South Park s25e01 Episode Script

1 I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, Neighbor!" Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine Okay, children, let's take our seats! Good morning, kids.
So great to see you! I know it's always a little hard coming back from a break.
You know, you know, we've had a few distractions but let's just pick up where we left off.
Kids, over this last break, I met somebody.
And, uh, I'm pretty excited.
And, uh, we've been really enjoying each other's company, and, you know, things got physical.
His name is Rick, and, uh, well, anyway, I really wanted you to meet him, just You know he's a He's a little nervous, so just be cool, okay? Come on, Rick.
Oh, come on, you big silly, they're not gonna bite you.
Class this is Rick.
Now, look, we're not gettin' married tomorrow or anything.
We're just enjoying each other's company and seeing where this whole thing takes us.
This is really awkward.
I-I told you I thought this was a bad idea.
He's very shy, but I wanted you kids to know that he treats me really well.
Way better than that narcissistic psychopath Marcus! I-I should be going.
Okay, okay, well, you're gonna come pick me up after school? Yeah, yeah, you're done at 4:00? I'll be ready like 3:30.
They like you.
They do! No, that's just them being them.
Okay, text me at lunch! Bye, Ri-i-i-i-ck! Oh, shit, it's Marcus! Should I answer it?! I have to answer it.
He's gonna suspect something.
Just keep quiet about Rick! Don't say anything! H-Hey, Marcus.
Whats up? No.
No.
I'm in the classroom with the kids.
Aren't Aren't I, kids?! O-Okay, you couldn't really hear them, but I'm with the kids.
No.
Who's Rick? We've never heard of Rick, have we, kids?! Will you [BLEEP.]
say something! Marcus, Marcus, I really don't why?! Fine! Go ahead! That's fi-fine! Okay, geez! Well, nice going, kids.
What is wrong with you?! You don't listen, and you blatantly go against my direction! What's going on here, students? I ask them for a response, and nothing! First they just sit there when I need their focus and their energy and when I ask them for You kids know that these teachers are doing their very best for your benefit?! I don't know how much more I can take of this.
I am sick and tired of students thinking they can walk all over their teachers who gave you everything they've got! I've got enough problems as it is.
I tell you what else.
This Friday, for pajama day at school, this class does not get to wear their pajamas.
- What?! - What'd he say?! You heard me.
No pajama day for this class.
Now maybe you'll remember to have some respect for your teacher! This is bullshit! They can't take our pajamas from us! Who does the principal think he is?! After everything we've been through the past couple years, they're gonna take pajama day from us, too.
We didn't even do anything wrong! We didn't do [BLEEP.]
anything wrong! We keep not doing anything wrong, and we keep getting [BLEEP.]
! Guess that's just part of being a kid these days.
Yup.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
We are not going to just stand for this?! What else can we do, brah? Brah, we can have some goddamn balls.
What does Matt Damon say on that Bitcoin commercial? - Fortune favors the brave.
- My dad said he listened to Matt Damon and lost all his money.
Yes, everyone did.
But they were brave in doing so.
We have to stand up for ourselves, you guys.
I say we go right to the principal's office and tell him what's up, brah.
Yeah.
Some kids want to speak with you about pajama day.
Alright, send 'em in.
Mr.
Principal, sir, can we please wear our pajamas on pajama day? I'm sorry, ladies.
I have made a decision, and I'm sticking to it.
Mr.
Principal, we really didn't do anything wrong.
I appreciate your sentiment, but as principal of the school, it's my job to make decisions and stand by them to maintain order.
Do you know how long we've waited for pajama day?! You can't force us to wear normal clothes! What is this, Nazi Germany?! Hey! How many times have I told you kids not to bring up Nazi Germany when you don't get something you want?! - You're a fascist! - Get out! You're a fascist, and this whole school stinks of Nazis! I can't believe the things these students say sometimes.
You better quit while you're ahead.
What? You don't understand how important pajama day is to kids.
It's like the Met Gala for children.
If I change my mind now, I look weak.
Mkay But I don't think this is gonna end up the way you want it to.
Hey, look! It's Eric Cartman! Eric! Eric! It's okay! What's wrong? Oh, God! I-I was at the school and it it was pajama day and I And I didn't have pajamas on and then I died! - And then I died! - Shh! Eric! Eric, it's okay, sweetie.
Shh.
Yes hello, Ms.
Cartman.
This is the school principal returning your call.
What can I do for you? Uh, yes, I understand that you told my child that he isn't allowed to wear pajamas this Friday? What is this, Nazi Germany? Your son is part of a class that lost their pajama-day privilege, correct.
Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think it's safe for Eric to not wear his pajamas on pajama day.
He could die.
Well, I've already made my decision, and it's final.
Well, I'm not really sure where you get off telling me what my son can and can't wear.
What do you think about that? Yeah, get him, Mom! Tell him to [BLEEP.]
off! In fact, I think you can [BLEEP.]
off.
Ms.
Cartman if you are worried about your son's safety, then perhaps you should just keep him home for pajama day.
Uh, I can just keep him home on pajama day? No, I can't stay home because you have to go to work because [BLEEP.]
Matt Damon told you fortune favors the brave and now you lost all your [BLEEP.]
money! Matt Damon told me fortune favors the brave, and I lost all my [BLEEP.]
money! I'm sorry? I am going rally all the parents, and I am going to the press! If my son can't wear his pajamas to school, then no kids are going to wear their pajamas to school! [BLEEP.]
yes, Mom, that was sweet! Wait, no, I want to wear my [BLEEP.]
pajamas to school! You [BLEEP.]
it up, Mom! Tom, guten tag and Heil Hitler.
Apparently, we are living in Nazi Germany.
The elementary school behind me is telling some students they can't wear their pajamas to pajama day.
The principal of the school says the students are being reprimanded for bad behavior.
But many parents are left wondering The school's mandate has caused a backlash with members of the community who are now wearing their pajamas to work in protest! Pajama time! Whoo! Pajama time! Snuggle, snuggle, snuggle When the sun goes down What time is it? At the end of the day What time is it? When I've played my game What time is it? And I've put them away What time is it? There's one thing I need to ask you What, what, what, what time is it? Pajama time, pajama time What time time is it? Pajama time When my dinner's done What time is it? And I'm in for the night What time is it? When I've had my fun What time is it? Before you turn out the light What time is it? There's one thing I need to ask you I've got my jammies on! - Pajama time, pajama time - We've got our jammies on! What time is it? Pajama time What time is it? When I start to yawn What time is it? - And you get that look - What time is it? Making a difference can be fun! What, what time is it? Pajama time, pajama time What time is it? Pajama time Pajama time, pajama time What time is it? Pajama time What time is it? Pajama time Pajama time Pajama time What time is it? Pajama time What time is it? Pajama time What time is it? Pajama time - Testaburger! - Oh! [BLEEP.]
! I need to talk to you now! - Yes? - Miss Testaburger I need you to get me out of this.
Sir? I made a tactical decision.
Now if I go back and say maybe I was wrong, I look weak.
Well, Mr.
Principal, if you just Zip it! I need you to get everyone in your class to work together and have Mr.
Garrison come to me saying your pajama day should be reinstated.
You get the girls and the boys to work together.
This is your problem now, Testaburger.
Hey, guys I just wanna say I'm really proud to be a part of this office.
Wearing our pajamas shows that we care about those school kids That we care about other people.
South Park Realtors! South Park Realtors! Hey, guys Sorry I'm a little late.
Got a flat tire on the interstate.
What's the latest news? What's going on, Mike? Well, what do you mean? You're not wearing pajamas.
Oh yeah I-I didn't really wanna wear pajamas.
We're all wearing pajamas.
Yeah, I just didn't want to with the rain and slush outside.
It just didn't make any sense to wear pajamas.
Uh, Mike, we're trying to do the right thing, and it only works if we all wear pajamas.
Well, you can't force me to wear pajamas.
What is this, Nazi Germany? We aren't telling you to wear pajamas But I'm pretty sure the sign right here on the door says you have to wear pajamas! Hey, Mike, just put on some pajamas.
It's not a big deal.
Good.
If it's not a big deal then I'll choose not to wear pajamas.
You redneck, gun toting piece of shit.
Ladies and gentlemen.
We have been at war for too long.
Yesterday, Wendy Testaburger came to me and said we need to get the boys and girls together to find a solution for pajama day.
I was delighted.
We must put our differences aside, because we all want one thing.
The right to be in our jam jams this Friday all cozy wozy.
It's comfy womfy.
Comfy womfy, cozy wozy, the point is we are getting [BLEEP.]
.
We all have to be on the same page, here.
That's right.
We need all of us.
Boys and girls working together.
And so together, what are we going to do? We could shoot up the school! Shoot up the school, nice.
It's just done a lot.
Anything a little more original? We burn down the cafeteria? We smear human shit on all the windows? We apologize.
You guys want a chance to save pajama day? Then join us in telling Mr.
Garrison we're all sorry.
We didn't [BLEEP.]
do anything.
At school tomorrow we all tell Mr.
Garrison he was right and that we've been terrible students.
That we weren't listening and that he deserves to be angry with us.
We tell him how much we care and that we want to see him more as a human being than just a teacher.
That is just the kind of manipulative, psychotic thinking that we needed.
- We can do this! - We just have to be brave.
But not too brave or else Matt Damon will come and take all our money.
Alright, dude, can we lay off the Matt Damon jokes, please? They're just getting old.
Tom, warm up the wienerschnitzel and put on your lederhosen because now people are being told to stop making Matt Damon jokes.
Opponents are claiming that the jokes are already tired and Matt Damon had every right to make a Bitcoin commercial, so the jokes need to stop.
All we can say is Cuz it's gettin' real Nazi Germany up in here.
Back to you, Tom.
This is totally ridiculous.
You know that, right? I'm sorry, sir, but we aren't seating anyone who isn't wearing their pajamas.
Please, ma'am, I just want to sit down and eat.
I understand, but the management prefers that everyone inside be nice and comfy womfy.
So I have to be comfy wumfy to get a Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity? Sir, I'm just the hostess here.
If you prefer, you only need to wear your pajamas to get in.
You don't have to wear them at your table while you're actively eating.
So it's ok if we put on our pajamas, walk through the whole restaurant to the table, and then take our pajamas off.
What is the [BLEEP.]
point?! What seems to be the problem here? Oh, I see! Remember no matter how angry he is, tell him he's right.
Good morning, class! Good mornin'! Good mornin! Good mornin', good morning' To you and you and you and you! So how are you guys? You're probably wondering how things are with Rick.
I just flat out told him that Marcus was still calling me and you know what Rick said? He said, "If you're not over Marcus, then take some time.
I'll be here.
" Is that not the sweetest thing you've ever heard? I called him back like three minutes later and I said, "I don't need time.
I need you.
" I said, "Can I just come over?" And the way he held me when I got to his house, it was like, "Ohhh, this is security.
" And then later on when we were in bed, I'd had my head on his chest, and I was just playing with his chest hairs a little bit, and I said Excuse me, Butters, are you paying attention? Could somebody wake Butters up, please? - Dude! - Wuh huh huh?! Yes?! I'm sorry, Butters, am I boring you? Uh, no, sir! Okay, well, then maybe you can tell me what Rick said when I told him about Marcus?! Uh huh He Anybody? Does anyone know what I said when Rick held me tight?! "This is" "This is really nice"? "This is security!" None of you are paying attention! None of you know the answers, do you! What's going on, students?! Aw, God dammit! Jesus, I've never seen so many arrests in one day! - Sir, we got another one.
- But she's wearing pajamas.
Yeah but she was caught shitting on the car of a guy who wasn't wearing pajamas.
That's right, and I'd do it again.
Alright, put her in with the others.
Hey, don't put that pajama wearing slut in here with us! Chief, they're asking for your assistance - down on Brighton Street.
- What now? Looks like we got a domestic dispute.
Oh, finally something normal! I told her I just wanna go to bed! If you're not gonna let me go to bed then I'm calling the police! He's just gonna go to bed wearing the clothes he wore all day! I don't want to sleep in that filth! Well, I don't have to wear pajamas! Okay, Mr.
Billings, but you have to understand, it is bedtime.
So what? Well, you should just understand where your wife is coming from.
If anytime makes sense to wear pajamas, it would be as you're going to sleep at night.
I don't care what time of day it is, I don't ever wear pajamas! Alright, alright, listen.
What if you were on a ski vacation.
Hmm? A nice, cozy condo after a long day hitting the slopes.
The fire is crackling.
You've got a cup of cocoa.
You're telling me you wouldn't wear pajamas then? No! I wouldn't wear pajamas! You would beg me for pajamas if we had a condo and cocoa! No, I wouldn't! No, I wouldn't! Alright, alright, is there any way the two of you can go to sleep tonight in this house together? He's not getting in bed in his clothes.
Okay, then you can just come sleep downtown at the station.
Take her in, boys.
What?! - Oh, my God! - Ha ha! Bye bye! They're arresting people in pajamas! What is this, Nazi Germany?! Take him in, too! Arrest those people and all of those people! This whole town is a powder keg about to go off.
And tomorrow is pajama day.
Tom Back to you, Tom! What the [BLEEP.]
bro? You wanted to see me, sir? Bro What am I supposed to do? Do you know what a principle is? A principle is something that you see as a fundamental truth.
You do something that you think is right out of principle! That's why I wanted to be principal.
Tell your class they can run back home and put on their pajamas.
I'll hand in my resignation this afternoon.
Sir, maybe people won't lose respect for you if you change your mind.
Saying you were wrong is sometimes the strongest thing you can do.
You're totally wrong about that.
When all these people see I caved in to their insults and their offensive World War II comparisons, I'll be done.
Then we can't put on our pajamas.
Out of principle.
The kids will be okay.
At least we still have opposite day to look forward to.
No, you Wait.
What did you say? I said we'll be okay.
No, what day is opposite day at school? It's always the second Friday in March.
Testaburger! That's it! Attention all students, this is your principal.
I need to inform you that a mistake has been made.
Mr.
Mackey, your counselor, totally screwed up the calendar.
Today is not pajama day.
It is in fact opposite day.
So we will be having breakfast for lunch in the cafeteria, and anything else you've been told to do, you can now do the opposite.
[BLEEP.]
yes, it's opposite day! Yay! Pajama time - When the sun goes down - What time is it? - At the end of the day - What time is it? - When I play my games - What time is it? - And I put them away - What time is it? There's one thing I need to ask you What, what, what, what time is it? Pajama time, pajama time What time is it? Pajama time Hey, Frank! It looks like its over! The school said the kids can wear what they want because it's opposite day.
It's opposite day? Well, shit, we gotta go put some normal clothes on! Aw, how come? Because we are people who believe very strongly in wearing pajamas to the workplace.
If we're wearing pajamas on opposite day, that means we don't normally wear pajamas and we're douchebags like Mike! Alright, you can all go home.
It's opposite day.
Oh.
Then should I be wearing pajamas? I don't know what to wear now.
You can't make me wear pajamas! That's fine.
You can all wear whatever you want as long as it covers your dick and tits.
You can't make me cover my dick and tits!