South Park s23e01 Episode Script
Mexican Joker
1 SINGER: Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna leave my woes behind There's ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" I'm headin' down to Tegridy Farms Gonna see if I can't unwind TOWELIE: I got some weed and I don't know what's going on SINGER: So come on down to Tegridy Farms And meet some friends of mine RANDY: Some people like their weed made the ol' fashioned way.
Here at Tegridy, we believe weed is about people.
Over the past few months, Tegridy has expanded from the simple farm house you see behind me, to actually owning the entire 420 valley.
And I think you'll see on this tour that even though our business has grown, we've kept our weed simple.
It takes over a thousand plants to make just one box of Tegridy weed.
There's Juan Carlos over there.
He's one of our newest employees.
Mornin', Juan Carlos.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING.]
What happens when you combine science with Tegridy? A lot of magic.
Here you can see our latest growing methods along with our science center.
And of course it wouldn't be Colorado weed without our Rocky Mountain High tasting room.
Feel free to come back here later and try all the Tegridy products.
Well, folks, we hope you've enjoyed your tour.
There's a lot to buy here in the gift shop, And please do remember your tour guides work on tips.
Let's give me a big hand.
[APPLAUSE.]
This sucks balls.
Ever since you guys moved, everything just keeps changing.
I mean, how are us kids supposed to have any hope anymore? All I think about is all the problems our generation is inheriting.
Climate change, over fishing, Kyle I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything? Hey, there, Stan.
You input all the weed orders? Yeah, it's all right here.
Oh, huh This looks like our orders are actually down.
You sure you did that right? Yeah, I went through it twice.
People aren't ordering as much as last month.
Not ordering as much? What the hell is going on? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, hey, Randy! Howdy, Stephen! How you been gettin' on? Good! How's life out in the valley treating you? Oh, it's early mornins' and lots a hard work, but I gotta do what's best for my youngins.
I noticed you hadn't supplied up in a while, Stephen, so I thought I'd deliver your weed to you personally.
Oh yeah, no, I actually hadn't ordered any in a while.
Why not? You're not gettin' all sober on us are ya? No, I just well, here let me show you.
What'dya think? I started growing my own plants a couple weeks ago.
I totally get it.
It's a really fun hobby.
That's Diego, my gardener.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
Fuck you.
What? Is my weed not good enough for you? Something wrong with Tegridy? No, I just started kind of getting into it.
I just enjoy the whole You're stealing my idea, Stephen! Come on, growing marijuana is not your idea.
Yeahâhuh! While you assholes were all screwing around, I went out and made a living! When you grow your own pot, you're taking weed out of my children's mouths! Oh, hey, guys! Sorry, the front door was open so I just walked on in.
Seeing if I could still get those seeds from you, Stephen.
What seeds?! Oh, I was gonna try my hand at growing some weed, and Stephen said he'd give me some of his seeds to get started.
Fuck you guys! I'll get you for this, Stephen.
You mess with my Tegridy, then I'm gonna mess with you! [SAD MUSIC PLAYING.]
[AIR HISSING.]
You alright there, partner? Kids are being handed a world that's broken and sick.
We aren't the ones who messed this planet up, but we're the ones who will pay the price.
Okay.
You have a nice day.
[SIREN WAILING.]
Por favor no! Por favor no mas quiero trabajar! This is inhumane! Diego is my gardener.
[SLURPS.]
What's going on? This is an I.
C.
E.
raid, son.
- You need to keep back.
- Put him in my car.
What did that guy do? Somebody called in an anonymous tip that he might be here illegally.
No! No te lo puedes llevar! Es mi esposo! Mi esposo! Papa! Papa, no! Papa! Wife goes in the van, kids can go with Donovan.
Who called you people?! It was Randy Marsh, wasn't it?! We're just doing our job, sir.
If the family checks out, we'll release them from their detention centers.
Detention centers? Well, this is nice! When did we start doing this? Kids go to LS22.
So anyone can make an anonymous tip, and you can round up families and send them away? Nobody told me about this.
I thought everything sucked now! Do you have a card? - [INDISTINCT TALKING ON TELEVISION.]
- [PHONE RINGING.]
What do you want? Do you remember last week you called me a butthole in front of Suzie Tobler? Yeah, 'cause you were gonna snap her bra.
I want you to apologize for every time you've been a dick to me, Kyle.
Fuck you.
Oh! Are you sure you don't want to take that back? Okay, Kyle, just remember I gave you a chance.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Are you done now? Can I hang up? [IKE CRYING.]
220.
We've breached the front door.
- Hello.
- Mommy! Mommy! Excuse me.
What is going on? [GUN COCKS.]
640.
On the first floor.
Who are you people?! We're I.
C.
E.
, ma'am.
We're American citizens.
Just doing our job, sir.
If you check out, you'll be released from the detention centers.
Get the fuck out of my house! [IKE CONTINUES CRYING.]
Mom! Dad! This is ridiculous! You can't take our children away from us! [MUNCHING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
That's so sweet.
You guys take the parents, we'll take the kids.
Come on, you! [GRUNTING.]
No! You will not take my children from me! [CHUCKLES.]
No way.
I'm telling you I just don't know where are passports are! Then we have to detain you.
If you're legal, you can sort it all out on Monday.
Monday?! [IKE CONTINUES CRYING.]
God dammit, Cartman! Ike! You can't do this! "What's happened to our country? People are being wronged by a broken system, and we must say "no more.
" No more homegrown marijuana.
" Yeah! That's right! Yeah! That's right I agree! Me too! Yeah, right! "As the son of a proud American farmer, I am concerned about what homegrown can lead to.
People can grow weed wrong and poison themselves.
" - What? - Yeah! That's right! Yeah, come on! "Unscrupulous growers could use cheap irrigation and drown babies.
" Oh, come on.
That's right! Drown babies! Yeah, drown babies! That's right.
Drown babies.
"The fact is simple marijuana must be grown with Tegriddy.
" Tegridy.
Tegridy.
[INHALES.]
Stupid government! How can they sit there and look a child in the face and say it's fine for people to grow their own weed? Aww, why does it matter? Why does it [SCOFFS.]
Am I the only person here who understands what this will do to us? Yeah, but, Dad, you're gonna piss off everybody in South Park.
You know what? Fuck South Park.
Fuck South Park? Yeah, I'm sick of it! I'm just I'm done.
I don't give two shits about South Park.
All that matters is Tegridy Farms now! I don't know if you wanna say fuck South Park [BRAKES HISS.]
Good day, children! My name is Jeff.
Buenas dias ninos, me llamo "Heffâe.
" We know you've been separated from your families.
Tu familia no esta aqui.
Es Triste.
Tu kri.
Tu kri.
But we want you to get a little excited about the fun we have in store for you.
Aqui es maravillosa! Divertida! Everyone, please take your own piece of aluminum foil.
Papel de aluminio por favor.
All new kids, el nombre line up and announce when your name is read.
- Martinez! - Aqui.
â Aquilar.
â Aqui.
Broflovski.
Here! Broflovski Is that an El Salvadorean name? No, I'm Jewish.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
What?! How did a Jew get in here? I'm just here because some fat intolerant asshole didn't want me around! Yeah, that's why I'm here too.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, boy.
We gotta get this kid out of here.
People might think we're racist.
Uh, sorry, tours are at 11:00 and 2:00 and 4:20.
Oh, we're not here for a tour.
We represent a billion dollar marijuana company.
Oh, I told you rich city folk before.
You can't buy Tegridy.
You seem to be fighting the same fight we are.
We just want to help you.
[INHALES.]
Ever heard of Med Men? Yeah, I think so.
[INHALES.]
What do you want with me? Well, we have a common problem.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Homegrown weed.
We're just worried about safety you know [INHALES.]
babies drowning in irrigation 'n such.
Yeah, I hate watching babies drown.
[INHALES.]
Seems like a waste of a good baby.
We're glad you agree.
[INHALES.]
Now what [INHALING DEEPLY.]
So you guys wanna put our money together and we go fuck this town up so nobody can ever grow their own weed again? I'm totally in.
[EXHALES.]
Sorry for our little mistake.
We're going to get you on your way home as soon as we can.
What about all the other kids? When do they get to go home? Hey, when it's raining, you gotta roll up the windows.
We understand these things are hard for your people.
My people?! Aren't you worried about what you're creating here? What do you mean? You're pulling children away from their parents and isolating them behind bars.
Yes.
You're traumatizing them and teaching them to fear the U.
S.
government.
Correct.
Okay, let me try to put this in terms you people will understand.
You know superhero movies, right? Pssh, yeah! Okay, you remember how they always create the villain? Some random person, who, when they were a child, got taken from their parents and locked away? And the kid was just left to sit and plan revenge? What you're doing here is creating a Mexican Joker.
And what's a Mexican Joker gonna do? He's gonna grow up and have memories of being wronged by you, and he will grow and wait, and then finally fight back with a passion unlike anything you've ever seen! Which one of them do you think is Mexican Joker? No, it could be any of them! That's the point! You don't know which kid in there is gonna snap from being separated and locked down like this! But doesn't Mexican Joker understand that we we're just doing our job and trying to make America great? Mexican Joker doesn't care! When that kid grows up, all that will matter is getting back at all of you.
Well, what would Mexican Joker David can I talk to you alone, please? Excuse us kid.
[NO SOUND.]
Now, the most important thing is that we've got to keep this quiet! We can't let Mexican Joker know that we're on to him.
If If we could interrogate the kids, maybe we could get a lead.
You know, just scare them a little.
Yeah, unless that's just what he wants us to do.
What are you saying? I'm saying what if he is on Mexican Joker's side.
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
Hey, Randy, did you go make a deal with another weed company? [SIGHING.]
Yes, Towelie, I'm working on a merger with Med Men.
Med Men?! But those guys are posers! We have a deal in the works to help each other put a stop to home growers once and for all.
Jesus.
You know, I knew a guy once who thought weed should be for everybody, a guy who believed in integrity! I don't understand who you even are any more! That's because I am the president of the company, and you are a towel! You're a towel! What is wrong with trying to protect our business?! Because weed isn't supposed to be some money grubbing business model! It's a gift from God, and not something to be exploited by some stupid towel! I am not a towel! Yeah.
Yeah, sure thing, Randy.
You're not a towel.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
[PIANO PLAYING.]
[HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
My name is Princess Star, for I shine like all the stars in the night sky.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Kids, let's all say hi to Princess star! Hi, Princess Star! [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
Ha, ha, ha! It's me, Mexican Joker! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Oh, no! Everyone boo Mexican Joker, kids! Boo! Boo! [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
I am filled with anger and rage for what happened to me as a child, so now I will kill and rape you all! [HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
But, Mexican Joker, you forget the magic word: forgiveness.
[MEXICAN ACCENT.]
I don't care about forgiveness! [HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
But you were a migrant from another country, and we had to protect our borders and secure our jobs! [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
I don't care! I'm going to rape you now! [GRUNTING.]
[HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
Oh, no! No! What about forgiveness? [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
No forgiveness! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Boo! That's enough Mexican Joker! Your rage and your anger have made you a bad person in the eyes of Christ! I know your life was hard as a kid, but everyone has hard times.
[BELL RINGING.]
Another bus load coming in! Another busload?! Oh, criminy! Welcome, children, my name is Jeff.
Hola, niños, me llamo Jefe.
Oh, hey, Kyle.
What the fuck are you doing here?! So weak.
Jimmy pissed me off 'cause he told the teacher I was texting in class, so I told Jimmy I'd have him sent to a migrant detention center.
He didn't believe me, so I said, "Oh, I already did it to Kyle," and Stan heard that and got pissed off and had me sent to a migrant detention center.
I haven't seen my parents in two weeks! Nobody even knows where my little brother is! I know.
I know it sucks.
But we're stuck in here together.
Come on, guys! All we have to do is try to make the most of it! It's a hardâknock life for us It's a hardâknock life for us Hey, you gonna buy a towel or just stare at them? I'm not a towel! Go on! Get out of here! [GROANING.]
Yeah, you know, I think I'll just grow my own weed.
Oh, yeah, I'm growing my own weed.
I enjoy growing my own weed now.
I'll grow my own weed.
- My own weed.
- I'll grow my own weed.
- My own weed - My own weed I said get out of here if you aren't buying towels! â I'll grow my own weed.
â My own weed.
â I'll grow my own weed.
â I'll grow my own weed.
I can grow my own weed.
Aah! Aah! Aaaaah! - [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING.]
- [MUFFLED CHATTERING.]
Hey! Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?! Oh, hey, Jeff.
Rodgers read an article about how electroshock therapy can help people who've gone through traumatic experiences.
We figured some treatments could help Mexican Joker deal with his trauma.
Are you guys completely stupid?! We can't perform shock therapy on every child that comes in here! Think of the budgetary restraints! To hell with the cost, Jeff! If Mexican Joker doesn't have flashbacks, then he doesn't grow up to become a monster! What if this is the flashback?! We might be in the flashback, Dave! Maybe you're shocking the child that grows up to be Mexican Joker! [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING.]
Oh, God.
I don't know which way is up anymore! We can't fight this guy alone, Dave.
It's time to alert the military.
Don't it feel like the wind is always howlin'? Don't it feel like there's never any light? Santa never comes for me Santa Clause no esta aquà Oh, come on, Kyle! I know it's no fun to be in here, but you can't think about yourself, think about the greater good.
Now, when you don't like people, you can have them taken from their families and put into camps! Why does that make you [GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, Jesus, Kyle.
I totally forgot you're a Of course you're extra sensitive to this stuff.
Oh, dude, I am sorry.
Oh, my God.
Kyle, I didn't even make the connection, you know? I was just like, "Oh, I'm gonna have Kyle thrown in a detention camp! That'll be sweet!" and I didn't stop to think that for you guys, it's not that sweet.
Man, if I had just thought it through for like two more minutes, I would have got you back some other way.
I feel terrible, Kyle.
Wait.
I have an idea how to get everyone out of here.
Get everyone's aluminum foil and some scissors.
Why, Kyle? What are you gonna do with Just do it before I kill you! Aluminum foil and some scissors.
That was a great dinner, honey.
What do you want to do for dessert? Hey, how about I cut us down some of our homegrown weed, and we get baked? I'm in.
[INSECTS CHIRPING.]
[VEGETATION RUSTLES.]
Is someone there? Huh.
Jack? Everything alright? Yeah, you want a normal size or a big fatty? Jack! A brutal act of terror in an American town.
Tonight, innocent people were attacked at their homes in their yards, and the FBI believes they know who is responsible.
The probable suspect Mexican Joker.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Yes, that's right.
Joining me now is Commander Miller of national defense.
We've only recently learned of Mexican Joker's existence.
- [GROANING.]
- He has no reason.
- He has no compassion.
- [GROANING.]
Mexican Joker simply wants to invoke fear.
We are advising people to stay inside.
Oh, Captain Uh, Captain, what made Mexican Joker this way? Why is Mexican Joker so filled with hate? Well, it's most likely something that happened to him as a child.
Whatever bent Mexican Joker's mind this way, it clearly happened a long long time ago [HARP PLAYING.]
Oh, shit! It's the flashback! This is the flashback?! It's the flashback! Come on! Something must be happening with the kids! Oh, Christ! Look! [SPEAKING HEBREW.]
He's converted them all to Judaism! [ALL REPEAT HEBREW.]
Oh, Jesus! They're all Jews with their little aluminumâfoil yarmulkes! Jeff, do you know what this means?! Now we'll have to let them all go! This is how Mexican Joker breaks free! That's right.
It is! Whoa! Mexican Joker, I just want you to remember that I helped you, Jeff Corrigan.
Remember Jeff was your buddy.
Now, come on! Let's go Mexican Joker! God damn it! Nobody here is Mexican Joker! That's not what I meant! The future is not set! We make decisions now that affect our future! Nobody here is Mexican Joker? No! Ooh, then I'm in the wrong flashback! [MULTIPLE DOORS OPENING.]
[CAR DOOR OPENS, TIRES SQUEAL.]
Well, gang looks like Tegridy farms is turning big profits again.
We're on our way to becoming the biggest weed brand in the country.
I'm not getting pushed around anymore, you got it? So, go on.
Anybody here wants to call me a towel, just go ahead and do it! Go on, Sharon.
Call me a towel.
Fine.
You're a towel.
Best towel you ever had, bitch!
Here at Tegridy, we believe weed is about people.
Over the past few months, Tegridy has expanded from the simple farm house you see behind me, to actually owning the entire 420 valley.
And I think you'll see on this tour that even though our business has grown, we've kept our weed simple.
It takes over a thousand plants to make just one box of Tegridy weed.
There's Juan Carlos over there.
He's one of our newest employees.
Mornin', Juan Carlos.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING.]
What happens when you combine science with Tegridy? A lot of magic.
Here you can see our latest growing methods along with our science center.
And of course it wouldn't be Colorado weed without our Rocky Mountain High tasting room.
Feel free to come back here later and try all the Tegridy products.
Well, folks, we hope you've enjoyed your tour.
There's a lot to buy here in the gift shop, And please do remember your tour guides work on tips.
Let's give me a big hand.
[APPLAUSE.]
This sucks balls.
Ever since you guys moved, everything just keeps changing.
I mean, how are us kids supposed to have any hope anymore? All I think about is all the problems our generation is inheriting.
Climate change, over fishing, Kyle I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything? Hey, there, Stan.
You input all the weed orders? Yeah, it's all right here.
Oh, huh This looks like our orders are actually down.
You sure you did that right? Yeah, I went through it twice.
People aren't ordering as much as last month.
Not ordering as much? What the hell is going on? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh, hey, Randy! Howdy, Stephen! How you been gettin' on? Good! How's life out in the valley treating you? Oh, it's early mornins' and lots a hard work, but I gotta do what's best for my youngins.
I noticed you hadn't supplied up in a while, Stephen, so I thought I'd deliver your weed to you personally.
Oh yeah, no, I actually hadn't ordered any in a while.
Why not? You're not gettin' all sober on us are ya? No, I just well, here let me show you.
What'dya think? I started growing my own plants a couple weeks ago.
I totally get it.
It's a really fun hobby.
That's Diego, my gardener.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
Fuck you.
What? Is my weed not good enough for you? Something wrong with Tegridy? No, I just started kind of getting into it.
I just enjoy the whole You're stealing my idea, Stephen! Come on, growing marijuana is not your idea.
Yeahâhuh! While you assholes were all screwing around, I went out and made a living! When you grow your own pot, you're taking weed out of my children's mouths! Oh, hey, guys! Sorry, the front door was open so I just walked on in.
Seeing if I could still get those seeds from you, Stephen.
What seeds?! Oh, I was gonna try my hand at growing some weed, and Stephen said he'd give me some of his seeds to get started.
Fuck you guys! I'll get you for this, Stephen.
You mess with my Tegridy, then I'm gonna mess with you! [SAD MUSIC PLAYING.]
[AIR HISSING.]
You alright there, partner? Kids are being handed a world that's broken and sick.
We aren't the ones who messed this planet up, but we're the ones who will pay the price.
Okay.
You have a nice day.
[SIREN WAILING.]
Por favor no! Por favor no mas quiero trabajar! This is inhumane! Diego is my gardener.
[SLURPS.]
What's going on? This is an I.
C.
E.
raid, son.
- You need to keep back.
- Put him in my car.
What did that guy do? Somebody called in an anonymous tip that he might be here illegally.
No! No te lo puedes llevar! Es mi esposo! Mi esposo! Papa! Papa, no! Papa! Wife goes in the van, kids can go with Donovan.
Who called you people?! It was Randy Marsh, wasn't it?! We're just doing our job, sir.
If the family checks out, we'll release them from their detention centers.
Detention centers? Well, this is nice! When did we start doing this? Kids go to LS22.
So anyone can make an anonymous tip, and you can round up families and send them away? Nobody told me about this.
I thought everything sucked now! Do you have a card? - [INDISTINCT TALKING ON TELEVISION.]
- [PHONE RINGING.]
What do you want? Do you remember last week you called me a butthole in front of Suzie Tobler? Yeah, 'cause you were gonna snap her bra.
I want you to apologize for every time you've been a dick to me, Kyle.
Fuck you.
Oh! Are you sure you don't want to take that back? Okay, Kyle, just remember I gave you a chance.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Are you done now? Can I hang up? [IKE CRYING.]
220.
We've breached the front door.
- Hello.
- Mommy! Mommy! Excuse me.
What is going on? [GUN COCKS.]
640.
On the first floor.
Who are you people?! We're I.
C.
E.
, ma'am.
We're American citizens.
Just doing our job, sir.
If you check out, you'll be released from the detention centers.
Get the fuck out of my house! [IKE CONTINUES CRYING.]
Mom! Dad! This is ridiculous! You can't take our children away from us! [MUNCHING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
That's so sweet.
You guys take the parents, we'll take the kids.
Come on, you! [GRUNTING.]
No! You will not take my children from me! [CHUCKLES.]
No way.
I'm telling you I just don't know where are passports are! Then we have to detain you.
If you're legal, you can sort it all out on Monday.
Monday?! [IKE CONTINUES CRYING.]
God dammit, Cartman! Ike! You can't do this! "What's happened to our country? People are being wronged by a broken system, and we must say "no more.
" No more homegrown marijuana.
" Yeah! That's right! Yeah! That's right I agree! Me too! Yeah, right! "As the son of a proud American farmer, I am concerned about what homegrown can lead to.
People can grow weed wrong and poison themselves.
" - What? - Yeah! That's right! Yeah, come on! "Unscrupulous growers could use cheap irrigation and drown babies.
" Oh, come on.
That's right! Drown babies! Yeah, drown babies! That's right.
Drown babies.
"The fact is simple marijuana must be grown with Tegriddy.
" Tegridy.
Tegridy.
[INHALES.]
Stupid government! How can they sit there and look a child in the face and say it's fine for people to grow their own weed? Aww, why does it matter? Why does it [SCOFFS.]
Am I the only person here who understands what this will do to us? Yeah, but, Dad, you're gonna piss off everybody in South Park.
You know what? Fuck South Park.
Fuck South Park? Yeah, I'm sick of it! I'm just I'm done.
I don't give two shits about South Park.
All that matters is Tegridy Farms now! I don't know if you wanna say fuck South Park [BRAKES HISS.]
Good day, children! My name is Jeff.
Buenas dias ninos, me llamo "Heffâe.
" We know you've been separated from your families.
Tu familia no esta aqui.
Es Triste.
Tu kri.
Tu kri.
But we want you to get a little excited about the fun we have in store for you.
Aqui es maravillosa! Divertida! Everyone, please take your own piece of aluminum foil.
Papel de aluminio por favor.
All new kids, el nombre line up and announce when your name is read.
- Martinez! - Aqui.
â Aquilar.
â Aqui.
Broflovski.
Here! Broflovski Is that an El Salvadorean name? No, I'm Jewish.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
What?! How did a Jew get in here? I'm just here because some fat intolerant asshole didn't want me around! Yeah, that's why I'm here too.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, boy.
We gotta get this kid out of here.
People might think we're racist.
Uh, sorry, tours are at 11:00 and 2:00 and 4:20.
Oh, we're not here for a tour.
We represent a billion dollar marijuana company.
Oh, I told you rich city folk before.
You can't buy Tegridy.
You seem to be fighting the same fight we are.
We just want to help you.
[INHALES.]
Ever heard of Med Men? Yeah, I think so.
[INHALES.]
What do you want with me? Well, we have a common problem.
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Homegrown weed.
We're just worried about safety you know [INHALES.]
babies drowning in irrigation 'n such.
Yeah, I hate watching babies drown.
[INHALES.]
Seems like a waste of a good baby.
We're glad you agree.
[INHALES.]
Now what [INHALING DEEPLY.]
So you guys wanna put our money together and we go fuck this town up so nobody can ever grow their own weed again? I'm totally in.
[EXHALES.]
Sorry for our little mistake.
We're going to get you on your way home as soon as we can.
What about all the other kids? When do they get to go home? Hey, when it's raining, you gotta roll up the windows.
We understand these things are hard for your people.
My people?! Aren't you worried about what you're creating here? What do you mean? You're pulling children away from their parents and isolating them behind bars.
Yes.
You're traumatizing them and teaching them to fear the U.
S.
government.
Correct.
Okay, let me try to put this in terms you people will understand.
You know superhero movies, right? Pssh, yeah! Okay, you remember how they always create the villain? Some random person, who, when they were a child, got taken from their parents and locked away? And the kid was just left to sit and plan revenge? What you're doing here is creating a Mexican Joker.
And what's a Mexican Joker gonna do? He's gonna grow up and have memories of being wronged by you, and he will grow and wait, and then finally fight back with a passion unlike anything you've ever seen! Which one of them do you think is Mexican Joker? No, it could be any of them! That's the point! You don't know which kid in there is gonna snap from being separated and locked down like this! But doesn't Mexican Joker understand that we we're just doing our job and trying to make America great? Mexican Joker doesn't care! When that kid grows up, all that will matter is getting back at all of you.
Well, what would Mexican Joker David can I talk to you alone, please? Excuse us kid.
[NO SOUND.]
Now, the most important thing is that we've got to keep this quiet! We can't let Mexican Joker know that we're on to him.
If If we could interrogate the kids, maybe we could get a lead.
You know, just scare them a little.
Yeah, unless that's just what he wants us to do.
What are you saying? I'm saying what if he is on Mexican Joker's side.
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
Hey, Randy, did you go make a deal with another weed company? [SIGHING.]
Yes, Towelie, I'm working on a merger with Med Men.
Med Men?! But those guys are posers! We have a deal in the works to help each other put a stop to home growers once and for all.
Jesus.
You know, I knew a guy once who thought weed should be for everybody, a guy who believed in integrity! I don't understand who you even are any more! That's because I am the president of the company, and you are a towel! You're a towel! What is wrong with trying to protect our business?! Because weed isn't supposed to be some money grubbing business model! It's a gift from God, and not something to be exploited by some stupid towel! I am not a towel! Yeah.
Yeah, sure thing, Randy.
You're not a towel.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
[PIANO PLAYING.]
[HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
My name is Princess Star, for I shine like all the stars in the night sky.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Kids, let's all say hi to Princess star! Hi, Princess Star! [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
Ha, ha, ha! It's me, Mexican Joker! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Oh, no! Everyone boo Mexican Joker, kids! Boo! Boo! [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
I am filled with anger and rage for what happened to me as a child, so now I will kill and rape you all! [HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
But, Mexican Joker, you forget the magic word: forgiveness.
[MEXICAN ACCENT.]
I don't care about forgiveness! [HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
But you were a migrant from another country, and we had to protect our borders and secure our jobs! [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
I don't care! I'm going to rape you now! [GRUNTING.]
[HIGHâPITCHED VOICE.]
Oh, no! No! What about forgiveness? [MEXICAN ACCENT.]
No forgiveness! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Boo! That's enough Mexican Joker! Your rage and your anger have made you a bad person in the eyes of Christ! I know your life was hard as a kid, but everyone has hard times.
[BELL RINGING.]
Another bus load coming in! Another busload?! Oh, criminy! Welcome, children, my name is Jeff.
Hola, niños, me llamo Jefe.
Oh, hey, Kyle.
What the fuck are you doing here?! So weak.
Jimmy pissed me off 'cause he told the teacher I was texting in class, so I told Jimmy I'd have him sent to a migrant detention center.
He didn't believe me, so I said, "Oh, I already did it to Kyle," and Stan heard that and got pissed off and had me sent to a migrant detention center.
I haven't seen my parents in two weeks! Nobody even knows where my little brother is! I know.
I know it sucks.
But we're stuck in here together.
Come on, guys! All we have to do is try to make the most of it! It's a hardâknock life for us It's a hardâknock life for us Hey, you gonna buy a towel or just stare at them? I'm not a towel! Go on! Get out of here! [GROANING.]
Yeah, you know, I think I'll just grow my own weed.
Oh, yeah, I'm growing my own weed.
I enjoy growing my own weed now.
I'll grow my own weed.
- My own weed.
- I'll grow my own weed.
- My own weed - My own weed I said get out of here if you aren't buying towels! â I'll grow my own weed.
â My own weed.
â I'll grow my own weed.
â I'll grow my own weed.
I can grow my own weed.
Aah! Aah! Aaaaah! - [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING.]
- [MUFFLED CHATTERING.]
Hey! Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?! Oh, hey, Jeff.
Rodgers read an article about how electroshock therapy can help people who've gone through traumatic experiences.
We figured some treatments could help Mexican Joker deal with his trauma.
Are you guys completely stupid?! We can't perform shock therapy on every child that comes in here! Think of the budgetary restraints! To hell with the cost, Jeff! If Mexican Joker doesn't have flashbacks, then he doesn't grow up to become a monster! What if this is the flashback?! We might be in the flashback, Dave! Maybe you're shocking the child that grows up to be Mexican Joker! [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING.]
Oh, God.
I don't know which way is up anymore! We can't fight this guy alone, Dave.
It's time to alert the military.
Don't it feel like the wind is always howlin'? Don't it feel like there's never any light? Santa never comes for me Santa Clause no esta aquà Oh, come on, Kyle! I know it's no fun to be in here, but you can't think about yourself, think about the greater good.
Now, when you don't like people, you can have them taken from their families and put into camps! Why does that make you [GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, Jesus, Kyle.
I totally forgot you're a Of course you're extra sensitive to this stuff.
Oh, dude, I am sorry.
Oh, my God.
Kyle, I didn't even make the connection, you know? I was just like, "Oh, I'm gonna have Kyle thrown in a detention camp! That'll be sweet!" and I didn't stop to think that for you guys, it's not that sweet.
Man, if I had just thought it through for like two more minutes, I would have got you back some other way.
I feel terrible, Kyle.
Wait.
I have an idea how to get everyone out of here.
Get everyone's aluminum foil and some scissors.
Why, Kyle? What are you gonna do with Just do it before I kill you! Aluminum foil and some scissors.
That was a great dinner, honey.
What do you want to do for dessert? Hey, how about I cut us down some of our homegrown weed, and we get baked? I'm in.
[INSECTS CHIRPING.]
[VEGETATION RUSTLES.]
Is someone there? Huh.
Jack? Everything alright? Yeah, you want a normal size or a big fatty? Jack! A brutal act of terror in an American town.
Tonight, innocent people were attacked at their homes in their yards, and the FBI believes they know who is responsible.
The probable suspect Mexican Joker.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
Yes, that's right.
Joining me now is Commander Miller of national defense.
We've only recently learned of Mexican Joker's existence.
- [GROANING.]
- He has no reason.
- He has no compassion.
- [GROANING.]
Mexican Joker simply wants to invoke fear.
We are advising people to stay inside.
Oh, Captain Uh, Captain, what made Mexican Joker this way? Why is Mexican Joker so filled with hate? Well, it's most likely something that happened to him as a child.
Whatever bent Mexican Joker's mind this way, it clearly happened a long long time ago [HARP PLAYING.]
Oh, shit! It's the flashback! This is the flashback?! It's the flashback! Come on! Something must be happening with the kids! Oh, Christ! Look! [SPEAKING HEBREW.]
He's converted them all to Judaism! [ALL REPEAT HEBREW.]
Oh, Jesus! They're all Jews with their little aluminumâfoil yarmulkes! Jeff, do you know what this means?! Now we'll have to let them all go! This is how Mexican Joker breaks free! That's right.
It is! Whoa! Mexican Joker, I just want you to remember that I helped you, Jeff Corrigan.
Remember Jeff was your buddy.
Now, come on! Let's go Mexican Joker! God damn it! Nobody here is Mexican Joker! That's not what I meant! The future is not set! We make decisions now that affect our future! Nobody here is Mexican Joker? No! Ooh, then I'm in the wrong flashback! [MULTIPLE DOORS OPENING.]
[CAR DOOR OPENS, TIRES SQUEAL.]
Well, gang looks like Tegridy farms is turning big profits again.
We're on our way to becoming the biggest weed brand in the country.
I'm not getting pushed around anymore, you got it? So, go on.
Anybody here wants to call me a towel, just go ahead and do it! Go on, Sharon.
Call me a towel.
Fine.
You're a towel.
Best towel you ever had, bitch!