Bob's Burgers s13e16 Episode Script

1
Morning, Bob. Here's your coffee.
Two sugars, just how you like it.
Oh, I don't really take sugar, but
- April Fool's, it's salt! Ha!
- Yeah.
Uh, I guess I'll rinse this out
- and get normal coffee.
- He loved it.
- Ah!
- And the salt is sugar.
April Fool's. Sugar eggs.
Actually, this could work.
Sorry, there's some
other way to eat eggs?
April Fool's.
I put a rubber band
on the sprayer trigger.
- Spray it ain't so, am I right?
- Yup.
Whoa, does this phlegm
look normal to you?
Eh, I'll just get it back in there.
- Ah!
- April Fool's, it's
jelly mixed with ketchup.
Perfect fake bloody phlegm combo.
- Look at my family of merry pranksters.
- Mmm.
Oh, uh, Mother, aren't you going to
have a sip of that orange
juice I brought you?
- Yeah, sure, why not?
- Uh, I put mac 'n' cheese powder
in there. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Aw, Gene, honey, it's not really a prank
if you tell me about it beforehand.
I like April Fool's pranks,
just not the part where someone
is confused or uncomfortable.
Yeah, that's the prank
part of the prank?
And it's just fun. We
prank 'cause we love.
- Ah! I don't get this holiday!
- I'm with Gene. April Fool's Day
isn't really a holiday,
it's more of just a dumb day.
- How dare you.
- Whoa.
Bob, you're such an April Scrooge.
Sorry. Maybe it's because Mr. Fischoeder
has pranked me every
April Fool's for years
- and it's kind of horrible.
- We prank you every year, too, Dad.
Yeah, but he's got a lot
more money than you guys.
Also, he might be the devil.
April Fool's. April Fool's.
April Fool's. ♪
April Fool's. April Fool's.
April Fool's.
I know, what's Mr. Fischoeder
gonna cook up this year?
I can't wait. It's
like Christmas in April.
Well, you know who's
not a fool? Jimmy Jr.
He has a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
and he invited me to
get frozen yogurt later.
Wait, he asked you out for today?
April Fool's Day. First of April.
- Uno de Foolio.
- Yeah, so what?
It's just that No, I
won't I won't say it.
- What? What?
- It's just that
my prank-dar is pinging.
An April Fool's date?
It's It's risky.
Oh, stop it, Louise. My
prank-dar's got nothing.
- Wait. Oh, no, that's gas.
- We should get downstairs,
assuming all the fun
breakfast pranks are over.
Uh, I think that's everything.
- After-breakfast mint?
- Is that a piece of chalk?
- Mint?
- Mmm.
Okay, looks normal
which isn't normal.
- Huh, yeah. Aw.
- Well, don't sound disappointed.
I'm not, I'm not. Aw.
But how could Jimmy Jr. prank me
just by having frozen yogurt with me?
Only about a thousand different
ways. Uh, you show up thinking
you're the "get one free,"
turns out, you're the
- "buy one." April Fool's.
- Monster.
Or he gives you a
spoon with a hole in it.
Oh, look, now you've got
a banana mango chin beard.
- Ooh, I want that.
- Yay, you're open.
- Hi, Teddy, you're here early.
- Well, it's a major holiday, right?
I'm pretty excited.
April Fool's. I sat on the wrong stool.
- Oh, I had you, Bob.
- Yup.
- I had you.
- Yup, you did.
Should've seen the look on your face.
April stool, I love it.
You know, that other stool
is way more comfortable.
This one's all flattened down
for some reason.
Mm. Okay, here we go.
I am preparing to be wowed.
Hello, Bob. Lady Bob,
Lesser Bobs. Freddy.
Hey, Mr. Fisch.
You seem tense, Bob.
Do you have an impacted colon?
No, just waiting for the prank.
There could be some colon stuff, too.
I could just be here
for the rent, you know?
It is the first of the month.
Oh, that would be great.
- Do you have it?
- No.
But we'll get it. Probably.
Bob, there's a bear in your kitchen.
You put a bear in my kitchen?
- Ow. What the
- April Fool's.
Standing "O."
For the record, I also
would have taken a bear.
Wow. Bob, you see how
realistic it looks?
Yeah, I-I saw it, Lin.
It's trompe l'oeil.
That's French for
"Hee-hee-hee, gotcha Bob."
I commissioned it from a
starving boardwalk artist
and, uh, Freddy, here, used
my landlord key to
install it before dawn.
I'm so sorry, Bob.
He made me do it. By paying me money.
Forgive me. Why aren't you forgiving me?
- Teddy, uh, it's fine.
- Oh, good.
Mr. Fischoeder, I'll be over
soon to finish painting your mansion.
Yes, Freddy, about that,
is all the unsightly
scaffolding necessary?
Uh, well, it's kind of how
I reach the higher floors.
Couldn't you just sort
of catapult yourself up
and paint, paint, paint
before you crash to the ground?
- Uh, I could try.
- Good man.
Well, uh, I guess that's it,
so see you next year?
Bob, we need to talk.
In our pranking relationship,
I feel that I do all the work.
You've never pranked me back once.
Except for the bounced rent checks.
- Heh, heh. You don't like those?
- They're okay, not great.
Bob, I feel a little taken for granted.
- It's not working. Us.
- Us?
I wish I didn't even have
to say this, but here goes.
Bob, this year, will you prank me?
- Aw.
- I-I'm sorry?
Prank me. Amuse and enchant me,
as I do for you every year.
Mr. Fischoeder, I-I'm flattered,
but you're a millionaire
with a lot of time on your hands.
Possibly too much.
And I'm not. I have a restaurant to run.
- You do? That's exciting.
- Yay, Dad.
Where? Oh, this place.
Anyway, uh, no, thank you?
Well, I guess you can't
force these things, right?
But it's still early. Maybe
you'll change your mind.
Oh, what a merry scary laugh.
Aren't you being a little
bit of a pranky pooper, Bob?
No, pranking our landlord
is a terrible idea.
I'm not gonna do it,
and no one can make me.
That's how I handle my math homework.
And it works. Mostly. We'll talk later.
Oh, my God, he's back.
Right now it's sort of
a quasi-hamburger stand,
but picture it without
the greasy, uh people.
- What-What's going on?
- I'm getting out there, Bob.
Meeting prospective new tenants.
- For here?
- Mm-hmm.
And you met him in the last 15 minutes?
It all happens online these days.
I like this one.
Younger, lots of energy.
- Super pranky.
- Oh, my God.
- So what kind of store you opening?
- Uh, a chain store?
Every kind of chain.
Key, bicycle, neck.
You just saved me two stops.
Actually, the store next door is vacant.
Oh, that space is
nothing compared to this.
Oh, yeah, much better light here.
- And just a better flow in general.
- Thanks, guys.
I am definitely interested.
Good, I should know
by the end of the day
if the space is available.
End of the day.
Is Mr. Fischoeder
really gonna kick us out
for another tenant
if we don't prank him?
He'd be crazy not to.
All those amazing chains.
I honestly am not
sure how serious he is,
so I guess we're pranking our landlord.
I pity the April fool.
How about this for a prank?
Creep up behind him and slowly move
Mr. Fischoeder's eyepatch
- until it covers his good eye.
- Uh
Ooh, give him a fake
scar while he's sleeping
and tell him you stole his pancreas.
He's probably got a great
- rich guy pancreas, I bet.
- No.
Ask Jimmy Jr. How he's gonna prank Tina
on their frozen yogurt date
- and just do that?
- Wait, what?
Move all the clocks in his house
ahead by one minute so he'll be
one minute early for everything.
Aw, Gene, sweetie, that's
still not quite a prank.
- It's really helpful, actually.
- Darn it.
I just want something simple.
Like, what if I send him a
pizza with weird toppings?
Weird toppings? That's your prank?
Yeah, things that don't go together.
Like shrimp with hot dogs?
- Go on.
- Yeah, that's making me hungry.
Should we eat one first and decide?
Can we throw some pineapple on there?
Stop wanting to eat the prank pizza.
Everybody's overthinking it.
- Bob's Burgers.
- Bob, about the prank.
I hope you aren't underthinking it
and planning something super wimpy.
Go big. I want to feel something.
Otherwise, it doesn't count. Bye.
You, down there, catch this knife.
Kidding. Kidding, kidding.
It's April Fool's. Sheesh.
He wants to feel something.
Okay, Dad, to do this
right, you got to go deep.
Talk to people, dig
through some garbage,
find out what makes Mr. Fischoeder tick.
What does he care about most?
Find that and you'll
know how to prank him.
Fine, but I am not
looking through garbage.
And I'm looking through garbage.
I'm sorry, but how
else are we gonna find
Mr. Fischoeder's dark, dirty secrets
without going through
his dark, dirty trash?
I just want this to be over.
What are you so excited to get back to?
Ooh, Felix. Let's talk to Felix.
- Oh, uh, no?
- Yes.
He knows things about his brother,
and I'm sure he'll be happy to help us.
I'm not helping you.
- Especially with prank stuff. Go away.
- But
I'm going upstairs
now and you can't follow
'cause you're too uncoordinated
to go up a spiral staircase.
What? No, I can. I think.
Don't you just keep turning?
- Come on, we need the info.
- Okay, fine.
Ugh, you followed me?
Well, do not criticize my form.
Felix, please just tell us
what Mr. Fischoeder cares about,
so we can prank him.
All we're asking is for you
to violate your brother's trust
and tell us his deepest
most intimate secrets.
What about me? Maybe
I'd like to be pranked
by my brother sometime.
But he only has time for Bob, Bob, Bob.
- Wait, what's that photo?
- Oh, that's just Calvin and my father
on Dad's precious golf cart.
They would patrol Wonder Wharf in it,
throwing firecrackers at
carnies who were slacking.
- You know, father-son stuff.
- Mm.
I wasn't allowed to ride in it
because I had what at the time
- was called sneaky bladder.
- Why do you have this photo?
No reason. I don't pee on
it for revenge sometimes.
Okay. Is this the golf cart
Mr. Fischoeder still uses?
My father passed it on to
him. Along with a lot of money.
And property. And everything. It's fine.
That's it, we prank his golf cart.
That's what he cares about.
I told you I'm not helping you prank.
Now, excuse me, I have to pee.
Yes, there he is.
Mr. Fischoeder gets his hair cut
while he's on his
rent-collecting route,
so we got an hour for the prank.
I still don't understand why
it takes that long for a haircut.
He has it cut one hair at a time.
I guess he thinks that makes it fancier.
- How do you know this?
- Mr. Fischoeder talks about it. A lot.
Hey, you should get your
one hair cut that way.
I'm calling Teddy to
tell him we're a go.
- How much longer?
- Rewiring an old golf cart horn
to play a fart sound is
not a job you can rush, Bob.
We got different voltages,
a lot of weird-colored wires.
I don't want to get
philosophical on you,
but it's like a beautiful
chaos under here.
- As fast as you can.
- I love novelty horns.
My truck horn used to
play the song Tequila.
Great tune. Got pulled over for a lot
of sobriety checks, but it was worth it.
Okay, we're ready to connect
the horn button to our fart device.
- Gene?
- So, what're we in the mood for?
There's flirty.
Shy.
Brooding.
Whimsical.
Doesn't matter. Just
give it to Teddy, please.
I guess someone doesn't
care about artistry.
Okay, so I left a message
for Mr. Fischoeder to
come by for the rent.
- We have the rent?
- No, of course not.
But he'll come from that way
where the barbershop is,
and he'll honk his annoying horn
like he always does,
and a big fart will come out instead.
Farty gave a party and
Mr. Fischoeder came.
I'm starting to get April Fool's Day.
- This is kind of fun.
- Look at you,
- "Prankie Goes to Hollywood."
- Maybe I'll do more pranks after this.
- Everything could be a prank.
- Not everything.
Sometimes it's just a
romantic and economical trip
- to a frozen yogurt place, right?
- Yeah. I mean, no way
is Jimmy Jr. trying to get you there
so he can sneak back and rob your room.
- Right, I agree.
- Or get you to eat so fast
that you get brain freeze
and make that weird sound.
- No!
- No, it's more of a
- What the hell, Louise?
- Yeah, knock it off, honey.
These are the things
I hope don't happen.
Like, instead of Jimmy Jr.,
it's Andy on Ollie's
shoulders in a trench coat.
- Ah!
- Oh, he's coming.
What in the
- Ha! April Fool
- No brakes! No brakes!
Whoa, what-what's happening?
I think he said "no
brakes, no brakes." Oh.
Oh, my God.
Is my megaphone okay?
Is what Tina was wondering.
Tina, now's not the time.
So, not a great prank, Bob.
I don't know what happened.
This is why I didn't want
to prank our landlord.
Do you think Mr.
Fischoeder is all right?
- Bob tried to kill me.
- What?
You all saw it. Bob cut my brake line.
No. It was an accident.
He-He wanted me to prank him.
W-We didn't cut his brake
line, it was a fart horn thing.
I think Bob used April
Fool's as a cover for murder.
Maybe because he's resentful of being
the ridiculous butt of my genius pranks.
He does have a ridiculous butt.
You know, I-I think you went
a little too far here, Bob.
Me? Y-You disconnected something.
He did it. This guy did it.
Novelty horn wiring
isn't an exact science.
And you kept distracting me when
I was trying to work, as you do.
Murderer. You're
blackballed at Reflections.
Your glitter account
is closed, Tyra Pranks.
- We have a glitter account?
- Uh, yeah.
We use a lot of glitter, Bob.
- I don't know what to tell you.
- Oh, my.
Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Dowling.
This isn't what it looks like.
It is what it looks like.
Bob tried to murder Mr. Fischoeder.
I wouldn't bank with Bob if I were you.
And I sure as heck wouldn't
let him work on your car.
We already have so many
reasons not to bank with Bob.
- I'll throw it on the list.
- I don't like that list.
Bob, I'm gonna take the kids inside.
I'm not saying this is an angry mob
that might attack you, but if it is,
I don't want the kids to see it.
Mom'll come back out
with a broken bottle
if you need her, though.
- I'm so sorry, Mr. Fischoeder.
- Shh.
I'm listening to his
heart with this thing.
- Your stethoscope?
- Are you a doctor?
Yep. His heart sounds weird.
All right, let's put
him in the cargo area.
Cargo area? Wait, I know you.
Aren't you the tenant
Mr. Fischoeder brought
over this morning?
No. 'Cause I'm this.
You had that dumb chain store idea.
- You're dumb.
- Wait
We're driving off fast now. Bye.
What's going on?
I swear, it was the same guy.
And definitely not a great paramedic.
Bob, a lot of people
look like other people.
Like Jessie Eisenberg
and that other guy.
Wait. They're different people?
And you do call me
Gene sometimes. A lot.
Parents do that, Tina.
And you pretty much always
pick up the wrong remote
and keep jabbing it at the
TV when it doesn't work.
It's rough to watch.
It's why I almost stopped
coming to movie night.
They look a lot alike.
Dad, maybe you're a little out of sorts
because you almost on
purpose killed someone.
Kids, Mr. Fischoeder's
gonna be fine. Probably.
Oh, by the way, Bob, Joel called.
He can't deliver our buns today.
- Um, that's kind of a problem.
- And then our meat guy called,
- and he can't deliver, either.
- So problem solved.
They probably both got sick
or kidnapped or something
on the same day; it happens.
But what if word has gotten out,
- and we're blackballed?
- No.
Bob, you're upset.
It's been a crazy day.
Why don't you take the
garbage out and get some air?
- Some back-alley air.
- Fine.
Hey, maybe the police will
look through our trash later,
- like we looked through Mr. Fischoeder's.
- Mm.
What the hell?
Oh Oh, God. Oh, my God
- Aah!
- Aha.
This is Mr. Fischoeder's golf cart.
- But I saw it get wrecked.
- Um
No, I didn't.
That was a decoy golf cart, wasn't it?
Uh, I go now, bye. Kisses.
Bup-bup-bup-bup. After
we left the treehouse,
you told Calvin I was going
to prank him with the cart.
So he was one step ahead of me.
- No, dum-dum. He told me.
- What?
- I said, "Do you like the Bee Gees?"
- Wait. When I saw the photo,
all your weird lunges
were pointing right at it.
- Not weird, athletic.
- You wanted me to notice
- the golf cart picture.
- Ugh.
Yes, Bob. And it took so many lunges.
Calvin planned everything.
He even wore a padded suit
for the "accident."
The brakes were fine.
He faked the whole thing.
None of it was real. The
paramedic-tenant guy
- A carny in a costume.
- Oh, my God.
Am I still being pranked?
All I know is Calvin
is gonna come by tonight
in a full body cast and burst
out of it and say April Fool's.
Act surprised. He's also rented 50 doves
to fly out of the cast
when it breaks open.
Wait. Is you telling me
this also part of the prank?
Probably. Let's say yes.
Oh, I hate April Fool's Day.
Now, excuse me, I'm
off to buy dove food.
I'm guessing tacos? Or Dove Bars?
I just wanted a simple
frozen yogurt date.
With some light handholding, or heavy,
depending on how sticky our hands were.
I know, but the safest move
now is simply not to show up.
- You're saying
- Fro-yo no-show.
But am I being paranoid?
- He's after me.
- You mean like hmm-hmm?
You okay, Bob? You seem
great, just checking.
I found out that Mr. Fischoeder
is still messing with me.
The prank I thought I
was pranking him with
was really him pranking
me with my own prank.
The whole time. You see?
- I see that you see something.
- We all love you, Bob.
I don't even know how
many people are in on it.
The paramedic? Edith? Mr. Dowling?
- Our meat and bun people?
- Okay, still not really sure
what you're talking about, but
probably not that many people
are in on it, right?
Bob's Burgers. I can't talk now. Bye.
That was Fischoeder, wasn't it?
You can't talk because I'm here.
- You're in on it, Lin.
- It was a telemarketer.
You're a liar-marketer.
- Bobby, no.
- Or what about Teddy?
Ready to pitch in 'cause
you happened to have
a novelty car horn in the '90s?
Most people did back then,
Bob. Rush hour was a lot of fun.
Or maybe Louise, who
led me straight to Felix.
Wait, am I in on it? I
kind of want to be in on it.
Or Tina, with your water spraying.
- You look nice, but you're not.
- Damn.
Gene. Dear, sweet, innocent Gene.
So pure, so simple. I
know you're not in on it.
- You couldn't be.
- Simple?
You know what? I'm gonna
go see Mr. Fischoeder
and demand my life back.
Why not ask for a better one instead?
And I'm taking Gene. He's
the only one I can trust.
- I'm flattered and terrified.
- Flatterfied?
Can I go to the
bathroom before we leave?
No. Maybe. What kind?
Ah, I don't want to put a label on it.
I have to go, too. Can I go first?
You definitely should.
I hear them. They're up there.
- You ready to do this?
- No. Are you?
I think so. I mean, we've come this far.
We haven't gone up the ladder yet.
I did it earlier.
- It's really hard.
- Should we give up?
No. Let's start climbing,
- but we'll-we'll take breaks.
- I love breaks.
Bit more cocoa in your rum, Calvin?
Oh, I shouldn't. I still have
to fit inside my body cast.
- And leave room for 50 doves.
- Well, well, isn't this cozy?
- And cocoa-y.
- Bob.
Uh, close your eyes and
imagine I'm in a cast.
No, no, no. The jig is up.
I want the pranking to stop.
And I'm not leaving until
you promise me we're done.
Or until we get some
cocoa, at the very least.
Bob, calm down. The
pranking is done now.
You've ruined the last bit.
Also, I don't know why
you're mad. I'm the one
who's out all the dove money.
Why, Mr. Fischoeder? Why
did you put me through this?
I-I did what you wanted.
I pranked you. I mean, I tried.
Yes, but did you, Bob?
Did you really try?
First I had to beg you.
Then I had to threaten you.
I manipulated you, and
all I was going to get
for my trouble was a fart horn.
- Hey.
- Bob, you up here?
- Linda?
- We were worried,
so we decided to follow you.
We saw you and Gene climbing up here.
- Not at all awkwardly.
- Lot of breaks.
Come on, let's go home
before you do or say anything
to our very nice-ish landlord
- that you'll regret.
- Yes, Bob, go home and rest up
- for next April Fool's.
- It's never going to stop, is it?
I don't see why it would.
The question you should
be asking is how will
I keep topping myself?
Unrelated how many
cubic feet of Jell-O
would 10,000 boxes make?
- We owe it to ourselves to find out.
- No. No
Or, different direction. I wonder what
the restaurant actually weighs
if one were to rent a really big crane.
With us in it or not?
Oh, why isn't it next year already?
Stop talking about pranks!
- Easy, Bob.
- What? No No.
Ah! My dear Bob.
Gotcha. April Fool's, Mr. Fischoeder.
- The unsightly scaffolding.
- It held.
- Which was not a guarantee.
- How'd you do it?
Well, an hour ago,
I was about to come
here and yell at you.
But I cooled down,
and then it came to me.
The thing you care about
most on April Fool's
- seems to be me.
- Brag.
-So, I should make myself the prank.
- You've got a lot to work with.
- Thank you.
First I asked Teddy
to move his scaffolding
from the main house to here.
I got lucky because you were
- playing with your doves in the aviary.
- So to speak.
Then I called Felix and asked him
for a second time to help prank you,
and this time he said yes.
I suggested murder you, as a joke,
but Bob said it was too big.
His job was to lure you
over here with cocktails.
It was going to be
cocktails and belly dancing,
but I couldn't find my finger bells.
Linda's job was to bring
the girls and act sad when I died.
I didn't know it was gonna look
so scary; a little pee came out.
And I told Dad exactly how to scream.
His natural scream is much higher.
And Gene knew everything
and never gave it away.
It was hard not to shout it out,
but I just concentrated on the cocoa.
Which I still haven't
received, by the way.
Gene, your first April Fool's prank.
Well done, Bob. I felt something.
Aw, see? We prank 'cause we love.
Next year, you and me.
Same time, different pranks?
You know, we could just
have a beer sometime.
- Uh, I don't think so.
- Uh, Bob, now that I see it
from this angle, the scaffolding
- might be missing a few bolts.
- What?
You want to hop back
up on the balcony here?
Okay.
- Uh, April Fool's?
- Oh, my God.
Ah, I love this day.
- I'd like to go home.
- Yeah.
Goodbye, burgermongers.
Don't touch anything on the way out.
Hey, we need to drop Tina off
for her frozen yogurt date.
Wait, what about all the stuff you said?
I was kinda April foolin' with you.
I mean, what's the
worst that can happen?
It can't be as bad as Dad's day.
Huh. I guess not.
And like Mom said, sometimes
you prank the people you like the most.
Seriously? It's April Fool's Day?
- I thought that wasn't until May.
- No, it's today. April first.
Oh, is that why you were so late, Tina?
- Were you pranking me?
- Yes?
- April Fool's?
- Oh, man, you got me.
You are the one I love to prank ♪
You've got the chain I yearn to yank ♪
I don't really get it,
but I can't forget it ♪
You are my April Fool ♪
Pencil me in for April one ♪
I'll make your
day come all undone ♪
It brings me such joy
when you're one baffled boy ♪
You are my April fool ♪
You are my April fool. ♪