Bob's Burgers s14e14 Episode Script

1
[LINDA] Look at us, going to
a birthday party as a family.
Nothing cooler than
partying with your parents.
Damn straight. See? They
even let us say damn.
Uh-huh. Don't say damn.
So, I sort of see how me,
Gene and Tina got
invited to Rudy's Dad's
birthday party, 'cause
we're Rudy's friends,
but, uh, Mom and Dad,
what's going on there?
Well, we saw him at the
parent-teacher conference thing
- and
- He guilt invited us.
- We were guilt invited.
- Yeah.
Oh, sorry to be "on his phone" guy.
Just shooting off a quick email.
Ooh, email. Who are ya emailing?
Oh. A bowling alley.
- That's fun.
- Yeah. Just planning a bowling party.
Uh, R-Rudy's party?
No. Mine. It's a little thing
I do for my birthday every year.
Aw, I love bowling.
Oh. Uh, do you want to
- come to the party?
- Oh, you-you don't have to
- No.
- Yeah! Yes.
Well, I just hope Rudy has a good time.
He's up to his butt in
divorced parent dating drama
and he deserves to have fun tonight.
By the way, have we made
you guys sign paperwork
saying you won't get divorced?
No? I'll have Ken draw it up.
He did my estate papers.
Eh, I like our odds.
I love your dad as much as I did
the first time I told him I loved him.
Remember that, Bob?
You remember when I
first said I love you?
- Y-Y-Yes.
- Remember where we were?
- I do.
- Huh?
Where, w-where were you guys, Dad?
Um
Maybe he remembers, but he's getting
choked up thinking about it?
We were, um
- uh
- No, he forgot.
Oh, it's okay you forgot.
Your brain is just
full of burger toppings.
Uh, I'm-I'm gonna remember.
It's um
Do you remember when I farted
and it sounded like
someone saying, "Wazzup"?
- Yes.
- So you can remember that?
Well, that was right
when we got in the car.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so that's more recent.
[GENE] Just wanted to make
sure everyone caught that.
- Pretty special.
- [BOB] Certainly was.
[BOB] Oh, was it outdoors?
The place where you first
said "I love you," or indoors?
[LINDA] Bob, don't worry about it.
- Hey, Rudy.
- Uh, hey, guys.
Thanks for coming. It
was surprisingly hard
to get kids our age excited
about a 44-year-old man's
- birthday party.
- I don't know why.
We love people talking
about podcasts and back pain.
You guys want to get some slushees?
It's all-you-can-drink slushees.
My dad's treat.
- Whoa. - Nice.
- All I can drink?
'Cause that's probably
different from all you can drink.
Oh, I'm getting a brain
freeze just thinking about it.
Mom, Dad, smell you later, bye.
Smell y Yeah. Yeah.
[ALL SLURPING]
Ah, who doesn't love a free slushee?
Maybe that lady?
[GROANS]
[GENE] If it was socially acceptable
to lick that off the floor, I would.
- It isn't, is it?
- Uh, Rudy?
Everything okay?
You're looking very un-slushee.
Yeah, sorry.
It's my mom's boyfriend, Paul.
Look at him.
Smiling. Listening to people talk.
Making eye contact.
What's up with that?
[GROANING] Hate that.
[RUDY] I'm just worried
about my dad. He's fragile.
Especially since he and Vicky broke up.
Oh, no. Who broke up with who?
Well, it was pretty mutual.
He sent her a text
saying, "We need to talk."
And she wrote back
"Break up," question mark.
Then she gave her own text a thumbs-up
- and, you know, that was that.
- Damn.
So what I'm hearing is
your dad's a free man again.
He's back on the market.
Yeah. He's selling
"hot dad" by the pound.
It's just Dad's like
a delicate caterpillar.
Waiting to become a big,
strong beautiful butterfly.
But that's not gonna happen
if Mr. Nice-All-The-Time
Paul comes over
and steps on Dad's sweet little cocoon.
And how is Paul stepping
on your dad's cocoon?
Seriously, Tina? Look at him!
I just It it doesn't feel good.
It's-it's just not good!
Rudy, Rudy, just breathe.
- I'm bad at that!
- Oh, right.
I just want tonight to be the
bowling party of his dreams
and the perfect 44th birthday.
- Okay. Done.
- What?
Done. It shall be so.
Just leave it to me and Gene
and also Tina.
- Okay.
- Another round, please, sir.
And don't skimp on the cheer-up syrup.
Men's size 11 and a
ladies' size 9 and a half.
Wow, these are cute. Look at these, Bob.
I mean, they're bowling shoes, but sure?
I would wear these, like, in the world.
- Really?
- It's hard to find cute shoes.
- You know.
- Oh, I do know.
- Oh, hey. You guys made it.
- Yeah, hi.
Happy birthday!
- Great shoes. Aren't they nice?
- Uh, yes.
We were just waiting
for our lane assignment.
I-I guess it's pretty busy.
Oh. Uh, do you want
to bowl in our lane?
No, I wasn't I was
not saying that at all.
Sure! Right, Bob?
- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah!
Okay. I'll-I'll just tell the guy
at the counter to, uh, add you. Heh.
- Yay, fun!
- Oh, my God, we did it again.
Oh, I love these shoes.
Pu I'm putting them on.
Ooh, they've got my
size right on the back.
That's fun.
So our job tonight is
to make your dad look good.
Set him up for success, help him shine.
And if Paul looks like a pathetic dork
by comparison, that's fine, too.
So what are your dad's strengths?
Well, the man knows how
to rock a pant pleat.
I've noticed. You could cut
a finger on those bad boys.
He's also a pretty good bowler.
They don't call him
"Spare-ta-cus" for nothing.
And by "they," I mean "me."
Great, okay, well,
we can work with that.
[RUDY] But Paul is Paul.
He's probably great at bowling.
He's good at everything.
I once saw a valet throw him his keys
from, like, six feet
away and Paul caught it
- like it was nothing.
- [TINA] Whoa.
- [RUDY] Right?
- I mean, Paul doesn't seem that athletic
and naturally strong, but also gentle.
I don't feel like giving him a trophy
just for the cool way he's standing.
[GROANS] I just wish my
dad was still with Vicky.
She was, you know, whatever
the opposite of fun is,
but at least he wouldn't
be single while mom was
hugging it up with Paul over there.
Okay, all right, all right.
Listen. We've got the bowling thing.
We've got the dating thing. Maybe we
just get him a girlfriend
that's good at bowling?
You can get a girlfriend
in one night, right?
- Uh
- Rudy, any prospects here
right now, by any chance?
I mean, there's that
lady over there, Cherie,
from his Indian cooking class.
They're both allergic to cumin.
And I guess they really
bonded over how dumb it is
for people with a cumin
allergy to take that class.
- Aw.
- Also I wish I could have plucked
my dad's one crazy eyebrow hair.
I mean, it really would've
helped his chances.
Oh, yeah. I can see it from here.
Yeah, it's a beast.
Is it possible it's
moving around on its own?
Rudy, come on, our lane's ready.
Oh, and kids, your parents
are bowling with us.
Lucky you. Heh. Seriously,
though, they're a fun couple.
Uh, them, plus your mom
and Paul, that makes six.
Did you say Mom and Paul?
Uh, yeah. There they are. Hey!
- Hey.
- See ya soon, bowling buddies. Heh.
Oh, boy. That's it.
Dad and Good-At-Everything Paul
are bowling against each other.
Paul will crush him.
Worst-case scenario.
Dad's cocoon getting stomped.
- Caterpillar guts everywhere.
- No, no, no.
Okay, all right, Rud listen.
We're not gonna let Paul humiliate
your father on his
birthday, okay? I promise.
I swear it by my reusable slushee cup.
- [GENE GASPS]
- Yeah, you heard me. [SLURPS]
Oh, ow, brain freeze.
- Uh, got to slow down.
- Here, let-let me rub your head.
- Thank you. It still hurts.
- There you go.
- I know, let me really rub it.
- [LOUISE SHOUTS]
- Hey! Ow!
- [RUDY GRUNTING]
Rudy!
- Oh, God, it's all happening.
- Hold it together, Rudes.
We're gonna handle this.
I know you're saying words,
but all I can hear is my Dad's cocoon
crunch, crunch, crunching
under Paul's feet.
That's Gene eating tortilla chips.
Sorry.
There he is. Oh, good ball choice, son.
Heh. Thanks. Yeah, I
coordinated it with my shirt.
- Well, I noticed.
- Hey, kids.
Kids, meet shoes. Shoes, meet kids.
- Oh, hi.
- Mm.
- Hey, there they are.
- And here we are.
Are you ready to roll?
'Cause it's bowling.
- Oh!
- Oh, yes!
- I love it.
- Balls are round, so they roll.
Yeah.
Oh, man. Lame, but
somehow charming puns?
That's my dad's territory.
You know what, I'm gonna
pop over to the men's room.
I've got a birthday bladder,
aka too many fizzy waters.
Don't start without me.
Okay, let's move. I'm
gonna go stall Paul
so he can't bowl, and
I'll just keep that going
- until the party's over?
- [BOTH] Mm-hmm.
- Tina?
- Yeah?
Go to the cumin lady
from Indian cooking
class. Make it happen.
It would be nice if
Sylvester had a new girlfriend
in, like, 20 minutes?
- Uh
- Perfect.
- Gene?
- Slushee duty, got it.
- No. Go with Rudy.
- Aw.
Follow Sylvester to the bathroom
and pluck those eyebrows
with extreme prejudice.
- On it.
- Wait.
Rudy, what's Paul's deal again?
What's-what's he do?
He's an occupational therapist.
If people have pain
that makes it difficult
to do things, he helps them
with exercises or advice.
- As if we couldn't hate him any more.
- I know.
Okay, everybody break. Go! Go! Okay.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Dad. Hey, Dad? Dad.
- Yeah? What, what, what?
- Yeah. What is it?
- I just learned that Paul here
is an occupational therapist.
Uh, yeah. Yes, I am.
My dad needs that. Lots of it.
- Oh! Are certain motions painful?
- I do?
I mean, yeah.
- Which ones?
- Um, all of them?
- See what I mean?
- Oh.
- Hi.
- Uh hi.
Having some popcorn?
Cool. Cool, cool.
[SIGHS] Birthdays, am I right?
Stand up, let me, let me look.
- Sure. [GRUNTS]
- Little sound there.
Uh [STAMMERS] Wait.
Do you not make sounds
when you stand up?
Uh, l-let's see you touch your toes.
Touch, like "touch"?
- Give it a shot.
- Oh, my God.
[WHISTLES] Yeah. [WHISTLES]
You you whistled twice.
- Is-is that bad?
- Yeah, it's a two-whistler.
- Yep.
- Oh, God.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow!
- It's worth it, Dad.
I'm sorry. I love you!
The hair is fighting back!
It wants to live!
We're gonna kill it!
- Don't let it into your mind!
- Ow, kids, ow!
It knows what you're afraid of!
I mean, it seems like you
guys have great chemistry.
He's learning to cook Indian food,
you're learning to cook Indian food.
Maybe it's time to take
it to the next level
and move in together?
I'm sorry, who are you?
So your right shoulder is
about two inches higher than your left.
- It is?
- Yes. That's even.
- Oh! [GRUNTING]
- Does that hurt?
It's not supposed to.
I mean, is so this is normal?
- Th-This is how standing is?
- I'm afraid so.
Okay, let's bowl.
I am very ready.
Yeah. Here.
- I'll give you my card.
- No, no, no, don't bowl.
He needs help now.
He's got so many problems.
I can't believe he's survived this long.
It's okay, Louise. Uh,
I'll be fine. I-I-I think.
[SIGHS] Crap.
Here we go, my dad's up first.
Go me! It's my birthday.
And I'm bowling.
- [ALL GROANING]
- Oof.
- Hey, it's just his first roll.
- Tina, how'd it go?
- Cherie wants to move slow.
- [GROANS]
I guess she thinks asking
Sylvester to be her boyfriend
after they've gone on no dates
is, quote, "very confusing."
- Ridiculous.
- Oh, God.
Well, hey, three pins
are better than nothing.
Yeah.
The intimidation factor's already there.
Paul's gonna bowl the pants off my dad
at his own birthday party.
Beautifully pleated pants?
And those eyebrows are
bringing the razzle dazzle.
I-I can't watch. Maybe I'll bail
- and go drown my sorrows in slushee.
- I'm in!
- I could slush. Louise?
- Uh
Huh. What if we ?
Guys, come with me. I have an idea.
Come with you where?
Anywhere but here is good.
- Uh, hey, bud.
- Your turn.
Um, go on without me
we're doing kid stuff.
Not that I'm not totally comfortable
with everything going on here
in this area of the bowling alley, so
Um, okay, bye.
- What are we doing?
- Also a question I was going to ask.
We're doing what it takes to
give your dad an amazing night.
Are we getting him a
gift from what I think is
an extension cord museum?
- [KIDS SHOUT]
- You kids aren't allowed back here.
Right, right. Uh, so sorry
for whatever this is we're doing.
I was thinking this didn't
look like a bathroom.
- Okay. Get out now.
- Wait. Please.
- What?
- [SIGHS] This is Rudy. Rudy say hi.
Uh, hello, I'm Rudy.
And it's his dad's birthday,
and his dad's about
to bowl against Paul,
who's his mom's new boyfriend,
and Paul's good at everything.
And he's-he's gonna
kick Rudy's dad's butt.
And he's gonna look like
like what were you saying?
Like a dead caterpillar or something?
Yeah, he's gonna look like,
an-an unrealized butterfly.
Yeah. So we just want to help him win.
You know, from back here, somehow.
I mean, it would be a lot like cheating,
but it would be for charity.
So yeah.
It's fine, we'll figure
out something else.
- I love it.
- Huh? What?
I've got a Paul, but
my Paul is named Penny
and she makes my dad very happy.
How dare she.
- Okay. We're cheating.
- We are?
- Yeah, Tina, we are.
- You're going down, Penny!
- Uh, Paul.
- Uh-huh.
- No, it's important.
- Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
[LOUISE] Lane ten. Rudy's
dad and Paul are playing
- on this lane right now.
- And last we saw,
my dad was bowling like ass.
Sorry. I said "ass."
So we've got to make this
cheating stuff happen soon.
Uh, I feel like helping
Sylvester by cheating
is maybe not the best idea,
and also just cheating in general.
Tina, Rudy is our friend, and
if our friend wants his dad
to bowl an amazing game
and teach Paul a lesson
he will never freaking forget,
that's what we're gonna do.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. Okay.
So, how's this gonna work?
- Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
- No names.
The less we know about
each other, the better.
- It's on your name tag?
- Rachel.
Crap. Okay, I have an
idea of how we can do this,
but I haven't tried it
before and it's risky.
When your dad's ball hits the pins,
there's just enough
clearance over the backstop
for us to toss an extra pin in there.
And if we hit 'em just right,
then it's nothing but strikes.
- Fantastic.
- Ooh Gutter ball.
Ugh, please, don't
let it be Spare-ta-cus.
Ugh. They look good,
but they don't actually
help me bowl better.
- You're lucky you're hot.
- You talking to me?
- Yeah, you, too.
- I know.
Okay. I need two kids,
one to grab the pin
before it gets swept
into the pin elevator,
and one to hold onto the
person grabbing the pin,
so they don't fall into the machine.
Sounds dangerous?
Pin-setting used to be
done by child laborers,
so I'm sure that means
it's perfectly safe.
We can't see anything from back here.
How will we know when
it's Rudy's dad's turn?
Good point. We need eyes on the outside.
- I'll do it.
- Gene, no offense,
but if we send you out there,
we're gonna find you face-down
- at the slushee bar.
- And your point is?
Um, I'll go. I would
love to be not here.
No.
Your "I'm not doing
anything bad" face is
let's just say it really bad.
Oh. What-what about "Eh"?
- [GROANS] I'll go.
- Be sneaky.
Peek at the scoreboard,
memorize the bowling order,
- and report back.
- A sneak and a peek.
Got it.
♪
Oof.
Sylvester's losing pretty bad,
but we still have like half
a game left to turn it around.
Whoa, and Mom and Dad
are not bringing it.
- [BOB] Hey, Louise.
- Ugh. They spotted me.
Uh, hey, Dad. Mom. Rough game?
I'm beginning to think that as athletes
you guys are kind of not elite.
Yeah. We're bad at this. Oh!
Did you say "I love you" when we were
at a sports game of some kind?
No, but one time you threw
up on me at a baseball game.
- Yeah, but lovingly.
- Yeah, kinda.
Lot of peanuts.
Check out Paul with the
big blue ball. [CHUCKLES]
Okay, so, Sylvester's up after Paul.
Hmm. You can totally see
Rachel's elbow right now.
And I think Gene's
knees for some reason?
[SIGHS] It's fine, it's fine.
These lanes are so long, and
adults' eyesight is so bad.
[PAUL GROANS]
Bananas. It's a split!
Well, you're still way ahead of me.
It's gonna be hard to catch you.
That's a good pun
though bananas, split.
Oh, I didn't [LAUGHS]
I didn't realize I did that.
Really? [LAUGHS]
Better get back there.
- [HOLLY] Huh.
- [SYLVESTER] What?
You're not doing it again, are you?
- Doing what?
- Letting someone win.
I've been watching you.
You haven't been doing that spinny thing
with your wrist you usually do.
My trademark Spinderella?
I mean, I-I don't know
what you're talking about.
Yeah, you do. Did you
pluck your eyebrow hair?
Uh, Gene and Rudy pulled
it out of my face, yeah.
- Oh.
- And it was long.
Wait, why would he let Paul win?
Oh, boy.
[GROANS]
Are we a go? Is Sylvester up?
He's next, but we might
need to call off the plan,
- like right now.
- What? Why?
We don't need it, I don't think.
I'm pretty sure Sylvester
is letting Paul win.
Wh-What did you say, Louise?
Your dad is letting Paul win.
Huh? But why?
I say we're still doing the plan.
Paul has this coming.
Penny has this coming.
Always fostering shelter dogs,
asking about my day,
making Christmas magical.
You're not my mom, Penny!
- She sounds like a monster.
- She is.
- Louise, this is happening.
- But no, wait, what
I'm closing the door
now, watch your fingers.
- What? No!
- She said watch your fingers!
Ah! Son of a bowling ball!
Rudy! Gene! Tina! Come on!
- Someone, open up!
- Everyone in position.
Ignore the pounding and the yelling,
and any dumb voices inside
of you that are like,
"This is wrong, I
shouldn't do this, uh "
- [LOUISE SHOUTING]
- Tina? What should we do?
- Uh
- Okay, great.
Stay strong, that's what you should do.
Okay, not good, not good.
Ugh, crap, crap, crap.
Crap, crap, crap, crap.
- [PANTING] Whoa, whoa.
- Ah! Street shoes!
- [LOUISE] Sorry!
- Louise?
What the heck are you doing?
Uh Well, I dropped
a nickel over here,
- and I've got to get it!
- You dropped a nickel?
- Yes!
- Louise, we're poor,
but we're not that poor.
I can get you another nickel, I think.
Uh, one second, sorry. Sorry!
You're still wearing shoes on the lane!
[LOUISE] I know, I know,
I just One second!
[SYLVESTER] Lane integrity is important!
[WHISPERING] Rudy. Rudy, can
you hear me in there? Buddy.
Don't try and change my mind, Louise.
And are you standing on the lanes?
That's pretty frowned upon.
Listen. We don't have to do this.
Your dad doesn't need our help.
There's a good chance
he's throwing the game
because he's a nice guy
who's really good at bowling,
but doesn't want to make
his ex-wife's new boyfriend
look bad, or something,
and doing this plan
could ruin everything.
And I'm pretty sure our
hands would get mangled
by this machine, but the dad stuff, too.
Also if you get caught,
which, I'm gonna tell you
with some outside knowledge,
is not not a possibility,
and me being here right
now isn't helpful, sorry.
Anyway, if you get caught cheating,
it'll make it weird with you and Paul.
It'll make it weird
with Paul and your dad.
It'll make everything weird.
Don't listen to her.
We've got to do this.
Stuff actually seems pretty
okay between Sylvester and Paul.
I'm realizing the person
who doesn't seem okay is you.
- Me?
- No, Ru-Rudy.
- Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
[OVER INTERCOM] Child in
lane ten talking to the pins,
clear the lane please.
That's not how bowling works.
Yeah, just a minute! [WHISPERS]
Rudy, listen, 'cause they're about to
put me in bowling jail.
It's possible you just needed a friend
to talk to, and not a genius to make
a slightly complicated cheating plan.
- [BOB] Louise.
- Yeah?
It would be a cool birthday
present to Sylvester
if you stop doing that
in the middle of his game.
Uh, also we forgot to get
you a birthday present.
- Just remembering now.
- Oh, whoops.
[SIGHS] Fine.
Well, here comes the strike.
♪
Huh.
- Not bad.
- Hey.
So, you're not gonna
do the cheating thing?
I don't want to say
it was my nervous farts
that convinced them to leave
that back room, but maybe?
I mean, the farts
were possibly a factor.
I think I'm gonna go call
Penny and apologize for my text.
I mean, it wasn't actually any words,
just a GIF of an orangutan
giving the middle finger.
But still, I feel bad.
- It's a solid GIF, though.
- Yeah.
[LINDA] Ah, bye, shoes.
You weren't good bowling shoes,
but you made me feel beautiful.
Do you need more time, or can we
No, we're-we're good. Are we good?
Okay, there you go. And then it's done.
Well, that was fun, huh?
Dad, did you let Paul win?
What? No. Okay, fine.
Hey, the whole macho,
"Must beat ex-wife's new
boyfriend at sports" thing,
it's-it's just not me.
Plus, he's not my competition, you know?
He's part of your mom's life
now, and your life and mine.
- Yeah.
- But, you know, it doesn't change
anything about you and me.
I'll always be your dad,
and you'll always be my rad son.
- My rad son Rudy.
- I know.
- I rhymed it.
- I just want you to be okay, Dad.
I am okay. I mean, sure, this is not
how I thought our
marriage would turn out,
but I've got great friends
and a great therapist.
And there are wonderful
shows on TV now, Rudy.
Wonderful. I haven't
even started The Crown.
I hear it's very nuanced.
Hey, don't underestimate your old dad.
I've got a lot of life ahead of me.
Uh, hey, Sylvester?
- Hey, Cherie!
- I'm-I'm heading out.
Uh, sorry we barely got
to talk tonight. [CHUCKLES]
I mean, at least, not directly.
Uh yeah. Well, see you in class.
Hey, I hear we're cooking
chicken vindaloo next week.
Yep. I'm vinda-looking
forward to seeing you there.
[LAUGHTER]
Vinda-you-too. [LAUGHS]
- [GASPS] Whoa!
- Yeah!
Oh, my God, did you see that?
Big-time. That girl talked to you.
[GENE] Last people to leave the party.
- We just keep getting cooler.
- Amen.
Hey, Dad, did you ever figure out
where Mom first said "I love you"?
No, and thank you for
bringing it up, Tina.
You're welcome.
Lin, I'm sorry I can't remember
that really nice, important thing.
Bob, I told you, it's fine.
Here's the story
we were by the beach,
and a seagull pooped in my hair,
and we didn't have any napkins,
and so you just used your shirt.
And I said it.
Then you said, "That's a lot of poop."
- Aw!
- Now you 'member?
Yeah. How did I not remember that?
Haven't we all wiped
seagull poop off Mom
at some point in our lives?
You'll just say "I love you"
to anyone who wipes poop off you.
[TINA] That's how you know.
♪
[GRUNTING IN PAIN]
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
[RUDY] The man knows
how to rock a pant pleat.