South Park s18e05 Episode Script

I'm goin' down to South park, gonna have myself a time friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation goin' down to South park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" heading on up to South park gonna see if I can't unwind mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! Come on down to South park and meet some friends of mine Loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo loo, loo, loo, loo, loo.
Hey, douche bag.
Are you doing anything cool? Hey, Eric.
I'm just looking at a video of - bird eggs that I took.
- Oh, God damn it.
Nobody's doing anything cool.
I'm so bored.
- Everything is so stupid.
- I don't know.
- This bird nest is pretty neat-o.
- No, it isn't.
My dad and I shot it yesterday at the lake.
- That's stupid.
- You can see the mama bird fly in.
I'm dying of boredom.
We took all kinds of videos with this drone.
What did you say?! You know, those drone thingies.
You can make it fly anywhere and - shoot video and stuff.
- Your dad has a [Bleep.]
drone! Whoa! It can fly like a quarter mile away from whoever's controlling it.
And it can take video the entire time right to your phone.
[ Gasps .]
Don't touch the propellers.
You want to take it out for a spin? Are you crazy? - This is my dad's drone.
- Do you have any idea how much fun we could have with this thing? - We could spy on everyone.
- My dad says it's not for - spying on people.
- Butters, that's all drones are for.
If we use it for a couple minutes tonight, your dad will never know.
Well, he'll know.
You can hear it take off.
Okay.
Good idea.
We'll take it over to my house.
Come over after dark and don't tell anyone.
No, Eric.
I don't want to - Butters! - Oh, shit.
It's your dad.
Go, go, go! I'll see you later at my house.
- Butters, are you home? - Coming, dad.
[ Crickets chirping .]
[ Knock on door .]
- Butters, is that you? - Yeah, it's me.
Nobody followed you, right? You didn't tell anybody? - Of course not.
- All right.
Come in.
Kenny's here.
I told him all about it.
What?! You said nobody would know.
It's just Kenny.
Like we're not gonna tell Kenny we have a [Bleep.]
drone.
Come on, Butters.
All right.
Come on, guys.
I think I have this thing figured out [ Whirring .]
Dude, no way! This thing is so epic.
[ Dog barks .]
- Be careful of the power lines! - Dude, look! There's everyone's backyards.
Dude, there's Craig's house.
- That's Craig's house.
- Mrph rmhmhm rm! Okay, uh, maybe that's enough.
On, dude, look there's Craig.
[ Chuckles .]
Craig's mom is taking off her clothes.
- Let me see! - Check it out, you guys.
She's taking off oh, my God.
We've got full bush.
- Mrph rmhmhm rm! - Geez! This thing is recording, right? - Rm! - Dude, that is Craig's mom's bush right there.
Wait.
Wait, what's that? Oh, shit, dude.
Bail, Bail! - What do I do?! - His dad sees you! - I don't know what to do! - Fly back to your house, stupid! [ Pounds on door .]
- You got a problem, Stotch? - What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about.
There was a drone spying on my wife, and you're the only person - I know with a drone.
- Now, hold on.
I am a drone-hobby enthusiast.
I would never use my drone in a way that contradicts the drone hobbyist code of conduct.
Horse shit.
Your drone's out there flying - around right now.
- I assure you my drone is sitting in the garage.
I'll show you.
There.
You see? It's right there.
So so you flew it back here in time.
- I swear I didn't fly it.
- Well, these things don't just fly themselves, do they? They ought to be illegal.
I better not find out it was your drone! [ Eerie music plays .]
Butters? [ Panting .]
Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Hey, dad.
Butters, did you hear the drone making any sounds in the garage? Uh, oh, no, dad.
I've just been sleeping.
[ Wheezes .]
Why do you ask? Nothing, son.
It's nothing.
Get back to sleep, pal.
- Love you.
- Love you, too, dad.
[ Panting .]
All right, all right.
Shh.
Kenny.
Here comes Stan and Kyle.
Remember not a word about this to anyone.
- Mrph rmhmhm rm.
- Not a word, Kenny.
- Mrph rm! - Seriously, it's like there's no real thing to grab onto, you know? Yeah, I don't even know if I'm gonna watch it anymore.
I know.
Hey, guys.
'Sup? [ Straining .]
Ehh You guys want to see Craig's mom's bush? - Mrph rmhmhm rm! - What?! Somebody, I guess, was spying on Craig's mom, and they got pictures of her bush, and it's like it's like a yeti.
- You guys want to check it out? - Rm! That's horrible.
If that's true, I don't want to - see it.
- You don't want to see Craig's - mom's bush? - Not if somebody took pictures - without her knowing.
- Let me see.
Locked and loaded.
Full metal bush, bro.
How did you get that on your phone? Oh, um uh Kenny? Um it's on the Internet.
Yeah, I just downloaded it off the Internet.
Nobody knows who took it, huh, Kenny? - Mrph rm.
- That's terrible.
I know, right? Now everyone's gonna see it.
Hey, Craig.
Have you checked out the Internet lately? [ All chuckling .]
- What are you talking about? - Oh, nothing.
It's just that you might want to invest in some hedge clippers.
- [ All chuckling .]
- For what? Oh, nothing.
You just might want to hire Tarzan to do some landscaping work for your mom.
- [ All chuckling .]
- What the heck are you doing?! Whoa, Butters.
Chillax, bro.
Why did you put Craig's mom's bush on the Internet?! - Butters - You promised me we wouldn't - get into trouble! - Butters, Butters Now everyone is gonna know what we were doing? Butters, I had to, okay? I had to put it on the Internet.
- Why?! - Because Stan saw the video on my phone, all right? If the video is only on my phone, then clearly we did it.
If we downloaded it off the Internet, then anyone could have done it.
I should have never listened to you.
I should have known this would get out of hand.
Butters, don't start playing the blame game here, okay? You and Kenny are just as responsible, and the next time you want to shove me, just remember I'm covering your ass.
[ Indistinct chatter .]
Hi, everyone.
For those of you I don't know as well, my name is Roger Donovan, and, uh just like you, I'm pretty upset about what's going - on in our neighborhood.
- How are these drones legal? My wife didn't deserve to be splayed all over the Internet - like that.
- Yes, well, luckily, nobody's - watched the video, of course.
- No.
- That's right.
- Nope.
But the fact is that these drones are only getting more popular.
I mean, anyone can get a drone off Amazon for 200 bucks and there's no laws and the whole thing is pretty damn hairy.
Oh.
Oh.
God, I'm sorry, Laura.
You know I meant the situation is pretty hairy, right? Nothing to do with you personally.
I mean, how would I even know? I didn't see it.
Um Look, we're all here because what happened to Laura could happen to any of us.
There's nobody regulating these drones, and if we don't do something now, we're gonna be up to our navels with bush.
Oh! Uh, up to our necks in trouble.
Sorry.
You know, it used to be called natural.
Completely shaving bald down there used to be the weird thing.
- It's okay, honey.
Th - But now, because I choose not to let society dictate how hairy my vagina should be - Ew.
- I'm labeled as some kind - of freakin' monster.
- A-a-and that's the point.
I mean, we all have things about ourselves that are embarrassing - that that - I'm not embarrassed about it! - It's natural! - It's a lot of natural.
Look, look, why we're here is because it's gonna take all of us a neighborhood watch to make sure that our community - stays safe.
- Yeah, but how can we keep that close a watch on the whole neighborhood? It's simple.
[ Whirring .]
[ Whirring continues .]
Oh, yeah.
This is gonna work great.
[ Whirring continues .]
Are you happy now? What? Is is this you think this is cool? What does that have to do with me? See, when you start invading people's privacy and thinking it's harmless to put up pictures of them they didn't want up, Kenny, you start a domino effect that eventually screws everything up for everybody.
Kenny has no idea what you're talking about, dude.
I was in the bathroom when you were talking to Butters, Cartman.
- I know you - You were what? - I was in the bathroom - You were spying on me?! No.
I was taking a crap, and I heard you guys talking.
But you didn't say anything? That's [Bleep.]
spying, Kyle.
- How is that spying?! - You were listening but we didn't know you were there.
How is that not spying?! You're a dick! You're a spying dick, and now you want to lecture Kenny about spying?! [Bleep.]
you, hypocrite dick spy.
[ Whirring .]
Hello.
Can I help you? - Yes.
I'd like to return this drone.
- You want to return it? Yes, I'm I'm into the hobby anymore.
The hobby of flying drones is new and exciting.
- How can you not be into it? - Look, something's wrong with it.
It does things.
It flies by itself.
- Uh no.
Somebody has to control it.
- You don't understand.
It was in the garage and the battery was fully charged.
Someone said they'd seen it flying around, so I checked.
The battery was half empty.
[ Eerie music plays .]
I'm sorry, but we don't do returns.
Please, I just want another hobby to get enthused about.
Sir, did you try looking at the SD card.
All the video gets recorded to that, so you could probably - determine who flew it.
- You think I didn't try that? I pulled out the SD card.
[ Eerie music plays .]
It was all erased.
Somehow, it erased everything.
Uh, sir, did you consider that your son might have done that? No.
It's impossible.
He's not allowed to fly it without my supervision.
[ Eerie music plays .]
[ Music stops .]
[ Whirring .]
Oh, for God's sakes! God damn it! Get the hell out of here! That does it! You people have to do something.
You're the law, and these things need to be illegal.
But they aren't illegal, Mr.
Tucker.
Our privacy was invaded, and now there are kids at school making music videos with the footage of my wife.
Have you seen what they're doing?! No, no.
None of us watched the video.
But if we did, we could handle it.
We're police officers.
We see sickening things like that every day.
We understand the humiliation your wife has gone through, Mr.
Tucker, but we don't I haven't been "humiliated.
" I've been wronged.
We are here to ask for your help.
Now are you gonna help us or not? Well, that'd probably be best left to a professional - hair-removal company.
- Or perhaps a forest ranger.
Help us with the drones spying on us.
All right, all right.
We'll do everything we can.
[ Whirring .]
Are you out of your mind?! - What are you doing?! - Butters Why would you turn Craig's mom's bush into a music video starring us?! Because, Butters Why can't you leave it alone? Why can't you just stop?! Because, Butters, Kyle was spying on us, okay? Kyle was spying on us, and he knows that we put the video of Craig's mom on the Internet.
He found out everything.
That's why I had to make another video.
- Why?! - Because when Kyle says he heard us say we made the video, we can say we were talking about this video.
"Oh, thank you, Eric.
That's pretty smart.
I really owe you one.
" That poor lady.
Her vagina is everywhere.
Poor Craig.
Butters, we live in a world where privacy is gone, okay? It's it's just gone, bud.
Your wiener, my balls they're public domain.
You can get on the Internet right now and look at that chick from "Hunger Games'" butt-hole.
We can either all freak out about it, or we can just calm down because, honestly, I'm getting a little sick of covering your ass.
[ Crickets chirping .]
[ Whirring .]
[ Chuckles .]
Gerald's watching "Housewives of Atlanta.
" You're supposed to be keeping - watch on the neighborhood.
- I am.
Let's see what Nelson's doing.
[ Siren wails .]
Oh, shit! Dude, neighborhood watch! I'm neighborhood watch! [ Gunshots .]
I've been shot! [ Crashes .]
No! - No! - Shock and outrage all over the state tonight after an on-duty police drone chased and shot down an unarmed civilian drone.
And worst of all, yes, the civilian drone was black.
What gives them the right to shoot down our drones?! I wasn't doing anything wrong! This is a complete outrage to drone owners everywhere.
It was about yea big.
I mean, the hair on it was out to here, and then it had another trail of hair down from her belly button.
I mean the the drone.
Yeah, that's what I saw.
That that's all I saw.
While police claim they were only following standard protocol, the drone owners are banding together and holding a candlelight vigil.
[ Whirring .]
[ Sirens chirping .]
Please disperse.
Candles on top of drones are a fire hazard.
Return to your garages.
What the hell are these police drones doing? We can't protest now? Just hover, honey.
They can't do anything if we're - just hovering.
- [ Pounding on door .]
- Randy, we need to talk.
- Okay.
Inside.
I've been going over it and over it in my head.
I thought Butters and I were alone, but then I saw you on the news.
Another drone-hobby enthusiast whose drone was blamed for something the enthusiast didn't recall doing.
Randy, this is very important.
Is it possible that you did something contrary to the proper code of conduct for drone-flying - enthusiasts? - No.
I didn't.
[ Eerie music plays .]
I thought it was just my drone.
- But I think it might be all of them.
- What might be? Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Our drone flew.
The battery was drained.
The SD card was erased.
Butters was the only other person who had access to it.
Butters can't use the drone without my supervision, so where does that leave us, Randy? - Drones are spooky? - If they have minds of their own, they're more than spooky.
I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel pretty un-enthused about this hobby.
The town of South Park has become a hotbed of tension with civilians lashing out at police.
After police used excessive force at a peaceful protest, the town has now broken out into - full-scale riots.
- [ Siren wails .]
[ Glass breaking .]
[ Whirring .]
As the people of South Park continue to protest, the South Park police are now ordering a mandatory reverse curfew.
The Governor has asked for help from the national guard to bring order to the town.
[ Whirring .]
Tonight on an all-new "20/20," a town in crisis over the matter of privacy.
Now, for the first time, we sit down and talk to the Mom behind the Bush.
You've become sort of a poster child for privacy and - drone issues.
- I don't think anyone wants to live in a world where police drones are monitoring neighborhood-watch drones.
I mean, where does it stop? It just keeps going on and on, kind of like your I mean, it just goes outside what most people would call acceptable.
Have you ever seen pictures of naked women before 2005? It's not that weird.
- It's okay, honey.
- I didn't see the video.
I don't believe in doing that, but, uh, I'm just saying that this situation in your town is unwieldy? [ Buzzing, static .]
- Please do not adjust your televisions.
- What is that? My name is Stephen Willis Stotch.
The drone that took the video of Craig's mom was my drone.
I didn't want to believe it, but they do things without us knowing.
At this point, I have completely lost all enthusiasm for the hobby.
All of you with drones, please listen to me.
Three days ago, my drone recorded a video that something uploaded to the Internet.
We all were told to respectfully not watch the video.
But on the page, it has over of us watched it, who did? [ Eerie music plays .]
We have to find a way to get rid of them before they get rid of us.
- [ Siren wails .]
- Oh, hey, Butters.
'Sup? Do you remember when I showed you the video of the little bird eggs? That's the last time I felt happy.
Dude, what's the matter? I have to tell the truth.
I want you and Kenny to come with me and tell Craig's mom we're sorry and that we'll Okay, okay, okay.
Come inside.
There's drones out here.
I don't want any more discussions, Eric.
I don't want any more excuses.
- Butters - I just want to end this - Okay.
- So we can take our - punishment and be done with it.
- Okay, Butters.
Butters I don't want all these drones everywhere.
Nobody does! Butters! All right, all right, Butters.
Fine.
I have a way that we can get rid of all the drones.
- You do? - Yes.
Everyone's sick of it.
It's just that everyone's waiting for everyone else to stop.
We can put an end to it all tonight.
- We're just gonna need one thing.
- What? - Your dad's drone.
- No! There is no way we're - gonna - Butters, Butters, Butters! Jennifer Lawrence's butt-hole didn't take a picture of itself.
It started with her, right? Just like this started with you spying on birds.
Now, I'm willing to bail you out of all this, but I swear it's the last time, okay?! Okay.
[ Gun cocks .]
Time to end this hobby once and for all.
No.
No! All right.
We've got power.
Prepare for takeoff.
If this doesn't work, we are dead.
It'll work, Butters.
If there's one thing we've learned, it's that drones can't resist Craig's mom.
[ Whirring .]
[ Siren wails .]
[ Triumphant music plays .]
[ Cheers and applause .]
We are here tonight to pay tribute to a woman who overcame humiliation, who rose above the monsters invading her privacy and said, "No more.
" Just when it seemed that we were about to live in a world controlled by drones, she did something miraculous.
And someday, our children's children will still be telling stories about how Craig's mom flew through the town and led all the drones away.
[ Cheers and applause .]
[singing.]
Have you heard the tale of Craig's mom's bush and the night that it saved us from drones? Nobody knew the power it had, they just thought it was shaggy and gross Craig's mom lived a life of shame and despair, everyone feared her great, giant bush - They didn't.
- But then when drones were filling the sky, she unfurled her bush and she used it to fly.
Craig's mom's bush, Craig's mom's bush, gargantuan thicket of madness bigger than earth and denser than gold, truly a magical bush to behold.
[ Whistling .]
Well, you see, Butters? Everything worked out.
"Oh, thank you, Eric.
I screwed up everything, but now everyone's happy.
Thanks for covering my ass.
" Craig's mom doesn't seem very happy.
- [ Whistling continues .]
- All right.
I have a way that we can make Craig's mom happy.
No.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
Thank you, Eric.
I screwed up everything, but now everyone's happy.
- Thanks for covering my ass.
- You're welcome.
[singing.]
And she flew and she flew away into the sun and then she died.