South Park s26e05 Episode Script

1
[THEME MUSIC]
I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation ♪
Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
Ample parking day or night ♪
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
[MUFFLED SINGING]
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
Fellas!
Hey, fellas, you're
not going to believe it.
Butters, what the hell are you wearing?
I got a job over at the ice cream shop.
And guess what?
I got my very first paycheck.
That's not fair.
I want a paycheck.
My dad told me if I got a job,
we could put my paychecks
in my very own bank account.
I want a bank account.
I didn't know kids could get jobs.
Yeah. Well, I guess these
days, it's real hard for businesses
to find people to work so they'll
take whatever they can get.
I want to take whatever I can get.
It's what they call the Great
Resignation labor shortage.
So now if you have your
parent's permission,
there's some jobs
they'll even let kids do.
That is messed up.
Why does he get to have a job?
I want a job.
You wouldn't last four
hours on a job, fat ass.
Excuse me?
That's easy for you to say.
You don't need a job because
you live in a nice house.
I have to live in a
shithole like Kenny does.
It's not fair that some
people in our country
are given the opportunity for employment
while others aren't.
I'm going to tell my mom.
Mom, mom!
I need your permission to get a job.
Oh, you're too young
to have a job, sweetie.
Butters got a job.
Mom, look at this shithole we live in.
Somebody has to get a job because you
just sit on your ass all day.
I had a job, Eric, but you
got me fired because you
wanted me taking care of you.
And that's why we had to sell our house.
Yes, right, because I'm
the man of the house.
You're supposed to take care of me
and I'm supposed to go get a job.
You really expect us to live like this
the rest of our lives?
This is not a proper
place to raise a child!
You have to let me go find a job, Mom.
Eric, the truth is, I don't think you'd
last four hours at a job.
Oh, now you sound like Kyle.
Do you run Hollywood with him?
Are you a Jew too, Mom?
All right, Eric, fine.
You want to go get a job and
have a little dose of reality?
Maybe it'll be good for you.
Thanks, Mom.
I love you.
[SINGING] Loo, loo, loo,
I'm serving in ice cream.
Loo, loo, loo, you'll eat it too.
Loo, loo, loo, I'm serving ice cream.
Okay, and the pistachio maple cream.
Let me know if you need
extra napkins for your table
and have a creamy day.
[BELL DINGING]
Oh. Hey, Eric.
Hey, Butters. I'm here for my job.
What are you talking about?
My mom gave me permission.
I can start work now.
What do I do?
Well, but Eric, this is my job.
Yeah, I want your job, sitting
around eating ice cream. Sounds fun.
Eric, there's a lot more to it
than that and I already
do this job so
Everything all right, Butters?
Oh. Yes, Mr. Sullivan.
- I was just
- Hello, sir.
I'm a dear friend of Butters.
He told me all about this place and said
I should get permission
from my mom to work here.
Well, uh, I do need
all the help I can get.
Butters, can you vouch for him?
Is he trustworthy and reliable?
Uh, oh, um, okay.
All right.
Well, let's find him a uniform and you
can start training him.
Hey, man, I got a job.
All right, Eric.
So there's three types of ice cream.
Waffle cone, sugar cone, and cups.
Uh-huh, and when do
we get to have breaks?
Well, you get a 10 minute
break every two hours
but only after you check
all the freezers, which
are right over there, and need
to always be set to 0 degrees.
Okay, and how much longer
do we have to be here?
Eric, please, I don't
want to lose this jo
Oh. Hello, sir.
Hope you're having a creamy day.
What can I get for you?
Can I have a single scoop
of coconut almond fudge?
Okay. Eric, can you scoop out
some coconut almond fudge?
Why?
Because it's your job, Eric.
Whoa, Butters.
Let's not make this a
toxic work environment, OK?
One second, sir.
I'll get that scoop.
Yeah, I got a job in an ice cream shop.
Yeah, it's dumb as hell but I'm going
to start getting paychecks.
Butter Butters, what is this about?
Oh, sorry, sir.
- Eric?
- Yeah, I know.
She's pretty hot but
she's got droopy boobs.
Eric! Eric, you can't just
sit there at a table.
Yeah, I can. It's Monday.
So?
So haven't you heard
of bare minimum Mondays?
It's a thing that young
people have created because we
care about our mental health.
I don't care if it's
bare minimum Mondays.
Eric, you need to
Break time.
I'll be back.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
Butters!
Butters, we got a line out the door.
People are getting upset.
I know, sir, I'm sorry.
Well, where is your friend?
He he hasn't come
back from his break yet.
Butters Stotch?
Yes?
Delivery for you.
Hey, Butters.
Eric, where are you?
I wasn't feeling the best so
I decided to work from home.
Butters, what's going on?
Uh, Eric says he's
going to work from home.
How can he work from home?
This is an ice cream shop!
Yeah, no, 'cause see, I'm actually
taking a mental health day.
Yeah, young people can just
ask for a mental health day
and employers can't deny them.
It's my mental health day.
Eric, you need to come here right now
or we're both gonna get fired.
Okay, I guess so.
But don't forget that tomorrow
is take it easy Tuesdays.
Okay, thanks for coming
and have a creamy day.
Hi, hope you're having a creamy day.
Can I help you?
You know what's total bullcrap, Butters?
It's how much money
the owner of this place
is making while we're out
here busting our asses.
I mean, what does that old fart even do?
Eric, could you please
fill this nice lady's order?
Oh, yes, let me get that for
you, masa, right away, nah.
I mean, seriously, Butters.
Why do we have to work for the owner?
We know how to do all this stuff now.
We don't even need that guy.
There has to be a way
we could turn the tables.
There has to be a way we
could make all the money.
Wait a minute
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Butters! Butters!
That's it!
Eric!
Kenny!
[MUFFLED] Jesus Christ, dude.
Kenny!
Kenny, you're not going to believe this,
but I just quit my job.
[MUFFLED] You had a job?
Yes, I had a job.
But I got fed up, sick of
working my fingers to the bone
for some piece of shit owner.
And that's when it hit me.
Kenny, we should open a restaurant.
[DEFIANT MUSIC]
[MUFFLED] Why the fuck
would we open a restaurant?
You know the hot dog
I've been living in?
It's an old, like, historic landmark.
It's been sitting right in
front of us completely ready to go.
All it would take is some
minor renovations and some care.
We can make it awesome with
like, fun things for kids
to do, and rides and games.
A place that people
from all over Colorado
would want to come and see.
And we would be the owners.
And we could have all
the hot dogs we wanted.
[MUFFLED] Whoa.
Aren't you sick of
living like this, Kenny?
All we need is an investor and we
can make our dreams come true.
And I know somebody
who has a bank account
and gets paychecks every week.
No. No, no, no.
Thank you, no.
Butters, don't you want
to invest your money
in something that matters?
That's why we came to your bank to offer
you this awesome deal.
What we can do, Eric, is set
up a line of credit for an LLC
which then pays you back
not only your investment,
but also principal in the company.
But I like my ice cream job.
I don't want to open a hot dog.
No, you keep working
at the ice cream shop.
We're going to open the hot dog.
All you do is collect
the money as the investor.
Yeah, but this is This is my money.
I worked hard for it.
Butters, it's just like,
you're lucky, you know?
You have money.
But look at Kenny.
Can you imagine what
it's like for him watching
rich white boys like you
just collecting paycheck
after paycheck, while
he wallows in the filth
of his tiny house?
[MUFFLED] The fuck?
Butters, Kenny deserves a chance to be
able to work like you do.
Please, give him that chance.
Ugh, I just give a bit of my paycheck
every week to you guys?
And we pay you back as soon as we make
our first dollar, Butters.
You have my word on it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah!
Guys, we're going into
the restaurant business.
[HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS,
"WORKIN' FOR A LIVIN']
Some days won't end ever ♪
And some days pass on by ♪
I'll be working here forever,
at least until I die ♪
Damned if you do,
damned if you don't ♪
I'm supposed to
get a raise next week ♪
You know damn well I won't ♪
Workin' for a livin', workin'. ♪
Workin' for a livin', livin'
and a workin' ♪
Workin' for a livin', livin'
and a workin' ♪
I'm taking what
they're giving because ♪
I'm workin' for a livin' ♪
Hey, I'm not complaining
'cause I really need to work ♪
But hittin' up my buddy's
got the feeling like a jerk ♪
Hundred dollar car note, 200 rent ♪
I get a check on Friday
but it's already spent ♪
Workin' for a livin', workin' ♪
Workin' for a livin', workin' ♪
Workin' for a livin',
livin' and a workin' ♪
I'm taking what they're giving
'cause I'm working for a livin' ♪
This is going to be the best
restaurant in Colorado, Kenny.
And I know exactly
what we should name it.
Tom, I'm standing out
front of a Colorado icon,
the old Coney Island
Hot Dog, where the owners
plan to reopen soon.
The hot dog stand is going
through major renovations
and the new name has
just been announced,
DikinBaus Hot Dogs is sure
to be a big hit here in town.
[LAUGHING] He said it!
We got him to say dick and balls!
[LAUGHING]
The owners say they're
planning on all kinds
of rides and games.
And also, with each hot dog
served here at DikinBaus Hot Dogs,
they actually use the ketchup
to put a nice little
Smiley face on the plate.
It's just their sort of trademark touch.
The renovations are
supposed to be finished soon
and the new owners are inviting
everyone to come on down,
enjoy, and let DikinBaus
put a smile on your buns.
[LAUGHING]
Le let DikinBaus put
a smile on your buns.
[LAUGHING]
Oh. Hey, Butters.
We have some of those
first quarter projections
to show you.
Do you have the first
quarter projections, Kenny?
[MUFFLED] Uh, let me see.
Where did we put those?
Are you guys just playing around?
No, we are renovating and opening
an amazing restaurant that
will be extremely profitable.
Then why did you name it DikinBaus?
Butters, you are the investor.
We are the creatives.
Well, stop being creative and
open the goddamn restaurant
so I can get my money back.
So stop dicking around
and wasting my money.
Butters, at DikinBaus, dicking around
is all we do, dicking
around the competition.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[LAUGHING]
[ENGINE WHIRRING AND BEEPING]
What on Earth?
Okay, that's good!
Mermaid goes to the mermaid
grotto right over there.
Eric!
Eric, I think you've
done enough renovations.
Mom, no offense, but will you shut
your mouth because you know nothing
about the restaurant business?
Excuse me, are you guys the owners?
Yes, we're the owners.
Well, we got your zip line put
in but this asphalt is so old it's not
going to hold the eye bolts.
Well, so what does that mean?
I think you've got to re-asphalt
the entire parking area
or just lose the zip line.
Well, obviously, we're not
going to lose the zip line.
So let's see what we can do.
All right. Well then, over here
on your mermaid grotto,
the mermaid is in but she can't actually
spit water because there's
no plumbing underneath.
Jesus Christ.
Well, I guess we got to
find a way to add plumbing.
All right, everyone, it's looking good
but we have a ways to go.
I don't know about
you, but I am exhausted.
I think we should just all
take the rest of the day
off because it is wet's
not work to hard Wednesdays.
All right.
Let's not work too hard.
[DOOR SHUTS]
Back from work, Butters?
Hey, Mom and Dad.
You must be so tired from
selling all that ice cream.
Well, yeah.
It was a pretty long night.
A long night, he says.
That's great, Butters.
Only problem is, if you're
really working at a job,
then why is there $0
in your bank account?
What?
So now what are you
really doing, young man?
$0? But I've been working every day.
Oh, sure.
I know exactly how it is.
You say you have to work so
you can get out of the house,
get away from the family and
you go down to that glory hole
down on Fourth and Larimer.
Oh, my God. Butters!
And while your family
thinks you're at your job,
you're actually strapped face down
on a bed at the Brighton
Motel, taking any load you
can find on Adultfriendfinder.
[CRYING]
It's the lies! It's the lies!
I can't take anymore.
I'm going to go to the
office and get some work done.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[CRYING]
That son of a gun.
Wee!
Wee!
Oh, man. It's the stupid bank.
Hey, Butters.
Goddamnit, Eric!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
You can't just take my money out
of my gosh dang bank account
without my permission
Butter Butters! Butters!
Butters, would you relax?
Where's all the money
gone from my bank account?
You said to get things moving.
We needed the funds to go faster.
You said you'd never access my account
without my permission!
Butters, we're about to reopen
a historic landmark that
means something to people.
You think I'm just doing
all this for the fun of it?
Hang on a second.
Wee!
We're creating jobs, Butters.
And we're helping people.
Then open the stupid place, Eric.
Fine!
We'll start hiring tomorrow morning
and we'll be open by the afternoon.
And trust me, Butters.
When we open and you
see how successful it is,
you're going to apologize to me.
What the hell is going on?
Why is nobody showing up?
[MUFFLED] I don't know, dude.
Hey. Hey!
Excuse me.
You want to come work at
DikinBaus for minimum wage?
No.
That's because your generation is lazy.
You got all comfy during the pandemic.
Nobody knows how to work anymore!
[TRUCK ENGINE IDLING]
They're saying you people
here might have a job?
Yes! Please, have a seat.
Um, so, what kind of
experience do you have?
Well, I was working
down at the Budd factory
in Fort Collins but then
Joe Biden caused a recession,
so they took my job.
Whoa!
Then I worked over at Waffle House
but they decided they needed employees
to be more "inclusive,"
so they took my job.
[MUFFLED] Sorry to hear that.
And then I got let go
from the bowling alley
and all I want is a damn job.
Well, I believe that
we here at DikinBaus
would like to hire you immediately.
Okay.
Can I work from home?
[MUFFLED] What?
No, you can't work from home.
It's a hot dog stand.
Well, I could work here but I'll
need mental health days off to deal
with the toxic environment.
Where do people get this stuff?
All right, fine.
Never mind, we don't want to hire you.
You're going to take my job?
They took my job!
They took yer job!
Took my job!
Durk-a-dur!
[ENGINE REVVING]
[ROOSTER-LIKE] Took-er-jabs!
Good morning, everyone.
After an exhaustive
search for employees,
we have determined that you
are the best of the best.
[BABY COOING]
Yes.
We're sure you're excited to
be part of the DikinBaus team.
And we are certainly
glad to have you here.
We're happy to be here.
Shut up, Scott.
Now listen, it's going to
take dedication and drive
to get this place open.
Isn't that right, Kenny?
Sorry, Kenny is working
from home today because it's
his mental health day.
[MUFFLED] Hey, guys.
Hi.
Now there may not be many of us.
But in order to open,
we're going to have to
Do I get mental health days too?
Oh, here we go.
Fine, Clyde, what days do you need
to have mental health days?
Well, how should I know until I'm
feeling mentally unhealthy?
Goddammit, you guys.
It isn't going to work like this, OK?
Um, I'm also going to need
5 minute breaks every hour
to check my insulin levels.
You're fucking joking.
This is a goddamn restaurant, you guys.
There's no time for diabetes!
You don't hear Mrs. Anderson complaining
about her time off.
I don't work on no-thinky Thursdays.
Oh, that's it!
That's it, I give up.
It's impossible to open
any kind of business
these days when this generation
doesn't know how to work.
Hey, fellers.
Oh, great.
Now the bank is here.
Scrooge McButters to
collect on his money.
You haven't made any money.
Butters, the truth is, we tried.
The fact of the matter
is, the US government
failed this generation by shutting down
businesses in the pandemic.
And now they don't know how to go back.
I'm sorry, but we lost all your money.
But there is a good side to
this because as you can see,
I now have a house that has slides,
and games, and a mermaid grotto.
And you can come and
hang out all you want.
Gosh dang it!
Attention, everyone.
DikinBaus is now open for business.
Welcome to DikinBaus.
How can I help you?
[SQUIRTING]
There you are, ma'am. Thank you.
Oh, look at the little
smile on the plate, honey.
Oh, you like that, don't you?
You guys, it's working.
We're doing it!
[MUFFLED] All right!
Hey, that's a pretty good hot dog.
I just love to have all the
fun stuff for kids to do here.
[KIDS LAUGHING]
Hey, great job, kid.
You really did it, Eric.
Congratulations, Eric.
You're a hero.
Oh, my God.
This is a dream come true.
Well, congratulations, young man.
DikinBaus Hot Dogs is a big success
and here's your first
return on your investment.
I'm sure there's many more to come.
Oh, I made my money back, huh?
Now what I'm thinking, Butters,
is that we should grow
your business by applying
for a corporate loan, which
could pay you dividends
as you expand the
company into new areas.
Yeah, I wasn't thinking that.
See, all I ever wanted
was just to do my job,
learn how to work, and help
Mr. Sullivan sell ice cream.
So I'm thinking I'm actually
going to conduct a market
analysis to look for potential buyers
and roll over the company
as an exit strategy.
Well, you could do that but I think
you'd have trouble getting investors
who will commit major capital
for just partial ownership.
Yeah. So that's why I want to
approach overseas investors
who will buy the IP, the
restaurant operations,
and the real estate outright.
But you couldn't do that because there's
already tenants in the building
who have to be relocated.
Yeah, I thought of that too.
Come on in.
Hello.
Wait, so you two have already
discussed some kind of deal?
Oh, yes.
Butters and I have been talking and we
think that my little Eric deserves
to get exactly what he's
been wanting for a long time.
No!
No, what are you doing?
DikinBaus is mine!
You can't sell DikinBaus!
No! Take me back. No! Please!
This picture go over here, Ms. Cartman?
Oh, yes. That's perfect. Thank you.
Wha what is this?
The new owners paid for us
to have our old house back.
I don't want my old
house, I want DikinBaus!
Come on.
No! No!
There you go, Eric.
It's your old room just
like you always wanted.
But I hate this stupid house!
I don't want to be here.
I want to be in DikinBaus!
DikinBaus is awesome.
This place sucks.
Please!
[CRYING] I want I want
DikinBaus!
I want my DikinBaus!
DikinBaus! DikinBaus!