Bob's Burgers s15e04 Episode Script

1
Tina, this is not "on
the way home from school."
I've never seen this street before.
Are we on Stranger Danger Avenue?
We're almost there. I promise. I think.
Ugh. Still can't
believe I wasn't invited.
Invited to what?
Julian's having a casual
pre-Halloween gathering
to play video games and eat candy corn
and it's not technically a party,
but I'm gathering that they
don't want me to be there.
What is it, do I have BO?
- Or NTCUO?
- W-What's that again?
Not Totally Clean Underwear Odor.
- (SNIFFS) It-it's funky, but fun.
- Gene
I had to help Alex feel
better, for blabbing it to me
See you at Julian's gathering.
- What? When?
- Oh
- Is Julian having a gathering?
- Oh
Yeah, but, Gene, I-I feel terrible.
You know what? If you're not
going, then I'm not going.
Uh, no. You don't have to do that.
I-I don't care.
- You should definitely
- Oh, thank God.
'Cause I really want to go.
Ugh
- Gene, I
- Yes. This is it.
Nothing? We come all this way
and you don't buy anything?
Their barrettes weren't
knifey-looking enough.
This is so you can wear
them on your fingers
- and be Barrette-y Krueger?
- Yes.
- It is a good costume.
- But a hard-to-find barrette.
- [GENE] Look at this.
- [TINA GROANS]
Look at their freaky little heads.
- That's our reflection.
- No, the dolls.
Got to be a strange place to work.
- You must feel huge.
- [GENE] That's Miss Bisselbender.
[GASPS] The substitute teacher?
- Yeah.
- Okay Guess we're going in.
If the dolls come
alive, we'll step on one
to give them something to think about,
- and then we'll run for it.
- Huh? Oh.
Uh, yeah. Good plan.
- Hi, Miss B.
- Oh. Hi, Gene.
Is this where you sleep at night?
Were you about to shrink
down and climb in there?
I can't shrink down, but I
have napped behind the counter.
- This is my parents' store.
- Well, look at you, having parents.
Look at you, having an entourage.
- Are they bodyguards?
- Ha. My sisters.
Tina and Louise. This
is Miss Bisselbender,
- The substitutioner.
- Hi. We've, uh, met, actually.
Yup. Uh, nice store. Very dolled up.
Thanks. Sometimes I open up for my folks
and watch the place
when they're out of town.
They're at Dollhouse Doll Fashion Week.
That's my worst nightmare.
Yeah, the designers are cutthroat.
Oh, my God!
- [LOUISE] Whoa!
- [BISSELBENDER] Sorry. Sorry.
I did that.
I set it up so I could take pictures.
I do that sometimes when
I'm alone in the store.
Which is pretty much 100%
of the time I'm in the store.
I send pictures to my friends.
Especially this time of year.
- Halloween?
- Corporate tax return deadline.
- Oh.
- No, Halloween.
[TINA] Cool, cool, cool. Lucky friends.
Now I want a dollhouse. More please.
I don't know if I should
Okay, just my top ten.
[LOUISE] Whoa. You're a genius?
[BISSELBENDER] I think you and I are
- the only ones who know that.
- [GENE] Those dolls look
how I felt today when I heard
about Julian's gathering.
I was decapitated by sadness.
Sadcapitated.
So should we get going?
Yeah, I guess you're right.
It's three days walk
back to the restaurant.
Uh, yeah. Hope our
supplies don't run out.
Bye, Miss Bisselbender.
Maybe Ms. Twitchell will
donate her other kidney
so you can come back and
sub in my homeroom again.
That was fun.
[CHUCKLES] That was fun.
Good job watching all
the movies I played,
I mean, learning all
the stuff I taught you.
Bye. Don't fall asleep here.
- The dolls will steal your eyes.
- Yup.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Um Okay.
- [TINA] Weird.
- [GENE] She's probably
thinking about your
birthday, picking out
- a little friend for you.
- Oh, no.
- Louise, no!
- [BANGING]
[LINDA] What is it?
It's a dollhouse murder mystery.
Hosted by me and Miss Bisselbender.
Tomorrow morning, at
the dollhouse store.
- Why?
- What do you mean why?
Because I'm a creative
little whippersnapper
and it's a fun, festive,
almost-Halloween event
and, uh yeah.
And you set it all up?
Yes, I mean I will,
with Miss Bisselbender.
I'll be going over there early.
I've got the script right here.
That's what you were writing
while Gene and I worked
in the restaurant?
- Not that we noticed or anything.
- Yes.
And we're supposed to be
okay around all those dolls,
and we're supposed to solve a crime?
Yes. There are clues
and it's a whole thing.
I want to do a dollhouse murder mystery.
No, it's not for grown-ups.
But Miss Bisselbender's a grown-up.
She plays with dolls.
Anyway, it's not for you,
it's for Gene and Tina.
Gene, you'll do it, right?
Sure. I'm not doing anything else.
Well, what if I just come and watch?
What? No. Don't you
have to run a restaurant?
Your own crime scene?
- Your dad can open.
- Wait, by myself?
Yeah. Just for a bit.
But Teddy will probably
come in and then it would
- just be me and Teddy.
- Yeah, so?
Well, you know how he started
doing hand and wrist exercises?
[ALL] Oh, yeah.
So now all he talks about
is his grip strength.
Please, don't leave me alone with him.
He keeps making me shake hands with him
and he squeezes too hard
and he says "Do you
feel that? Do you feel that?"
- Okay, you can come.
- Yay!
Ugh. Fine. I just feel
like you two should find
people your own age to hang out with.
-
- Here we are, ready to
solve a doll murder,
and hopefully not be
doll-murdered. [WEAK CHUCKLE]
Starting to rain.
Is that part of the
mystery, do you think?
I don't know how she'd
arrange it, but maybe?
Ooh.
"Private event." So exclusive.
Like Julian's exclusive thing.
Which is happening today.
Aw. Poor Gene.
I'm glad you're with us
instead of doing
PlayStations with dumb boys.
- Mm.
- Welcome.
Please, right this way, Detectives.
♪
I just like to murder
the dolls for the photos,
and, clearly, as an act of
aggression against my parents
Who I love. But Louise added
this whole mystery thing.
So much work. This isn't for school?
Not at all. Better if
the school doesn't know
about my murder pictures, actually.
- No problem.
- So this is just for fun?
- Um, well, I mean, you know
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Tina and Gene will be shown
the scene of the crime,
they'll be able to
interview the suspects,
to review evidence,
and then, they will be
asked to solve the crime.
And I have coffee and
bagels for the grown-ups.
- Did you say mimosas?
- I, uh
Sorry. Sometimes she thinks
things sound like "mimosas."
One of these days, I'm gonna be right.
Coffee's good. Coffee's better.
- Thank you.
- [LOUISE CLEARS THROAT]
Can we do this?
So a group of men who once attended
the same fancy all-boys boarding school
have each received an invitation
to come to this house:
the luxurious and remote estate
of one of their classmates,
Mr. Sweater.
This was the scene last night at dinner.
This is Mr. Sweater at
the head of the table.
[TINA] Handsome. For a doll.
This is Mr. Brown Suit, this is Mr. Tie,
this is Mr. Funny Eyes,
this is Mr. Stiff Arms,
and this is Mr. Jacket.
Tiny, beady-eyed,
semi-handsome man dolls.
Thank you, Tina. Mr. Sweater explained
he recently learned something,
something disturbing,
having to do with an incident
that happened back in their school days,
and he brought them
all here to discuss it.
This much was overheard
by the private chef,
but nothing more.
What was Mr. Sweater upset about?
That's for you to uncover in
the course of your investigation.
But here's what happened
later that night
- Ah!
- Oh!
[LOUISE] Ready.
- [MUSICAL STING PLAYS]
- [ALL EXCLAIM]
I'll be playing some
sound effects on my phone.
- It's an app.
- [THUNDER SOUND EFFECT PLAYS]
[LOUISE] That night, the chef discovered
Mr. Brown Suit dead on the
floor in the living room.
He was bleeding from
the side of his head.
And this decorative item
was found on the floor nearby
with his blood all over it.
[GASPS]
The chef called the police
who arrived and called the coroner.
Mr. Brown Suit was
pronounced dead at the scene.
The crime scene has remained untouched.
No one who was in the house
at the time of Mr. Brown Suit's death
has been permitted to leave.
You two are the detectives who arrive
in order to question
the guests and determine
- exactly what happened here.
- [THUNDER CRASHING]
You should know there's
a storm in the area.
It may cause periodic and possibly
theatrically dramatic blackouts.
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- Yup. Thank you.
Is there something written
by where the body was?
Yes, Mr. Brown Suit appears
to have written something
in his own blood.
His right index finger
would suggest that, anyway.
Oh, look at his little finger. Red.
It says "camel toe"?
- Wait. What?
- Yup. - Huh.
I have questions. Not
detective questions.
"Me to you" questions.
I can explain. It's like
when a lady's pants
No. I mean, not what is it, why is it.
I didn't know about it
till I went to a pool party
at my cousin Sheri's house.
She had on this tight florescent
- Lin.
- Mom!
Gene, please, just keep going.
- All will be revealed.
- [GROANS]
Yeah, all of my cousin
Sheri was revealed
- Mom.
- Sorry.
Did he move? Oh, God, did
that doll fricking move?
No, that-that's where he was.
Never mind. All good. [WEAK CHUCKLE]
"Special hours today. Open at 12:30 "
What? No! What? Why?
"Teddy, don't be upset.
Go home and use your gripper till then."
Okay. All right.
That's a good idea.
I wonder if I can do a
thousand on each hand.
Bob's gonna flip out when I
tell him I can do a thousand.
He'll be like, "What? No way.
"Teddy, you just keep wowing me
again and again."
S-So we interview the guests?
Yes. They're ready in the library.
You can use the room downstairs
to interrogate each one individually.
Okay, so, um,
let's ask some dolls some questions.
I'm totally comfortable with that.
Mr. Funny Eyes, where were
you between the end of dinner
and the time Mr. Brown
Suit's body was found?
I was in my room.
I can prove it.
I live streamed my workout.
I'm a personal trainer.
Interesting. Funny eyes. Serious body.
- Gene, make a note.
- Mm.
[TINA] Mr. Stiff Arms.
Where were you between the end of dinner
and the time of the murder?
Going sideways through doorways?
[LOUISE] I went into town after dinner.
Mr. Jacket was with me.
You did, huh?
- [LOUISE] It's true.
- Where'd you go in town? Alibis "R" Us?
I'm bad cop, you're good cop.
Unless you want to be bad cop?
I'm good. I mean, I'm
good with good cop.
[LOUISE] We went to
the cool jacket store.
'Cause we like cool
jackets. As you can see.
I was in my room.
Can someone confirm that, Mr. Tie?
Yeah, Mr. Sweater saw me
there. He came to talk to me.
- About what?
- Old stuff.
You know, like "Hey,
remember all that old stuff?"
Let's talk to Mr. Sweater.
So this is your house,
you're the one who organized
- all this?
- [LOUISE] Yes.
Interesting. Interesting.
You were talking to Mr. Tie
when Mr. Brown Suit was killed?
- [LOUISE] Yes.
- What were you talking about?
Something that happened a long time ago,
when we were in our elite
boys-only boarding school.
What was it? And don't
leave out any details.
They might be important.
Did all the boys
shower at the same time?
That's just an example of a detail
that might be important.
- But did they?
- [LOUISE] Sometimes.
Hmm. Mm
[LOUISE] I learned recently
that there was an event.
Something that I wasn't invited to.
What kind of event?
A small Halloween
gathering at Mr. Jacket's.
Louise, what is this?
Just then, you hear a scream.
- [SCREAM SOUND EFFECT PLAYS]
- And ready.
- [OTHERS EXCLAIM]
- [MUSICAL STING PLAYS]
- [LOUISE] Mr. Tie is dead.
- [TINA AND GENE] Whoa!
It appears he's had a fall
when the lights were off.
Or was he pushed? A lot?
Would you like to examine the scene?
♪
[GENE] Has he got
something in his pocket?
Is it a piece of paper?
Huh. Looks like a tiny
newspaper clipping?
Oh. Tiny clue.
Um, how much of this did
Louise explain to you?
'Cause I assumed everything,
but I'm starting to think maybe nothing.
- Explain what?
- Um, this?
[LINDA] That you're a nice
lady who does creepy stuff
in a totally cute, not
creepy at all dollhouse store?
And Louise got excited?
Uh, well, it's it's more than that.
Uh, does it involve camel toe?
- Yup.
- Yup, I figured.
Um, lot of talking over there.
Sorry, we'll whisper.
It's kind of, um,
there's some back-story.
Ooh, back-story.
- The whispering's louder somehow?
- Sorry.
[TEDDY] Nine hundred and
ninety-nine
[GRUNTS] One thousand!
Oh! Yes!
Oh, Teddy, you did it!
[LAUGHS]
Ah, it's not 12:30 yet. Damn it.
Eh, maybe I'll text
Bob. He'll want to know.
Oh, God, my hands. They won't close.
No! What have I done?!
Ah! Ah! My hands!
[LOUISE] Mr. Tie's twisted
body has been removed.
You have the article
you found in his pocket?
What'd you learn from that?
That there was an accident
at the boarding school
when all these boys were seniors.
A teacher fell from a
third-floor window and died.
- Oh, no. Sad.
- Shh.
- What? It is.
- Shh.
Okay.
So, any questions for these fellas?
- Yeah. Who did it?
- Did what?
Killed Mr. Brown Suit and maybe Mr. Tie.
And why are teachers
falling out of windows?
[LOUISE] Mr. Sweater. Mr.
Sweater must have killed
Mr. Brown Suit and Mr. Tie.
Aha! Or, uh, why?
[LOUISE] He's the one
who brought us here.
He's not the killer.
He just wants to know
why he wasn't invited to your gathering.
Gene. You can't let
your personal feelings
influence your judgment about the case.
Yes, I can. Because my personal feelings
are part of it for some reason.
- Why is this about me?
- It's not.
- Wait. Is it?
- I mean
Ready.
- [GENE] Ah!
- [TINA] Oh!
[LOUISE] Mr. Stiff Arms.
Another accident? Tripped and fell?
- Mr. Stiff.
- It's Mr. Stiff Arms.
- What'd I say?
- You said Mr. Stiff.
You're Mr. Stiff.
Geez. Power outages.
This is a very dangerous place
to have intermittent power problems.
You think he fell, um,
under the couch leg somehow?
[LOUISE] I didn't do it, I swear.
Well, I didn't do it. I didn't move.
Either one of you could have.
The only one I don't
suspect is the chef.
The chef was hiding behind the door.
Damn it.
We've got three bodies
and three suspects.
Mr. Funny Eyes is a personal trainer.
Probably super strong,
super tight core, tight buns.
- Could he be doing this?
- I don't know.
Can we skip ahead to the end
and you tell us all what's going on?
Gene, can you just play
a little longer? Please?
[GRUMBLES]
Gene, we've gotta ask about
that teacher that died.
That has to be important.
Are you with me, partner?
Okay, fine. I'll ask.
So why doesn't someone
tell us what happened
on that day at the school
when the teacher fell out the window?
[LOUISE] Well, we didn't
push her or anything.
Mr. Funny Eyes, shut up!
You don't have to say
anything about that.
"We," Mr. Funny Eyes? Who's we?
[LOUISE] All of us. We were all there.
I mean, till Mr. Sweater left.
He had to go number two.
- [GASPS] Number two.
- Mom, shh.
- Yup.
- Ready.
We flash back to the
boarding school 20 years ago.
We're in the library,
on the third floor.
It's a study period.
All the boys were there
except Mr. Sweater.
The teacher was named Miss Bickelbonger.
[MUSICAL STING PLAYS]
Uh, Miss Bickelbonger was the proctor
for a study period in library.
She was wearing a pair of
pants that fit a bit more
snugly than she thought,
and were maybe a bit clingy.
And the thing is, she had
worn them before at school,
and so me and some of the other boys
had some running jokes about it.
Shut up, Mr. Funny Eyes!
I'm telling what happened, Mr. Jacket!
Not if I break your face!
That's enough. Gene, hold Mr. Jacket.
Mr. Funny Eyes, continue.
[LOUISE] There were tall
windows on the third floor
and Miss Bickelbonger
got up to open them
and let in some air and, um,
when she turned back around,
she noticed us whispering
- and giggling.
- [PHONE RINGS]
- [ALL GASP]
- Sorry. Sorry.
[RECORDED] Please leave me a message.
Voicemail! No! Bob!
I-I can't use my hands.
I can't turn the doorknob.
I can't do anything.
Eh, it took me so long to
dial the phone with my nose.
Please! Pick up!
[AUTOMATED VOICE] If you're
satisfied with your message,
- please press one.
- [GROANS, GRUNTS]
Um, it's on silent now. I think.
I can't tell, actually.
- Bob, shh. - Yup.
- Right.
Louise, I don't know how
you know any of this stuff
and I'm confused and I don't like it.
I don't know how to say
anything except to just
can we keep going just a
little bit longer, please?
Ugh, fine.
Okay, so Mr. Funny Eyes continues
We were giggling. Miss Bickelbonger
asked what the laughing was about.
And we didn't answer,
but Miss Bickelbonger,
she sort of followed our eyes, I guess.
And then she saw what
we were laughing at,
and she started tugging at her pants,
and that made us laugh more.
And Mr. Jacket was laughing the most.
And she was pretty upset at that point,
and he kept laughing,
even after we stopped,
and she kinda backed up
and she was also still
trying to adjust her pants,
and she backed right up
to that big open window
and she just went over backwards.
[DOLL THUDS]
[LINDA] Death by camel toe.
- Toe-micide.
- And then what?
We lied!
We didn't tell the police anything.
We said none of us saw her fall.
Mr. Jacket made us
swear we'd never tell.
And we felt bad, but
we went along with it
'cause I guess we just
wanted to move on, you know?
Ivy League universities don't love it
if you've laughed someone out a window.
Even back then it was frowned upon.
Too bad Miss Bickelbonger
couldn't move on.
'Cause she was dead!
[THUNDER CRASHING]
- Storm.
- Yeah, I know.
Sorry, you looked confused.
I'm not confused, I'm just
standing here watching.
Shh.
[MUSICAL STING PLAYS]
- [GENE] Whoa.
- [TINA] Whoa.
Okay, that's you, Mr. Jacket.
You just did that, um, somehow.
A-And we know the motive:
to keep him quiet about what happened.
[LOUISE] If I was trying to do
that, I would've done it sooner.
Plus, your partner is restraining me.
All right, then, um, Mr. Sweater.
You're the killer after all.
[LOUISE] I would never hurt anyone.
Oh, perfect Mr. Sweater!
"I would never hurt anyone."
This is why I didn't invite
you to my gathering back then.
You're too nice. You were always like,
"Don't make that very funny running joke
about Miss Bickelbonger's
pants situation."
That's why you didn't invite me?
- [GASPS]
- [THUNDER CRASHING]
- Ah! - [LINDA] Oh.
- [TINA] Oh, boy.
- Whoa, the head's gone.
- Okay. Case solved, right?
Mr. Sweater did it for revenge?
He killed them all for revenge?
- Did he, Gene?
- No.
- No?
- No!
You're correct. It was
- The chef?
- Correct.
- The chef. The chef did it.
- Yes.
- I called it.
- No. They just [SCOFFS]
You can't predict the murderer
after the case is solved.
- I knew it was him.
- I don't think you did.
Yes, I said it's either
Mr. Jacket, Mr. Stiff,
Mr. Sweater, Mr. Tie, or the chef.
So, one of the characters
in the story did it.
Uh, yes. Hello.
- Right. No, no, that's
- Pay attention, Bob.
- Yep.
- Wait. Why was it the chef?
W-What was the motive?
Because the chef is not
a boring old-man chef.
- Yeah, Bob.
- Mm.
It is, in fact, Mr. Sweater's
sister, Miss Sweater!
[MUSICAL STING PLAYS]
The chef is Mr. Sweater's sister?
Yeah. She hated what
they did to her brother,
and she killed them all in revenge.
Wait, what did they do to her brother?
Not invite him to the thing.
So she killed them?
- All those years later?
- Yes.
I don't want to play anymore.
[STAMMERS] Louise!
What the heck is going
on with you and Gene?
Louise murdered a bunch of Miss
Bisselbender's parents' dolls
instead of telling me
something she wants to tell me!
- Is that right?
- Uh
- Is that right?
- Yes.
- [GAMESHOW BELL RINGS]
- Ooh.
- [LINDA] Louise?
- Uh
- Can I help?
- Please. - Yes.
This is what I was trying to say before.
Um, a week ago, I was subbing
in the sixth-grade homeroom.
Uh, Gene is wonderful, by the way.
- Yeah, he is.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I mean, at school?
Uh, are you kidding me?
Yeah, uh, yeah. Of course.
And I was a good sub
press play on the movie,
press stop at the end of the period.
And one day we had "library,"
Which is great for a sub.
You just bring the kids to the library.
But, turns out that the fourth grade
also had library during that period,
so I came across Louise, who
I didn't know at the time,
and she was just sort of standing there
and then I realized
that she was listening
to some sixth-grade boys
talking on the other
side of the shelves.
[JULIAN] Hey, did you catch
the substitute's camel toe?
- [LAUGHTER]
- [BOY] Yeah.
- [LOUISE] And Gene said
- [GENE] What's camel toe?
[LOUISE] And they told him, and
he and I learned what that means
and I don't see what the big deal is.
Mom, I think you have that a lot.
- [LINDA] What?!
- [LOUISE] And then Gene said
[GENE] Guys, come on. Miss
Bisselbender's nice. I like her.
[LOUISE] And they stopped
laughing and you said
[GENE] Speaking of camels,
I've got a hump that I've
gotta go take care of,
if you know what I mean.
I've gotta go to the
bathroom, is what I'm saying.
Mr. Ambrose, I need a bathroom pass
and can you mark it
"express"? That'd be great.
[LOUISE] And then they said
[BOY] Hey, are you gonna
invite Gene to your gathering?
[JULIAN] Yeah, I don't know,
he's kind of a Goody Two-shoes.
I mean, could we even joke around?
[BOY] Yeah, I need to talk about
Miss Bisselbender's pants situation.
- [LAUGHTER]
- I-I need to process.
- Those tweeny twerps.
- Yeah. I heard them.
We both heard them.
I didn't fall out of a
window, but it was awkward.
I was gonna talk to the boys,
but then I wasn't sure what to say.
And I didn't even know Louise
was Gene's sister until yesterday.
And I was about to say
something to those idiots,
but I didn't. I choked.
Then at lunch that day,
I was about to tell you.
But I didn't because
I would have to admit
that I didn't say
anything in the library.
And it's the exact
opposite of what you did.
You just said the nice, decent thing
without even thinking about it.
Then walking home, I
was about to tell you.
And at home, I was about to tell you.
And then I tried to
just not think about it
and I didn't even know
if they were still having
the stupid gathering, but
then you found out about it
on Friday, and I went
through it all again.
And then we saw Miss
Bisselbender in here.
And she showed us the crime
scene pictures and I just
I just wanted to make a
dollhouse murder mystery
that somehow, uh, was like, um
An explanation and an
apology and a compliment
using murder, for a sweet
kid who doesn't judge people
by their possibly too
tight pants situations,
and who I think made a real
impression on his sister.
Yeah. All of that.
And I didn't know Mom
and Dad were gonna come.
It was cooler in my mind without them.
- Aww, you're welcome.
- Anyway, sorry.
So you're saying you
didn't know how to tell me
that the reason I didn't
get invited to the party
is because I'm too wonderful?
- Yeah.
- I get that.
It's hard on the others.
Louise, you can also tell me.
- Next time, right? Big sister?
- I know.
- Or your mom.
- Uh, I'm, uh, also an option.
- I'm a good listener.
- People, please.
What can I say? I
communicate this way now.
I want to do a dollhouse murder mystery
- about who broke the remote.
- [BOB] Wait, what?
[LOUISE] Mom and Dad, pay the
woman. We're taking this home.
- [LINDA] No.
- [BOB] We can't get that.
Damn it. What about this one?
It's smaller, but
it's got a great layout
and a lot of natural light.
- No.
- Sorry.
This one's got blood all over it,
probably discounted.
- I mean, it's thread.
- Come on!
Are we not walking out
of here with a dollhouse
to remember how Gene stood up
for Miss Bisselbender's camel toe?
[LINDA] Not today, hon.
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La! ♪
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