South Park s15e14 Episode Script
The Poor Kid
You think you're man enough to fight me, you little shit? You're a drunk piece a shit! You're both drunk pieces a shit! - Both of you sit the fucking down! - Shit him! They're noisy.
- you, bitch!n a bitch! They're nasty.
You done spilled that on my titties, skank! They're white trash.
And when you give them a little Pabst Blue Ribbon, they can't help getting arrested! Tonight, on an all new⦠White Trash in Trouble.
Pabst Blue Ribbon and white trash.
It's a deadly combination that can lead to prison time and children being taken away from their homes.
This white trash home in Colorado seems innocent enough.
What the fuck? But the children in this home live in a world of neglect.
There's no heating, no groceries.
And if you look closely in the backyard, you can even make out what appears to be a meth lab.
- Down on the ground! - Let's move! Get down now! My babies! Don't take my babies! - You're hurting my arm.
- My babies! You're hurting me! You have the right to remain silent.
Please look at the camera and say, "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
â I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
Good.
Get in the car.
Poor people being arrested.
What a rare occurrence! Kenny, wave! Kenny sent to a foster home.
Pretty funny.
Have a seat in there, kids.
"Have a seat in there, kids.
â The mother and father will probably be released on Monday, but I guess the kids will be taken away for good.
Child protective services will talk to them in the soft room.
The soft room? The room we have set aside for kids to feel safe in.
Hi, how are you doing? My name's Mr.
Adams, and I need to get some info from you.
That sound OK? Can I see my mommy? No, sorry.
I've been looking over your file.
I see you've been horribly physically and emotionally abused.
That's isn't your case file, it's the Penn State University Gazette! That's just a joke.
We like to have fun here.
It is your case file, I was all like, "It's the Penn State Gazette!â like a joke.
You're gonna be put into a foster home, so I need to know would you like to go to Neverland Ranch, a catholic church or Penn State University? We're having fun.
I come up with these and the guys.
It's good to laugh.
I asked them if they wanted to go to Nýeverland, a church or Penn State.
I'm a trickster.
People say I'm meant for comedy.
Here's my head shot, just in case.
Can't hurt, right? Are we all starting to feel better? Come on, how about that smile? I'm gonna get you to smile! I'm gonna get you to smile! A Penn State administrator walks into a bar⦠Where's that smile? How about this? Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station⦠Come on, that's a good one.
- Did you hear anything more? - I don't think Kenny's coming back.
My dad said those child protective services are serious.
We can't let Kenny be sent away.
There's gotta be something we can do.
Guys, I've been working on it, and I have some answers.
Really? I've gone through every student, and I'm sure that now that Kenny's gone, the poor kid is Craig.
That's what you care about? - Who's the poorest kid in school? - Went through everybody.
Craig's got the most⦠Here he comes.
Your family get you that jacket at Walmart or Kmart? - What are you talking about? - othing, it's cool.
We would tell your parents to shop at nicer places, but your mama's so poor, she can't even pay attention.
Mr.
And Mrs.
Weatherhead, we have the new foster kids.
Very good, we'll take them from here.
Children, enter.
Welcome to your new home.
Before we show you around, let's get one thing clear.
This is a very strict, religious household.
As long as you live here, you will be agnostic.
These are your foster brothers and sisters.
They are all strict agnostics.
David, do you believe in God? - I don't know.
- Right! There are two bedrooms upstairs, boys and girls' room.
Your chores are listed on the doors.
Follow.
You will eat only at designated meal times.
Beverages, you may take from the refrigerator as you like.
However, in this house, you will drink only agnostic beverages.
Dr Pepper and Diet Dr Pepper.
Because what flavor is it? It is neither root beer nor cola.
Nobody is sure what flavor it is, and nobody can be sure.
Isn't that right? - I don't know.
- Good! This is awesome! You think you got something? To find who the poorest kid is, I was able to see which kids got those coupons they hand out for school lunch.
Then I cross-referenced the kids who were on half price lunches with the tax records of people in town to see which kid's parents made the least money last year.
Actually, Eric, it's you.
Now that Kenny's gone, your household has the lowest income.
I'm sorry, pal.
Oh, my God! It's only a matter of time before everybody finds this out.
I won't tell anybody.
We're not the only ones to want to look into this! You think Kyle isn't on a computer trying to see who the poorest kid is? He's gonna have such a field day, that heartless Jew! I won't give him the satisfaction.
Let's hear it for Kyle! He's so funny, isn't he? With all his jokes about Cartman being poor.
You hear how poor Cartman's mom is? His mama's so poor the ducks throw bread at her! That's super funny! Laugh it up, everyone! His mama's so poor that when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.
I beat you to it, Kyel! My name is not "Kyel.
â That's kewl! Whatever, Kyel! Must be nice having everything you want! Hi, sweetie.
Sit down.
We need to have a talk.
What is it, this time? How are you going to start bringing more money? What, hon? You have to start doing more.
What are you doing with your time? I'm working two jobs.
Mommy's doing everything she can.
The problem is that with Kenny gone, I'm now the poorest kid in school.
We're in a tough economy.
What do you want me to do about it? We're in a tough economy.
What do I want you to do about it? Life isn't handed to you! You can't just sit on your ass and expect for money to appear! We aren't that much poorer than most people.
Not much⦠When you heard about the Last Supper, you thought the food stamps ran out! It's not funny! My mama's so poor she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.
I wish I could be put in a cool foster home like Kenny's family.
It's you.
I was wondering when you'd appear.
You always come when I'm sad.
You are going to be OK, Karen.
You have to keep believing that.
Why did my mommy and daddy go to jail? Sometimes, people do stupid things.
They don't realize what should have come first, until it's too late.
- But I'm all alone now.
- You are not alone.
No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always be here.
Do you understand? I'll try, guardian angel.
Don't try, do.
What in the name of nobody knows are you doing, Karen? Policeman.
Thanks for the tip.
We'll check it out.
Better call the lieutenant.
We got another meth lab in town.
Got any needles on you? Any crack pipes? My goodness, no! I haven't used drugs in quite a while.
Then why is there a meth lab in your backyard? What is going on? Mom, what have you done? Were things so bad financially you had to turn to a life of crime? My mama's so poor she uses Cheerios for earrings.
Guess I'm off to a foster home, then.
Hawaii is my first choice.
Not exactly on the beach, but maybe just a short walk away.
It's gonna take me years to recover from being torn from my mom's arms.
Only the ocean breezes and coconut trees can help me.
When will you people learn to lay off the Pabst Blue Ribbon? Now, look at the camera and say, "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
â I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
How you doing? My name's Mr.
Adams, and I'm with child protective services.
My head shot.
I just need to get some information from you if that's OK.
- Your mom was operating a meth lab.
- That's right.
And it also says here that Penn State prefers to be losing at halftime.
They like when you're a little behind in the locker room.
That's a joke.
It's a play on words.
We like to have fun here.
- Do you think this is funny? - We just like to have fun here.
I'll tell you.
Being from a low-income household isn't funny.
My mama's so poor she opened a Gmail account just so she could eat the spam! Is that supposed to be a joke? You think you're funny? A joke? You think being poor is a joke? - Could be worse.
- How? Could be in Happy Valley.
How old should you be to stay away from Penn State? When my mom gets mad, she can't afford to fly off the handle, so she gotta go Greyhound off the handle.
Two Penn State administrators walk into a butt⦠This is a long drive! Are we in Hawaii yet? - Hawaii? - That's where I requested to be sent.
You're foster home is here.
Pretty much the exact opposite of Hawaii.
Greeley? This is not the way we've told you tidy up! Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness.
So make it kind of clean, but not too much.
Amanda, more ambiguous on the dusting! Kenneth, answer the door.
What the⦠This is poorer than my old house! What the fuck are you doing here? Your room is upstairs on the left.
Are you hungry? - You're my new mom? - You can call me "Momâ if you like.
All right, how much do you make? Like gross yearly income after taxes? This is where you'll sleep with your foster brothers.
You will be clean, polite, and most importantly, you will follow the agnostic code.
"We can't know if God or Christ exists.
They could.
"There could be a giant reptilian bird in charge of everything.
"Can we be certain? It's pointless to talk about.
â Say it with me.
God damn, I gotta sleep with six other people? How poor are we? We don't take the Lord's name in vain, just in case there is one! Do you understand, or do you need the punishment room? Hell, no! Mom! Dad's being mean to me! Meem! My name is not "Meem.
â I'm so nervous.
These kids all seem kind of mean.
- I'll see you at recess, right? - You've already been here a while.
You have to introduce me.
And make sure they know I'm cool.
You gotta have my back! He lives with you at the foster home? Listen! I know our family is poor.
But before we lived there, Kenny was poorer than me.
So technically, he's the poorest kid at this school.
What are you talking about? The poor kid is Jacob Hallery.
Really? His dad died five years ago.
His mom went crazy from depression.
So she can't even keep a job.
Did you hear that? We're good! I thought we didn't stand a chance, but now⦠Everything's gonna be OK! 'Cause I'm not The poor kid at school Let's hear it for Jacob Hallery! His mama's so poor she cuts coupons out to be institutionalized! Greeley, Colorado's the place to be It's a whole new beginning for you and me Life can only get better 'Cause I know one simple simple rule I'm not, he's not The poor kid at school Did he do stuff like this at your old school? Let's put our hands up! Except for Jacob.
His mama only understands handouts.
We do not tolerate students making fun of other students.
I wasn't making fun.
A twenty-minute song and dance number, with forty seven "your mama's so poorâ jokes directed at Jacob Hallery, which ended in a finale with fireworks.
I was just teasing.
Your caseworker's been notified, and he's not happy.
My caseworker⦠Not this guy! I know this is a difficult adjustment, but you can't turn your frustrations on a kid who can't defend himself.
What do you think this is, the shower room at Penn State? I'm kidding.
We like to have fun.
So I was like, "Is this the shower room at Penn State?â I joke around.
This is my head shot.
Will you stop with the Penn State jokes? You're just taking something topical and revamping old catholic jokes.
And your mama jokes are better? They've been around since the 50s.
What does this have to do with anything? Principal, you gotta send help to the playground.
They're about to beat up that new kid.
Look at the new kid and her wittle dolly.
You gonna cry some more in class, wimp? - Leave her alone.
- Shut up! You foster twerps are all the same.
Come on, hand over the doll.
Who the hell is this? How about you find another little girl to pick on? Mind your business, Peter Pan! Karen McCormick is off limits.
Do you understand? Make sure everybody in this school knows.
And if this food comes as a gift from some divine intelligence, we understand that an intelligent being cannot blame us for questioning its existence.
Nobody knows, nobody can know if any deity is watching over us.
Except for Karen's guardian angel.
Where did he take you after he saved you? He just took me back to my classroom.
Then he disappeared like always.
What have we told you about making up angel stories? But we saw him.
He leaped down from the sky! And he kicked the crap out of Jessica Pinkerton.
Stop it! We do not speak such certainties in this house! Get down to the basement, all of you.
It's time for the punishment room.
Did you see an angel? I didn't see an angel! You can't be certain of that! You might have seen one! Hit him again.
Are there such things as angels? - Maybe? - Good! What do we do? What is the meaning of life? It's impossible to know! That's right! Who could that be? Mr.
and Mrs.
Weatherhead, I've received some disturbing news that all you're providing the children to drink is soda.
I told on you! What business is that of yours? Child protective services is accountable for these kids! - Have I given you my head shot? - We have that.
Are you only giving these kids Dr Pepper to drink? If we want to serve agnostic beverages, by God-ish, we'll do it! The children here are undisciplined and talking about certainty of angels! Excuse me? Let's have a look around.
What the⦠Who did this? What is that? It was like⦠a little mystery person flying around.
Almost like some kind of⦠agnostic angel.
Oh, my God! - What's going on? - We don't know.
We can't possibly know.
What have I done? I took you from your parents without checking into where you went.
I put innocent children into a dangerous environment.
What am I? A recruitment coach for Penn State? It's not funny! There's nothing but Dr Pepper, right? There can't be.
How did that get here? It's says it's a Pabst Blue Ribbon.
What is it? It's like beer but different.
But how did it get here? Shut your mouth, bitch! You shut your mouth, you dumb fucking asshole! Fuck you, bitch! You can remain silent.
Look at the camera and say, "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
â I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble! Get in the car.
Wait a minute, I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble? Take all these kids back to their parents.
We've embarrassed the system and made it something nobody wants.
It's like a Penn State homecoming party.
A false police report can carry up to a two-month prison term.
I won't say it.
We can do this the easy way, or we can do it hard.
I won't say it.
Then we'll add another charge for resisting.
OK, fine! I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble! Three arrests in just one power packed episode.
Proving once again that we're one Pabst Blue Ribbon away from becoming⦠White Trash in Trouble.
It's good to have you back.
Your parents might give up selling meth for good.
Maybe.
- There's my buddy! - How was jail, fatass? I did a lot of thinking.
There's an important lesson we've all learned.
What do we do when the tables are turned? The day's looking brighter Gray skies are turning blue 'Cause I'm not, he's not The poor kid at school Kenny's back, and it's such a thrill Now, I'm rich just like Stan and Kyel All that matters is no one thinks I'm a tool 'Cause I'm not, he's not That's right! school Sing it with me! or kid at school What the fuck? My mama's so poor she walks down the road with one shoe! And if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, "I found one!â
- you, bitch!n a bitch! They're nasty.
You done spilled that on my titties, skank! They're white trash.
And when you give them a little Pabst Blue Ribbon, they can't help getting arrested! Tonight, on an all new⦠White Trash in Trouble.
Pabst Blue Ribbon and white trash.
It's a deadly combination that can lead to prison time and children being taken away from their homes.
This white trash home in Colorado seems innocent enough.
What the fuck? But the children in this home live in a world of neglect.
There's no heating, no groceries.
And if you look closely in the backyard, you can even make out what appears to be a meth lab.
- Down on the ground! - Let's move! Get down now! My babies! Don't take my babies! - You're hurting my arm.
- My babies! You're hurting me! You have the right to remain silent.
Please look at the camera and say, "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
â I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
Good.
Get in the car.
Poor people being arrested.
What a rare occurrence! Kenny, wave! Kenny sent to a foster home.
Pretty funny.
Have a seat in there, kids.
"Have a seat in there, kids.
â The mother and father will probably be released on Monday, but I guess the kids will be taken away for good.
Child protective services will talk to them in the soft room.
The soft room? The room we have set aside for kids to feel safe in.
Hi, how are you doing? My name's Mr.
Adams, and I need to get some info from you.
That sound OK? Can I see my mommy? No, sorry.
I've been looking over your file.
I see you've been horribly physically and emotionally abused.
That's isn't your case file, it's the Penn State University Gazette! That's just a joke.
We like to have fun here.
It is your case file, I was all like, "It's the Penn State Gazette!â like a joke.
You're gonna be put into a foster home, so I need to know would you like to go to Neverland Ranch, a catholic church or Penn State University? We're having fun.
I come up with these and the guys.
It's good to laugh.
I asked them if they wanted to go to Nýeverland, a church or Penn State.
I'm a trickster.
People say I'm meant for comedy.
Here's my head shot, just in case.
Can't hurt, right? Are we all starting to feel better? Come on, how about that smile? I'm gonna get you to smile! I'm gonna get you to smile! A Penn State administrator walks into a bar⦠Where's that smile? How about this? Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station⦠Come on, that's a good one.
- Did you hear anything more? - I don't think Kenny's coming back.
My dad said those child protective services are serious.
We can't let Kenny be sent away.
There's gotta be something we can do.
Guys, I've been working on it, and I have some answers.
Really? I've gone through every student, and I'm sure that now that Kenny's gone, the poor kid is Craig.
That's what you care about? - Who's the poorest kid in school? - Went through everybody.
Craig's got the most⦠Here he comes.
Your family get you that jacket at Walmart or Kmart? - What are you talking about? - othing, it's cool.
We would tell your parents to shop at nicer places, but your mama's so poor, she can't even pay attention.
Mr.
And Mrs.
Weatherhead, we have the new foster kids.
Very good, we'll take them from here.
Children, enter.
Welcome to your new home.
Before we show you around, let's get one thing clear.
This is a very strict, religious household.
As long as you live here, you will be agnostic.
These are your foster brothers and sisters.
They are all strict agnostics.
David, do you believe in God? - I don't know.
- Right! There are two bedrooms upstairs, boys and girls' room.
Your chores are listed on the doors.
Follow.
You will eat only at designated meal times.
Beverages, you may take from the refrigerator as you like.
However, in this house, you will drink only agnostic beverages.
Dr Pepper and Diet Dr Pepper.
Because what flavor is it? It is neither root beer nor cola.
Nobody is sure what flavor it is, and nobody can be sure.
Isn't that right? - I don't know.
- Good! This is awesome! You think you got something? To find who the poorest kid is, I was able to see which kids got those coupons they hand out for school lunch.
Then I cross-referenced the kids who were on half price lunches with the tax records of people in town to see which kid's parents made the least money last year.
Actually, Eric, it's you.
Now that Kenny's gone, your household has the lowest income.
I'm sorry, pal.
Oh, my God! It's only a matter of time before everybody finds this out.
I won't tell anybody.
We're not the only ones to want to look into this! You think Kyle isn't on a computer trying to see who the poorest kid is? He's gonna have such a field day, that heartless Jew! I won't give him the satisfaction.
Let's hear it for Kyle! He's so funny, isn't he? With all his jokes about Cartman being poor.
You hear how poor Cartman's mom is? His mama's so poor the ducks throw bread at her! That's super funny! Laugh it up, everyone! His mama's so poor that when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.
I beat you to it, Kyel! My name is not "Kyel.
â That's kewl! Whatever, Kyel! Must be nice having everything you want! Hi, sweetie.
Sit down.
We need to have a talk.
What is it, this time? How are you going to start bringing more money? What, hon? You have to start doing more.
What are you doing with your time? I'm working two jobs.
Mommy's doing everything she can.
The problem is that with Kenny gone, I'm now the poorest kid in school.
We're in a tough economy.
What do you want me to do about it? We're in a tough economy.
What do I want you to do about it? Life isn't handed to you! You can't just sit on your ass and expect for money to appear! We aren't that much poorer than most people.
Not much⦠When you heard about the Last Supper, you thought the food stamps ran out! It's not funny! My mama's so poor she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.
I wish I could be put in a cool foster home like Kenny's family.
It's you.
I was wondering when you'd appear.
You always come when I'm sad.
You are going to be OK, Karen.
You have to keep believing that.
Why did my mommy and daddy go to jail? Sometimes, people do stupid things.
They don't realize what should have come first, until it's too late.
- But I'm all alone now.
- You are not alone.
No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always be here.
Do you understand? I'll try, guardian angel.
Don't try, do.
What in the name of nobody knows are you doing, Karen? Policeman.
Thanks for the tip.
We'll check it out.
Better call the lieutenant.
We got another meth lab in town.
Got any needles on you? Any crack pipes? My goodness, no! I haven't used drugs in quite a while.
Then why is there a meth lab in your backyard? What is going on? Mom, what have you done? Were things so bad financially you had to turn to a life of crime? My mama's so poor she uses Cheerios for earrings.
Guess I'm off to a foster home, then.
Hawaii is my first choice.
Not exactly on the beach, but maybe just a short walk away.
It's gonna take me years to recover from being torn from my mom's arms.
Only the ocean breezes and coconut trees can help me.
When will you people learn to lay off the Pabst Blue Ribbon? Now, look at the camera and say, "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
â I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
How you doing? My name's Mr.
Adams, and I'm with child protective services.
My head shot.
I just need to get some information from you if that's OK.
- Your mom was operating a meth lab.
- That's right.
And it also says here that Penn State prefers to be losing at halftime.
They like when you're a little behind in the locker room.
That's a joke.
It's a play on words.
We like to have fun here.
- Do you think this is funny? - We just like to have fun here.
I'll tell you.
Being from a low-income household isn't funny.
My mama's so poor she opened a Gmail account just so she could eat the spam! Is that supposed to be a joke? You think you're funny? A joke? You think being poor is a joke? - Could be worse.
- How? Could be in Happy Valley.
How old should you be to stay away from Penn State? When my mom gets mad, she can't afford to fly off the handle, so she gotta go Greyhound off the handle.
Two Penn State administrators walk into a butt⦠This is a long drive! Are we in Hawaii yet? - Hawaii? - That's where I requested to be sent.
You're foster home is here.
Pretty much the exact opposite of Hawaii.
Greeley? This is not the way we've told you tidy up! Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness.
So make it kind of clean, but not too much.
Amanda, more ambiguous on the dusting! Kenneth, answer the door.
What the⦠This is poorer than my old house! What the fuck are you doing here? Your room is upstairs on the left.
Are you hungry? - You're my new mom? - You can call me "Momâ if you like.
All right, how much do you make? Like gross yearly income after taxes? This is where you'll sleep with your foster brothers.
You will be clean, polite, and most importantly, you will follow the agnostic code.
"We can't know if God or Christ exists.
They could.
"There could be a giant reptilian bird in charge of everything.
"Can we be certain? It's pointless to talk about.
â Say it with me.
God damn, I gotta sleep with six other people? How poor are we? We don't take the Lord's name in vain, just in case there is one! Do you understand, or do you need the punishment room? Hell, no! Mom! Dad's being mean to me! Meem! My name is not "Meem.
â I'm so nervous.
These kids all seem kind of mean.
- I'll see you at recess, right? - You've already been here a while.
You have to introduce me.
And make sure they know I'm cool.
You gotta have my back! He lives with you at the foster home? Listen! I know our family is poor.
But before we lived there, Kenny was poorer than me.
So technically, he's the poorest kid at this school.
What are you talking about? The poor kid is Jacob Hallery.
Really? His dad died five years ago.
His mom went crazy from depression.
So she can't even keep a job.
Did you hear that? We're good! I thought we didn't stand a chance, but now⦠Everything's gonna be OK! 'Cause I'm not The poor kid at school Let's hear it for Jacob Hallery! His mama's so poor she cuts coupons out to be institutionalized! Greeley, Colorado's the place to be It's a whole new beginning for you and me Life can only get better 'Cause I know one simple simple rule I'm not, he's not The poor kid at school Did he do stuff like this at your old school? Let's put our hands up! Except for Jacob.
His mama only understands handouts.
We do not tolerate students making fun of other students.
I wasn't making fun.
A twenty-minute song and dance number, with forty seven "your mama's so poorâ jokes directed at Jacob Hallery, which ended in a finale with fireworks.
I was just teasing.
Your caseworker's been notified, and he's not happy.
My caseworker⦠Not this guy! I know this is a difficult adjustment, but you can't turn your frustrations on a kid who can't defend himself.
What do you think this is, the shower room at Penn State? I'm kidding.
We like to have fun.
So I was like, "Is this the shower room at Penn State?â I joke around.
This is my head shot.
Will you stop with the Penn State jokes? You're just taking something topical and revamping old catholic jokes.
And your mama jokes are better? They've been around since the 50s.
What does this have to do with anything? Principal, you gotta send help to the playground.
They're about to beat up that new kid.
Look at the new kid and her wittle dolly.
You gonna cry some more in class, wimp? - Leave her alone.
- Shut up! You foster twerps are all the same.
Come on, hand over the doll.
Who the hell is this? How about you find another little girl to pick on? Mind your business, Peter Pan! Karen McCormick is off limits.
Do you understand? Make sure everybody in this school knows.
And if this food comes as a gift from some divine intelligence, we understand that an intelligent being cannot blame us for questioning its existence.
Nobody knows, nobody can know if any deity is watching over us.
Except for Karen's guardian angel.
Where did he take you after he saved you? He just took me back to my classroom.
Then he disappeared like always.
What have we told you about making up angel stories? But we saw him.
He leaped down from the sky! And he kicked the crap out of Jessica Pinkerton.
Stop it! We do not speak such certainties in this house! Get down to the basement, all of you.
It's time for the punishment room.
Did you see an angel? I didn't see an angel! You can't be certain of that! You might have seen one! Hit him again.
Are there such things as angels? - Maybe? - Good! What do we do? What is the meaning of life? It's impossible to know! That's right! Who could that be? Mr.
and Mrs.
Weatherhead, I've received some disturbing news that all you're providing the children to drink is soda.
I told on you! What business is that of yours? Child protective services is accountable for these kids! - Have I given you my head shot? - We have that.
Are you only giving these kids Dr Pepper to drink? If we want to serve agnostic beverages, by God-ish, we'll do it! The children here are undisciplined and talking about certainty of angels! Excuse me? Let's have a look around.
What the⦠Who did this? What is that? It was like⦠a little mystery person flying around.
Almost like some kind of⦠agnostic angel.
Oh, my God! - What's going on? - We don't know.
We can't possibly know.
What have I done? I took you from your parents without checking into where you went.
I put innocent children into a dangerous environment.
What am I? A recruitment coach for Penn State? It's not funny! There's nothing but Dr Pepper, right? There can't be.
How did that get here? It's says it's a Pabst Blue Ribbon.
What is it? It's like beer but different.
But how did it get here? Shut your mouth, bitch! You shut your mouth, you dumb fucking asshole! Fuck you, bitch! You can remain silent.
Look at the camera and say, "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble.
â I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble! Get in the car.
Wait a minute, I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble? Take all these kids back to their parents.
We've embarrassed the system and made it something nobody wants.
It's like a Penn State homecoming party.
A false police report can carry up to a two-month prison term.
I won't say it.
We can do this the easy way, or we can do it hard.
I won't say it.
Then we'll add another charge for resisting.
OK, fine! I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble! Three arrests in just one power packed episode.
Proving once again that we're one Pabst Blue Ribbon away from becoming⦠White Trash in Trouble.
It's good to have you back.
Your parents might give up selling meth for good.
Maybe.
- There's my buddy! - How was jail, fatass? I did a lot of thinking.
There's an important lesson we've all learned.
What do we do when the tables are turned? The day's looking brighter Gray skies are turning blue 'Cause I'm not, he's not The poor kid at school Kenny's back, and it's such a thrill Now, I'm rich just like Stan and Kyel All that matters is no one thinks I'm a tool 'Cause I'm not, he's not That's right! school Sing it with me! or kid at school What the fuck? My mama's so poor she walks down the road with one shoe! And if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, "I found one!â