Bob's Burgers s13e12 Episode Script

1
Clean cups. And
they just get dirty again.
Life, right? Are you watching
the rowboat guy video again?
He's not just the rowboat guy, Lin.
He's Quincy Cox. He's
gonna be the first person
to row by himself from
New Zealand to Nova Scotia,
retracing the original wool route,
which I guess was a thing?
When I asked the
Lamb & Wool Federation
to sponsor my adventure, they
said, "Wool, all right." Get it?
Ha. "Wool, all right."
It's always been my dream
to be the first
solo-wool-route-rower,
and after years of
preparation, I'm finally here.
- I'm on my route!
- Dad, you do know there's more
than one video on the Internet, right?
You don't have to
keep watching this one.
It's just, I still can't
believe he's coming here
to our restaurant today.
Quincy Cox.
You only found out
about this guy yesterday
- when the publicist called.
- I know. Best call ever.
Quincy Cox is stopping
on his route, in our town,
and they ask him what he wants
to eat, and he says, "A burger,"
- and they pick our restaurant.
- And you said "Who's Quincy Cox?"
I know. I said that. I was
- dumb then. I'm smart now.
- Eh.
And as if that wasn't
already really great,
a reporter from the paper is coming here
to cover him eating our burger.
It's huge publicity for us,
so you all need to get
a little more excited.
- It's weird to see Dad happy.
- I don't know if I like it.
Also, this boat is
just so cool, and cozy,
with everything you need.
I could see doing that. Maybe?
You know? With solar panels
that charge the batteries
that power the navigation system.
And the desalination tank.
The satellite phone, the
tiny cabin to sleep in,
little fishing pole,
and the induction
burner to cook the fish.
Dad, are you gonna
leave us for a rowboat?
If it would have me.
Man, I have never been so
glad to live on the wool route.
I guess I just take it for granted.
Doesn't he get bored out there?
Rowing and rowing, every
single day? Eh-eh-eh.
Um, okay, Quincy's
gonna be here any minute,
and I don't want him
to see you doing that.
I won't. It just sounds really
boring and dumb, that's all.
Look, maybe it's better
if none of you talk
to him when he's here?
Maybe you could all be upstairs?
No way! We're gonna be in the
paper, baby! A picture of us!
Yeah, I curled my hair for this. Huh?
Just the one, or ?
I mean, I don't really
know how to curl my hair,
but I think you just twist it up a lot?
Hi! Oh, it's Gene.
Nice to see you, too!
There's our little paper-folder.
How was your first day in origami club?
- I quit.
- What? No.
Yup. I just thought
it could be my thing.
Like, "Hey, there's that origami guy.
He looks into your eyes and
folds what's in your soul."
But it turns out
origami is not for-aga-me!
What happened? You were so excited.
Saturday origami club at the Rec Center.
It's just so much folding.
- And the cranes. It's all about cranes.
- Is that a crane?
I think so.
- A crane's a bird, right?
- It is?!
Gene, you just joined. You can't quit.
Eh, sometimes you know right away
when something's not a good fit.
Like when Dad tried wearing shorts?
Those were a tense couple days.
- Mm.
- It's good to see things through.
And you've been on a little
bit of a quit-streak lately.
I don't want to do this
anymore! I don't like this!
What was I thinking?
No, thank you!
I was really hoping
this one might stick.
I was gonna be an origami Mommy.
I mean, Lin, maybe it's okay
to quit things that are origami
and all those other things.
Listen, give it another shot.
Go to the next meeting,
and if you still hate it,
- then quit, okay?
- Eh
-Oh, he's here!
-Oops. Sorry, Mom. We're doing that now.
And he's walking
as if he's never been on land before.
No one say anything
about that, okay? Be cool.
- Like this? Mm.
- Stop.
- Like this?
- Guys, stop.
- Be cool like you?
- All of you, stop.
- Hello.
- Quincy Cox. Hi.
Uh, welcome to Bob's
Burgers. We're huge fans.
Are you by yourself, or do
you have, like, an entourage?
Uh, I don't know a lot
about the rowing world.
Oh, it does not
smell like the ocean in here.
That's the nicest thing anyone's
- ever said about this place.
- Louise.
Oh, I've been dreaming
of a burger for months.
You sure you don't want Thai food?
- Or maybe a hoagie?
- Gene.
My publicist says you're
the best burger in town.
Or the closest burger to where
I was getting out of the ocean, anyhow.
Aw, that's our thing.
And our burgers are good.
I mean, I hope you like it.
- Dad, just ask him to prom.
- Louise, just leave me alone.
Oh. Whoa! I'm wobbling,
right? Not-not the floors?
Yup. Our floor just got de-wobbled.
Uh, I'm Bob. Uh, it's great to meet you.
- Hello, Bob, everyone.
- Hi.
Should I order now?
Oh, aren't we gonna do that
when the reporter gets here?
- You know, for the photo op?
- Right. The interview, the photo op.
Uh, let's just check with my publicist.
"So hungry. Where is reporter?"
She's typing. Okay.
"He's running 20 mins
late, 45 mins max."
"I might die before then."
Oh, here we go.
She says I can get one now,
and another one when
the reporter gets here.
Okay. You have more
than one burger, right?
I do. Do-do you want
the burger of the day?
The Mold Man and the Sea Burger.
Comes with blue cheese. Oh, great.
We told him not to put the
word "mold" on the menu,
but he hates money.
The thought of a juicy, meaty
burger is what kept me going.
It was your meat-avation. Sorry.
I've only had fish
for the last 12 weeks.
And dehydrated fat-replacement
supplement packets.
Yum!
- Here you go.
- Oh, wow.
I'm gonna eat this fella nice and slow
so my belly doesn't rupture.
- Cool.
- Mmm! Mmm!
Um are you crying.
It-It's more weeping.
Um, is that is that a good thing?
Oh.
Uh. Okay.
A little announcement. I'm done.
Oh. You're done? W-Was it not good?
Should I go do a different job?
I'm done with the route.
I'm-I'm done rowing.
I'm-I'm done with the boat.
I'm just done, done with that
dream, thanks to you, Bob.
And I'll tell the reporter
to quote me on that
because this Mold Man
isn't going back to the sea.
- Wait. What?!
- Uh..
Dad, I think your
burger just made him quit.
- Um, thanks, Gene.
- No problem.
Huh
Do you guys have any
ketchup? Oh, there it is.
But, Quincy, you can't
just be done with rowing.
You were gonna be the first
solo rower to row the wool route.
I can't go back out there, Bob.
This burger's so good. Uh I Oh.
I-I I just realized
that I miss this too much.
I just want to live on land again,
eat good food and sleep in a bed
and see people and TV
and department stores.
- Do people still drive cars?
- The cool ones do.
Well, I've said it. I quit.
- That feels good.
- Yes, it does.
No. No. No. No, it doesn't feel good.
Quincy, you can't just quit.
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can't!
- Can, too!
- I mean, he can.
- Well, he shouldn't.
- Shouldn't he? Hmm?
I can't go back on that
boat. It all makes sense now.
This burger's helped
clear everything away.
- Way to go, Dad.
- Wait.
Let's, uh, stop blaming the burger.
I mean, Quincy, you're-you're
an inspiration to everyone.
- Well
- So you can't quit!
What about what you said earlier, Dad?
"It's okay to quit a thing"?
I remember when you said
those super helpful words,
and I quietly judged you.
But Quincy is rowing across the world.
Gene was talking about origami club.
Gene could origami across the world.
I mean, a paper boat's
probably not great, but
Also, just saying, might not make
for the best newspaper article.
"Restaurant's Burger Makes Man Want
to Quit Inspirational
Thing He Was Doing."
Oh, yeah. We don't want
that article. Oh, God.
And the reporter's gonna be
here any minute now. Oh, no.
- Bob, Bob, come here.
- Okay.
Uh, be right back, Just
having a land talk.
That poor guy is delirious.
He doesn't know what he's
saying. Here's the thing.
I would quit, too. I don't
get rowing by yourself
across the ocean, but you do.
You were talking about it like
he was floating around
in a Rolls frickin' Royce.
So you're the guy who
should convince him
to get back in that boat.
And hopefully, really quick,
before the reporter gets here.
It'll be a good example for Gene, too.
I mean, I was trying, but
I can try more, I guess.
Maybe I'll think smarter things now
with the same brain I had before?
See? You're already doing it.
Um, did you meet any cool dolphins,
or hit it off with any whales?
Well, there was this one bird.
- Was it a crane?
- No.
- Good.
- But he turned out to
- be a bit of a jerk.
- Um so
- Do it.
- I'm doing it.
Do it faster.
So, Quincy, I-I
I'm not good at maps,
but just to say it, it seems like
you're really close to
the end of your journey.
I think Nova Scotia is what, just, like,
another thousand-ish miles away?
Aah! A month! Millions of these.
That's a fun motion to do a lot of.
And you've come so far.
Also, land is not that great.
Land doesn't have a cozy
cabin, no desalination system.
Just stupid regular water that
doesn't even have salt in it.
But, Quincy, you look like
you're having so much
fun on your website.
- It made me want to do it.
- Oh, that's editing.
There's hours and hours of footage
of me getting rolled over by the waves,
vomiting on myself.
Aah! Aah!
- That's what I'm smelling.
- Ah. Oh, yeah.
And I don't think they posted the part
where I went totally insane.
You've never seen Footloose!
H-How do you know you don't like it?!
And all the crying.
They cut that out, I bet?
Make it stop!
But, Quincy, what you're doing
affects a lot of other people
'cause they see you do this,
and they do their own version of
rowing a boat around the world.
Be it a paper-folding
related activity or whatever.
- Mm.
- Yeah, that's right.
People need stuff like that.
Y-You inspired me to
watch all your videos
- and to go for my dreams.
- Nice.
I should tell my publicist I'm quitting.
Oh, she's gonna be very
upset. She works so hard.
Well, I don't know why
I said she works hard.
Maybe she works just the normal amount.
I've never actually met
her, but she will be upset.
I mean, maybe just, you
know, take some time,
rest, recharge, finish your burger.
My burger. My sweet,
sweet Land Burger! Land!
Oh, I mean, uh, forget the burger.
Maybe focus on the fries?
And the reporter's gonna
come, and this whole
"I want to quit" thing
will feel like just a blip.
You just capsized for a minute.
But our anti-capsizing technology
Meaning this pep talk
Put us right back up again.
Aah, the capsizing!
-Bob.
-Not capsizing. Forget I said that.
I'm just very emotional right now.
And my muscles are seizing up. Aah!
- Because they miss the ocean!
- You think?
Yes! You got to finish. Do it for
this sweet little
boy. Look at this face.
And he needs something to inspire him.
No, I don't. Don't do it for me.
Mm, mm, mm.
And he's so excited about you finishing.
Linda, I-I think you're smothering him.
In so many ways.
Now he's chewing on your fingers.
Gene, stop. Gene, stop! Gene!
All right, all right.
People are counting on me.
I can do it. I can do it!
I think I can do it.
Just turn off the part of
my brain that feels pain.
And sadness and fear.
And loneliness and hunger and vomit.
Good for you!
He's back in. Little delicate.
If we don't bring up the tough
stuff, maybe he'll be okay.
Hi, I'm Ralph. I'm from the paper.
I think we've met before.
- Oh, uh, yeah.
- Hi!
And you must be Quincy Cox.
I cannot believe what you put
yourself through out there.
So dangerous, so isolated.
No one in their right mind
would do what you're doing,
but you're doing it! Amazing!
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
Okay. Let's get
crack-a-lackin'. My first question.
What are the ten worst things
that happened to you out there?
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, no.
Can I bring anyone a water?
Salted or unsalted?
Oh. Are we doing this in the booth?
And are we doing it lying
down? What are we doing?
He's fine. He's doing great.
Why-why don't I bring the burger over
and see if we can get Quincy to sit up?
And maybe stop crying? This is bad.
Uh, maybe we could do a nice picture
before we get to the questions?
Quincy, I'm gonna reach down
and try to help you sit up,
'cause you seem like you
might need a little
- Help.
- Bob, your back.
- I know.
- Your back.
He's just so tired.
Yeah, yeah, so much rowing.
Gene, go underneath,
go on the other side
- and push from there.
- Or we just let him do his own thing?
- Gene, go!
- Okay!
- There we go.
- Oh. Oh.
I'm scared to let go of this hand.
Put-put his other hand on the burger.
Quincy, I'm gonna put your
hand on the burger now.
Okay, totally normal.
Now let's let go so we
can take the picture.
- There we go.
- - Oh
Try again! Try again!
Louise, go get a box from the basement.
We'll prop him up. Gene,
duck out of the shot.
You guys are focusing
on the wrong thing.
What do we do about the
tear-stained cheeks and the dead eyes?
Oh, that's just how humans look.
We photoshop it all the time.
Aah. Uh-oh.
Have you been selected for a survey?
My publicist says I pulled
up on the wrong beach.
Oh. I was wondering why there
was no one there to greet me.
It's nice to be greeted,
you know. Nice greeting.
Oh. Yup, sounds like
I didn't go to the right dock.
I was supposed to go to the
dock north of the amusement park.
- Oh, so what dock did you go to?
- The beach.
You just pulled up on
the beach and walked here?
Yeah, I was very hungry.
Ooh, sounds like I have
to move the boat now,
or they're gonna take it away.
- What? Like, tow it?
- Oh, you know what?
Just let 'em take it. They
can take the whole thing.
Just It's garbage!
Put it in the garbage!
Set it on fire, I don't
care! Hit-hit it with a stick!
Um, here's a question.
Won't it make it hard
to row without your rowboat?
- Great question.
- I don't even want to row anymore.
- Oh, he's just, uh
- Oh, I don't know that's where you want
- to start with the question.
- Oh, there's your picture.
- Take it now.
- Maybe do some background stuff.
- Take it now. Look at him.
- Uh, ask him about the bird.
Where? Wh-Where's the bird?
He just loves that bird.
Oh, gosh, everyone's so upset.
"Put it in the garbage!"
Quincy! Quincy, you stay
here and do the interview
More like we talked about before
And I'll go down and help
them stop towing your boat.
This would all be so easy
if you'd just let him quit.
- Gene, go with your father!
- Mm, fine.
Easy, easy.
Okay, good luck. I'll-I'll
call you from the beach.
Let's go back to my first question.
Ten worst things out there.
No! No, no, no, no. No touching that.
Oh, I didn't even know I did that.
- Maybe you didn't.
- Yeah, maybe I didn't.
- No, you did.
- Who can say?
No boats on the beach. Move
the boat or lose the boat.
Officer, please. This is
Quincy Cox's solo rowboat,
and it's kind of a big deal.
I-I know it seems like he
just left it here on the beach,
but that's 'cause he's very tired,
because he rowed thousands and
thousands of miles by himself,
and people around the world are
following him on his website.
Uh, do I have reception here?
I-I was gonna show you
the website, Officer.
We-we could, you know, watch the video.
But I don't have reception.
Also, you know, it wouldn't
look great on my phone.
But can you kind of picture
everything I'm saying?
- No.
- Dad, say everything again,
but this time, cup
his face in your hands.
- Are you close?
- Yeah.
Go ahead and get it out of here.
- Take it away.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I don't want to talk about rowing.
I don't want to talk about rowing!
Okay, that's a neat way
to do this interview,
but let me just ask another question.
When you're done making that noise,
I'd love to ask you,
how do you go to the
bathroom on the boat?
Everybody wants to know that.
It must be so gross.- -
Sorry. Did you just turn
off my recorder again?
No, no. T-Tina, did you?
- No.
- Louise?
Like, with my mind? No.
Huh. Did you check the batteries?
Maybe it's the batteries.
Should we smash it to
check the batteries?
- Let's smash it.
- No, no, no!
You are being so weird
about that recorder.
Okay, okay, listen, there's
a dock north of the wharf.
We just have to get it there.
Okay. Then do it. Get it there.
- Wait. Me do it?
- You do it.
Or we tow it and impound it.
Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna do it.
I'll just get in and row the boat
around the wharf in the ocean.
Too bad it's not a stream.
'Cause then we could do
the "gently down it" part.
The "merrily" part, too, would be nice.
I actually don't know where
you're gonna sit, Gene.
- How about there?
- I think that's where
my legs go, but-but sure.
Oh, shoes are wet. Shoes and socks.
I wish I had taken them
off before doing this.
Bye-Bye, Officer Man!
Tell everyone we know we love them!
- What?
- Nothing!
Okay. Gene, um, take my
phone and text your mother
that we're making great decisions,
and not to worry, but
we are in the ocean.
I'll just say, "In
ocean. Very, very safe.
Just remember the good times."
Gene, we're gonna be fine.
I just I don't know
where the paddles are.
Oh, got 'em, found 'em.
Oh, dropped one. That's not good.
But they float. That's smart.
Okay, I got it. I got it back.
Uh, take me back to shore, please.
We're still at shore. We haven't moved.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
I'm rowing Quincy Cox's boat.
Oh, my God. I have no idea
how to row Quincy Cox's boat.
I won't even mention that
you're sitting backwards.
- What? No, I'm not.
- Shh, shh, shh.
It's fine. Don't worry about it.
Okay, we-we got past
the crashy, wavy part,
and now we're onto the rocky, wavy part.
And I remember when I thought
it would be really cool
to be on this boat, but now,
I feel a little differently
because this is really difficult.
- It's not that hard.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, Gene, put that on.
- What is it? A neck pillow?
- No, it's a life jacket, I think.
- How do I put it on?
I don't understand this
new-fangled life vest technology!
All right, just hold it.
And if the boat flips over,
hold it really tightly.
The fear in your voice makes
me feel great about this.
Um, did he just fall
asleep during my interview?
Yeah, but I think you got what you need.
- I got no answers.
- That's not true.
When you asked him that question
about how he goes to
the bathroom, he said
No, that doesn't count.
And I didn't even get a good picture.
We can solve that problem right now.
Curl, do your stuff. And shoot.
"In ocean. Talk soon." What
the hell does that mean?
Oh, my God! Bob's rowing the boat!
- What?!
- I quit!
- What?!
- Bob's rowing your boat!
Is that a bad thing? That
seems like a bad thing!
Uh, you know, it's not recommended.
It can be a little squirrelly
if you haven't been
rowing for 11 months.
- How-how is he with capsizing?
- Aah!
Probably not great.
Counterpoint he loves it.
- Okay, we're going down there.
- Yeah, we are.
And, Quincy, maybe you can tell me more
about that whole
quitting thing on the way.
Oh, you just fell down.
- I'm up. I'm up. I'm back up.
- No.
- Oh, am I not?
- Everyone, pick him up.
Let's go. Get him. Everyone take a side.
Up, up, up.
Ah, yep. Oof. I'm halfway up.
I can't see where we're going.
Can you see where we're going?
- No. I mostly see your stomach.
- Aah.
We're fine. I mean, how
much ocean can there be?
Well, I hope the dock
we're trying to get to is
- getting closer to us?
- That would be a fun coincidence.
Oh, there they are! Way out there!
- Are you okay?!
- Aah. Aah! It's your mom.
- Why are you rowing?!
- I think she's saying
we're doing a great job?
And did she say I'm
doing especially good
at sitting in the bottom of the boat?
I mean, I guess it's obvious.
So, while we've got
a minute, tell me more
about the "I quit" thing
that you said before.
Too hard, right? Too hard out
there? Way too hard for you?
The sea broke you down. Is
that the story I'm writing?
That's the story I'm writing, right?
Oh, he's really struggling.
He's not doing well, is he?
Is something wrong with
his arms? And his body?
There's nothing wrong
with his arms and his body.
Well, there's some things
wrong with his body, Mom.
He's trying to save your boat
because you were having a
freakout in our restaurant.
It's just Wow.
Seeing someone else in my boat
is making me feel kind of possessive.
I don't like it. I feel
like I should be doing that.
Yes, yes, you should!
I mean, I wouldn't be
doing it anything like that.
That is so inefficient.
Yeah, I'm having second
thoughts about the quitting.
Um I'm kind of liking
the quitting story.
Yeah, I'm having regrets
about my earlier thoughts.
Well, I'm the one writing the piece.
Well, I'm the one
withdrawing my statement!
Hey, you two, we got to move!
But, I mean, not that
fast? 'Cause look at 'em.
Yeah, we'll definitely
get there before them.
- So, hot dog?
- Yeah, I-I could eat a hot dog.
Oh, yeah. A picture of you,
with the ocean behind you,
eating a hot dog That would be great!
No! No, burger!
Burger, burger, burger for you!
No hot dogs.
My chest is on fire.
And so are my arms. Ugh. And my toes.
Am I buff? Did I just get into shape?
That sounds right. Me, too, probably?
But this is very hard.
- I get wanting to quit.
- See? Just like origami club.
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
Hey! There's the dock somehow.
But on the other hand, Gene,
I think what your mom
is worried about is
that if you quit too much
stuff, you might get used to it.
And then, you might
quit, like, everything
that's even a little bit hard,
and you'll never challenge yourself.
You're taking origami
Mommy's side on this?
Well, you know, she's smart.
And I I think that
what she was getting at
Which I didn't see then, but I see now,
because, you know, I'm
a different person now,
because, you know, the
ocean changes you
Is pretty much everything
that's worth doing is hard.
And if you quit things
when they get hard,
you may never get to the good part.
Ah, fine. I'll give
origami club another chance.
- Really?
- I do kind of want to do that frog.
His legs move.
Sounds hard.
- True.
- But so is this.
You know, in case you were
wondering while you just sit there.
I wasn't wondering because
you've said it so many times.
Do you want me to take a turn?
- Oh, we're here.
- Bobby, yay!
My hero! You made it!
Sort of. I mean, the oars are backwards.
- Are you all eating hot dogs?
- No.
- Wait'll you see the picture, Dad.
- What?!
He finished! Good for him.
He looks tired. Kind of scrawny.
His skin's a strange color, too.
Oh, and his lips are peeling off.
- Gross. But he's smilin'!
- I'm puttin' it up.
Don't mess up my frog!
Can't quit, not
quitting ya, baby ♪
Can't quit, not
quitting ya, baby ♪
I thought of quitting ya maybe ♪
But I can't quit,
not quitting ya, baby ♪
Your solar panels, oh, yeah.
They charge your batteries.
Big batteries.
Those power your navigation system.
Me and you, boat, we're never get lost.
Can't quit, not
quitting ya, baby ♪
Can't quit, not
quitting ya, baby ♪
I thought of quitting ya maybe ♪
But I can't quit,
not quitting ya, baby ♪
Your desalination tank
pumping out clean water to drink.
Makes me so thirsty, hydration.