South Park s16e07 Episode Script

I'm goin' down to south park gonna have myself a time friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation I'm goin' down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night, people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" I'm headin' down to south park gonna see if I can't unwind murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! Murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! So come on down to south park, and meet some friends of mine Ahhh! (Yelling ).
What? Guess what Mari just told me? What.
Guess.
Just tell us, Butters.
There's a new girl that started school here today and she's joining the cheer leading squad.
Oh, we have a new cheerleader.
What she look like? What she look like.
Alright, alright.
If there is a new girl at our school, we're not putting claims on her and getting into a big fight.
It's gonna be her choice who she likes the most.
Look, look.
There she is.
(Chattering ).
Oh my gosh, Token, are you stoked? Ah, that's awesome, Token.
I'm happy for you.
Why, why are you happy for me? Dude, I'm being seriously.
You guys will be really cute together.
What are you gonna say to her? Nothing.
What the Oh, Token is shy.
Oh my God that is adorable.
And so what we start to see now is a pattern in world history much like the Greeks and the Romans.
Remember that there were seven families fighting for control of the land of Westeros.
The king of Westeros was who? Robert Baratheon and he asked Eddard, also known as of course, Lord Stark, to serve as hand of the king.
Remember that Lord Stark accepted Dude of course, the queen's family, Token.
that's the Lannisters.
Token.
Dude.
who were really trying back into take control, weren't they? So, where were the Targaryens at this time? Well-- Psst.
they were across the sea.
Token.
We all talked about how they were Go ahead, dude.
also trying to take the Go ahead, dude.
So we've got the Greeks, the Romans, Token.
the Starks, Lannisters, Hey, get in there.
Baratheons, Targaryens all Will you shut the hell up.
heading for a big blowout right in season 2.
Now, what I want to really get into today Token, you want me to pass her a jelly bean? is what was going on in the north.
No.
Because that's just a whole other-- Huh? No! Token, is there a problem? He is just a little sick, Mr.
Garrison.
He has got boneritus.
Right, guys.
Everyone pay attention.
Now what I really want to get into today is what was going on in the north.
Because that's just whole other matter, pretty hard to keep straight, Token, dude, dude, dude.
isn't it.
The night's watch-- So then Kelly I guess told Stacy that she wasn't invited.
So now Stacy is pissed at us.
Hey guys, can I talk to you.
Why? Just can I talk to you real quick? What kind of stuff is the new girl saying about Token.
About Token, why.
Well, Token is really shy.
So, I'm just here sort of on his behalf to-- You know.
Token likes Nichole.
Ya, of course.
Oh, ya.
I don't think she has any idea.
Ya, so could you guys just let her know that you know, that she might have to make the first move.
Okay.
Thanks, you guys.
One, two, three, four.
Sorry bebe.
Oh, that's okay.
[Laughing.]
So, Nichole, guess what.
One of the boys here already has a crush on you.
Ahhh.
Oh my gosh, who? That boy Token.
Oh, he's really nice, Nichole.
I dated him for a little while.
Ya, ya.
Go for it, Nichole.
Oh geez.
Thanks, you guys.
But to be totally honest, I kind of think that this other boy is cute.
Who, who, who.
That kid with the orange coat and green hat.
Oh, you mean, Kyle.
Ya.
Kyle.
What, Kyle? Nichole loves Kyle.
Nichole and Kyle sitting in a trae.
K-I-S-S-O-M-G.
Shut up, you guys, it's just a crush.
[Laughing.]
Mother***** We are proud and true.
Come on, South Park, moo moo moo.
Gooooo Cows.
Hey, Nichole, right.
Ya.
Can I talk to you for a second.
Just for a second right over here.
Listen I heard through the grapevine that you've got a thing for Kyle.
Oh no, who told you that? Just through the grapevine.
There is something you should probably know.
Man, this is hard.
The thing is-- me and Kyle are kind of, you know, together.
Ohhhhhh.
Ya, he's my man.
I'm more out than Kyle is, but it sucks because he acts like we're not a couple in school he's embarrassed.
But-- we get home and he's the best boyfriend I have.
Wow, I'm sorry.
I totally respect that.
Hey, thanks for telling me.
Cool.
Just, you know, don't touch me 'cos I'm not into girls it kind of grosses me out.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, cool.
Anyway, thanks a lot, and you know, stay away from my man, bitch.
Hey, I just want to let you know that if you ever need somebody to talk to I'm here.
Oh, thanks.
Dude, that new girl is into me.
Psst.
Butters, Butters.
At the end of P.
E.
Class tell Nichole that the gym teacher wants some towels delivered to the boys locker room.
How come? Let's just say that by this time tomorrow Token and Nichole are gonna be practically married.
Are you sure, Eric? I mean, maybe they're not just meant for each other.
No, no.
Love is like taking a dump, Butters.
Sometimes it works itself out but sometimes you gotta give it a nice high slimy push.
Oh, hey Nichole, the coach wants you to take these to the boys locker room.
Oh, he does.
Okay.
Guys, get outside.
It's the Batmobile.
Batmobile, you guys.
Where? I don't see a Batmobile.
Hello.
Ahh! Ahh! Oh gosh.
I'm so sorry.
Where is everybody.
What's going on? Coach wanted me to-- I'm sorry.
Hey, guys.
Guys.
Holdup.
Hey, you're kind of friends with that Nichole girl, right.
Ya.
Well, what kind of stuff does she like, do you know.
She likes movies, cats.
She likes basketball.
Oh cool she likes basketball.
That's perfect, thanks you guys.
Hey Kyle, we were going to head over to the Mall.
You want to go with us.
Oh can't right now.
But maybe another time.
See Ya.
Looks like he has a crush on Nichole.
I don't think so I heard Kyle swings for the same team.
Really.
It's perfect.
I can take her to a basketball game.
Man, I don't know what's happening but it seems like all of the girls are kind of into me lately.
Oh,,.
Hey, in here.
You think the janitors are still here.
Don't worry.
It's gonna be okay.
We've got water and maybe someone even left some food laying around.
Come on.
Look.
Somebody left a deli platter.
And board games, and massage oil.
Oh, good.
(Sirens) Well, that was sure an interesting night.
It sure was.
Hey, thanks a lot for making me feel safe in there.
That could've been really scary.
Ya, now that it's over I guess it was kind of fun.
Ya, it kind of was.
Maybe, I don't know.
Maybe we should get some lunch tomorrow.
Oh my God so cute.
I'd like that.
Cool.
Well, thanks again.
Ahhh, my gosh.
We did it, Eric, we found their ray of sunshine.
You're my ray of sunshine cupid me.
Tee, hee, hee.
I see the questions in your eyes I know what's weighing on your mind you can be sure I know my heart 'cause I'll stand beside you through the years you'll only cry those happy tears and though I make mistakes I'll never break your heart I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky I'll be there I swear like a shadow that's by your side I'll be there for better or worst till death do us part I'll love you with every black beat of my hearts and I swear I swear I swear ya, I swear straight up.
[Laughing.]
Did you see that, Token was going to push her.
But then he tickled her instead.
Dude, why are you so into their relationship? I don't know it's just so perfect.
You mother*****.
Kyle, Jesus Christ.
What the hell did you doing telling people that we're a gay couple.
Oh.
You heard that from the grapevine.
Did you? The new girl likes me and so you lied to her.
Somebody had to intervene, Kyle.
You were standing in the way of Token and Nichole.
They belog together.
Just because two people are the same race doesn't mean they belong together.
You fat racist piece of ****.
Oh, oh.
I'm the racist.
Huh.
I'm a racist.
It's how nature works, Kyle.
Look, what about Luke Covina and Maria Sanchez.
Is it a coincidence they ended up together? Actually, I heard they're together because they got locked in the school gym overnight a few months ago.
Oh, yeah.
I heard about that.
Hee hee.
That was us, remember Eric.
Shhh.
Be quiet, cupid me.
What?? Nothing.
Who is cupid me? Nobody.
You are going to tell everyone that you lied and that we're not a couple.
Why Kyle.
So you can try and ruin things for Token and Nichole.
Look at how happy they are.
[Laughing.]
Is it that you want to ruin that or are you just homophobic.
Goddamnit! Nichole.
Your mother tells me that you already have a boyfriend at school.
His name is Token.
He's really nice.
That's good but your mother tells me that this boy is black.
So? Well, Nichole it's just, you know just because you're black doesn't mean you can only date black boys.
It's just a little weird that we moved to this whole new place and you are immediately drawn to the one other black person.
Oh stop, William.
There is nothing wrong with her dating a black person.
I'm not saying it's wrong.
I'm just saying she's gonna have to deal with racist people out there.
People turning their heads and saying, "Oh, look at the two black people together.
That figures".
It's not like that, dad.
We just happen to like each other.
I know it seems like a strange coincidence.
But it really is a coincidence.
And we're very happy for you, sweetheart.
Here have some more turkey.
Ya, just try the white meat I know it's a little dry but there is a lot more of it.
Come on! Other people have to use the bathroom, you know.
Can you hurry it up in there.
Teee, heee, heeee.
Jesus Christ, cupid me, you giving birth in there.
Sorry.
That's uh-uhhh.
Cupid me, sick.
What the **** You've been eating.
Teee, hee.
To relief like the toilet-- Oh it's cute, it's chocolate hearts.
You're my ray of sunshine.
You're my ray of sunshine.
Come here, you.
I am going to get you.
I almost got you almost.
Everything okay, sweetie.
Everything is great, mom.
Now come back and flush the toilet, you silly.
Oh, no.
Hey, Token.
Hey, Nichole.
Can I talk to you for a sec.
Sure, what's up.
Listen I don't think this is going to work out.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
It's just, I don't believe we're really on the same page.
You know.
Okay.
I think you're really great.
We just-- I think you're really great.
I'm sorry.
Ya, I'm sorry too.
I'll see you around.
Okay.
(Crying ) It's not fare.
They were so-- happy.
(Crying ) It's going to be okay, Eric.
It's not going to be okay.
Why did they breakup.
They were meant for each other.
(Crying ).
They will find love somewhere else.
No, they won't.
Yes, they will.
No they won't **** you, Butters, You're an asshole.
Looks like somebody could use a little ray of sunshine.
And you, I should've never believed in you.
Who, Eric.
I never want to see you again! Hey.
You're **** and ****ing die! (Crying ) Hey, man.
You okay? Ya.
What happened? It just didn't work out.
Ya, I guess.
So, you guys are totally broken up then? It's-- it's done? Ya.
So, then she's going to be seeing other people.
She's sort of available? Ya, we're through.
So, theoretically if someone was to step in, it would be okay? I'm sorry, Kyle.
I like girls.
Huh, dude what the ****? We'll be back with more of the Jeffersons right after this.
I work hard.
So, I need a laxative that works hard too.
I can't be constipated on the job.
That's why I need Soft-Serve.
Because, when I'm constipated sometimes even a hard push isn't enough.
Don't give up.
Get back in there, get to work.
When the going gets tough the tough gets going! That's right.
I'm so sorry I shouldn't have doubted you.
Please come back.
I know I got a little angry.
But I believe in you.
Do you hear me? I believe in you.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do, cupid me, love is the bestest feeling in the world.
I believe you can change everything.
No, you don't.
Please, I can't do this alone.
They need us.
I need you my little flicker of twinkle stars.
Stop it.
Come on, twinkle stars, we've got work to do.
Hee, hee, hee.
Hi, can I speak to Nichole, please.
It's very important.
I'm sorry but she's at the Denver Nuggets game.
Denver Nuggets game.
Yes, she went with a nice white Jewish boy.
No! Welcome to today's match up between the Denver Nuggets and the Los Angeles Clippers.
And now here to sing the national anthem country music star Brad Paisley.
oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light what so proudly we hail at the twilight's last gleaming whose broad stripes and bright stars Noooo! Nuggets fans please direct your attention to center court and the precedent of Halitosis Kidz.
Here to attempt a 3-point shot for adolescents with permanently bad breath is the poster child for Halitosis Kidz Stacy Mullenburg.
And a good try.
Whoa! Noooo! Tickets please.
We're all set for the tip off.
Attention, attention, please.
This is a message for all of you out there who have just ended a relationship.
Sometimes love is hard but you can't just run away from it.
When you start to have something special you have to work at it.
Even though it might seem like the world is against you, you still have to hold on with both hands.
Don't let society dictate who you can and can't be with.
Kyle, I love you, man.
You can run all you want, try to pretend you like girls.
But when we kiss there is magic.
Don't let it go, Kyle.
Ahhh! I want to hold you every morning and love you every night, Kyle.
I promise you nothing but love and happiness I swear by the moon and the stars and the sky I'll be there Kyle I swear Ahhh like the shadow that's by your side Kyle, I swear to God I'll be there for better or worst for better or worst death do us part death do us part I'll love you with every gay beat of my heart I swear Kyle [Cheers and applause.]
Where you going? That fat turd there set up you and Token because he thinks blacks belong together.
He did that? Oh, no.
Thank you, thank you, all.
That's all I wanted to say.
That and the Batmobile is outside.
Seriously you got to see it, it's outside.
What! Token.
Hey.
Hi.
Token I'm so sorry I thought you were only with me because I'm black.
I'm sorry too.
I wouldn't even talk to you at first because you're black.
Do you think we could -- do you still want to -- maybe we could give it another try.
There will still be people that will look at us funny and think we're suppose to be together.
Let them look.
I don't care.
I don't care either.
I just think you're a great person.
The color of your skin doesn't matter.
Oh my God, so cute.
Tee, heee.
A place for everything and everything in it's place.
That's right, cupid me.
People who're the same belong together.
That's right.
And I found somebody who's just the same as me.
Really.
There she is.
What.
**** you, cupid me.
Tee, hee.
Stop it.
Ahhh! Noooo!