South Park s24e98 Episode Script

1 Oof, I feel silly.
They're not gonna let us in! Will you just come on.
You gotta loosen up, Mr.
Adler.
But this is the most popular place in town right now! We can get in! Just comb your hair, you know, look your best.
I can get us in.
Come on, man.
We've been waiting for hours! You guys have plenty of vaccinations in there, just let us in, man.
55 and older and first responders only.
On, uh, hey, uh, we'd like to get in there and get some vaccinations, mkay.
Are you on the list? Well, no, I'm not on the list.
I tried to get on the list.
I sat on my computer 30 nights in a row trying to make a vaccination appointment and get on the god damn list.
Look the thing is we are school faculty, mkay.
You gotta let us in! No, no, you have to let in people with health issues first! I am a chain smoker and my wife is 39 pounds overweight! I have a compromised immune system! I have genital warts, and I will show them to you! Over 55, first responders and Group 2-B only! Now beat it! Hey, hey, man, I'm a friend of Dan Roberts he's a dental assistant in conifer Get the fuck outta here.
I said you're not gettin' in! You're wastin your time! Oh, hello, ma'am.
Right this way.
Awww! 79, bitchesssss! - Booooo! - You suck! You suck you stupid old people! Stan, Kyle, can you come over here real quick? Recess is almost over, dude.
Just come here please, it's important.
Hey, Kenny, I got the guys, okay? You wanna talk or you want me to talk? You can talk.
You guys, Kenny and I are feeling like, even though things are supposedly getting better with the pandemic, we're more depressed than ever.
The four of us just seem really different towards each other and we're worried the past year has put a strain on our broship.
Kenny was saying he wants to do everything he can to save the broship, and I agree with him.
So we had a really positive talk about it during lunch, and Kenny shared some ideas of how maybe we can navigate through this, and I think we came up with a great idea.
Okay, so, you know how chicks have periods right? - What? - It's true! Women have 'periods' where they bleed from their vagina.
Remember earlier today, Stan, you said our teacher was wearing white? So when we talked I said to Kenny, "Oh, what if teacher got her period?," which cheered us up a bit and then we realized today was hamburger day for lunch.
There was lots of ketchup laying around.
So me and Kenny snuck into the classroom during recess and put it on the teacher's chair, and now when we get back to class there's gonna be a bunch of ketchup on the teacher's chair and when she stands up it's gonna totally look like she got her period! It's going to be amazing, you guys.
I'm so excited! Okay, class.
Hope everyone had a good lunch.
Okay, how did everyone do on their fractions? Are there any questions? I know the last few were a little tricky.
Shhh! Kyle, Kyle! Shhhh! Mrs.
Nelson, I couldn't figure out number 14.
Number 14.
Okay.
Well, let's look at it together.
What? What? What is what is this? Oh, my God.
Teacher had her period! Kids, something must be wrong with me.
Is this a prank? That's nasty, teacher.
Don't have your period during class time! You think this is funny? I come here, and I risk my life to teach you? And I can't even get a vaccination because teachers aren't important enough?! And I get on the websites and can't even get a straight answer on when I'll get vaccinated?! Well, I'm over it! I can't do this anymore! You guys, I think that might have been the single most hilarious thing we've ever done.
Which one should we post, you guys? Should we post the one where you can see the most blood on teacher's ass or the one where she makes the dumbest face? You're not posting anything! Do you have any idea what you've done? What do you mean, dude? Yeah, we finally get back to school and have some sense of normalcy and you guys make the teacher walk out! Hey, at least Kenny and I were doing something to try and get that spark back! You know 30 percent of broships didn't make it through the pandemic? What if they make us go back to remote learning?! I don't want to go back to being quarantined at home like some of the other kids still are! Hey, fellas! Anything fun happen at school today?! Yeah, you missed it! It was the best thing ever! We put ketchup in the teacher's seat and made her think it was her period! Oh, my gosh! That sounds like so much fun! Yeah, pretty much greatest day of our lives.
Do you guys know how hard it's going to be for them to find us a replacement teacher? It's not gonna be hard.
They'll bring in some lame ass teacher who's desperate to work.
How bad can it be? Oh I'm back! Hey, South Park! I'm home! Holy shit, is that who I think it is? Any luggage from below, sir? Oh, yes, I've got a lot of baggage! Hey! Hey, Valmer! How're ya doing?! Tucker! Lookin' good! Oh, it's so great to see everybody! Hey! Fuck you! Hey, hey, lookin' good, Thompson! Did your wife get that AIDS test?! You know, the simple truth is, teaching is my life.
I'm just completely at home in the classroom.
I realize that now more than ever after my little sabbatical.
Yes Your, sabbatical was somewhat controversial.
Well, I just went through a little thing.
You know, I I realized I was gay.
And then I realized I wasn't gay, I was a woman.
And after I transitioned, I thought it was a little mistake and then I went through a phase of being the President of the United States.
Well, that is the problem, Mr.
Garrison, as someone who previously identified as President, there could be safety issues.
Oh, that's not a problem.
Anyone who has been President is assigned secret service for the rest of their lives to keep them protected.
Mr.
Service! This is my private security, Mr.
Service.
Hello.
Uh, thank you for your application, Mr.
Garrison.
We'll keep you in mind as a backup, but hopefully the vaccination process is going to start opening up.
Come on, man, it's ridiculous that people can't get in.
Yeah, you know, in Israel they vaccinate everybody.
Israel's way cooler than this lame place! So then go to Israel.
I tried I couldn't get in.
Tom, I'm outside of the hottest place in town, and what we'd like to do now is take you for an exclusive look inside.
You're not getting in, pal.
I'm actually willing to go inside and get a shot so that everyone can see just how safe it is.
I said get lost, your not getting in.
Get outta my face.
Please give me a shot.
Please, all I want is a shot.
Just that one shot that could change everything.
Everyone clear outta the way.
Clear the entrance.
We have VIPs coming out.
Whoo-hoo! Where to next, everybody?! That was our second shot.
Let's go out to the bars! - Yeah! - Alright! Old people suck! Hah? Can't hear ya.
Got too many antibodies in my ears! - Hahaha! - Hahahah! Hey there, Billy! Still gotta wear that mask, huh? We're all vaccinated now! I'm gonna go out to the bars and get some pussy! Yeahhhh! Okay, grandpa.
Sayyy When are they gonna vaccinate you kids? Oh, yeah! You're last! Have fun social distancing, loser! Hey, broships.
You ready for some substitute teacher action? This should be fun! Hey, kids! Guess who's baaaaaaaaack? - Awwwwww! - Oh no! - Eww! - Yuck! Well, I know you've all had a lot of time off this past year.
Oh, dear Christ, what have we done? But it's time to get you all back on track.
Now, I expect discipline and respect in this classroom both to me and your new teachers assistant, Mr.
Service.
Hand these papers out, Mr.
Service.
Nice going, you dumb cocks! Stupid assholes! You guys are dicks.
Wow, people are really pissed at us for doing the period joke, you guys.
Why do people think we all did the period joke? Well, because I told them we all did.
People know we're bros and that we do everything together! You guys are gonna go and tell everyone the truth about who's fault this is! I didn't do anything! That's right, Kyle, you did nothing.
You knew about the prank, you could have stopped it at any time, but you didn't say a word.
- Silence is violence, Kyle.
- What?! Dude! Are you just gonna stand there and listen to this crap?! I don't even know what to do! If you ask me, this this whole pandemic has been a giant waste of time! Oh, my God Maybe our broship didn't survive.
Will you shut up about that!? Nobody cares about your stupid broship! And now you've made Kenny cry.
Nope Nope Nope I don't see you anywhere on the list.
It's 'Gnomes', 'Underpants Gnomes'.
We are essential workers! Yeah, yeah.
Get in line with the rest of us! Is anybody here actually on the list?! Uh, yes it's uh, Tom, Fireman Tom, mkay.
Will you fucking get lost, pal? I don't know what you're talking about! - Alright, that's it.
- I'm a hero of the community.
I'm Fireman Tom! - Yeahhhh! - Partyyyy! Okay, let's see Scissors, paper, glue, ah, some good old fashioned number 2 pencils.
That's what my students need.
Mr.
Service, can you grab a couple boxes of those pencils over there? Would you look at that? He ruined our entire country and now he's just back like nothing happened.
Okay, I think that's all the school supplies we need.
Let's grab some healthy snacks for the class snack basket.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
Look, every one, there's a gay man shopping! I happen to be the only teacher brave enough to teach your kids right now, so you better all get real woke real fast! Come on, Mr.
Service! Uh, hey! Excuse me?! Hey, uh, I'm not sure if you remember me.
Bob White? I just want you to know I was always on your side.
In fact, all of us Whites were really on your side.
Look, I'm just a teacher.
Okay? Just a teacher, I'm shopping for my class.
So, look, uh, what are we supposed to do now? You know, I'm a follower of QAnon.
What are we supposed to do to stop the vaccinations? They're vaccinating people right now, seeding people with their microchips! Surely, you have a plan?! We're on the Internet every night waiting for word.
The word is get a fucking life, jackass! Blow shit out your dickhole! Did you hear that, honey? He said "shit out your dickhole" He's trying to give us some kind of signal.
Think my life doesn't matter!? I show you what matters! Counselors matter.
That's what matters.
Let's just see how your god damn school functions without a god damn counselor! Oh, god dammit.
Hey! Hey, you damn old people! Stop doing donuts in the school parking lot! Hah? I said you old people need to Fucking old people rubbing everyone's noses in their fun times! What?! I've been having a lot of problems with my friends.
It just seems like the pandemic exposed problems we didn't even know were there.
To be honest, I'm not sure that I even see a future with these guys.
What?! Hey, Kenny.
Guys? Guys, come on.
You agreed to counseling.
Hey, Mr.
Mackey.
We, uh, we've been having a lot of problems and um, we all want to work on our broship, don't we guys? - Yes.
- Yes.
You know this pandemic has been a pressure cooker, and we just feel like we're going through the brotions.
You know? Because you guys pulled a prank and made the teacher leave, and now everybody hates us.
Silence is violence, Kyle.
Silence is violence.
Guess what, boys? I don't care.
I come here and I listen to you kids bitch about your stupid problems everyday, and I'm 50 years old! I could die tomorrow from this Covid shit! Please, Mr.
Mackey, we just want to get our old teacher back for everybody, okay? Can you just tell her we're really, really sorry? It's not that simple.
There's only one way you're getting your teacher back, and that's if teachers get their hands on the vaccine.
How do we do that? There's a place in town Very hard to get into.
Very exclusive.
Walgreens.
I've tried to get in many times Dressed like a fireman, mkay.
Dressed like a little ol' lady, but they got security up the ass.
You find a way inside, get all the vaccines you can and bring them here to the school.
You do that, and you just might get your teacher back.
Mkay.
My friends, these are very dangerous times.
Our country's future is at a precipice.
And that is why I have called together every QAnon follower in our town.
Let's forget it, Bob.
The bad guys won.
I feel like someone pooped on my life.
They didn't win! We just recently received a new coded message.
You got a message from Q? Not from Q From the chosen one.
Yes, we saw him.
In the produce section of the grocery store.
And he said to me "Blow shit our your dickhole".
I immediately knew something was amiss, because one can't move feces through their penile urinary tract! So I've been going over it and over it and I realized Blow shit out dick hole BSDH.
We all know what BS is, but DH? It didn't make sense.
Until my wife reminded me that DH are the initials of David Harris, the anon from Akron, Ohio who said that the elite use Latin to send coded messages.
Out your dick hole Anno Yanis Domini Homme.
Do what he does.
The chosen is teaching now.
He's taking Q's message straight to the children.
And he wants us to do the same.
We're supposed to be teachers? There's an incredible shortage of teachers right now.
He's trying to tell us that this is our time to strike! The elite want to fuck with our kids? We'll fuck theirs! Hello, sir! - Who are you? - Oh, hey, hi.
We're with the nonprofit service Kids for Kommunity.
Both spelled with a K.
Yeah, we assist senior citizens who need the vaccine, but then need help getting to the right place.
Oh, really? That's pretty damn awesome you guys.
I wish more people could be like the Kommunity Kidz.
Go on in.
- Awwww! - Come on! Hey, I'm in Kommunity Kidz, too! Holy shit, dude.
That was pretty easy! Yeah bros! Kommunity Kidz spelled with a K.
Gets 'em every time.
Alright, so where's my goddamn money? - What?! - I told you I already got the vaccine.
I'm doin' this for the cash! Yeah, but we already paid you.
Oh, I must have Alzheimer's, I'm just an old lady.
Pay again or I squeal! You god damn old bitch! - Just pay her, Cartman.
- What?! Come on, the pharmacist is coming! This is becoming the most expensive period joke we ever did! Excuse me, what are you children doing in here? We're Kommunity Kidz.
We help seniors get vaccinated.
Oh, well that's very great.
These boys are helping you, ma'am? Oh, actually I'm not sure.
I have a little Alzheimer's.
Might need a little more greenback to jar my memory.
Oh, you fucking slut! This is why we keep old people in the back of the line! Cartman, just stick to the fucking plan! Oh, great, Kyle.
Now he knows there's a plan! What plan?! They're lying about Kommunity Kidz! It's community with a C like normal?! Kenny, grab the vaccines! - Ooof.
- Run! Go, go, go, go! Hey Kommunity Kidz have vaccines! For the last time, Ellen, I don't want our son going to that public school! Mr.
Garrison is a terrible teacher, he has no grip on the classroom and he's the worst President we've ever had! But Scott has to go to school, dear.
So we can get him a private tutor! We can't afford a private tutor, you know that.
Hey, guys, what's the problem? It's that son of a bitch, Mr.
Garrison.
He's gonna completely screw up our kids.
Well, that's why we pulled Tweek out of school.
Haven't you heard? There's a brand new private tutoring company that's fast and affordable! Has your child fallen behind in school? Do you feel like the government has failed you and your child during the time of Covid? Then call us! The tutors at Tutornon! Forget the classroom! Tutornon is bespoke learning that is straight from the Internet to your child.
We sift through all the information on the Internet and present it to your child for a uniquely curated experience.
Forget all the Zooms and masks and social distancing at school.
Let Tutornon save your child.
Literally! Contact Tutornon today! On Facebook, YouTube and Twitter! Alright, Scott.
Your new tutor is here.
Hey, there! Ready to get back on track with your schoolwork? I guess so.
You better pay attention and listen to everything he has to teach you! We'll be great, thanks! Alright, sit down.
We don't have much time! Tom Hanks and Oprah are just two at the very top of an elite group of people who control everything we see and do.
They feed upon children in order to maintain their elite status, and that isn't the worst of it.
Do you know what pedophilia is? - Here, let me show you.
- Dad?! Tom, I'm standing outside the ultra-exclusive Walgreens where earlier today vaccines were taken by that group of young Robin Hoods, the Kommunity Kids.
These brave kids have taken it into their own hands to get people a shot.
That's all people want, just a shot, and these boys have made it so you just might get that shot.
And have a chance at hope and some happiness in this in this shit world Okay, thank you, Chris.
We'll get back No! No, Fuck you, Tom, because Kommunity Kidz are just what this town and this world needed! And it's amazing that some kids took some god damn time to actually go out and do something.
Fuck you, Tom.
Alright, children.
Let's take our seats.
Today is standardized testing.
We're going to make sure you lazy ducks have still been studying through this global pandemic.
- Sir? - Yes, Mr.
Service? Where the hell is everybody? I said where are my students?! Bebe! You always know where Wendy is! Where is she?! I think her parents pulled her out of school and got her a private tutor.
A private tutor?! Why would they get a private tutor?! Um I'm pretty sure it's because her parents hate you.
What makes you think that?! Because I was talking to them about it Because I hate you, too.
I am tying to get things back to normal around here! Why is everyone acting like this?! Why is everyone against me?! I don't know, sir.
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this! Come on, Mr.
Service! Hello? Hi, Mrs.
Nelson.
It's Eric Cartman! What do you want? Mrs.
Nelson, we would like for you to come back to school tomorrow, because we have Covid-19 vaccinations! Really? You think I'm gonna let you prank me again? I heard you were the ones responsible for the period prank.
And it was so uncalled for and so wrong.
I mean, especially because we're guys.
I mean, dudes sitting around coming up with period jokes, like, how old are we? Seriously? Yeah, I don't trust you.
I'll just wait until the government decides teachers are important enough to get their vaccinations.
You are so important.
Which is why it was so not funny what we did.
I mean, what is funny about blood coming out of a woman's vagina? Like, it's sexist, first of all, and you know what else? It's just lazy.
Just dialing it in, that's what we were doing.
We were just dialing it in.
You better be at school tomorrow morning, and you better really have vaccinations.
For all the teachers.
Hey, we will be there.
Period.
Okay.
Okay, cool.
Bye.
Did you guys hear what I said?! Why did you almost blow it at the very end, you idiot?! Relax.
guys.
She's gonna come.
Will you please say something to him?! What the hell did I do?! You guys stop it! Stop it! This is my moment This is my tiiiiimmmeee Hello?! I've got a dream to fulfill And all I need is a shot Please Please just gimme a shot! Listen, Kommunity Kidz! All I want is a shot! And you can gimme that shot! That one shot, that's all I need! All I want is a shot, too! If I had a shot, I would make the most of it! - Gimme a shot! - I just wanna shot too! - Please I need a shot! - I gotta have the shot! If I just had a shot I would make it the best shot Wow, everyone just really wants a shot.
Kommunity kids, please! If you just give me a shot, why, I could be somebody.
I could go out to fancy restaurants like all them old people.
And eat shrimp as big as my head! Hey, you're not taking my shot! This is my shot! I I have to have this shot! Grab the vaccines.
I think we better get outta here.
This is a fact We are all being controlled by an elite, wealthy and privileged few.
When Jeffrey Epstein, the billionaire, was found guilty of sex trafficking, he was set to squeal on all the elites in Hollywood and in Washington who used his child sex services But Epstein was found dead in his cell from "suicide.
" Why do the elites want children from sex traffickers? Adrenochrome.
It is harvested from children for a euphoric and life-enhancing benefit.
This satanic cabal of Hollywood and political elites all need the adrenochrome to maintain their positions of power.
And they will continue to do so until we stand up against them.
Now, do you have any questions, Craig? Um So does Oprah drink the same blood as Obama or is it usually a different kid? It's kids from all over the world.
Now, it's time for me to tell you the biggest thing that the Hollywood elites don't want you to know Alright, just what the hell do you think you're doing?! - Oh! - Go tutor someone else! You think you can take my students from my classroom?! Oh, my God! It's you! That's right it's me! The head teacher at South Park Elementary! And this is what I think of private tutors! Get her, Mr.
Service! Now who's in charge of all you tutors?! It's it's secret Choke her out, Mr.
Service! No! Please! Who started this bogus tutoring company?! It was It I'm listening! It was the Whites.
The Whites? That guy was harassing me at the grocery store.
Come on, Mr.
Service! Time to deal with the Whites! I guess 2021 is gonna be just like 2020.
- All good? - I don't see anybody.
I think we're safe here until school starts in the morning.
We're actually gonna sleep here? I don't see what choice we have.
- Oh, my God.
- What? - You guys, oh, my God, seriously.
- What? You guys know Mr.
Lawson? Jenny Lawson's dad? Yeah? He's offering us 2,000 bucks for a vaccination.
What are you doing? Dude, people really want their shot.
I'm asking around to see what they're willing to pay for it.
I'm a little Harvey Weinstein.
We are giving these to the teachers at the school! Kyle, this is what our broship needs! We can sell these and go on vacations together, go to shows and theme parks! What the broship needs is for us to do the right thing and fix the problem of everyone hating us! Right, Stan? I say we take the vaccines ourselves.
I mean, why are us kids last? This whole pandemic has been about doing what's best for adults.
Maybe for the broship we do what's best for us.
What's best for us is thousands of dollars.
That's always what's best! You guys are being selfish! You're not thinking about what's best for the broship.
You're thinking about what's best for you.
We did all this because we wanted to fix the damage of the period prank.
That means taking these to the school tomorrow morning for our teachers.
I'm gonna put these somewhere safe so nobody gets tempted to do the wrong thing! I don't know why you don't stand up to him more, it's really disappointing.
Oh, crap.
Hey, Dad.
Look, I'm okay.
I won't be home until tomorrow 'cause Well, I'm doing something really important.
Oh, okay, Kyle.
Sounds good! Thanks, buddy! You're not worried? Hey, we trust you, Kyle! Say, Kyle, we heard you have some COVID-19 vaccinations.
They're for our teachers.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that makes sense.
You know if you think your teacher is worth saving more than us It's not like that.
Well, it sounds like that! Sounds like your teacher's life is more important than your mom and dad's! You know, when all this went down, the school wasn't really there for you, was it? School kind of abandoned you kids.
But your parents, well We didn't shove you off into a Zoom meeting did we? - Dad, please don't - You know, we're not spring chickens anymore.
The virus is still out there, Kyle, and it's still killing people.
I don't know how you'd feel is Mom or me got COVID and died in these last few months because you did nothing.
Don't do nothing, Kyle.
You know what, Kyle? - Please don't say it.
- Silence is violence, Kyle.
Don't kill Mom, buddy.
Shit.
Go get that will you, Crystal? Who is it sweetheart? It's the savior of our country and still President of the United States who was impeached unjustly.
Get them, Mr.
Service! Aah! What's this all about? Did we do something wrong? God damn right you did something wrong! Our public school system is dying and you tutors are trying to take advantage of it! But we were just trying to be like you! You'll never be like me! I've been a teacher for 30 years! I'm just trying to get my old life back and assholes keep getting in my way! But we have to tell children the truth! They have to know! They have to know what?! About About the whole thing! About the vaccinations! That the pandemic was blown out of proportion! That Venezuelan socialists switched out circuit boards from voting machines - in 12 states! - Good, sweetie! Don't you understand everything is being manipulated! Everyone's being manipulated So that's why everyone in town is being such an inconsiderate jerk about me coming back? Yes.
They don't want people to like you.
They need people to hate you! Who are they? They're the elites.
They do whatever they want and they feed on the pain and torture of children! And if anybody starts to care, they'll just cut us off when we tell the truth! And the truth is that Kyle? What are you doing? I'm just getting things ready to go.
So then why are you replacing some of the vaccines with Cactus Cooler? Alright, Stan, look.
It's just the pressure of everything, okay?! My dad called and I don't want my mom to die.
I don't want my mom to die either! I can't believe that you would lie to me.
That you would hide shit from me.
Hey, guys, what's going on? Nothing, Kenny.
Everything's fine.
Yeah, we're gonna go to the school now, buddy.
Okay.
I'm gonna just try and pretend this didn't happen.
But only because it's what's best for Kenny.
I can't believe we are actually doing this.
There are people who really need these vaccines who have cash.
I just want this over with.
Let's get these stupid things to the teachers and go home.
I don't think so, Kommunity Kidz! You're not poisoning anybody with those vaccinations! The fuck you talking about, Scott? I've learned the truth! And I won't let you hurt the teacher! We don't have time for this Scott.
You don't understand! I'm part of a militant group now! A secret cabal of patriot children! Lil' QTies! Lil' QTies? With a "Q" and an apostrophe after the "L"? That's way better than Kommunity Kidz, guys.
I told you we're getting lazy.
Move in on my position, QTies! You're not hurting our teacher again! You don't even know what those vaccines are doing to people! For the whole past year, our feelings and our needs have been put dead last! Do you guys really trust anybody anymore? - Yeah! - Butters? You're a part of this too? I just wanted to believe in something that would get me out of the house! I didn't give a shit what it was! Now just put down the vaccines and walk away, Kommunity Kidz.
Look, you guys have a right to say and believe whatever you want, okay? But what you believe is really stupid.
We'll see who's stupid! Yeah! Y-Yeah! Tom, I'm standing outside South Park Elementary, where the Kommunity Kidz were set to distribute vaccines to the public.
That's when a rival gang showed up and tried to stop them, and the fighting is still going on now.
You can see behind me most of the damage is done, but it is still raging on, Tom.
You can see this awful gang is trying to stop Kommunity Kidz just because Kommunity Kidz believe in something and actually and actually care! They care enough to do something! Yeah, that's basically what the Lil' QTies are doing too, - right, Chris? - What do you mean, Tom? Well, the Kommunity Kidz are acting on something they believe in and so are the Lil' QTies, am I right? What is the difference? Oh, yeah, well, the difference, Tom, is that you are a giant piece of shit.
That's the fucking difference! - Okay, let's just - You're gonna even remotely defend these monsters when Kommunity Kidz are promoting change, just Fuck you, Tom! I'm out! Oh, no! Oh, Jesus, look! - This is my shot! - My shot! Grab the vaccines! We got to get outta here! Yeah! Y-Yeah! Come on! I can show you my Q headquarters! Jesus, you people really take this seriously.
Vaccinations are nothing more than a way for the elite and powerful to control us.
We've been trying to warn everyone, and then Q released a new post saying the most important day would be March 4.
At first, it didn't make sense.
Nothing's happening on March 4th! Until I saw a Super Bowl ad for a new streaming service which launched on March 4! Streaming is also the the term used for the nano-technology microchips invented by Bill Gates that are being put into a liquid and then shot into people's arms as a vaccine! Who the hell is doing all this? The Hollywood elites! All of them, rich, powerful people who got to where they were by drinking adrenochrome from tortured children! Anyone who gets vaccinated is going to be tracked and manipulated for the rest of their lives.
I got an e-mail that all teachers are about to be vaccinated at the school! You're telling me they're all going to become mindless zombies who are fine with child murder! - Yes! - Aw geez, we gotta get to the school! I'll let all the other 'anons know! We'll put a stop this once a for all! Let's do this! Hey! What the hell just happened?! It's the Hollywood elites! They're onto us! Come on! Oh, my holy Jesus! Don't want the truth coming out, huh? Damn you! We will get to the school! You can't stop us! I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time.
I don't know why I believed them when they said they had vaccinations.
I don't know why I believe anything anymore.
Yes?! Hi, Ms.
Nelson.
How are you?! Cut the crap! You said you'd be here at 7:00 AM! And, you know, we just ran into a little hiccup, so we wanted to see if you could meet us somewhere else - for the vaccine.
- Oh, no.
I knew this was a prank.
You're not tricking me into going anywhere! No, no, Ms.
Nelson, it's not a prank! Okay, fine, we'll be there, okay? Just sit tight.
What was that?! You know we can't get into school! - She's not gonna come meet us, Kyle! - You didn't even try! He didn't try because he wants to sell the vaccines for money! And what about you, Kyle? You were the one trying to take the vaccines for yourself this morning.
He what?! Wow.
Okay.
Thought that we had gotten past that, but Look, let's just face it, you guys.
We don't trust each other and we don't like each other.
We can't keep pretending.
Are you seriously saying what I think? Alright, guys.
I guess it's time we all had the talk we never wanted to have.
Kenny you wanna go be on your iPad for a minute? What? No, I wanna hear this! We just We need to talk for a second, Kenny.
Look, I downloaded "Madagascar 3.
" You wanna watch with your "Troll" headphones? Yeah, okay.
Look, it's been a hard year.
And I think for some people there's just no going back.
I've been trying as hard as I can to hold things together, but I have to admit I'm just going through the "brotions.
" We can't just force things for Kenny's sake.
It's not good for us and it's not good for him.
We still have a bunch of vaccines here.
What happens now? I think I have a plan.
An explosive powder keg of humanity is set to go off at South Park Elementary! Thousands of people have turned up to get their shot that one shot that could change everything.
But also in the crowd are several people who want to stop those vaccines from happening.
At the center of it all that amazing group of kids who are just taking the time for what they believe is right.
I'm talking, of course, about the Lil' QTies.
A group of youngsters that believe vaccines are harmful.
Yeah Yeah, I see what you did there, Tom.
- That's real fucking cute.
- I'm not trying to be cute.
I'm saying if these kids really believe the horrific things they believe, then they'd be bad people not to go out and do something about it, wouldn't they? Yes, that's totally true if you're a corrupt dickhead without morals.
- You gotta be fucking - Okay, okay, Chris, let's just get back to the weather.
Yeah, let's get back to the weather, you cunt.
Come on, Mr.
Service, we have to get back to the school! My My balls are freezing, sir.
Mr.
Service's balls are freezing! Don't give in to them! They're trying to make a joke of everything! That's what they do.
How do the elites control Mr.
Service's balls? You still don't get it, do you?! They don't just drink adrenochrome, they run the show! The whole damn show! It comes down to two people Oh, you don't like that, do you?! That's getting a little close to home, huh?! You can't control me anymore, you sons a bitches! They're making fun of me to try and discredit my beliefs! Oh, you don't like that, do you?! Don't let the world know that! Listen! Listen, whoever you are! I don't give a shit what you do! What?! What are you saying?! Please! I just want my old life back! No, stop! They're monsters! I don't care what you do to kids, I just want people to like me again! You son of a bitch! Aah! Aah! Mr.
Service! Wow.
Okay.
What the hell is this? Hey, come back! How would you like to make a deal? Alright, here's the situation all of our teachers are inside the school, surrounded now by at least 400 to 500 people who want a shot.
The Lil' QTies are stationed throughout and we and we are no longer bros.
The magic is gone and we are through, is that right? Yup.
But we all want what's best for Kenny, so we have to find a way to compromise and move on with our lives.
So how do we do it? We use a 2-2-3.
Kyle, you have Kenny for two days starting on Monday.
I have Kenny Thursday and Friday, and then, Stan, you get him for the weekend.
Then we switch where I have Kenny starting Monday, Stan gets two days and Kyle gets a weekend.
Do we really have to do this? That all seems overly confusing.
Okay, so we can go alternating weeks each one of us has Kenny for six days and then we rotate.
A week is a long time for Kenny to be with one person.
Alternating weeks with a midweek visit.
We have longer stretches, but a chance for a break.
Aw, come on.
What about sleepovers? We can't take those away from Kenny.
Alternating weeks with midweek overnight.
It would be easier if I just knew I always had Kenny on certain days.
3-3-4-4 rotation.
Makes everyone's days consistent hang on a second, guys.
Everything okay, buddy? Yeah, what's going on? We're almost done in here, Kenny.
You liking that birthday cake-flavored ice cream? - Yeah, it's fine, but I - Okay, you're doing great, pal.
The 3-3-4-4 is the most consistent, but to change weekends, we would need the 2-2-5-5 rotation, where the weekends can actually fluctuate.
I don't even know what to say Well, I say that out of all of those the first one makes the most sense.
The 2-2-3, I agree.
This way we don't have to be bros but Kenny still has the best possible life.
2-2-3.
That's so ridiculous that it just might work.
We've just received devastating news here at South Park Elementary.
It appears that the Kommunity Kidz are breaking up.
They have asked for people to "respect their privacy in these difficult times," and it appears that the strain of this pandemic, from people like you, Tom, was just too much.
- Oh, here we go, here we go.
- Yeah, here we go! You just couldn't leave 'em alone could you, ya prick?! Okay, Chris, let's just They broke up 'cause of you and your stupid Wait.
Wait, wait wait.
Wait a minute.
What is this? Tom, one of the Kommunity Kidz has shown up to the school with the vaccines! Finally! I'm gonna get my shot! Alright, QTies, this is it! Prepare for the storm! Dude, what are you doing? You're gonna get yourself killed.
This isn't our fight anymore, Kyle.
We set out to do something.
I'm not letting our broship fall to the pandi just yet.
Alright then let's get those vaccines to the teachers.
Okay, let's do this.
Hey! Hold on a second everybody! I think I can I think I can help things out here! What the fuck is that? It's him! The Chosen one! He's come to save us all like the prophecy foretold on the Internet! Wait, he's the Chosen one? Listen! Listen, everybody.
I I think I owe you all a big apology.
I came in here expecting everything to just go back to normal, but we've all been through the proverbial butthole of hardships lately.
I thought we could all just magically be friends again.
But relationships are very fragile things, and in time of crises when we need each other most, it's sometimes when we grow furthest apart.
But through it all, Mr.
White here has taught me a very important lesson.
Make sure you're on the side of the people with the most power.
And so, I've worked out a deal with some pretty powerful people Alright, boys, do your thing! Ahhhhh! It's Air Israel with enough vaccines for every adult in town! Hey, Garrison! Good job! Yeah! You're alright, Garrison! Oh, geez Thanks, everybody.
Well, come on you guys! Let's get inside! Ms.
Nelson?! We're here! Boys! Boys, you made it! Of course we made it! 'Cause our broship can survive anything! Hello, Ms.
Nelson! We got your vaccination for you, Ms.
Nelson.
Boys you really did it.
I I can't believe it.
For a while there, I thought I Excuse me.
I thought I wasn't gonna Gosh excuse me.
As a teacher, Ms.
Nelson did everything she could for her students.
So it seems even more unfair that she was just a few days late getting the vaccine before she died of COVID.
And now as Mr.
Garrison takes over teaching for Ms.
Nelson permanently I think we should all take a moment to say Hey! The rest of us made it, South Park! We're on the other side of this damn thing! And so it's time for adults to screw these masks and party like it's 2021! Down by the lazy river One big family If you're all alone, you won't be long Just bring your guitar and sing your song Hey, look at Walgreens! Nobody's going! Yeah! That place used to be cool and now it's lame! So we still have some of the pandemic special, but the vaccination special is about out! Try 'em both the season is about over, guys! Back inside the retirement home, old people! All the fun places are ours again! Aw! Adults are all vaccinated! Adults are all vaccinated! - Well, I guess this is it - Yeah.
I guess it is what's best for everybody.
What are you guys talking about? Everything's gonna be okay, Kenny.
I'll see you on Monday.
And I'll come pick you up on Thursday, Kenny.
Hey, I wish you guys all the best, huh? Thanks.
I'll be fine.
I already have some new bros I'm hanging out with.
Hey, Cartman! Yeah? Dude, they're reopening Casa Bonita this weekend.
Do you wanna come with us? Casa Bonita?! Hell yeah, I'll come! Oh, wait! I can't! I have fucking Kenny this weekend! Shit! Nice doing business with you you little child-murdering pedophiles.