Bob's Burgers s13e11 Episode Script

1
Ready for the big history
test today, Susmita?
Does this look ready? Mmm.
- Oh, wow.
- Uh, yeah.
I stayed up pretty late studying.
I'm not as confident as
you, but, uh, history,
how hard can it be? It happened already.
Oh, hey, Chelsea.
Um, you're making a lot of eye contact.
- Are you ready for the test?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Well, if you studied hard,
I'm sure you'll
do great.
Okay, cool.
Just gonna talk to Susmita again.
Hey, Susmita. You ready for the test?
I already asked you that. Sorry, sorry.
If you need a lot of fish ♪
In a jiffy ♪
Call Jeffrey Ruth
Seafood Delivery ♪
- Gene.
- Yes?
- Please stop singing that.
- What, we're not allowed to sing
radio jingles during quiet reading time?
- You're not.
- Can I hum it?
- Nope.
- Hello, Wagstaffians.
If I could have your attention, please.
Ms. Labonz, wait,
Mr. Frond needs our attention.
I'd like to remind everyone
about my new thera-doll
"Accountability Billy."
When you see your fellow
classmates doing anything wrong,
write it down, and put it
in Billy's little fanny pack.
And then I help Billy go
through the notes every morning.
Don't worry, it is cool
to tattle on your friends.
You know the saying
"Everyone loves a tattle tale."
So, Neil Roberts, Billy
wants to see you in my office.
- Unrelated, thank you, Rudy.
- What? No. No. Not me.
Okay, getting to the end here.
Boom. Easy peasy. Heh.
Another one. Boom again.
Dang, you're good, Tina. Last question.
Yup, I know this one.
I, um, think.
Wait. No. That doesn't feel right.
Okay, phew. There it is. Final answer.
Well, look at that.
Susmita also picked "C."
Wait, whoops.
Don't-don't look at her
test. That's not good.
Um, let's make sure
nobody saw me doing that.
- Ah!
- You're cheating.
- No. I'm not.
- What?
Nothing. You're cheating.
You're cheating right now.
You're writing down all of her answers.
No, I am not.
- Yes, you are.
- What?
- Nothing, nothing. Sorry. Sorry.
- Shh.
All right, bring your
tests to the front,
and go be in someone else's classroom.
Wait. Chelsea, can we talk?
Um
Uh, hang on, Chelsea. Heh.
Chelsea? Chelsea!
If you need a lot of fish ♪
In a jiffy ♪
Call Jeffrey Ruth
Seafood Delivery ♪
So, is that a thing you do now?
Sing that jingle?
I don't even notice
I'm doing it anymore.
- We do.
- I heard it on the radio,
like, one time. I guess
it's stuck in my head.
Well, I don't get
songs stuck in my head,
'cause my head isn't like a
big gooshy ball of bubble gum
- that things can get stuck in.
- It's already in my head.
Call bum-bum,
bloop-blop bip bi-bippy ♪
- Now there's that version.
- Na-dippy ♪
Hey, so this just might be
my tiny, child body talking,
but is our house freezing?
I turned up the heat
a little before dinner.
It should warm up in here soon.
In the meantime, I feel like
I should go put on a bra.
Or at least some pasties.
Look at these little diamonds.
Wait, Tina, you had your
big history test today.
- How was it?
- It was great.
I definitely didn't cheat.
- Anyway, can you pass the spaghetti?
- Sure. Wait, what?
- Nothing.
- Okay.
Thanks. Mmm, so good.
- Uh-oh, that's too big a bite.
- A gigabyte?
Gonna push it back in my mouth.
- Good work.
- Boo-ba-dippy ♪
Tina? It's your brother and sister.
- From childhood?
- We couldn't help but notice
you were acting more not normal
than usual at dinner tonight.
And there was nothing on TV,
so we decided to come check on you.
- Thanks, but I'm good.
- She seems great.
Okay fine. Shut the door.
Something kind of happened
during the history test today.
- Not an interesting start.
- I was taking the test
and I kind of glanced at Susmita's test.
But I didn't mean to look,
and I looked away fast.
But this other girl, Chelsea,
was also looking at Susmita's test,
and she was just copying
down all of her answers.
- Getting interesting-er.
- But Chelsea saw me
look at Susmita's test and
she called me a cheater.
And when I tried to find her after class
to talk to her, she was gone.
So what? Now you're worried
she's gonna tell on you?
What? I didn't even think about that.
I feel like we're already helping.
Well, do you think
she's gonna tell on you?
I mean, she doesn't seem like
the telling on people type,
since she's, you know,
basically, uh, a criminal.
She's the girl who got in trouble
for saying the F-word 23 times
during one game of kickball
and she got suspended.
Is that the same girl
who spray-painted the
F-word on the bleachers?
Yeah, she really likes the F-word.
So, do you think she
thinks you'll tell on her?
- Uh, I mean, I'm not sure.
- Well, let me help you out.
Of course she thinks
you're gonna tell on her.
- You're a hall monitor.
- A really cool hall monitor?
I've been calling people
"Tiger" a lot lately.
Like, "Slow down there, Tiger." Heh.
- Pretty cool.
- I'm just saying,
if you saw this girl cheating,
and she saw you cheating
- I wasn't.
- She might think
she has to tell on you
before you tell on her.
I'm not gonna tell on
her. I'm terrified of her.
And maybe she knows
that, but maybe she thinks
you might tell on her anonymously,
like say, by writing it on a note
and stuffing it in a certain
little doll's fanny pack?
Oh, my God. Accountability Billy.
W-What do I do? I'm freaking out.
Do you need more spaghetti? Never mind.
You weren't so good with it.
Just talk to Chelsea
when you get to school tomorrow
and make sure she knows
you aren't gonna rat her out to Billy.
Yeah. Right. Okay. That's a good plan.
It's cold. I think I can see my breath.
- I can taste Tina's.
- What? Oh, yeah.
Okay, let's go find Chelsea.
Hey, Tina.
There's a note in my fanny pack
that says you're a cheater.
- What?
- And soon,
everyone's gonna know it.
I'm not a cheater. Chelsea's a cheater.
Well, then you're just like her.
- No.
- You're two cheats in a pod.
- No.
- Two Cheater Cottontails.
- No.
- A couple of Cheater Sarsgaards.
No!
I got to talk to Chelsea.
All right, the Tina train
is heading out of the station
if anyone wants to jump on board.
Toot, toot. Wow, it's cold in here.
- Tina, look outside.
- No school.
- It's a snow day, baby!
- What?
Also, we think the heater is broken
because we don't have heat.
I guess she fought hard
all through yesterday,
but she didn't make it.
I'm wearing layers. It's a dress shirt.
You're gonna want layers.
And the heat is off in the restaurant,
which is bad because
customers expect to have heat.
I'm trying to get through to Teddy,
but he's not picking up.
- So, no work and no school.
- Wait, no. I have to go to school!
Aw, so excited to learn.
If you need a lot
of fish in a jiffy ♪
Call Jeffrey Ruth
Seafood Delivery ♪
Look alive, Tina.
We need your help.
We need you to help bring
every single pillow and
blanket you can find.
We're building a pillow and blanket fort
'cause playing in the snow
didn't really work out.
Don't like it! Don't like it! Don't
So, if we're gonna enjoy this day,
we have to stay warm, and the first step
to winter survival is making a shelter.
I learned that from that
show, Making A Shelter.
I can't help. I'm busy doing this.
Tina, it's gonna be a really long day
if you spend it wishing
you were talking to
you-know-who about you-know-what.
She's talking about
how that girl Chelsea
thinks you're a cheater.
Come on.
You can sulk inside our fort.
That you're gonna help finish.
But also please don't
sulk inside our fort.
We're trying to curate kind
of a non-sulky vibe/experience.
- Fine.
- There's our girl.
Now pillows and blankets. Mush!
And try to find a nice accent piece.
Thanks for calling back, Teddy.
Yeah, it's broken-broken.
Do you think you could come?
Bob, I've literally
had this exact dream.
Your heater breaks. I rush over.
Linda is scared and so are you,
but I look you both
in the eyes and I say,
"Shh-shh, I'm here.
Teddy's here. You're fine."
And we all hold hands
while I fix your heater.
I don't know how I do it with no hands.
Maybe I use my feet?
- Mm-hmm. So, can you come over?
- I can't.
I'm headed to a job.
Ah, why do I take jobs?
- Oh, my God.
- But don't worry.
I know an HVAC guy who's really good,
but you know, he's a sweet
man. Maybe a little sensitive.
- But, what does that mean?
- Just don't razz him.
I know you like to razz, Bob.
- I-I don't razz.
- You roast. You razz.
- Teddy, that's not true.
- Ask anybody.
- Teddy, I just want our heater to work.
- I'll send you his number.
Boy, I hit the brakes,
like, 20 seconds ago
and I'm still skidding. I
just slid right by my exit.
- Teddy, be careful.
- Ah, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna gently steer
into the guard rail.
- Teddy, don't do that.
- Hell of a time for a roast, Bobby.
- That wasn't a roast.
- I'm just about to go into
a guard rail, and you're razzing me.
Oh, I regained control,
but I should probably go.
It's nice in here.
Maybe nicer than our house?
Oh, my God. It's so cozy.
There's my comforter. Just
right there on the floor.
And I'm using your
pillow as my foot rest.
My feet are gonna smell like your face.
No. Give it to me.
It's too late. Keep it.
Tina, you okay, sweetie?
You look anxious. You have to poop?
I'm great. So happy
we're not going to school.
Well, it's gonna be a little longer
until the heat gets fixed today.
Do you guys need anything?
Hot cocoa please? And
just keep it coming?
Yeah, okay. You kids just stay here
- and make everything smell bad.
- On it.
Ugh, Teddy's heater guy
still isn't answering.
Probably busy today.
Or maybe he's out making a snowman?
It's just, if you run a business,
you should pick up your ph Hi.
Hey. This is, uh, Bob Belcher.
I got your number from Teddy.
What-what did What did I say?
Oh, I said if-if you run a business,
you should pick up your phone.
But I was talking about something else,
'cause you did pick up
your phone. Eventually.
Hello? Oh, good.
I-I thought you
I thought you hung up.
You're doing great,
Bob. But do it better.
What a day. No school, no restaurant.
Bottomless hot cocoa on the way.
Bottomless hot cocoa? Yes, please.
No, no-no-no. You'll
catch your death.
- Keep your cheeks warm.
- Fine.
Call Jeffrey Ruth
Seafood Delivery ♪
Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not in here.
Wait, where did Tina go?
I didn't cheat!
There she is. Tina, we have to fix you.
For the sake of the Pillow Palace,
which is a name I'm workshopping.
- Cushion Castle?
- Damn it, that's better.
The only thing that could fix me
would be going to school
and talking to Chelsea.
I'm gonna put the blanket
back over you. Night-night.
Tina, there's some
exciting new technology
I think you should know about.
It's called the telephone.
Call Chelsea?
I don't know the number
of whatever burner phone
she's probably using right now.
Mom and Dad have to
have a school directory
- around here somewhere, right?
- Oh, my God. School directory.
Yeah, go ask Mom and Dad for it
and find out what's
going on with that cocoa.
Yeah, this miss needs some Swiss.
He's gonna come, right?
I feel like we won't survive the night.
- And that's bad parenting.
- I mean he said he was gonna come.
Maybe-maybe I should call him again.
Bob, it's fine. Get me the milk.
But wait, smell it first.
Let's say it's good enough.
Hey, hey, hey. Uh, I want to, um,
call a friend from school
that's always been my friend.
So do you happen to have
the school directory handy?
I forgot some of the numbers.
I know there's a six,
just need a couple more.
School directory.
Where have I seen that?
Oh. I think it's under
the leg of our bed frame
'cause the legs are uneven.
Or our house is. I'm not sure which.
Uh, we didn't think
you kids would need it
'cause you don't seem to
ever call anyone or do things.
Not in a bad way.
You-you have each other.
Um, I'm gonna go get it
from under your bed. Bye.
Oh, and, uh, the Cushion Castle
is still waiting on that cocoa.
- Taste this.
- Oh, I was wrong. Milk's bad.
- Do you think they'll notice?
- I think start over. Just use water.
We shouldn't make our
kids drink old milk, right?
Okay, Dr. Fresh Milk.
I got it. And apparently I can lift beds
when I'm really stressed
out. Anyway, I'm calling her.
Quick question. Who would you guys call
if you needed a lot of
fish, but in a jiffy?
- Gene, no.
- It's ringing.
Uh, hey, is this Chelsea?
- Hi, it's Tina. From school?
- Why are you calling me?
Well, I was trying to talk to you
after the history test yesterday,
but you kind of ran off there.
Anyway, I just wanted to
talk about the, um, thing?
Oh, you mean when you cheated?
No, no, no, when you cheated.
Sorry. Sorry.
So, what? Are you calling
just to tell me you told on me?
No. No. No, no, no, no, no. I
definitely didn't tell on you.
And also, I wasn't cheating.
I-I got the right answer
before I looked at Susmita's test.
So, I'm not a cheater.
- Okay, great. Neither am I.
- Yup, great.
So, uh, just, since
we're talking about it,
um, did you tell on me?
Oh, you know what? I might have.
I might've written it
on like a little note
and put it in that creepy
puppet's pocket or something.
Fanny pack! You put
it in his fanny pack.
Well, this has been fun. Bye.
She told on me.
Chelsea told on me!
I don't know if the castle can
handle this kind of meltdown.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hmm, kind of feels like
we're just sitting on
the floor now. Gross.
Ah! Chelsea told on me.
But I didn't do anything.
I didn't cheat off Susmita.
Oh, no. What's sweet, sweet
Susmita going to think of me?
I'll just switch schools.
Or Susmita should.
Or we both should? How does this work?
I can't believe my life is
being ruined by a stupid puppet.
Oh wait, Mr. Frond's puppet.
You know what, I'm just gonna
text the heater guy real quick.
Maybe I'll just casually
send him our address.
- So he has it.
- You already told him where we were.
Well, now he'll have it in writing.
"Here is our address
again." New phone.
Not good at texting on it. And send.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
It wrote "again" in all caps somehow.
So, now it's like I'm yelling at him.
Like, "Here is our address AGAIN."
I told you not to text him.
I'm going to apologize. "My bad."
- Wait, no. Oh, my God.
- What?
It autocorrected "bad" to "butt,"
so I just texted him, "My butt."
Just stop, Bob. Put down the phone.
Okay, I just wrote, "My bad.
Not my butt. Please still come."
Okay, good save.
I'm bringing the super special,
no-spoiled-milk cocoa
to our maybe slightly spoiled kids.
- Don't call anyone, don't text anyone.
- Uh, I'm calling Teddy.
- Just stop calling people!
- It's going to voice mail.
Teddy, it's Bob. Um, I think I did bad.
I might need you to call that guy
and tell him that I'm nice,
and that-that we don't deserve to die.
Really good cocoa time.
Just a second, Mom. We weren't expecting
a teen-nado to destroy
our precious palace.
But I think we've built back
better, stronger, cozier.
What happened? Where's
Tina? What's going on?
She's fine, she's fine.
Nothing you need to
concern yourself with.
Some might blame the
lateness of the cocoa,
but I think that's unfair.
I'm here. Hi. Thank you,
Mom. I'll take those.
And off you go. Back to the kitchen.
Heh. Oh, not to be sexist.
I might go to a different room.
Nah, I'm going to the kitchen.
I'm gonna heat up some crackers.
Hey. So, we're glad you're back,
and we're hoping you're not
gonna go all standy-uppy.
The insurance company
paid for the repairs,
but we don't want to
go through that again.
We're still rebuilding emotionally.
I have an idea. I just need
the school directory again.
There's someone I have to talk to.
- Who are you calling?
- Mr. Frond.
I can get ahead of this.
I just have to tell him
that there's a note in Billy's
fanny pack that's not true.
Sounds like a desperate, last
ditch effort to save yourself.
Thank you. It's ringing.
No, Phillip. Don't answer the phone.
Not until the glutes and
quads cooldown routine.
You owe it to them because
they are on fire right now.
No answer. Crap. Crap, crap, crap.
Sorry, T. Guess you'll just
have to deal with Billy tomorrow.
No. I'm calling back.
Leave me alone.
I'm toning.
Dang it. Okay, okay.
You know what's better
than a phone call?
Me going to Mr. Frond's
house. He has to be home.
And I know where he lives.
And-and if he's not home,
I'll wait for him. Or I'll find him.
I'll hunt him down. I'll
get his scent, track him,
and then I tell him,
"You gonna believe me
or you gonna believe that puppet?"
And he's gonna look in my eyes,
and he's gonna believe
me. I love this plan.
How are you gonna get there?
With these two bad girls. My feet.
They taste just like regular crackers,
but they're hot. And I love them.
They feel good on your face, too.
Bum-buh, ba-dippy ♪
Ooh. Mm, crackers. Mm, crackers.
Lin, what are we gonna
do if he doesn't come?
I don't think we can stay here tonight.
We could all pile into the kids'
little blanket castle thing.
It'll be breathy, but
maybe kind of warmish?
I don't know, I think we
might have to go to a hotel.
Or probably a motel, 'cause poor.
Wait, could we even get there?
I don't think our car can drive in this.
Oh, my God, we might be stuck here.
Bob, you're freaking me out!
Uh, give me Give me more
crackers. More crackers.
I'm putting them on my
face. Put them on your face.
- Ow.
- What?
I don't want hot crackers on my face.
- They're hot.
- You get used to it.
Is this our life now?
Should we just leave the
oven on and open it a little
- so we can use it as a heater?
- Bob, no!
I think, like, 20 million
people die like that every month.
What? Oh, my God, that's so many.
That's awful. Wait,
it can't be that many.
Just stay away from the oven.
You know what? I'm calling
the heater guy again.
Fine, call him, but
try not be how you are.
I always try to do that.
Bob sounded so upset in that message.
He just had to razz, and
now his family's freezing.
That's straight, right? Looks straight.
What does it even matter?
People are dying out there.
- You doing okay?
- Yes. I'm fine, Mr. Yazdian.
Everything's fine!
Tina, it's really cold and
windy and snowy out there.
- The truth will keep me warm.
- I mean, it's like really cold, Tina.
Justice will be my jacket.
And also this jacket.
Mm-hmm. And what do we tell Mom
and Dad if they ask where you went?
- Tell them I went for a stroll?
- Winter storm stroll. Got it.
That sounds delightful.
Enjoy yourself out there, sister.
Oh, my God. So cold.
The truth is not warm enough.
How long have I been out here?
Oh. Hi, restaurant.
Do you kids want hot crackers?
Your mother and I are
having hot crackers.
We don't know if the
heater guy is coming or not
and it's nobody's fault.
- It's my fault.
- It's your father's fault.
Had a really bad phone call.
A couple of them. Some
bad texts, too. Sorry.
Ooh, yes to crackers.
Also, more cocoa please.
- Me, too.
- Tina, you want one, too?
- Yes.
- Um, Gene.
No?
Uh, did you murder Tina? W-Where's Tina?
That's her, isn't it?
That is not. That is a pillow.
- What?
- Kids, where's your sister?
She went for a stroll.
A totally normal winter storm stroll.
- What?
- She's outside?
I can't see her. I can't see her.
Oh, my God, Bob, she's
gonna freeze to death.
- Like an Encino Man.
- I'll go find her. Louise?
Got any tips which
direction I should go?
- Towards Mr. Frond's house?
- What?
I'm just using that as a direction,
like some people say,
"Go towards the water."
You know, go towards Mr. Frond's house.
Frond-ward.
Nice day for a walk, huh?
Ah! Accountability Billy?
Uh, it seems like you're
going around my back
to talk to Mr. Frond about something,
so I'm just here to say, uh, ouch.
And I can't let you do that.
What do you mean? Are
you threatening me?
All accountability
reports go through Billy.
That's Billy's business. So, back off.
No. I'm gonna tell Mr.
Frond I'm not a cheater.
Oh. I don't know, Tina.
I mean, is that true?
- Yes, it's true.
- Okay. But, like, uh, I have to ask
What would you have done if Susmita had
- a different answer than you?
- What?
When you looked at her test,
she had the same answer.
But what if she had
circled a different answer?
What would you have done?
Would you have changed yours?
No. I-I mean I don't
want to talk about it.
Tina, you can tell me.
In fact, you should tell
me. It'll feel better.
And if you don't tell me,
it'll make Billy angry.
And you don't want to make Billy angry.
Da-da-da-dah ♪
Whoa. Okay, maybe I would've cheated.
Okay, Billy? If she
had a different answer,
maybe I would've changed mine to hers.
I studied so hard for that test
and I wanted to get a good grade.
So, I guess maybe I am a cheater.
- Are you happy? Huh?
- I mean, a little.
- Ugh. God.
- Uh, no, don't kick snow at me.
I'll kick snow at you.
- Tina? Is that you?
- Teddy?
What are you doing out here?
- Were you screaming and kicking snow?
- Uh, a little. Yeah.
Y-Your dad said he upset
the heater repair guy
and he's not gonna come.
I finished the other job really well,
and I hopped in my truck, but
then it got stuck in the snow
a couple miles away,
so I decided to walk.
- Get on my back.
- I mean, I can probably walk.
Okay, good. Thanks.
The tools are kind of heavy.
I'm gonna go find Tina.
- Never mind. Tina's here. With Teddy.
- Don't worry, you're all safe.
Teddy's here to save the day.
I'm gonna fix your heater.
But I'm also really cold.
And weak. And I can't feel my body.
But then Chelsea told on me
that I was a cheater,
and maybe I am a cheater
'cause if Susmita had
had a different answer,
I might have changed mine
like a cheating cheater.
So this is why you've been
acting so weird all day, moping around.
Destroying award-winning
pillow and blanket architecture.
- I'm a terrible cheater person.
- You're not a terrible cheater person.
You didn't cheat, so let's start there.
Maybe if Susmita had a different answer,
you would've changed
yours, but maybe not.
So there's no point
in beating yourself up,
- 'cause you don't know.
- Yeah?
And next time you're in this situation,
you probably won't cheat then either
because you know how
bad you feel right now.
- Really bad.
- And hey, when I was your age,
I did a little looking,
I did a little peeking.
Except for when I was sitting
in the back of the class
with the dum-dums.
I knew they didn't
have the right answer.
- Lin.
- I'm saying,
I didn't feel good when I did it either.
But here's the thing
Even if you do something
you're not proud of,
that's okay, too. That's survivable.
You don't have to go out in snowstorms.
That's not always survivable.
20 million people a
week die in snowstorms.
- That's true.
- There-there would be no people.
- Dad. Shh.
- Sorry. I just
So, yeah, don't forget to
cut yourself some slack.
You're a good kid.
Thanks, Mom, but I'm still gonna
get in a lot of trouble tomorrow
when Mr. Frond pulls a note
out of Billy's fanny pack.
- Wait, what?
- Who's Billy?
A disciplinary puppet.
What is wrong with your school?
Okay, so, yeah, you might
get in a lot of trouble.
- Oh.
- Should we go murder the puppet?
- Lin.
- I don't know, I'm cold.
Hello?
It's the heater guy.
Am I in the right place?
What? No, Larry. Go away.
- Teddy!
- Teddy?
I mean, uh, we'll fix it together.
I'm coming down. I'll
show you where it is.
Hi, Larry. You have a
couple voice mails from me.
You can j You can just erase them.
- Uh, okay.
- In a jiffy ♪
Ah, you sang it. You sang it.
I broke you. It's in your head.
Ugh. Damn it!
Okay, uh,
Accountability Billy
has just one note for me today.
Neil Roberts, can you please
come to my office. Again.
Oh, thank God.
It is not cool to threaten Rudy
for telling on you last time.
Oh, and, uh, thank you
to the anonymous tipster,
who still isn't Rudy.
Heh, yeah. Yup. Wasn't me. Heh.
- So, you didn't write a note?
- I'm not a snitch.
I said I might have written a note.
Well, that might have
given me diarrhea all morning.
Cool, but there was a note
that I wanted to write you.
Oh. Oh, that's a lot
of F-bombs. Um, thanks?
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