kid stuff.
And, totally hypothetical,
Yes. Yes
what's your stance on
bonfire beach parties with
- Yes! Hole in one!
- Oh.
I got a hole in one! Ha-ha!
- Um
- Wow, Lin. Good job.
Still behind, but, you
know, it helps your score.
A little. Not really.
Hey, I get to ring this bell.
MANAGER (on P.A.): Ha-ho!
That's a hole in one!
Unless you cheated or you
just ring any old bell you see.
- I can't tell from here.
- Ha-ha!
Okay, I'm gonna go hit
another hole in one.
Um, Tina and I are still on this o
Oh, you're walking away.
That's fine. We'll catch up.
'Cause we're so much quicker
than you. N-never mind.
- Damn it.
- Seven. Lucky number seven.
You know, the ground here is
weird. They need to fix that.
- Damn it. Stupid ground.
- Eight. Eight is great.
I guess you're probably
not looking to have anyone
ask you any questions about
weekend plans right now.
Um, because you're busy
being mad at the ground.
- Which makes sense.
- What's that, honey?
You wanted to ask me something?
- Yeah, um
- Damn! (grunts)
- Oh. No.
- Nine.
- You hush.
- Is fine.
Okay, on three.
One, two, three!
- Ugh.
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
These dang legs are driving me nuts.
'Cause they're gorgeous or 'cause they
- keep getting in the way?
- Both.
If Tina wasn't being
such a matur-a-nerd,
we'd have three people,
one for each hole,
and we wouldn't be having this problem.
Should we give up? Shake the yeti's hand
and hope we can still all be friends?
No. Gene, get your ball.
Get in position, soldier.
Get ready to geti this yeti.
Grab your putter, grab your ball ♪
Do it all at
Planet Mystery World ♪
Grab your putter, grab your ball ♪
Do it all at
Planet Mystery World ♪
Putt, putt, putt, putt,
putty, putt-putt, putt-putt ♪
Putt, putt, putt,
putt, putty, putt-putt ♪
Putt, putt, putty,
putty, putt-putt ♪
Putt-putt, putt,
putty, putt-putt. ♪
Okay, I think if I bank
it off the side here,
hard but not too hard,
I've got a shot at it.
I think that's the secret to this hole.
That's the secret to
this one for sure, I bet.
Lin, I think maybe you're
chasing the dragon a little bit.
You don't need to get
another hole in one.
At this point, just be happy
to get the ball in the hole at all.
I do need to get
another hole in one, Bob.
I've tasted it. I can't go
back now. You don't know.
Tina, your mom's losing
it. But we still love her.
Yeah. And we'd love for her
to get another hole in one
so she could be happy and
open to talking about stuff.
Like, I don't know,
maybe cool bonfire stuff.
- Oh, come on.
- Or not.
How did I do it before?
I feel like I had something
pure about my swing.
- Now I'm all tight.
- You do look a little stiff.
Did you see how when I did
it I had this loose motion
- J Dut, dut, dut, dut.
- Sorry.
That hole in one. It
was effortless. So free.
Who was that Linda? I want
to be that person again.
Don't beat yourself up, Lin.
We're beating you so badly already.
Tina, what were you saying?
That you wanted to go home
and watch me make Thanksgiving dinner?
Uh, no. I mean, yes, so much.
But, uh, yeah, I was just talking about
a gathering this weekend,
with, um, high school boys.
- High school boys?
- What?
High school boys? What? (laughs weakly)
No, I was saying, "Hi, school boys."
Um, oh, where'd they go? Uh,
thought they were right there.
(chuckles weakly) I'm just
gonna, uh, run to the bathroom.
I'll-I'll meet you
guys at the next hole.
Damn it! Bob, let me try your putter.
- And your ball. Don't look at me.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Ugh! Is it too much to ask
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
To get all three balls
in at the same time
to see a yeti do a bunch of crazy stuff?
- Who said that Lincoln?
- Hmm.
It'd be easier if we could
get those legs to stop moving.
That's what they said
about that Road Runner.
What if we stick a putter in there?
That could work, right?
They shouldn't have
given us putters if they
didn't want us to stick them places.
Yeah. Now we won't need Tina at all.
So, if she just never
wants to play with us again,
I guess that'd be
(scoffs) totally fine.
There's the Thanksgiving spirit.
I'll stick the putter
in, we'll roll the balls,
and then I'll pull it out
before it starts to dance.
And then our lives change forever
- and we never look back.
- (grunts)
Okay, let's get into position.
Aye aye.
Ready? Roll!
- Mini-golf, yum!
- Yes!
Oh, wait, crap the putter.
Yum Yum!
- Yum. Yum, yum!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Gene, a little help?
Gene, a little help!
Uh
- (gasps)
- Oh, no.
You can barely tell.
Okay, looking good. Dang it!
Why do they have to make these things
so darn easy to break
when you shove a metal object in them?
Oh, God. I don't want
to go to mini-golf jail.
I bet the cells are diabolical
little worlds unto themselves.
With Astroturf everywhere.
Oh, this day could not get any worse.
Whose idea was it to go mini-golfing
on Thanksgiving, anyway?
Wait, what if we sort
of wedge it in here?
Aah! Yeti, why can't you
hold yourself together?
- You're better than this.
- Ugh. Well,
Tina will be thrilled. She said
we were gonna break
something, and now she's right
and I hate when I'm
not the one who's right.
Maybe we make a sign that says
"Out of order, but not because
two great kids broke it."
Oh, crap, it's Tina. Quick,
make the legs look not broken.
Oh, hey, you.
- Hey. Just going to the bathroom.
- Great. Great. Love it.
Don't make the same mistake
I did and assume that outhouse
over there with a
wolfman peeking out of it
is fully functional, because it is not.
(forced laugh)
How's your yeti game going?
Uh, amazing, actually. (chuckles)
Really, really fun.
And amazing. And great.
- All of those things.
- We're just taking a little break.
Because it's so fun.
Actually, you know
(scoffs) exhausting.
From the hooting and the
hollering. Just got to recharge.
Wait, is something wrong with the legs?
You mean, why do they look perfect?
Aren't they supposed to
be moving? Are they broken?
- Did you break them?
- What? No.
Well, it looks like
you're holding them up.
Holding them up is part of the game?
Oops. We lost.
I knew it. I knew you
would break something
doing whatever it is
you were doing over here.
Well, I'd rather have
fun and be immature
and accidentally break something
than be a "too grown up to hang out
"with her super cool siblings
who invent life-changing games" person.
Okay. I'm just gonna
pretend I didn't see it
and go back to Mom and Dad.
Well, go to the bathroom
first, obviously,
but then back to them.
So, good luck with this.
Yeah, just go pee. Or poop.
Whatever you're gonna do.
- It's pee. Number one.
- We know what number pee is.
So, Mexico? You, me and
the legs? On the run?
We try to stay one step
ahead of the federales?
Maybe we end up learning a thing or two?
- About life? About ourselves?
- (sighs)
Come on. You got this, Linda.
Clear your mind.
Nothing in there at all.
- Bob, don't breathe.
- 'Kay.
Aah! You know what it is?
It's those aliens eating
pizza. They're distracting me.
Really? They didn't
distract me. I like them.
They're interested in our culture.
They're not interested
in anyone but themselves.
Linda, I'm a little scared
to talk to you right now,
but, um, we lost our kids.
And now we're just
two middle-aged people
playing mini-golf on Thanksgiving.
One normal, and one you.
So, how about we just call
it, find the kids, and go?
And then I can cook dinner.
And we could possibly
never do this again.
Bob, I need this. And I'm going to get
another hole in one and
as soon as I do, we can go.
Also, we're not playing by ourselves.
Tina still likes us.
She's just in the bathroom.
Oh, crumb bums! This is your fault.
- I miss Tina.
- And your fault, other alien.
So smug.
- Ugh, poor, dumb mini-golf goofs.
- (both grunting)
Nope, nope. Going back to Mom and Dad.
Not gonna get involved in this.
I've got a teen party on the line.
Oh, crap. The manager.
He's gonna see them.
Uh
Oh, um, uh, excuse me,
mister, uh, mini-manager.
That's my name, ha-ha. No,
it's not. It-it's Michael.
- Uh, what can I do for you?
- Uh, I'm I was just
wondering, um, could you tell me
what's the story behind that?
And keep looking
this way while you do it?
Oh, that? I had it
made for my wife
for our tenth wedding anniversary.
She didn't want it in the
house, so I brought it out here.
Wow. That's really, really
great and interesting.
Yeah, turns out her and I
have very different ideas
about what makes a
great gift, apparently.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I got to go wipe the bird
poop off the mermaid sculpture.
I made a promise to her
years ago and I'm keeping it.
The mermaid, not my wife. But my wife
and the mermaid are
friends, so it's fine.
Yeah, you should definitely
go in that direction
and do that right away.
And, uh, take your time.
(chuckles weakly)
Okay, I'm done helping.
(groans) Fine, still helping.
This is so stupid.
Are we gonna have to
hold these dumb legs up
for the rest of our lives?
I'm sick of holding up my own legs.
Ugh, let's put them down.
Gene, I don't think we
have any other choice.
We're just gonna have to
go and tell Mom and Dad
that we broke the yeti.
And then Tina will say, "I told you so"
and then we'll go to mini-golf jail
and probably have to
make mini license plates.
Do you think we'll still be allowed
to have Thanksgiving dinner tonight
before the cops take us away?
Maybe Mom will pack us a
little jail turkey or something.
- Oh, God.
- Guys, wait.
What do you want, Tina?
Yes, we broke this thing
and now we're gonna
get into huge trouble.
You were right, we were dumb. Happy?
No. Listen, don't tell
Mom and Dad anything.
What? We have to. There's
no way to fix that yeti.
Turns out we're not the
savvy mechanical engineers
- I assumed we were.
- We've leaned it, tilted it,
and leaned it again. What else is there?
And don't say leaning. We've tried that.
We need something to replace
this broken rod in here
that the legs rest on like, um
oh, this.
That tiny pencil? But it's so wee.
No, we get a whole bunch of them.
Oh, my God, Tina, you're a genius.
Gene, pencils. Quick, let's go.
I've never run towards a
pencil in my life, but okay!
- Okay, here's the goods.
- And I kept one for myself
to put behind my ear like
an old-timey newspaper man.
Great. So, I'm gonna
jam a bunch of pencils
into this gear thing until it
works again. Fingers crossed.
Oh, God.
I love it.
Are you sure you're not
moonlighting for NASA?
You can tell us, we're cool.
Nice. Got it in two. Two for Bob.
Yeah, yeah, Tommy Two-Strokes.
Get ready for Linda
Look-at-my-Hole-in-One.
Just as long as you don't
permanently change your name to that.
Okay. Feeling really,
really good about this one.
No! I-I
I hit it by accident. Redo, redo.
Okay, I'll just put a little asterisk
on the scorecard and write "redo".
But go ahead and start again.
I will. And if I get it
in one, it counts as one.
Yup. Just gonna put that asterisk.
We're doing everything
we can. Stay calm.
You're gonna dance
again. Oh, how you'll dance.
- (bell rings)
- MICHAEL: Ooh! More customers.
Thanksgiving mini-golf
is officially happening.
Oh, crap. More people showed
up. We got to fix this quick.
- MICHAEL: Welcome, welcome!
- Hide.
Planet Mystery World at your service.
I'm coming right over.
- LOUISE: Hurry, Tina.
- I know, I know.
GENE: Push in those
pencils, pencil pusher.
It's the final hole.
This is my last chance.
The power is inside you,
Linda. Find that power again.
Shoot, did I take the butter
out of the fridge before we left?
- Bob! Putting!
- Sorry.
Yes, yes, yes.
No. No. Are you kidding me?!
- (grumbling, moaning)
- You're still a wonderful person, Lin.
Don't let mini-golf destroy you.
Hey, you got a hole in one in life?
- And at the fourth hole.
- And at the fourth hole.
Which I will remember forever.
Yes. Can we go home now so
I can finally make dinner?
- And have wine?
- And have wine.
All right! Let's get the kids
- and get the hell out of here!
- Oh, thank God.
M'kay, this seems like the
right amount of pencils,
because that's all we
had. Let's put the legs on.
(all grunting)
LINDA: Hey, kids, wherever you are!
It's time to go home and eat.
Okay, great. Quick, quick, quick.
And don't bother asking about the score
because I threw out the scorecard
and it doesn't matter, no one cares.
My score was really good, though.
- Just saying.
- No.
Please let this work.
Legs, don't fail us now.
Okay, let's slowly let go and step back
and act like everything
we're doing right now
is totally natural.
Yes! I mean, yeah, this
is how his legs work.
And this is how I stand
when I'm being super normal.
Okay, let's wrap it up so we can
head back home to Turkey Town.
Where we belong.
- Ready. - Sounds good.
- Yep, yep.
I want to go do the yeti!
Okay, okay, slow down.
(chuckles) She loves the yeti.
What's not to love?
Great hole. Great yeti.
Yup, yup.
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
- (metal clanking)
- GIRL: Oh, no!
- (gasping)
MOTHER: Oh, God. Is
that supposed to happen?
Uh, and we're walking to the car
(sighs) No, wait.
Mom, Dad, Gene and I have
to tell you something.
When I said we'd pay for
it I was really hoping
he would say, "That's okay."
But now we're paying for it.
The kids are paying for it.
Right, but that means we
have to start paying them
so they can pay us. So,
really, we're paying.
- Well, they're grounded.
- And banned.
Banned from a mini-golf course.
- (scoffs)
- Should we leave them somewhere?
Yeah, I'll keep an eye
out for a good spot.
I'd just like to mention
again how sorry we are.
And how Thanksgiving is
a time of forgiveness.
And also, Tina was right.
Gene and I shouldn't have
been messing with the legs.
It was an accident and it
could've happened to anyone.
I mean, dancing yetis?
A lot of moving parts.
A lot that can go wrong.
- Yeah, I guess that's true.
- Yeah, maybe.
Thanks, T.
Dancing yetis is what
I'm gonna call my S-Corp.
There you are. You look amazing.
I missed you so much
while I was at mini-golf.
(high-pitched): You played
mini-golf without me?
(normal voice): Wait,
you like mini-golf?
(high-pitched): Of course I
like mini-golf. I'm a turkey.
(normal voice): Right, right,
sorry. I'll-I'll take you next time?
- (high-pitched): Good.
- Next year, I'm just gonna
sit on the couch, have
some wine, not shower
and watch the parade on
TV like a normal person.
Happy Thanksgiving, Bob.
(normal voice): Happy Thanksgiving, Lin.
Mwah.
Ooh, you already have mashed potatoes
- in your mustache, somehow.
- Oh, God, I do.
- Ha! Mash-stache.
- Mm.
Sorry we got you grounded
and you have to miss the party, Tina.
With the high school boys farting
their high school farts
all over the beach.
Yeah. But there will be other
high school boys parties.
In high school, I'm assuming?
Hey, um, also sorry for, uh,
sort of being jerky earlier.
And for calling you a
dumb-dummy-boob-head.
- You called me that?
- Not to your face, but yeah.
I'm sorry too. I was a
little on a high horse today.
And not just 'cause of
that one hole we played that
had that really big horse being ridden
by another smaller horse.
You were kind of amazing today.
I mean, it didn't work for
long. But it worked for a minute.
Thanks. And, hey, it
was pretty mature of you
to tell Mom and Dad the truth.
We're grown-up folk
now. I drink seltzer.
Louise, I know we're
not always going to want
to do the same things, but
I'll always have your back.
- Same here.
- And I've got all your backs, too.
I'll never put anything
ahead of my sisters.
- BOB: Kids. Dinner.
- Turkey!
- Get out of my way!
- TINA: Hey. Ow!
- LOUISE: Gene, watch it!
- (Gene babbling)
LOUISE: Three, two, one, roll ♪
With just one goal ♪
Got to get it just right ♪
To make the yeti go ♪
Head spin, arm flaps ♪
Legs do their tippy-tap ♪
All at once is a vision ♪
But only with precision ♪
Three, two, one,
roll, just one goal ♪
Got to get it just
right to make the yeti go ♪
- Sometimes the legs fall off ♪
- Say what? ♪
But then Tina comes
and saves your butt ♪
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum! ♪
- LOUISE: Three, two, one, roll ♪
With just one goal ♪
Got to get it just
right to make the yeti ♪
TINA/GENE: Yeti go ♪
- Three, two, one, roll ♪
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum! ♪
- Y-Yum, y-yum ♪
- Mini-golf, yum! ♪
TINA: Hey. Mm. Hey. Mm. Hey?
Uh, Tina, do you have
a fly in your hair?
And are you high-fiving it?
No, I was trying to figure
out a more mature look.
I mean, you smell mature.
Tammy's having a post-Thanksgiving
bonfire beach party on Saturday,
and rumor has it that
her older cousin is coming
and she's bringing boys
from her high school.
Whoa, real-life high
school teens? In the wild?
- With their iPods and goatees?
- Yes.
And that's why I have
to look extra mature.
- Which I hope this is. Or this?
- You should wear a business suit
and tell everyone you're
on a conference call.
Do Mom and Dad know about this
mature older teen people party?
Well, I'm kind of waiting
for the perfect moment
to ask them permission. I
tried when Mom was asleep,
but I'm not sure it
really counted as asking.
That's how Dad proposed. I assume.
Lot of Thanksgiving food in here, Bob.
We're just one family,
right? (short chuckle) God.
It's exactly the right amount, Lin.
Are you worried about the
meal being too amazing?
I just can't find the milk.
Do you think the turkey drank it?
If it did, that's
fine. It's allowed to do
- whatever it wants in there.
- Oh!
Found it. I don't know how
we're getting it back in there,
so we got to finish this. Oh, look,
that coupon for the
mini-golf place expires today.
We meant to take the kids
all summer and never did.
Oh, well. It's into the trash
for you, little coupon thingy.
- Zoom. Poop.
- Mother. Father.
Thanksgiving, huh? Did I RSVP yet?
I mean, we were hoping
you could make it.
Speaking of RSVP'ing, there's
something coming up this weekend
- that I would like to ask
- Wait, what's happening here?
-Um um
-Don't throw that out. That's a 50% off
Mystery Planet World mini-golf coupon.
That's the most valuable thing we own.
I know, hon, but it
expires today. Sorry.
We'll do something
fun one day, I promise.
But giant centipedes?
This tentacle thing?
Rudy says this dancing yeti
is amazing. We have to go.
- What if we went right now?
- Nothing big's happening today.
I know you're kidding.
You're kidding, right?
Think about it. Going
on Thanksgiving means
not many people will be there.
Yeah, because it's cold outside
and people are at home
doing a much better thing.
Dad. We could potentially have
an entire mini-golf
course to ourselves,
like it's ours,
like we're a bunch of
mini madcap millionaires
running around at our
private mini-golf estate.
I think that was an
episode of Succession.
I mean, we could go for a
little bit and then come back
and you'd still have plenty
of time to stick the turkey
in the oven when we got home.
I don't just stick the
turkey in the oven, Lin.
- Yeah. First you kiss it all over.
- Gene.
Wait, they have a snack bar?
With taquitos? Get me in there!
No. No taquitos. If you ate taquitos,
- you wouldn't have any room for dinner.
- I will make room.
Tina, what do you say
Thanksgiving mini-golf?
Uh, I mean, only if Mom and Dad want to.
I just respect them both so much.
Well, it could be a sort of fun
Thanksgiving family thing to do.
Ooh, I could sneak wine in a thermos.
No, no. I won't do that.
Maybe. I don't know.
- Please?
- Please?
Fine, as long as we go
for, like, 20 minutes,
and then come right
back home so I can cook.
Between 20 and 95 minutes.
- Okay, yeah.
- Yay! - Yay!
Let me just say goodbye to the turkey.
LOUISE: Yes! Look how
empty the parking lot is.
That's a good sign, right?
BOB: Yeah, like, maybe it's closed?
- LOUISE: Dad. No.
- BOB: Sorry.
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
I'm not gonna run, but
trust me, I am very excited.
(gasps)
This is my new home.
Oh, people. Welcome.
- Hi.
- Every year I stay open, thinking
mini-golf on Thanksgiving
will become a thing,
like going to the movies on Christmas
or bowling on Mother's Day.
And then I wait and wait,
and just as I'm about to
give up, someone comes.
And it's us. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh, great, the one family
that comes today has a coupon.
- That's great.
- Yeah, sorry. Coupon.
Excuse me, I'm wondering
where the snack bar is located.
And are your taquitos locally sourced?
- Gene.
- Here's your putters, golf balls,
scorecard, and your little pencils.
And remember, here at
Planet Mystery World,
your balls won't know what hit 'em.
- Love it.
- Okay.
All right, yeti, time
to eat some spaghetti.
Your little dancing legs
aren't gonna stop me twice.
Wait, this is your
third putt though, right?
Shush, shush, shush. (grunts)
Yes! There it is.
YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
Now your ball can be
friends with all our balls
that have been on that
side, waiting patiently.
I still don't understand why the yeti
says, "Mini-golf, yum."
He's not eating the balls.
They're basically
going between his legs.
Because he's the full package, Dad.
When you putt through
there, his legs go superfast.
When you putt through there,
that gets his arms going.
And when you putt through
there, his head spins.
And no matter what
hole you get it through,
he says, "Mini-golf, yum"
because he's a gentleman.
Geez, wouldn't it be great
to see him do all that stuff
at the same time? I know we're all
- thinking that.
- BOB: Mm-hmm.
Okay, yeti hole done.
On to the next one.
Wait, Lin, you-you didn't
tell me what you got.
- Probably same as you.
- Well, I got two.
Yeah, so did I. Plus two. So, four.
I-I don't think you did, but fine.
No, I did. Oh, look at the next hole.
Ooh, army guys being attacked
by giant ants. Political.
- Come on. Here we go.
- Wait, wait, people.
Seems like we're kind of
at the best hole already.
What if we just stayed here
and kept the yeti party going?
But what about the rest of the course?
Come on, Mom. This is the
kind of thing you can do
when there's no one else here.
I mean, we can do whatever we want.
When else do we get to
experience this type of freedom?
Naked Thursdays?
I keep telling you
we're not doing those.
You're not doing those.
Anyway, Tina, Gene and I
will catch up to you guys.
Go warm up those crazy
mystery monsters for us.
As long as we're home when we
said we'd be home, I'm good.
All right, fine. But be safe.
Don't hit each other with your putters.
You know that's why my Great Uncle Joe
can't count to more than 15.
Was a putter. In the
head. And quitting school.
Okay, see you soon. Family!
- (exclaims)
- Sounds good. Love you.
Okay, here's what I'm thinking, guys.
What if we try to get our three balls
into the three tunnels
at the exact same time?
Yeti gets sweaty because
now he's got to do
head-spin, arm flap, and
his little dance all at once.
Think about it. This is like
the next stage of his evolution.
It'd be criminal not to help this yeti
- reach its full potential.
- I'm in.
It sounds like important work
and a little less walking.
Um, I think I'm gonna just play
the actual game with Mom and Dad.
Ha! You're kidding, right?
Look, you can do whatever
it is you want to do here,
but I need to stay clean.
Stay clean?
Yes. I want to get permission to go to
Tammy's possible high
school boys bonfire party.
You want to do that more
than do this cool fun thing
I just made up with the yeti?
I mean, is it going to be that fun?
- (gasps)
- Oh, my goodness.
Okay, Tina, I think you're having, like,
a "boring" flare-up
right now or something.
Or maybe I'm just having
a maturity flare-up.
And you're having a
maturity flare-down.
- Excuse me?
- 'Cause you're immature.
Oh, really? Then maybe it's better
if we just don't play together.
Yeah. Maybe it is.
Okay, well, enjoy your dumb game
of regular mini-golf, I guess.
Have fun being immature and
messing something up, probably.
- We will!
- Perfect.
Oof, that was intense. Taquito break?
Tina calling me immature.
I'm not immature.
She's the immature
dumb-dummy-boob-head.
Yeah, what about wanting to see a yeti
do a funny dance is immature?
We're basically scientists.
(grunts) Little ball,
why must you mock me?
Ugh, we wouldn't have
needed to find a third ball
if a certain sister wasn't
messing everything up.
(grunts) Got it.
You know, I bet once Tina
sees how much fun we're having,
she'll come crawling back.
I'm already having fun.
Although this ground has
a distinct vomit smell
that I don't love.
Oh, yeah. All right, let's go.
So, Tina, you didn't want to hang back
with Gene and Louise and the Bigfoot?
Yeah, I guess I'm just
a little too mature
for that kind of kid stuff.
And, totally hypothetical,
Yes. Yes
what's your stance on
bonfire beach parties with
- Yes! Hole in one!
- Oh.
I got a hole in one! Ha-ha!
- Um
- Wow, Lin. Good job.
Still behind, but, you
know, it helps your score.
A little. Not really.
Hey, I get to ring this bell.
MANAGER (on P.A.): Ha-ho!
That's a hole in one!
Unless you cheated or you
just ring any old bell you see.
- I can't tell from here.
- Ha-ha!
Okay, I'm gonna go hit
another hole in one.
Um, Tina and I are still on this o
Oh, you're walking away.
That's fine. We'll catch up.
'Cause we're so much quicker
than you. N-never mind.
- Damn it.
- Seven. Lucky number seven.
You know, the ground here is
weird. They need to fix that.
- Damn it. Stupid ground.
- Eight. Eight is great.
I guess you're probably
not looking to have anyone
ask you any questions about
weekend plans right now.
Um, because you're busy
being mad at the ground.
- Which makes sense.
- What's that, honey?
You wanted to ask me something?
- Yeah, um
- Damn! (grunts)
- Oh. No.
- Nine.
- You hush.
- Is fine.
Okay, on three.
One, two, three!
- Ugh.
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
These dang legs are driving me nuts.
'Cause they're gorgeous or 'cause they
- keep getting in the way?
- Both.
If Tina wasn't being
such a matur-a-nerd,
we'd have three people,
one for each hole,
and we wouldn't be having this problem.
Should we give up? Shake the yeti's hand
and hope we can still all be friends?
No. Gene, get your ball.
Get in position, soldier.
Get ready to geti this yeti.
Grab your putter, grab your ball ♪
Do it all at
Planet Mystery World ♪
Grab your putter, grab your ball ♪
Do it all at
Planet Mystery World ♪
Putt, putt, putt, putt,
putty, putt-putt, putt-putt ♪
Putt, putt, putt,
putt, putty, putt-putt ♪
Putt, putt, putty,
putty, putt-putt ♪
Putt-putt, putt,
putty, putt-putt. ♪
Okay, I think if I bank
it off the side here,
hard but not too hard,
I've got a shot at it.
I think that's the secret to this hole.
That's the secret to
this one for sure, I bet.
Lin, I think maybe you're
chasing the dragon a little bit.
You don't need to get
another hole in one.
At this point, just be happy
to get the ball in the hole at all.
I do need to get
another hole in one, Bob.
I've tasted it. I can't go
back now. You don't know.
Tina, your mom's losing
it. But we still love her.
Yeah. And we'd love for her
to get another hole in one
so she could be happy and
open to talking about stuff.
Like, I don't know,
maybe cool bonfire stuff.
- Oh, come on.
- Or not.
How did I do it before?
I feel like I had something
pure about my swing.
- Now I'm all tight.
- You do look a little stiff.
Did you see how when I did
it I had this loose motion
- J Dut, dut, dut, dut.
- Sorry.
That hole in one. It
was effortless. So free.
Who was that Linda? I want
to be that person again.
Don't beat yourself up, Lin.
We're beating you so badly already.
Tina, what were you saying?
That you wanted to go home
and watch me make Thanksgiving dinner?
Uh, no. I mean, yes, so much.
But, uh, yeah, I was just talking about
a gathering this weekend,
with, um, high school boys.
- High school boys?
- What?
High school boys? What? (laughs weakly)
No, I was saying, "Hi, school boys."
Um, oh, where'd they go? Uh,
thought they were right there.
(chuckles weakly) I'm just
gonna, uh, run to the bathroom.
I'll-I'll meet you
guys at the next hole.
Damn it! Bob, let me try your putter.
- And your ball. Don't look at me.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Ugh! Is it too much to ask
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
To get all three balls
in at the same time
to see a yeti do a bunch of crazy stuff?
- Who said that Lincoln?
- Hmm.
It'd be easier if we could
get those legs to stop moving.
That's what they said
about that Road Runner.
What if we stick a putter in there?
That could work, right?
They shouldn't have
given us putters if they
didn't want us to stick them places.
Yeah. Now we won't need Tina at all.
So, if she just never
wants to play with us again,
I guess that'd be
(scoffs) totally fine.
There's the Thanksgiving spirit.
I'll stick the putter
in, we'll roll the balls,
and then I'll pull it out
before it starts to dance.
And then our lives change forever
- and we never look back.
- (grunts)
Okay, let's get into position.
Aye aye.
Ready? Roll!
- Mini-golf, yum!
- Yes!
Oh, wait, crap the putter.
Yum Yum!
- Yum. Yum, yum!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Gene, a little help?
Gene, a little help!
Uh
- (gasps)
- Oh, no.
You can barely tell.
Okay, looking good. Dang it!
Why do they have to make these things
so darn easy to break
when you shove a metal object in them?
Oh, God. I don't want
to go to mini-golf jail.
I bet the cells are diabolical
little worlds unto themselves.
With Astroturf everywhere.
Oh, this day could not get any worse.
Whose idea was it to go mini-golfing
on Thanksgiving, anyway?
Wait, what if we sort
of wedge it in here?
Aah! Yeti, why can't you
hold yourself together?
- You're better than this.
- Ugh. Well,
Tina will be thrilled. She said
we were gonna break
something, and now she's right
and I hate when I'm
not the one who's right.
Maybe we make a sign that says
"Out of order, but not because
two great kids broke it."
Oh, crap, it's Tina. Quick,
make the legs look not broken.
Oh, hey, you.
- Hey. Just going to the bathroom.
- Great. Great. Love it.
Don't make the same mistake
I did and assume that outhouse
over there with a
wolfman peeking out of it
is fully functional, because it is not.
(forced laugh)
How's your yeti game going?
Uh, amazing, actually. (chuckles)
Really, really fun.
And amazing. And great.
- All of those things.
- We're just taking a little break.
Because it's so fun.
Actually, you know
(scoffs) exhausting.
From the hooting and the
hollering. Just got to recharge.
Wait, is something wrong with the legs?
You mean, why do they look perfect?
Aren't they supposed to
be moving? Are they broken?
- Did you break them?
- What? No.
Well, it looks like
you're holding them up.
Holding them up is part of the game?
Oops. We lost.
I knew it. I knew you
would break something
doing whatever it is
you were doing over here.
Well, I'd rather have
fun and be immature
and accidentally break something
than be a "too grown up to hang out
"with her super cool siblings
who invent life-changing games" person.
Okay. I'm just gonna
pretend I didn't see it
and go back to Mom and Dad.
Well, go to the bathroom
first, obviously,
but then back to them.
So, good luck with this.
Yeah, just go pee. Or poop.
Whatever you're gonna do.
- It's pee. Number one.
- We know what number pee is.
So, Mexico? You, me and
the legs? On the run?
We try to stay one step
ahead of the federales?
Maybe we end up learning a thing or two?
- About life? About ourselves?
- (sighs)
Come on. You got this, Linda.
Clear your mind.
Nothing in there at all.
- Bob, don't breathe.
- 'Kay.
Aah! You know what it is?
It's those aliens eating
pizza. They're distracting me.
Really? They didn't
distract me. I like them.
They're interested in our culture.
They're not interested
in anyone but themselves.
Linda, I'm a little scared
to talk to you right now,
but, um, we lost our kids.
And now we're just
two middle-aged people
playing mini-golf on Thanksgiving.
One normal, and one you.
So, how about we just call
it, find the kids, and go?
And then I can cook dinner.
And we could possibly
never do this again.
Bob, I need this. And I'm going to get
another hole in one and
as soon as I do, we can go.
Also, we're not playing by ourselves.
Tina still likes us.
She's just in the bathroom.
Oh, crumb bums! This is your fault.
- I miss Tina.
- And your fault, other alien.
So smug.
- Ugh, poor, dumb mini-golf goofs.
- (both grunting)
Nope, nope. Going back to Mom and Dad.
Not gonna get involved in this.
I've got a teen party on the line.
Oh, crap. The manager.
He's gonna see them.
Uh
Oh, um, uh, excuse me,
mister, uh, mini-manager.
That's my name, ha-ha. No,
it's not. It-it's Michael.
- Uh, what can I do for you?
- Uh, I'm I was just
wondering, um, could you tell me
what's the story behind that?
And keep looking
this way while you do it?
Oh, that? I had it
made for my wife
for our tenth wedding anniversary.
She didn't want it in the
house, so I brought it out here.
Wow. That's really, really
great and interesting.
Yeah, turns out her and I
have very different ideas
about what makes a
great gift, apparently.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I got to go wipe the bird
poop off the mermaid sculpture.
I made a promise to her
years ago and I'm keeping it.
The mermaid, not my wife. But my wife
and the mermaid are
friends, so it's fine.
Yeah, you should definitely
go in that direction
and do that right away.
And, uh, take your time.
(chuckles weakly)
Okay, I'm done helping.
(groans) Fine, still helping.
This is so stupid.
Are we gonna have to
hold these dumb legs up
for the rest of our lives?
I'm sick of holding up my own legs.
Ugh, let's put them down.
Gene, I don't think we
have any other choice.
We're just gonna have to
go and tell Mom and Dad
that we broke the yeti.
And then Tina will say, "I told you so"
and then we'll go to mini-golf jail
and probably have to
make mini license plates.
Do you think we'll still be allowed
to have Thanksgiving dinner tonight
before the cops take us away?
Maybe Mom will pack us a
little jail turkey or something.
- Oh, God.
- Guys, wait.
What do you want, Tina?
Yes, we broke this thing
and now we're gonna
get into huge trouble.
You were right, we were dumb. Happy?
No. Listen, don't tell
Mom and Dad anything.
What? We have to. There's
no way to fix that yeti.
Turns out we're not the
savvy mechanical engineers
- I assumed we were.
- We've leaned it, tilted it,
and leaned it again. What else is there?
And don't say leaning. We've tried that.
We need something to replace
this broken rod in here
that the legs rest on like, um
oh, this.
That tiny pencil? But it's so wee.
No, we get a whole bunch of them.
Oh, my God, Tina, you're a genius.
Gene, pencils. Quick, let's go.
I've never run towards a
pencil in my life, but okay!
- Okay, here's the goods.
- And I kept one for myself
to put behind my ear like
an old-timey newspaper man.
Great. So, I'm gonna
jam a bunch of pencils
into this gear thing until it
works again. Fingers crossed.
Oh, God.
I love it.
Are you sure you're not
moonlighting for NASA?
You can tell us, we're cool.
Nice. Got it in two. Two for Bob.
Yeah, yeah, Tommy Two-Strokes.
Get ready for Linda
Look-at-my-Hole-in-One.
Just as long as you don't
permanently change your name to that.
Okay. Feeling really,
really good about this one.
No! I-I
I hit it by accident. Redo, redo.
Okay, I'll just put a little asterisk
on the scorecard and write "redo".
But go ahead and start again.
I will. And if I get it
in one, it counts as one.
Yup. Just gonna put that asterisk.
We're doing everything
we can. Stay calm.
You're gonna dance
again. Oh, how you'll dance.
- (bell rings)
- MICHAEL: Ooh! More customers.
Thanksgiving mini-golf
is officially happening.
Oh, crap. More people showed
up. We got to fix this quick.
- MICHAEL: Welcome, welcome!
- Hide.
Planet Mystery World at your service.
I'm coming right over.
- LOUISE: Hurry, Tina.
- I know, I know.
GENE: Push in those
pencils, pencil pusher.
It's the final hole.
This is my last chance.
The power is inside you,
Linda. Find that power again.
Shoot, did I take the butter
out of the fridge before we left?
- Bob! Putting!
- Sorry.
Yes, yes, yes.
No. No. Are you kidding me?!
- (grumbling, moaning)
- You're still a wonderful person, Lin.
Don't let mini-golf destroy you.
Hey, you got a hole in one in life?
- And at the fourth hole.
- And at the fourth hole.
Which I will remember forever.
Yes. Can we go home now so
I can finally make dinner?
- And have wine?
- And have wine.
All right! Let's get the kids
- and get the hell out of here!
- Oh, thank God.
M'kay, this seems like the
right amount of pencils,
because that's all we
had. Let's put the legs on.
(all grunting)
LINDA: Hey, kids, wherever you are!
It's time to go home and eat.
Okay, great. Quick, quick, quick.
And don't bother asking about the score
because I threw out the scorecard
and it doesn't matter, no one cares.
My score was really good, though.
- Just saying.
- No.
Please let this work.
Legs, don't fail us now.
Okay, let's slowly let go and step back
and act like everything
we're doing right now
is totally natural.
Yes! I mean, yeah, this
is how his legs work.
And this is how I stand
when I'm being super normal.
Okay, let's wrap it up so we can
head back home to Turkey Town.
Where we belong.
- Ready. - Sounds good.
- Yep, yep.
I want to go do the yeti!
Okay, okay, slow down.
(chuckles) She loves the yeti.
What's not to love?
Great hole. Great yeti.
Yup, yup.
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum!
- (metal clanking)
- GIRL: Oh, no!
- (gasping)
MOTHER: Oh, God. Is
that supposed to happen?
Uh, and we're walking to the car
(sighs) No, wait.
Mom, Dad, Gene and I have
to tell you something.
When I said we'd pay for
it I was really hoping
he would say, "That's okay."
But now we're paying for it.
The kids are paying for it.
Right, but that means we
have to start paying them
so they can pay us. So,
really, we're paying.
- Well, they're grounded.
- And banned.
Banned from a mini-golf course.
- (scoffs)
- Should we leave them somewhere?
Yeah, I'll keep an eye
out for a good spot.
I'd just like to mention
again how sorry we are.
And how Thanksgiving is
a time of forgiveness.
And also, Tina was right.
Gene and I shouldn't have
been messing with the legs.
It was an accident and it
could've happened to anyone.
I mean, dancing yetis?
A lot of moving parts.
A lot that can go wrong.
- Yeah, I guess that's true.
- Yeah, maybe.
Thanks, T.
Dancing yetis is what
I'm gonna call my S-Corp.
There you are. You look amazing.
I missed you so much
while I was at mini-golf.
(high-pitched): You played
mini-golf without me?
(normal voice): Wait,
you like mini-golf?
(high-pitched): Of course I
like mini-golf. I'm a turkey.
(normal voice): Right, right,
sorry. I'll-I'll take you next time?
- (high-pitched): Good.
- Next year, I'm just gonna
sit on the couch, have
some wine, not shower
and watch the parade on
TV like a normal person.
Happy Thanksgiving, Bob.
(normal voice): Happy Thanksgiving, Lin.
Mwah.
Ooh, you already have mashed potatoes
- in your mustache, somehow.
- Oh, God, I do.
- Ha! Mash-stache.
- Mm.
Sorry we got you grounded
and you have to miss the party, Tina.
With the high school boys farting
their high school farts
all over the beach.
Yeah. But there will be other
high school boys parties.
In high school, I'm assuming?
Hey, um, also sorry for, uh,
sort of being jerky earlier.
And for calling you a
dumb-dummy-boob-head.
- You called me that?
- Not to your face, but yeah.
I'm sorry too. I was a
little on a high horse today.
And not just 'cause of
that one hole we played that
had that really big horse being ridden
by another smaller horse.
You were kind of amazing today.
I mean, it didn't work for
long. But it worked for a minute.
Thanks. And, hey, it
was pretty mature of you
to tell Mom and Dad the truth.
We're grown-up folk
now. I drink seltzer.
Louise, I know we're
not always going to want
to do the same things, but
I'll always have your back.
- Same here.
- And I've got all your backs, too.
I'll never put anything
ahead of my sisters.
- BOB: Kids. Dinner.
- Turkey!
- Get out of my way!
- TINA: Hey. Ow!
- LOUISE: Gene, watch it!
- (Gene babbling)
LOUISE: Three, two, one, roll ♪
With just one goal ♪
Got to get it just right ♪
To make the yeti go ♪
Head spin, arm flaps ♪
Legs do their tippy-tap ♪
All at once is a vision ♪
But only with precision ♪
Three, two, one,
roll, just one goal ♪
Got to get it just
right to make the yeti go ♪
- Sometimes the legs fall off ♪
- Say what? ♪
But then Tina comes
and saves your butt ♪
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum! ♪
- LOUISE: Three, two, one, roll ♪
With just one goal ♪
Got to get it just
right to make the yeti ♪
TINA/GENE: Yeti go ♪
- Three, two, one, roll ♪
- YETI: Mini-golf, yum! ♪
- Y-Yum, y-yum ♪
- Mini-golf, yum! ♪