South Park s19e10 Episode Script

All right, listen up.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of hate speech that serves to marginalize others.
You know, if there’s one thing that makes me sick, it’s when a race thinks they’re superior and can’t check their privilege.
An African American flips a turtle over.
A transgender Filipino sees the turtle baking in the sun.
What color’s the Filipino’s dad? I didn’t think you were human.
Yeah, everybody’s pretty freaked out over here, baby.
Everyone is on edge and feeling really nervous.
That sounds terrible.
Be careful, Butters.
I will, honey.
Butters, get to the bathroom.
Now.
All right, Kyle, what’s this about? Jimmy’s dead.
I know the whole story.
PC Principal killed him and tried to kill Leslie, but she got away.
Are you serious? PC Principal is part of a huge network of radicals who kill everyone that doesn’t follow their PC ideology.
How do you know? Because Leslie’s with me.
I’m keeping her safe.
Kyle’s got a girlfriend! It gets worse.
Someone in our town helped them come here.
That person faked the Bill Cosby joke to get Principal Victoria fired.
Who would use a Cosby joke to push their own agenda? I think it’s obvious… Stan’s dad.
Your dad is one of them.
He had to be the one that let them in! You’re letting paranoia and suspicion get the better of you.
There’s no way to know who we can trust.
So, what do we do now? There’s only one thing we can do.
We have to get guns.
– Guns? – It’s the only way for us to be safe.
Even if we thought it could help protect us, how are we all going to get our hands on guns? All right, cool.
We got guns.
So, now what? Now, we need to steal a car and escape.
I already feel a lot safer! You guys lay low and watch your backs.
I’m gonna go keep Leslie protected.
Don’t fall too hard, partner.
Do I look sweet, Butters? What? What? Can you pass the garlic bread? Why wouldn’t I be able to pass the garlic bread? Where were you last night? What? When? Where was I what? Out.
With friends.
Doing things.
I’m full.
I’m gonna go work in the garage.
– Work on what? – On stuff that do things.
I’m gonna take some of this with me.
I’m still hungry.
– You just said you were full.
– Jesus! What am I, on trial or something? God damn! You guys are really acting strange.
All right.
We’re good.
Nobody suspects a thing.
Take a look at this.
We’ve got everything from PC Principal’s hard drive.
He was on to the gentrification around the world, and he was convinced that whatever was responsible wasn’t human.
Not human? Then what? I don’t care if they’re aliens or vampires.
We need to round ’em up fast and fuck them till they’re dead.
You don’t want to fuck a vampire.
You’ll get hepatitis.
Oh, girlfriend, I am well beyond that.
Oh, my God.
Don’t you see what this means? If something not human is gentrifying the entire world, soon, no human will be able to afford it.
They’re trying to price our species out of existence.
How do you like my new apartment? What happened to you? I always thought you were a nice kid.
Now, you’ve got a gun? Everyone’s getting one of these now, Jim.
Nobody knows who to trust.
Guns are never the answer.
Don’t you kind of wish you’d had one back when Leslie betrayed you and nearly beat you to death? I guess it would have been a decent answer then.
Touché.
You see, I’ve got expensive tastes, Jimmy.
I like good food, organic pressed juices, and I’ve got a thing for high-class prostitutes.
Have you been introduced to my current girlfriend? My name is Classi with an “I,” and a little dick hanging off the “C” that bends around and fuck the “L” out of the “A”-”S”-”S.
” Nice to meet you, Classi.
All I had to do was work for the ads, and I got everything I wanted… My own loft with all of ShiTpaTown right at my doorstep.
All it took was some PC, and the whole thing was set in motion.
Oh, great.
So, now ads are using PC for their own gains? That’s a new low.
What is PC but a verbal form of gentrification? Spruce everything up, get rid of all the ugliness in order to create a false sense of paradise.
Only one thing can actually live in that world… ads.
I know I’ve set it before, but man, do I hate ads.
Eric Cartman, I told you to go get ready for bed! – I just want to finish this movie.
– No, Eric, this is a school night.
I’m into this movie.
I’m not going to bed right now.
Chillax.
You most certainly are.
Right now, mister! I will go to bed when this movie is over.
Eric! Where did you get that? Turn off the light and go back to bed.
I’m staying up.
You march right up to your room, and you… I don’t think so.
– Eric, you get your butt to bed! – No means no, Bill Cosby! I told you to go upstairs right now! What the hell? I’m not going to tell you again.
It is time for night-night! Mom, put down the gun.
I am your mother, and you will do what I tell you! – OK, I am going! – Well, then you go right now, mister! I am going to bed, Mom! Chillax.
All right, then! No comic books! Just straight to sleep! I love you, sweetie! OK.
I love you too, Mom.
Night-night.
He listened.
There has to be something… Some clue as to what we’re dealing with.
The news stories PC Principal researched are all so contradictory, as if whatever these things are have control over the news somehow.
That sounds like vampires to me.
We have to find out who had me fired with the Cosby joke.
It’s the key to knowing what we’re dealing with.
Principal Victoria? Mr.
Garrison? Caitlyn Jenner? – What the hell are you doing in here? – Tell me what’s going on, Dad.
Nothing.
We’re just hanging out, talking about Coldplay, all right? I want to know what the hell is going on right now! What are you doing with that? Kyle said I couldn’t trust you.
What are you planning? – Stan, it isn’t what you think.
– Then what is it? Look, I need to show you something, OK? You need to see this, son.
Psych! Now, put the fucking gun down, bitch! I’ll go tell Mom! You go tell her.
I’ll tell you had a gun.
You’ll be in more trouble! Stan, I am your dad.
Put the gun down and sit over there.
– Mom! – Shit! Took a lot to hunt you down, PC Principal.
You mind telling me why you’re going around the world shooting up revitalized arts and foods districts? You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.
Try me! I don’t know what they are, but they used me to try and change the planet.
You don’t know what who are? Sir, the President is on the phone.
Wants to talk to you about PC Principal.
Yes, Mr.
President.
I see, sir.
Yes, I understand.
We’re to release him immediately… No questions asked.
And we’re not supposed to believe anything he tells us.
Ain’t that a peach? He’s being set free now, Mr.
President.
Can I tell the commander why? This is a matter of national security.
I understand, sir.
Thank you.
God Bless you.
God Bless you, too, sir.
And may God bless the United States of America.
– You OK? – Yeah, just feeling butterflies, and my hands are freezing.
Here.
Thank you, Kyle.
Don’t worry, Leslie.
I won’t let anything happen to you.
I’m warning you… You’re on the wrong side of this.
We’re just trying to get answers.
– You pulled a gun on our son! – He pulled one on me first! Because you wouldn’t talk to me! Let your mother and I deal with this.
I told you to leave him alone! God, I hate this family! Why are you always taking Stan’s side? Put down the gun, Shelly! You’re always acting like Stan can’t do anything wrong! She doesn’t always take my side! You shut up or I swear to God I’ll use this.
Shelly, put it down now.
You don’t even try to know me, Dad! I want to, Shelly! I just sometimes feel like you hate me! I feel like you hate me, Randy! I don’t hate you! I love you! I need to be a better husband, a better father! We all need to be better to each other! OK, maybe I need to stop being so angry! I love you guys.
We love you, too, Dad.
We just want to know what’s going on with you.
All right, I’ll tell you everything.
These things are amazing.
All right, Mrs.
Farnickle, enjoy.
And remember… If the safety’s on, you’re good as gone.
OK, and next customer, please.
Going for the big one, huh? You must be feeling extra jumpy! You don’t know the half of it.
Well, this thing should make you feel more at ease.
– You ought to check out the gun show.
– The gun show? Yeah, it’s gonna have everything, and with guns being so popular, practically everyone in town is gonna be in attendance.
The entire town in one location? Oh, my God.
The principal has become our biggest problem.
We need a news headline that will draw him back to town.
You’re going to sponsor my content some more, baby? I’m all ears.
I’ve got to get to the Super School News.
Hey, Classi, do you think you could get me my crutches? I don’t think Nathan would like that.
You seem like a reasonable person.
Do you want a world controlled by ads? I mean come on, Classy.
No, it’s Classi.
With an “I.
” The little dick that hangs off the “C” fuck the “L” out of the ass.
Cla-ass-i.
Sorry.
My bad.
Look, I’m a news reporter, Claaassi, and in a world where ads control the news, there’s no way to be sure anyone’s ever hearing the truth.
Truth about what? We can’t just hide, Kyle.
We have to let people know PC is the enemy before it’s too late.
We don’t know who is on their side.
We have stay safe.
The principal is going to try and make up some crazy story.
That’s what PC people do.
You have to get in front of everyone and tell them what you’ve learned! I gave up giving speeches.
But why? I came to you because I had heard how good you were at getting messages across.
That and because… I thought you were cute.
I’d have no problem giving a speech if you could be by my side.
Well, I can’t go with you, you know.
It’s too dangerous.
Not if we go somewhere completely safe from any violence.
– Where? – The gun show.
– Gun show? – There’ll be so many guns that nothing bad can happen.
Someone purposely had Principal Victoria replaced with the new principal? Yes, they wanted to use his PC as a means to start gentrification in our town.
That’s why we thought PC Principal was behind it, but now we know they were just using his PC abilities to service their own needs.
When the pussy crusher story came out in Super School News, it started to make PC Principal question himself.
He started digging for answers.
They didn’t like that.
So, they tried to distract and mislead him with this.
Sorry.
That’s an ad for McDonald’s.
Hold on.
With this… There’s that ad again.
God, these things are annoying.
Anyways, whatever these beings are, they try to keep anyone from knowing the truth from… I don’t want to see a slide show.
PC Principal said something was trying to divert and distract his subconscious mind with this.
Wait, that’s Leslie.
Oh, my God.
It’s Kyle.
Kyle? Kyle’s been protecting Leslie.
They’re together.
He’s been making everyone feel paranoid and saying you’re the enemy, Dad.
Well, then, it’s time to go ask Kyle why he sold out his own kind.
How will we get him to talk? We’re going to kill him with kindness.
But instead of kindness, we’re going to use guns.
Let’s go! Shelly, take care of Grandpa! Don’t shoot Grandpa.
Just literally take care of him.
Buckle up, buckaroos! Here it is, Jimmy, hot off the presses.
What is that? The newest edition of Super School News, hitting the streets tomorrow.
“Tragedy at Gun Show.
” What happened at the gun show? Not what’s happened, what’s going to happen.
The final sweeping underneath the rug.
By this time tomorrow, nobody will be asking questions ever again.
The ads will have won, and I will be the man.
I think the ads are playin’ yo ass.
Shut up, Classi! Oh, hell, no! Oh, hell no, your Down syndrome ass just slapped me.
I’mma break yo dick off! Hang on, Classi.
I’m sorry.
I will bust yo fucking ass! I will bust yo fucking nose! I ain’t no mimsy-ass ho! I’m a classy bitch, and I do not… want ads… controlling my news! Classi, thank you! You need my help? You gots it.
I need your phone to call Officer Barbrady, and we have to get to that gun show fast! Quick, to the Classi-mobile! Welcome back to the South Park Gun Show.
We've had over 2,000 gorgeous guns come through this arena today.
It’s been whittled down to seven, the winners from each group.
David, take us down the line.
First, we have the beautiful Yorkshire .
33mm with proud owner Stephen Stotch.
An absolutely gorgeous gun, David.
The playful and lovely Australian semi-automatic, owned by Father Maxi.
There’s the Mayor with her delightful Rhodesian Ridgeback shotgun/rifle mix.
That’s a favorite of the crowd here.
Always a favorite at these shows.
That’s a nice gun right there.
The judge now asking to see that Yorkshire .
33mm up close.
Just a beautiful gun in motion.
Everybody loves it.
The judge wants to take another look at that shotgun/rifle mix.
– And next up will be the… – Nobody move! Everyone just stay where you are! And it looks like the gun show is under attack, David.
Six gunmen have entered the arena, one of which is carrying an absolutely gorgeous little Pekingese Glock 17.
Listen to me, everyone! There are beings who are purposely gentrifying the Earth so that humans can no longer afford it.
We’ve been looking for Kyle Broflovski.
Somebody’s hiding him.
Don’t listen to them! The real conspiracy here are the PC extremists who have no problem killing whoever doesn’t think like they do! You son of a bitch, Stan.
How could you have sided with the enemy? You’re the enemy.
You’ve both got it wrong.
Jimmy? Officer Barbrady? Classi? Randy? Kyle, I know you probably thought Leslie was a kind, caring girl, but the truth is she’s just an ad.
– An ad? – They’ve become sentient! They’ve taken human form.
You can’t tell what’s human and what’s an ad anymore.
Oh, geez.
Are you serious? How am I supposed to fuck an ad to death? Flippin’ ads.
They’re such a pain in the ass.
You told me Jimmy was dead.
So, now we know who got Principal Victoria fired.
Nobody move, m’kay! Everyone just stay where you are! Mackey? Yes, I wanted Principal Victoria fired, but I didn’t want any of this! You got me fired? Why? to you… 18 years! You always telling me what to do.
If you had problems with me, why didn’t you just talk to me? You never listened! Nobody listens to me! They just expect me to listen to them! Maybe we should have realized that sometimes a counselor needs counseling! I don’t know.
Maybe I got manipulated by these ads, too, somehow, but I should have been a better person! We all could be better people… All of us! We all played a part.
Maybe from now, on people in this town need to communicate more! Care about each other! To defeat our enemies, that’s what it’s gonna take… all of us, together! If only we’d had these before, huh? Every time you block us, we get smarter.
Every time you try to stop us, we are more.
If one plan fails, we will plan another.
You will never be rid of ads.
Hey, Leslie! Your species took PC and twisted it for evil purposes.
That pisses me off! You’re expelled.
Yes, dude! I guess there’s just one last thing to take care of.
Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t we try to live on this planet together? Maybe we’re not perfect beings, but we built a better town! We didn’t need you to do that! And we’ll keep on trying to make it better! Randy, you’re yelling at a Whole Foods.
Go on! Get out of here! We know! Others will know! It isn’t going to be so easy, not anymore.
All right, listen up.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of all the hate speech and microaggressions against our species.
We have a new enemy out there… An almost invisible foe that is so bigoted, so racially biased, they actually think we should all die.
They are trying to attract our youth, using tactics that are underhanded and unfair.
But no matter how hard they hit us, we cannot let them take from us our PC.
And so, I have been asked to stay on as your principal.
A lot of changes will happen in the coming months.
The only thing that distinguishes those who want to kill us from those who don’t is that we have the burning desire for social justice.
We are at war, but the only way to win this war is to be as understanding, non-biased, and politically correct as possible.
This is gonna be really hard.