King of the Hill s13e19 Episode Script

Yep.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
So, what do you guys want to do today? Well, hmm.
We fixed Boomhauer's car.
We've gotten Bill's house as far as it's gonna go.
Does anybody have anything to varnish or weather-strip? I remember I need to Oh, wait.
Never mind.
I did that this morning.
Are you saying"- Oh, my God! We're out of projects! We have nothing to do.
MOSS: And the sign-up sheet for the Asthma Olympics is in the gym.
And be sure to pick up your tickets for this year's homecoming dance.
Dude, we got to ask someone to the dance fast.
More and more girls are getting boobs, so there're not as many desperate ones anymore.
We can't rush into a date, Joseph.
It's just like when you go to get ice cream at 61 Flavors.
You don't just go with the first tub of vanilla.
You scope out the whole case.
Dude, the football team got most of the good ice cream.
Vanilla sounds pretty good right now.
Oh, I need a girl.
I need one now! You! Go to the dance with me! Uh, okay.
Eh, better than nothing.
Oh, my God! I need better than nothing, too.
I need to find a date.
BILL: Oh, look.
Spongy's up to my cans.
Good-bye, little beer cans.
You tried your best to help me.
Well, that's an impressive cart Spongy's got there.
Yeah, man, talking 'bout like, like a dang ol' Battle-Cart Galactica, man.
Superb handling, excellent turning radius.
How did Spongy do it? I wonder if it's the ball bearings or Gyroscope? I don't know, low center of gravity on that dang ol'.
Well, I guess the only way to find out would be to build a super cart of our own.
We found a project! (humming) (sighs) What was I thinking, waiting this long to get a date? (gasps) Oh.
There's Kerry Harris.
No one's asked her yet because she has a tiny hole in her heart.
Jackpot! Acne Pete is moving in! Go! Go! I Hi.
You go to dance? I mean, you want to go to the dance? I mean, you want, with me? I'm sorry.
You're sweet, but no.
I'm sorry.
Thanks, but Um, no.
What do you think? Hmm, he's got possibilities.
Could be a project.
Agreed.
You know, I always like the way you say "project.
" It sounds so much nicer than "target.
" Anyone sitting here? I guess I am.
Hi.
Um, hi? Uh Bobby Hill, I'm Bethany.
Aw, you look so sad.
A sad little Popsicle.
Don't be a sad little Popsicle.
I'm not sad, really.
It's just that I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my miserable life.
(sighs) Hey, we could be your buddies.
We'll be Bobby buddies.
Aren't you both from the advanced class? Girls like you never talk to guys like me.
Oh, no! We're breaking rules.
We'll be thrown in jail! Will you visit us in jail, Bobby? I'd like you to.
Hey ya, girls.
Hmm (gasps) Where'd you snag the cuteness? Am I the cuteness? (gasps) Ooh, Bethy, his hair feels nice.
I've never thought about it, but, yeah, if bear cubs could talk, they'd sound like me.
Oh, Bobby, could you be more precious? After taking a moment to confer with myself, I've decided no, you could not.
Dude, he's like the girl whisperer.
If this school was a deck of cards, Bobby would be the king of hearts, two of us would be jokers and the other one would be that card with the rules on it.
So, uh, where are you guys at with the whole homecoming thing? Because if you need a date Yes.
I can't wait! This is such a magical day! Really? So, uh, which one of you do I get to go with? You're going with all of us.
Otherwise we'd fight for you.
It'd get ugly.
Triple date.
I guess I have to get three corsages, but whatever.
You know, it's fine.
Dude, you have, like, three girlfriends at the same time.
You're like a movie star.
Or a normal guy in France.
I have no idea why these girls are being so nice to me, but they asked me on a date tonight.
To the mall.
And not to the crapster mall either.
To the Northside Mall.
Whoa, you just jumped ahead two malls.
On your left.
Bobby, don't forget about us tonight.
'Kay, Boo-boo Bear? (sighs) HANK: So, big date tonight, huh? See what happens when you focus and don't aim for the top? Actually, Dad, these are A-list college-prep girls, and they're all over me.
In a conversational way.
Really? Huh.
So, what's the name of the girl you're taking out? Girls.
Three girls.
I know guys who are good at sports who never pulled that off.
Three? How did that happen? Best as I can figure, I'm giving something off.
I don't know.
Looks kind of tippy.
Not as tippy as the last five.
I think we got it right this time.
All right, Bill, let her rip.
(straining) It's moving.
It's moving! Glides effortlessly, well-balanced.
We pulled it off.
It's not very pretty.
I mean, it's functional, but personally, I wouldn't be caught dead pushing a homeless cart that looked like that.
Huh.
You're right.
Well, I guess we could gussy it up a bit.
Bring it on back, Bill.
Well, guys, I'm off to work.
My job is making this day a special one for three lucky ladies.
(girls whooping, laughing) Yeah! Three-sewer wheelie! A new record! Go for four! Woo-hoo! Bobby-boy, you ready to roll? Just let me get my bike.
Forget it, just hop on behind Decca.
Behind? Okay.
Bobby, don't sit back there.
What are you doing? Switch.
Bobby! Don't worry.
We'll have him home late.
Oh, my God.
My boy is a a girl.
(shudders) Are you cooking bacon? What's wrong, Hank? Nothing.
I just needed a little something to (sighs) It's Bobby.
Oh, honey.
This can't still be because Bobby sat on the back of a girl's bike.
It's not just that, Peggy.
The girls picked him up.
They decided where to go-- All the stuff Bobby should do.
I, for one, think it is a step in the right direction.
You and I would have started dating a lot earlier if it would have been acceptable for me to ask you out.
Big wheels keep on turnin' Well, we finally got to the bottom of Boomhauer's car.
We thought it was the starter motor, but it was actually the alternator.
You should see it sometime.
I'm not doing anything Friday night.
Oh, good.
I'll have Boomhauer drive it over.
I'm all for equal rights and women wearing pants and dying in combat if they want to, but there's still some things boys need to do.
Look what the girls won me at the arcade! Decca's got quite an arm.
(sighs) I am still okay with this.
(video game sound effects playing) (Decca making laser sounds) Death blow.
Boom goes the dynamite.
Uh, son, why aren't you playing the game, too? There's only three controllers.
Besides, somebody's got to be the snack-fetching boy.
Bobby, soda.
I'm on it.
Why are you hanging around with these girls? I bet you can't even tell me which one's your girlfriend.
Well, they all are, kind of.
They take turns fussing over me, combing my hair and stuff.
It's great.
But they don't treat you right.
It doesn't look like they have much respect for you.
And self-respect, son (cell phone vibrating) How cute.
They want me to dance like a monkey.
See, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Look, Dad, all I know is, before, I was toast.
And now I'm going to homecoming with three girls.
So if they want me to dance like a monkey, then watch this monkey go! (imitating monkey grunting) (chittering) So, the dance is in two days.
Are we here to pick out dresses for you girls? Nope.
Oh.
Well, we need to figure out what you guys are wearing.
I have a cummerbund to color-coordinate.
You're so cute, Bobby.
Isn't he? Given.
But what time are you picking me up? Should we get a limo? I have a lot of questions.
(groans) Hey, let's get Bobby pierced! What? Even better, give him a makeover! (cheering, giggling) See the people walking down the street Fall in line just watching' all their feet They don't know where they want to go But they're walking in time They got the beat, they got the beat They got the beat, yeah, they got the beat I'm uncomfortable.
(drill whirring) Okay, Boomhauer, start her up.
(engine starting) Behold, a great moment in hillbilly science.
Hillbillies discover that four carts bigger than one.
We did it.
We built the ultimate homeless guy super-cart.
(sighing) Dang it.
I can't enjoy it because my son is out there dancing like a monkey for a bunch of girls.
Face it, Hank: women are getting stronger and men are growing more effeminate.
In the future, both men and women will visit the gynecologist, but only women will be getting their money's worth.
Thanks for letting us borrow this man meat, Mr.
Hill.
(girls laughing) Poor Bobby.
It's sad when someone so young gives up their self-respect.
He's got so much time left for that.
I gotta get my mind off of this.
Well, I suppose this is as good a time as any to figure out the Internet.
Now what do we do with our cart? Seems a shame to just dismantle it.
Man, talking 'bout no dang ol' Spongy, man, I mean, dang ol' crazy, but man, you know, he's people, man.
Boomhauer's right.
We should drive this thing down to the park and give it to Spongy.
Might be just the thing that turns him around.
Well, I was thinking sell it to Spongy, but As long as Spongy gets it.
What is going on? Why don't you ring?! Now, ring! Personally, I've never heard of anyone not being in the mood for chicken, but fine, we'll just order pizza.
Don't touch it! Terry and the girls said they'd call me an hour ago.
Bobby, have you been sitting like that the whole time? Ugh, what if they don't call? I don't know what I'll do! The dance is tonight! Just call them.
That's what men do: we call.
Men call and women get called.
Now, Hank, that is a backwards way of thinking.
(phone ringing) Hello?! Uh-huh, sounds cool! I am so there! They're picking me up in an hour.
(gasping) I'm a mess.
I have to do my hair! (squealing) Hank, this is perfectly acceptable behav Oh, I'm sorry.
I honestly tried.
Have at it.
No.
No fixing nothing.
You're grounded.
But but what about the dance? You're not going anywhere near these girls until you start acting like a boy.
How am I supposed to do that? You're just supposed to know! Psst! Hey! Boo-boo! Oh, no! Sad Popsicle! Sorry, girls, but my dad said that I can't go to the dance with you guys.
Well, we're not going to the dance anyway.
Yeah, during the homecoming football game, there's a secret party under the bleachers that only really old kids know about.
Kids who are like, 16.
Well, my dad is always wishing I would go to more football games.
(horn honks) (grunting, groaning) My tiny arms weren't meant for this.
Go on without me! (grunting) No wonder the homeless are (panting) so thin.
(sighs) Hey, Hank Hill, I just saw your hillbilly kid sneak out with those girls.
I'm surprised they didn't have to butter the window.
What? But he's grounded.
Well, he's gone now.
They kept talking about going under the bleachers.
What's that redneck for? Under the bleachers?! Oh, no! That's where kids at risk gather! I so with you! I want to see what underbelly of underbelly look like.
(fans cheering) BOY: I said, "Dude, I'm not giving away my car; I'm selling it" (grunts) Okay, lil' squirt (glass shatters) Come on.
Let's go.
HANK: Where did I go wrong? I can't believe Bobby is under the bleachers.
This is so hilarious! Leave it to hillbilly children to think it's cool to hang out under Can somebody tell me what's so great about this? I hear at the dance there's punch and crepe paper.
It sounds magical.
(grunting rock tune) Okay, this way.
Hey, put that down, mister.
You're not old enough to Stay focused! We here to find your kid.
Let nature and parole officers take care of the rest.
Oh, my God, there he is! I can't wait to see his face.
Hey, Spongy! What? Man, we got, got something for you, right, right here, man.
Voilà! Your new home.
Uh, yeah, this is great If I want to get knifed or murdered or poo-balled.
Why don't you just paint a target on my back? I will take the tarp, though.
Uh That was kind of a long walk getting here.
That stir-fry looks good.
You, you want some? It's cat food.
Hmm, yeah, okay.
Great band, yeah.
So sad.
They have no idea this is the highlight of their whole life.
I go tell them.
(slapping) Why you hitting yourself, sucka? Bethany, are there gonna be any cute guys here who aren't creeps? I thought we were gonna meet some guys.
Meet some What do you mean, meet some guys? I'm your guy right here.
You? No, Bobby.
I meant like a real guy.
You don't count, Bobby.
Don't tell me you thought you counted.
But you came and picked me up.
That makes me your date.
Doesn't it? I thought you girls liked me.
I'm your Boo-boo Bear, remember? Bobby, you're not really boyfriend material.
You were just fun to play around with.
That's all.
What?! You mean like a stuffed animal or something?! That's not a bad analogy.
Oh.
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
For you guys.
There you are, Bobby.
Okay, come with me.
We are about to redefine the word "grounded.
" Go ahead and yell at me, but there's nothing you can say that could make me feel worse than I already do.
Is everything all right? Those girls didn't like me.
I was just some game to them.
Come on.
Let's just go home, Dad.
Evening, ladies.
Man, all three of you are tens, so, that like, makes you a 30! Collectively speaking.
You can tell I'm good at math, right? In spite of my deceptively disheveled facade? What on earth are you talking about? Allow me to ensmoothen things.
My name is Randall.
Wait, are those guys hassling the girls? (chuckling) Dang it.
I gotta go take care of this.
Bobby, I think I'd better be the one to No, Dad, I'll handle it.
Is everything all right, gentlemen? Can I help you? Oh, easy, little fella.
Look, these girls have been a huge pain in my behind, but I can't have you hassling them.
If you need to beat me up, so be it.
Girls, while they're beating on me, make a break for your bikes.
Wow.
The kid's a noble little dude.
True.
You girls are short-sighted to overlook such outstanding sensibilities in this noble little dude and stuff.
(chuckling) (chuckling) (sighing) (sighing) Let's go.
I'm walking you out so that I know that you're safe.
And if there is a door, I am opening it for you.
Don't think you're so awesome, Boo-boo Bear.
We were leaving anyway.
Yeah, let's go.
Well, I know these girls don't appreciate you, but one day there'll be a girl who will.
I hope she doesn't keep me waiting too long.
Bobby, women will always keep you waiting.
Did you know it takes your mother in the morning? Eh, women.
TEENAGE BOY: Why you hitting yourself, sucka?